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My sad story


GoodJob
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hello, brothers and sisters,

 

im a 35 years old addict to computer games.

i've been playing computer games since i remember myself, for all kind of reasons that are irrelevant to me now.

it became especially rought when i moved to canada in my early 20s, when i had no friends, knowledge and skills. so i played games on a computer at my spare time, instead of hustling for myself. i had a vivid idea , that i need to get some kind of job/ an activity in my life, that would supplement my gaming desire, something i can do temporary and use the rest of time for games. so i desided to learn stock market/trading. i was actually learning skills on and off while playing games and working in construction to save up initial money to start trading. After a few years, i saved up around 30k and quit construction to start doing trading, but i found out that its actually a very time demanding trade, and its a very boring thing to do, and i very quickly lost interest.

so i started gaming instead full time, i was in late 20s then and thought that i stil have a ton of time to do anything i want, so i ended up playing games all day long, morning to evening.

my expenses were very low, so i played for like 5 years non stop, i made many attempts to quit, when i realized that this is seriously wrong, but i inevitable came back to playing after a few days, mostly because i had nothing else to do instead.

and this continued until recently, 12 of january, when i looked clearly at my life and what i did with it, and ive fallen into a massive depression of my lifetiime, and after 4 days ive found this website. i am starting a journal here, as many people advised me on reddit.com/r/StopGaming/ so i can track my progress in this fight

thanks for your time

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i would like to ask something right away. this is my 7th day not playing games, and i feel like i cant possibly change.

i have specific plans, that i need to go sign up for a gym, i need to continue learning programming/coding, and ii know what i need to do but i just cant make myself do it, its like there is a wall that prevents me from doing it. i started freecodecamp courses on java/web development and it was fun, i did that for few days straight a mointh ago when i wasnt quitting gaming, and now im in this vegetative state when nothing exists in my life . Maybe if i just allow myself to play those games i will be doing at lreast something, maybe my brain will never let me go until i do? how do i know it will. i feel like theres so much i have to do and its so hard and i can never succeed i mean im 35 and it will take few more years to learn any new trade and ill be 40 then, and 40 is pretty much old man already... thinking about it makes me physically sick... maybe im just like this, i cant change some people are just not ment to succeed, maybe i should just enjoy what i have that gives me pleasure, maybe e i dont even have a problem at all.... im losing my mind here

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Hello brother, welcome to the "cult",

writing stuff down can be a truly cathartic experience, and the occasional comment/feedback can slap you in the face to keep it real. Quitting in itself isn't that hard, filling the gap is.

Set up Linux: https://wiki.archlinux.org/index.php/installation_guide and be h4xx0r (installing games on that is a chore!!), break those habits that kept you down, anything you took for granted - should be destroyed.

Use your java knowledge for a fun project, tinker with a raspberry pi or arduino (do some stupid LED crap), build a software that can solve the rubics cube, or simple board games (don't play them!! haha), make a calculator, learn another language (C++ is cool, and for the retro: assembly), just some ideas.

Best wishes!

EDIT: oh on sports - I recommend jogging (outside!!) as a start, you don't need to pay for sports. (and don't tell me it's cold outside, put some clothes on, the idea is colder than reality)

EDIT2: And with a real full fledged depression, you need therapy! It should be treated quick - like a broken bone, your brain is actually physically impaired during a depression. Mind that, of course, everyone is depressed now and then - but be sure you are not REALLY depressed, because texting won't solve that.

How to tell the difference? Man up! If you can't -> probably depressed. Amateur psychology is dangerous - mind. IT's like an Orc-Doctor making an amputation!

Edited by destoroyah
I need to pay more attention to what people are saying
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thank you so much , guys, i need all the motivation i can get now. i just need to know that im not suffering for nothing because i feel like i will just hurt myself for no reason and its not possible at all. And i will never be able to find anything more fun, even though i myself know isnt true, because even during my obsession when i went to spiritual retreat and camping/ traveling i didnt even think of games. but right now nothing seems enjoyable at all... wish i was 22 again

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Everything in life is temporary, for better or worse. But know, that as long as you're combating yourself, it can only get better.

"Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." - Lau-Tze, to kindle your fighting spirit.

I can't say that I've won against my gaming addiction yet, but I've stopped drinking and smoking and smoking. It was always worth it, those were the best decisions in my life. I'd never want to go back to 22, and if you do - do something so that you're better than you were back then. It's not easy for anyone.

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i cant lose now.... ive done multiple attempts to quit before i remember i threw away warcraft 3 cd like 5 times, but went to the store and buy it again after a week . and those attempts were less and less numerous with time. and i m thinking now, maybe its not about games reallt in my case, maybe im just a chronic procrastinator whos afraid to make changes, but at this moment i see no light in doing anything at all, before at least i saw purpose for doing things and struggling... wish i knew what to do right now, im in so much pain

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Okay, so you've realized you've been wasting your time... quit regretting, self-bashing is of no help. What's gone is gone, don't waste what you have left on it. 35 is no age really, you can still turn this around!

 

EDIT: I'd write more, but I got my own struggle.

Edited by destoroyah
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  • 1 month later...

i would like to ask something right away. this is my 7th day not playing games, and i feel like i cant possibly change.

i have specific plans, that i need to go sign up for a gym, i need to continue learning programming/coding, and ii know what i need to do but i just cant make myself do it, its like there is a wall that prevents me from doing it. i started freecodecamp courses on java/web development and it was fun, i did that for few days straight a mointh ago when i wasnt quitting gaming, and now im in this vegetative state when nothing exists in my life . Maybe if i just allow myself to play those games i will be doing at lreast something, maybe my brain will never let me go until i do? how do i know it will. i feel like theres so much i have to do and its so hard and i can never succeed i mean im 35 and it will take few more years to learn any new trade and ill be 40 then, and 40 is pretty much old man already... thinking about it makes me physically sick... maybe im just like this, i cant change some people are just not ment to succeed, maybe i should just enjoy what i have that gives me pleasure, maybe e i dont even have a problem at all.... im losing my mind here

The key is to make very small steps to change. Cam recommended a book called 'The Slight Edge' and I thought I'd give it a pop, it was £4.50. Complete game changer, give it a try :-)

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