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Alex Ericson

Life's a game

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Hey all,

My name is Alex, I'm 30 years old and my video game addiction started a long time ago with Halo 2 online.  From there I moved onto Halo 3 and the COD series.  Always was a big FPS gamer and eventually went pro with COD [email protected]  There has always been great satisfaction from beating other players online at the same game they were playing, it was instant  gratification and also great disappointment upon defeat.  I struggle with violence and anger in my life and video games always seemed to either cure my anger or make it 100 times worse if killed when knowing full and well that I was better than the person who killed me, and with my young ignorance I though I was better than everyone.  These fits of rage and anger caused a lot of turmoil in my life and ended a lot of great relationships with people, including the worst one, myself.  During these manic episodes I'd viciously self abuse myself or other items around my general area.  I had to buy new consoles, tvs, games, controllers just to keep playing.  There were times when I couldn't go out in public because of bruising on my face.  I figured something that I spent that much time on I should be great at especially since all other areas of my life I was failing at.  Kind of ironic that I used video games as my life's golden crutch to keep me up when I was down, but also what drove me to self abuse.  Needless to say I did move on from hurting myself and haven't in several years thankfully that pact I never broke.

I did however keep progressing in the video game world and ended up converting over to the PC to play World of Warcraft.  I always thought that game was for losers and would not get anything out of it, that was 5 years and 400 game days ago.  I was transfixed to that game, I remember once in college I ditched class to play 2 days straight to level up my warrior as much as possile.  I literally sat in my bed with my laptop on my lap for 2 straight days, only getting up for food and bio breaks.  I told my roommate I was sick, which isn't too far from the truth.  I ended up moving home and dropping out of college and what did I do, I bought a gaming PC to really crank things up of course.  I punched a whole through the screen of my laptop playing WoW, more anger issues...I did finally graduate college with a BS in chemistry and have a full time job now so life isn't that bad!  Through out my second attempt of college I bounced from playing a ton of WoW or quitting for a month or two tops then would be even more addicted.  All my free time was used playing that game and when I wasn't playing I'd be writing thoughts and agenda of what I was going to do when I reconnected.  I literally have notebooks jammed packed of notes on what to do, to imagine what I would have created if that energy was used elsewhere is mind boggling.  The other day I leveled up my 11th level 100 character and decided I'd switch my main character from my warrior to my rogue and redo all the achievements on the rogue to replicate the warrior which is a time consuming process to do.  Then it hit me, "WTF AM I DOING?"  So I decided to moderate my game play to one hour per night, so I looked up in google of course "fun things to do besides video gaming" and found a thread called how to quit playing video games FOREVER on kingpin social.  I read the whole article and was so enthralled by the whole concept set in place that I decided to act.

Yesterday I deleted all the games I play, SWTOR, FF14, LoL, Witcher 3, Boarderlands, and the mother of all WoW.  It was very sad to delete them all, but it felt very liberating to know that I was opening a new chapter in my life, which matches my life now with the new job, graduating, and meeting the love of my life who drives me to be a better man.  There is no time for games anymore it's time to improve even more and level up my life and start my own quests and slay my own dragons.  Sure I will miss gaming a lot, but it is like an old hobby or mindset that's in the past, almost like an old playlist you use to listen to or a fond memory of the past, it is still there to look back on and also can serve a dual purpose to remind you how you were when you played those games.  I have plenty of good and bad memories gaming to pool from.  

This is hopefully my final farewell to gaming and I hope to fill my time with things I love doing more.  I'm looking to focus on reading for resting and also the doing nothing idea quoted from a journal I read on here.  I did take a visual basics course in college that I loved, but it had the same trance feeling as gaming where you'd literally peel off 4-5 hours without knowing you did, but at least I'd create something and have an activity I can stop and start unlike MMORPG.  I plan to focus on developing my relationship really well with my girlfrined and friends/family too they deserve to know who I am after so many years of me hiding in a dark room gaming.  I think I also deserve to know who I am outside of gaming too...Currently I do play hockey for my social fun and am looking at joining maybe a paintball league too for added venting, socializing and general badassery!  Also I'm very interested in creating a comic strip because it sounds awesome!  I'd like to personally tip my hat to Cam for going through with all this and creating a very specialized area of therapy like this to help people with these addictions and cravings.  You truly are one sharp dude and I think you have a great thing going here, don't give up fighting the good fight!  

Damn sorry for the long ass intro, anyways ttys

 

Alex

Alex

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What's up Alex! Welcome to the forums. Good job deleting your games, that's an important step that makes a difference. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Our community has your back and you'll find many supportive and encouraging people here. :)

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The fact that you've taken the first step and opened yourself up is amazing. Keep it going, you have no idea how awesome this ride is going to be. It's going to have its ups and downs, but you'll make it. Feel free to check out other people's journals and threads for inspiration and insight to how this has helped other people, it's an awesome way to project forward and get an idea of what to expect. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and DON'T GIVE UP! We're here for you.

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