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I need help and advice with my old gaming friends


Lowenheart

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Hello everybody! 

My name is Sem and i'm 26y old. I just found out about this forum recently and I already have to give tons of respect to you all!

I wanted to share my story, at least a portion of it, and I hope I could get some objective feedback to a question that haunts me. (PLEASE push through the first section of the text, because it's a little bit off-topic but it helps you understand my whole situation better)

So let's dive in right now. 2017 was a rough and exciting year for me at the same time. I ended my studies with success and moved in a new apartment together with my girlfriend. However, I lost one of my best friends in terms of losing contact with someone completely. We had a huge (yes it was a big thing) clash verbally because of the fact that he didn't like the way I "changed" and I couldn't accept some things that he did. I ended it all by driving to his place, knocking at the door to search for one last talk since he also wanted to talk but never showed up once we agreed on meeting somewhere. That's now 1 year ago. I had a lot of support from my family and my gf, also from other friends that were there for me and it was just so hard for me losing my best friend that I also went visiting a psychologist a few times. All of that helped me getting over it and I am now, 1 year later in a position where I start to feel joy in things I do again. Sometimes, it's still hard for me to know that my friend will never have this position in my life again, but I know that this change had to be happening, since the other situation was much worse for the two of us. I really want you to know that I'm not hating him. I'm still grateful for everything we shared and I know that I was disappointed in some of his actions rather than in himself. And of course, a social problem often emerges when two parties are doing mistakes. I also forgave him his mistakes and also forgave myself, which is an important point! You may be wondering: "What what does this has to do with a gaming addiction?". Well I needed to make some sort of introduction for what comes next. 

My friend, let's call him Jim, and I have the same friends. I also have other friends, but my oldest friends are also his friends because he got to know all of them through me at some point during our friendship. I still have a good relation with all of the others, but I came to realise that I just don't do much with them anymore. It's just because they are all playing online games together and I decided to cut those off as much as I can, because I started re-focusing on my other hobbies as running, outgoing, social activities, meeting new people more for over the last 12 months. The one thing that makes me going back in memories although is the fact that I'm just not that acknowledged by my old friends anymore. They still ask me to play a game with them, but knowing that Jim is always playing with them and I don't want to play so much anymore is often ending in a "Well, right now I'm really busy with other things but thank you." of mine. Then they just go playing that new game and I won't hear from them much until the next blockbuster multiplayer game happens. I'm okay with it now, but it was so hard for me over the last 2 years to realise and accept that I'm shifting towards another, new lifestyle that really doesn't has much to do with their lifestyle and I wonder how the future will look like? Also, it doesn't really help the cause that I signed up for a master's degree and they are all people that already work. After work they then just hop into a multiplayer session and that's it. It has been like this for the last few years now. 

 

So to finish this, what I wanted to ask: "Could you tell me your honest opinion about my situation and make some suggestions for how to handle these emotions I get when I think about my old friends and the fact that I'm just keep getting away from them more and more?" I'm not alone or depressed as I have other people that really care about me and I'm trying to show them that i'm happy for this as much as I can. Being a strong individual is important, but respecting and showing affection to others is also really important, because that's what we all secretly want to have happening to ourselves. 

I you made it through this wall of text, I shall make the first step and thank you for reading it all! 

best regards, 

Sem

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Hi Sem,

This is all part of life. Some friends come and go and that's ok. Embrace the impermanence of life. That's what allows you to be present in the moment - honoring the moment (and everything it contains, including friendships and so forth) for what it is, knowing it will not be the same in the future, for a variety of reasons none of which truly matter in this context. The faster you let go of your attachments the sooner you will experience less tension and suffering. Check out the book Attached.

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