Jump to content

NEW PODCAST: Do Loot Boxes Lead to Problem Gambling?

Sign in to follow this  
Smoked Beef

My background and relapse :(

Recommended Posts

Hello everybody!

Uhhh, this is going to be a longer post, so be warned! I would have posted this in the Introduction category first, but I think my background and the cause for my relapse are strongly connected - I hope it's ok for you guys this way :)

Ok, so who am I? I'm a 24 years old student from Germany. I've been fascinated with video games from my childhood on. Since I've always been a social underdog, video games have filled my social gaps and needs. In my youth I had little social contact with people other than my family. Over time, I grew accustomed to the safety of those imaginery worlds video games could offer: There is no danger or risk, I could always load a quick save, restart the level or whatever. A fear of taking real action outside of my 'safe zone' developed that left unable to act self-determinedly for a decade or so. As if that psycho stuff wasn't already enough, physical problems also made a greeting :(...from my 18th year on I suffer from tinnitus, first one ear, than the other. I guess that's due to little physical activity and the inability to cope with stress in my social enviroment. That became worse and worse...I also still find myself not being able to concentrate on tasks: While reading a book for example, I can't make it through one page without drifting away completely.

Alright, so much for my background :/...

So, when I was 22 years old I began to comprehend that I was in fact an addict, one of the very bad kind, I guess. I knew if I wouldn't get rid of video games forever, my life would go down the drain even more. All the people I knew though, were gamers, and they would tend to influence me not to quit gaming! I can't even estimate how many times I heard dumb phrases like "common, just half an hour a day for your friends!", or    "I know a teacher, even he has time for an hour of gaming on the weekend!"....blablabla. Fact is, if you tell an alcoholic a beer a day works, you're...well.....stupid?

Whatever, one day I couldn't stand my desperation any longer and needed to do something. Uninstalling games is one thing, but the possibility to play games again was ubiquitous. I didn't have the will power to sell my gaming rig yet, so I disabled my graphics card by loosening a few capacitors on its backside. I know that sounds really dumb, but it was an old graphics card anyway. So I couldn't game for the moment, but I ordered some graphics cards over time and started to game. I have always sent them back, though. Whenever I started to game, I just felt - well - 'dead' is the best word to describe it, I think. In april 2015 I finally managed to sell my gaming rig! Puuhhh....I have about three moments that I consider the best ones of my life - and that was definitely one of them! I didn't have a lot of social contact in the following summer but it was easy to stay clean thanks to the great weather. Unfortunately, in September the days got shorter, the weather colder and I got depressed again. Guess what I did...bought a gaming rig again! I thought maybe this time I could get along with video games in a better way and I really needed social contact. Getting in touch with the old gaming friends was pretty easy since we had a common hobby. So on the way back home from an old gaming friend of mine, who helped me putting my rig together, I realised what I did and just thought:

shieeeeeet....

All that struggle for nothing -  damn! So, the current situation is:

- I got rid of the graphics card (no, I dind't break it this time!)

- I need a PC for private use since my notebook is reserved for university stuff, but the current system always draws me into gaming because it's suited to that. It's made of such high quality components though....

- I joined an astronomy club as a hobby and for social contacts. Not only do I work on my bachelors degree, I also have an important English certificate incoming in June.

Ok, what should I do? Maybe you guys know. Should I sell my current computer and maybe buy one that is not specifically built for gaming? Personally I think I'd feel better then, although I'd lose some money.

Also, I'm sorry for this very long post. The last few days have been quite shitty, but sharing my experiences with you guys makes it a little easier.

 

Thanks for reading, if you made all the way here :) . Looking forward to your tips and answers!

Greetings,

Smoked Beef

Edited by Smoked Beef

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey! Awesome to have you join us here and for sharing your story. So far the steps you've taken are great. Because gaming was a way for you to fulfill the social side of your life, the astronomy club is perfect. You can also find other clubs at school too. One of the keys is to start setting up a calendar and filling it with other things to do when you aren't studying. Also, being out of the house is recommended. Go study at the library for example instead of at home. That way you'll be less tempted to play.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...