Hej

[4L1N4]

It is two in the night here in Sweden and I cannot sleep. I am worried and feel sad and hurt. 

I have been the one causing these exact feelings to my past partner and now I am getting a taste of some of my own medicine, so to say... 

I used to be the one in the relationship that did not have a full university education and seemed unable to complete it, I was the one who worked odd jobs living from day to day. My anxiety for my future I handled by playing games. When my playing became too much my partner got anxiety because I played so much and did not seem to want to spend time with him, and he thought all that time and effort could have gone into solving my problems instead. He was right of course.

After the 15 years long relationship ended I got a secure job that I am very happy with. Just got a raise. Still not full time, but I get by. 

Met my current partner playing Pokemon GO. And two years in I realise he is where I used to be. Stuck, and digging deeper into the games. And I feel so alone, again, and helpless. As I know he must feel. Because I did. But does it help that I know how he feels, I wonder. Will this relationship also go to pieces? What should I do, how can I help? 

I was not a gamer as a child or teen. I did read so much that my parents saw it as a problem. So I have always been like this it is just what I turn to and get monomanical about, that changes. Reading. Gardening. Snowboarding. Running. Gaming. Working.

It was suggested to me by that I suffer from GAD. So these are all ways I try to cope with the constant anxiety. We get that about eachother. That was a relief in the beginning. I was hopeful and my partner seemed to be determined not to repeat the mistakes from his past. I thought I could help. But now I start to wonder if I am an enabler to my partners addiction. Or worse, I feel anxiety about it beeing my fault somehow. 

 

[Cam Adair]

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