How did you convince yourself to say goodbye?

[psilo44]

This is not the first time I've posed this question.  Yet a year later, I'm still struggling to even start.  I know cutting games (and internet surfing to be honest) would be a net positive, but every time I pull myself out long enough to contemplate the decision, I find myself trying to 'negotiate'. I don't know how to turn my back and change this habit. I keep weighing the investment I've made and its enough to sap out momentum to commit to change. Same thing with a more radical delete everything and nuke the passwords approach. There's no coming back - and you'd have to convince yourself and actually be able to visualize that such a future is what you want.

I realize you can't do that for me but I'm hard stuck.

Edited January 4, 2018 by psilo44

[Regular Robert]

The first tow links that come to my mind are the following (Please still scroll down, since the preview pics nowadays are incredibly large):

Feeling Anxious About Selling Your Video Games? Watch This. < That's a link to a YouTube video

How The Sunk Cost Fallacy Keeps You Playing Games < Another YouTube link

 

Now, since I believe it is always way too easy to direct somebody in the direction of YouTube and "help yourself", I would like to assist you in progressing and overcoming the obstacle you are facing right now. I just need to know, what is it, that essentially makes you go back? Is it simply the amount of money your accounts might be worth? Is it all the unplayed, but already paid games? Is it the hours you devoted yourself to beating the games, getting the achievements, leveling up, moving up on the scoreboards? You see, every second we played a game, we actually invested. We invested time, concentration, willpower, money, our very own life energy. We made sacrifices like: We did not join our friends going out or to the movies. We pulled the blinds shut so that the sunlight would not blind us while looking at the screen. We stayed up all night, not studying, not working, not preparing, but gaming. All these things are investments and, to be entirely honest, many of them are failed-investments. Gaming instead of studying explains itself, doesn't it? It is the same for the rest of the investments. The money itself it just a minor part in it. Money can be reproduced, can be earned, can be given away and so on. But what we gamers invest is a thing that will never come back and that is ... life. Simple as that. Just to be clear, we all have one life. How much time we have is up to lady luck. Some get up to 60 years, some even manage to scratch a 100. But, we never know how much time we got. And every waking moment, that we turn into a nauseous moment  wasting away in front of a screen, we waste away our life.

So that's that. The general part is behind us. Now, I would love to hear in detail, what are your troubles? What are your fears? Where do you stop, hesitate or quit because of an obstacle? Just tell me and be sure, most of your problems are not unique. It is not like you have some unique sickness nobody can cure. We all go through the same stages, difficulties, overcome the same burdens, but our priorities differ. So, what is that you struggle with? I am sure there is a handful of people on these forums that can and will support you if you let them. Don'tcha ever forget one thing: You, mate ... got this all under control. You take the steps, you take the turns, you go, you stop. What happens next is all up to you. Sometimes you need a little push. But that's cool, we all need that. Just keep in mind: It's your life, you got this under control!

[psilo44]

Robert, thanks for you answer. Really appreciate it.

Things that make me consider going back:

• Not wanting to fall behind in some games.  If I ever want to come back, it will be that much harder & expensive.
• Its easier to imagine the fun I could be having than the potential expected value I could get from other alternatives that I will have to work hard to succeed in.
• Boredom.
• If I nuke everything, I might never enjoy some of those unexplored and much praised games. Really good ones. Some of them I've looked forward to for a while.

I can definitely see some parallels to Jason's story (link 1). I could do the detox and move all the install files to an unused hard drive but that would be my closet that might trip me up in the future.  The sunk cost fallacy link does make it clear that all of my 'reasons' are in fact emotions.  How do you go from sitting with these feelings, there's no 'reasoning' with them, to action even if it feels bad?

I guess one of my fears is I'll wake up in 30 years (and I'm already getting there in age) and still be treading water getting nowhere.  But I also fear its too late anyway.  Yes, we like to say its never too late, but surely, for some of us it has to be.  I suppose you could say I no longer believe some of my more ambitions dreams. In once case when I was asked to imagine any future with any possibility, I still went for the bleakest one.

Rereading that, I have to say thanks again.  I usually say to myself I can think these things through but having to engage in a conversation brings something different out that I would have missed.

Edited January 6, 2018 by psilo44

[Regular Robert]

Dear Psilo,

I can relate to the fears, or better said, emotions you are struggling with. Falling behind in games, not being able to play this one certain game that must truly be a masterpiece and so on. The experience I had was, that during the detox and especially after the detox, these emotions change drastically. After the detox, I ran some tests and tried to play games that I loved before. Some were two decades old but I remembered the love I had for them, but I could not play them without being instantly bored. I bought a couple of fresh AAA games that seemed to be a super hit and got instantly bored. Games bored me to death partly, because I could not play them without my conciousness knowing why I play them.

At some point in my life, gaming became an unpaid job. I did not have time for much else. I often felt stressed and struggled and I worked hard to improve my skills and knowledge so that I can keep up with the other guys and girls, stuck in this matrix where there ingame choices do not matter at all since their real life wastes away behind them. And of course, after years of being this, after immense amounts of investments with nothing left that is made from real material, nothing you can hold in your hands afterwards, it feels scary to give all that away.

But, I strongly support your own idea of how to do it. Luck your stuff up, delete what you can delete, may be get some kind of app-blocker to block steam and such and go to the detox fully committed. I can only tell you that during the detox and after the detox, you will feel different. And in that stage of mindset and emotions, some questions that now seem to be big will become extremely easy to answer.

Head over to the journaling area, set up a comfy journal place for yourself and go through the 90 days! It will make a huge difference.