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Alex Ericson

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Everything posted by Alex Ericson

  1. Day 16,17: Been working on the challenge the past few days and it has been insightful. I'm still game free and I'm proud of that. I have been watching a lot of comic book movies lately, but I needed to catch up on them I'm super far behind on all the stories and people at work talk about it all the time so I'm trying to assimilate a bit haha. They also were in a heated conversation about gaming and I eavesdropped a little bit, but ultimately knew it was not my place to talk about gaming anymore, rather save it as a shocking story for someone when I tell them and they say no way!! Hopefully not too the extent where they go buy the game and set it in front of my face like that one guy did to Cam...I would probably cave in if someone challenged me. Work has been super super stressful this week and I have been staying busy by reading and doing some activities around the house. Focusing on the challenges and respawn has also been helpful to take my mind off of things. Also had a nice time out with friends during the week. I find that it has become slightly easier to deal with my stress issues and figure out what is truly bothering, take a step back, and then act on how to improve it.
  2. Day 15: Woke up and looked at my day 1 challenge, it was fun and rewarding to think of these things though out my day and answer question with my free time. Some of the questions really did get my brain thinking about things and helped for me to realize that there is a big big world out there and it is all for whatever I want to use it for, daunting yes, but also inspiring that I can, with enough effort, change myself and help others. Work went great today I was curious about everything and mindful/focused on the tasks I was doing. There is a lot to learn and that is cool that I have a job I enjoy and want to learn as much as I can about it. I think with all this free time I can develop more interest and also study about my career and really focus on this. On my way home for work and Sorrow by Bad Religion came on the radio and I couldn't help but sing along. This got me to thinking that I use to play acoustic guitar in my free time during one of my longest hiatus's from gaming. Maybe I should look into buying myself another guitar to see if I'd enjoy it just as much as I did. Plus Sorrow would sound so cool slowed down as an acoustic! Another thing is that guitar playing builds achievement and is something to be proud of...it's challenging, fun, stress relieving, pretty much all the things gaming gives to you...hmm maybe it's time to shake off the cobwebs from my wallet and build up those callouses once more. A link to the song https://youtu.be/t1-OOj38QpM
  3. Day 12, 13 and 14 lol: Missing some of my days here, had a busy weekend there is nothing wrong with that. I wish I had more time to update this journal more often and will try my best to do that. On saturday I went on an 18 mile run in the morning time and it was insane. I was attacked by a crazy ass stray dog that these homeless people had, with no leash. Luckily I didn't get bit or anything like that so I continued on and was dead tired after running, I seriously barely made it back home. The way I look at it though is I'm getting the pain out of the way now in order to succeed on marathon day! I have a 20 mile run next week and then the marathon a couple weeks from then, so I'm looking forward to getting it done with haha! After running I just vegged out an relaxed, showered, ate, and readied myself for the rest of the day at a leisurely pace. I then met up with friends to go to a baseball game downtown. It was a ton of fun to see everybody like that. Unfortunately the weather was pretty terrible so we left pretty early and I went home so dang tired, but it was worth every bit! On sunday I lounged around in the morning relaxing a lot trying to recover from the running the day prior. I mostly just read some books and articles while waiting for the gf to come over to watch game of thrones lol. When she came over we went out for some damn good mexican food!! Not too much of a highlight for sunday except that it was nice and enjoyable. I finished off the night watching the new episode of thrones, which I probably shouldn't have watched it so late, but I couldn't help it. Some food for thought is I feel like my sleep is suffering a little bit, maybe from the running I have become tired, but I can figure out what my body is telling me a whole lot easier with out gaming. One other thing is I've been trying to take on a minimalistic life and living with less items in my life and can say that it was one of the best things I have ever done. I'm not entirely minimalist, but I find that I have made such huge progress in my attempts and it really allows me to appreciate what I have and to be more thoughtful about what I am going to buy. I find the simplicity so interesting and blissful. One thing though is I'm involved in quite a bit of activities like hockey, cycling, running, hiking, fishing...so needless to say I have a lot of 'gear', but I enjoy them all and intend to keep the gear because it is useful for me. One thing though that minimalism has helped me with is the excess of clothing and digital crap I had laying around, it truly was astounding! One last disclaimer is I'm partaking in the 30 day challenge and am pretty damn nervous about it haha, I will let you know how it goes
  4. Day 11: Friday off from work, woohoo!! Slept in bed too long and I didn't care too much, today is suppose to be a nice relaxing day! The gf's rear end is way too sore to go hiking, not my doing haha, so we are just going to chill on the deck and read some books together and lounge around. I read a bit of books, but ultimately got her involved in learning spanish on duolingo with me. We didn't even watch any TV today, honestly we were content reading our books and enjoying the company together. She did manage to get some laundry done too so it was a winning day! Later that day we went to a food truck festival in Northglenn, the city I grew up in. I showed her the elementary and middle school I went to and even my childhood home and friends homes...totally dumps now, but nothing ever compares to how we remember our homes and childhood memories. I remember riding our bikes around the Cul-De-Sac and getting into trouble with the neighbor kids. There wasn't a video game in sight, just some kids racing bikes and playing hide n go seek to pass the time. One of my favorites was climbing my tree, too high for a parents sanity, so I can see the whole city high up. I always got such a big kick out of that, seeing what others didn't see from where I was in my tree. I'd have binoculars and even my telescope so I can spy on what people were doing around the city it was fascinating!! Anyways the festival was very enjoyable, we had some beers and walked around, ended up getting food at a restaurant because the food truck lines were way too long and they were sold out of food by the first 2 hours...not prepared at all. I had a nice talk with the gf that really touched my soul and helped me understand why I'm doing this, why i'm trying to improve myself always everyday and what I do it for.
  5. Thanks guys for all the comments, it means a lot! Day 10: Haven't been able to update my journal so I'm going to do a couple days. Day 10 was pretty good and a lot better than day 9 was. I woke up in better spirits, even found a much better audiobook to drive to work with. Work still was a bit chaotic, but it's easy to get over it with the weekend so close. I went to the store during my lunch break and picked up some tater tots and a bagged salad for the dinner I'm making my gf tonight. She is coming over to my house and we are suppose to watch game of thrones, sit on the deck, drink some beers, and have some yummy burgers off the grill. We had a very nice relaxing time together, except when she fell down the stairs and bruised her tail bone hahaha...what are the odds?! Poor thing. No real connections were made to gaming, well except when she brought up my computer desk being disassembled and now used as a docking station, she didn't understand that, but I do when I have a tough day and the barrier to play is too low then I will just do it and start gaming again. I have a pretty busy weekend ahead even having friday off with the lady all day so thats going to be nice!
  6. Day 9: Not the best of days. I woke up and was suppose to run 5 miles ended up running 3.8. Figured I'd run after work to make up the rest, but it didn't happen. At work I kept messing up little things and getting very aggravated at things not working. It seemed like nothing was working quite right today. Even the new audiobook I got was terrible...couldn't really win at anything today. I know I'm suppose to remain positive, but it days like today where you just want to scream. I calmly accepted my bad day and did the best I could to correct for it. When I came home that was the real challenge. I decided to go for a walk with the dog to relax and get my mind away. I did enjoy this quite a lot. Then I made my dinner and burnt it of course lol...go figure. Actually then I made a second dinner after trying to eat the first one and the second one was much better. I was suppose to do all these new activities today to better my life, but instead I decided to watch Avengers Age of Ultron, because I never seen it before. Movies are probably not the best alternative to gaming, I just couldn't get motivated. Maybe handling the little things that go wrong through out a day will get better as I progress through my detox. I know I need to keep with the program and everything and hope to start fresh tomorrow with a new day to look forward too! Hey there is one positive on the day is I didn't relapse, so I do have that to brag to myself about!
  7. Day 8: Whelp week 1 is out of the way! Started out the day by waking up early and seeing my parents off to their motorcycle trip. I then took it easy and readied for work, eating my breakfast and drinking coffee, pretty much the typical morning routine I do. At work I was focused and motivated to get as much work done as possible and it went quite well. I did finish the book Water for Elephants today and that was one extraordinary book. I know it is not a non-fiction personal development type book, but I did enjoy the story quite a lot and the were a lot of facts pulled from circus culture and used in the book, including an actual elephant that would pull his stake out of the ground, carry it, then go steal lemonade before returning back to the tent and placing his stake back in the ground like nothing happened haha what a character! Today was also the first day I implemented using a calendar system to better track my time and it really did help motivate me to obligations I need to meet, especially when tired. After work I came home cooked myself a dinner, walked the dog, watched the new Thrones episode, learned some Spanish, journaled, and read too. Pretty impressive what you can do with your time when it is allocated properly instead of being laid to waste. I'm going to continue on with this program and keep trying to fill up my time with meaningful activities that I enjoy. It is a bit late right now, but I'm also trying to work in meditation with the website headspace, hoping to try that out when I'm not too tired, I'm thinking even after I get home from work just to clear my head a bit? Food for thought! @Cam Adair Ya man we should go play sometime that would be fun! I think I did see on one of your videos you were talking about being in minor league hockey? That is crazy you'd show me what's up with hockey. Do you still play??
  8. Day 7: On my way to work I listened to an audio book, Water for Elephant. Actually I might finish the book tomorrow on the drive into work and I'm really looking forward to that! I don't always listen to audiobooks when I go to work, sometimes it can be a bit much to digest, so music sometimes helps relax me better, but this books is just intense. Work is getting pretty busy, I'm undertaking more responsibilities and hope I can handle the work load to rise up higher in the industry. I find that I'm more excited and focused about work lately and I'm looking for new ways to better myself. Afterwork I drove home, listened to the audio book ;), and decided to relax and watch a street racing show with my Dad. Usually I'd race to get on my computer as quickly as possible to start gaming, but now it is just not important to me. After that I decided to clean up my room a bit and get ready for my hockey game tonight. At the hockey game I was personable, asking people how they are and stuff, being more engaging. The game went pretty well too, I scored a goal by using the other teams defender as a screen and blasted one 5 hole on the goalie. We we ended up losing, but we will get them next time! I'm looking forward to this week, it is going to be a big challenge for me! My parents are going on a 2 week motorcycle trip and I'm house sitting. In the past I'd be jumping up and down and up and down about having unabated gaming time with now judgement from anyone!!! I'd get beer and chew then game until my eyes fell out!! Aww the good old days! The struggle is going to be real. My plan is to finish reading respawn and focus on the betterment of my life. Get things in my life in order and in a good place with out people judging what I'm changing, I think this will be much much more healthy then gaming and I'm excited!!
  9. Day 6: Mothers Day! Slept in a little bit today to get some extra zzz's. Planned to go to take my Mom out to brunch at around 2pm and a little bit before my brother called me and asked if I could pick him up because his car broke down. I was a little bummed out about this because it'd take an extra hour of driving to go get him. Instead of being upset I just accepted my responsibility and decided to go get him. It was fun catching up with him while driving to brunch and the chit chat was nice. We even talked about addictions and vices together because he is addicted to smoking and I told him about trying to give up gaming and he was supportive of it fully, even admitting to me that he just gave it up and took out his internet too so that was exciting to hear that he too is trying to move on from games. We all had a nice time at brunch together and my girlfriend even went with us to celebrate because her family is out of state so that was nice for us all to hang out like that and have awesome food! Afterwards I had to drive my brother back home with my gf and she suggested we all go bowling to kill some time before dinner. We had an amazing time together the 3 of us! There is hope out there to enjoy life more without the need of gaming. Having moments like this weekend make me want to touch base with old friend and keep the ones I have closer. Maybe I have been very neglectful of them over the years because gaming always was in the way...who knows maybe I will make some new friends too!
  10. @Dannigan Haha that was a good one!! And i like what you said about the whole pre-planning thing, that is such a crucial part is to stay busy and try to think about what to do besides gaming. Thank you for your awesome comments!
  11. Day 5: Decided to wake up and go on a nice hike up on the front range. It also is the road I will be running down for the marathon i'm doing in June so that was cool to see what I'm up for. The morning was pretty gloomy and cold, rainy out so we didn't hike that much. Then we went to lunch and had some awesome pizza and beers, it was a nice day even though it was not such great weather we made the most of it. I actually included my girlfriend in my plan to quit gaming and she fully understands why I want to quit now so that was very reassuring to have her on board. I told her that gaming for me is a pre-occupation like Cam told me and that often times when I'm doing something else I'm focused on gaming and what I could be doing instead of enjoying the moment and she didn't like that my mind was elsewhere when I was hanging out with her. It never really got to that point of me not focusing on her yet and I let her know that is one of the reasons why I want to stop gaming before the pull gets to strong and I can't resist the urge to game. If that happens than I usually start lying to people to get more time to game. I will begin to start making false plans with people in order to free myself up to game more. I just don't find that very respectable and nice anymore to be lying to my friends and loved ones in order for me to live out my addiction like that, it seems selfish to me now.
  12. Day 4: I'm going to do today's journal entry a little bit early because I'm going out with my GF tonight to have some beers and ramen, should be a good time, but I know I will put off journaling afterwards. Today I woke up and had the day off from work and figured to fit my long run in today and did an 18 mile run, which is the longest I ever have ran before and it was very exhausting. After the run I came home and hung out with the family then went to go get my winter tires exchanged for summer tires on my car, but they ended up not having the tires in stock so I have to go back next week to get it done. Instead I went and had my haircut and washed the car and washed my moms car too. I did do a lot today and am feeling a bit tired so I figured I'd read a little bit and write my journal before I go pick up the girlfriend and have a nice weekend together. I'm also looking forward to mothers day this weekend, we are all going to brunch together, so that should be an awesome time and will rack me up more days of being game free. Gaming did pop into my head once today, because they have this gaming arena place near my house by where I was going to get my tires changed and they pretty much have gaming computers there that you can rent out and they have all the most popular games installed so LOL and WOW are predominately featured there and are the games I mostly played. I wasn't going to go in there or anything, but it just got me thinking about gaming is all, which is ok we will always have ques like this it is what makes us unique, we were apart of a culture and who knows maybe one day when we tell someone what we did all those years ago with gaming it will shock and add to your own mystique. I know that is the reaction i get now when I tell someone I skateboarded for 10 years and they just say no way and I say WAY!
  13. Day 3: Came home for dinner and had to go shopping for groceries because I didn't have anything. Usually this would aggravate me, but since I had free time I could leisurely go to the store and pick out a nice dinner, then come home and make it all. Typically while gaming i'd just get fast food because I didnt want to waste any precious time away from the screen. Sometimes going slow and thinking things through is key and I can see the amount of clarity you can inherit from not being so rushed in life. Often times I'd be in such a rush to get home and game, meet all my obligations I suppose first then spend every minute of free time gaming. This is probably why I'd ignore my friend and not make any plans with anyone, but that was what I wanted to be alone and game so it isn't all that bad it is just good to know that I can also enjoy a less chaotic lifestyle too and this is refreshing. I'm sort of a bit on the tired side and didn't get to read as much of respawn as I wanted to today, but that's okay. Oh that's another thing is while not gaming at night I can actually tell when I'm tired whereas while gaming during the night I could be up probably 4-5 hours past the time I was actually tired, in my younger years I'd also pull all nighters to level up in the game, even once I played for almost 48 hours straight on my laptop..pretending I was sleeping, but actually just played in my bed and tried my best to be quiet. Oh the good memories I had from gaming, but I haven't been that addicted to games in such a long time, now I'm just doing my best to ween myself off from them. Anywho I have the day off from work and am going to do my long run of 18 miles tomorrow instead of saturday, plus I have a ton of errands to get done, which will be great!
  14. Haha ya we need to get some more out there! Your welcome, thank you for your supoort @Cam Adair !
  15. @WorkInProgress That is one cool looking stickers thanks for the sneak peek
  16. Day 2: My day started out pretty good, I woke up and ran 5 miles. I went to work and had a nice day there, quite busy day it helped to keep my mind off of things. I did get a craving while driving home, I was tired and ready to be home but had a long commute ahead of me to get there and I was halfway home when a hot red mustang zooms by me sporting a red horde sticker...which is the faction I played on WoW so that gave me mad cravings to play and just say you know what lives way to short might as well game type of thing, but I resisted the urge with positive affirmations why I am qutting. When I finally made it home I ate some dinner and watched a couple shows on the TV with the family. Then I decided to go for another run for 3.5 miles and that really helped to clear my head. I usually wake up and run all tired, but it seems like running after work was very enjoyable, especially with the weather being so gorgeous and the sun setting so late. After my run I was carousing this site and landed on the respawn button. I figured I would wait until after my shower until I'd pull the trigger or not, try to weigh the options. I ended up doing a basic respawn and I feel very good about the material that is given to me and the satisfaction of taking action to finally conquer gaming. I made it 2 months into detox before my relapse so I know that I'm almost there and all I need is an extra push, respawn should give me plenty of motivation to start living a life that I want to live. Plus I know this might be a secret, but I get a sticker to put on my car so that some day I will blast past that mustang sporting a game quitters sticker and say in your face!!
  17. Hey jeremias, keep up the good work on your journal it is a nice read! I can emphasize with your situation of boredom. Honestly that is the most challenging part is to figure out what to do with all the time. Personally one thing is just getting outside to enjoy your day and the world around you. Maybe go do something you've always thought about and one thing is to have a plan. I found it best to set some goals and write down what you wish to do with your life and this can give you some focus to reach for. I too am training for a marathon and you can think of other parts of your life in the same way. Your goal is the marathon but it takes many training runs and steps to get there. I'm looking forward to your progress!!
  18. Day 1 Attempt#2: Today I focused on my work and didn't think a whole lot about gaming. Work went very well today and I used one of Cam's tips to reach out more to people at work socially by getting involved and it was a nice experience. I kept my mind busy with what I wanted to get done throughout the day, even making a to do list and getting a lot of the things i needed to get done out of the way so that was very uplifting. When I came home I rearranged some things and made a space that wouldn't provoke gaming and also that is clutter free to allow more to get done productively. I still do retain my gaming computer, but merely made it into a docking station so I can stay current on the Game of Thrones season, which has been amazing so far! I do have a task laptop that I use for my general internet use to check emails and update journals, but I do like having a more powerful computer for data reduction, downloading, storage, and streaming video or music so I think I will keep my desktop. I'm going to bed a bit on the early side so I can wake up and tackle a 8 mile training run before I go to work...Marathon's are tough to train for I must say. A question I do have on my mind is, what does everyone else do with there systems or computers when they are intending to quit gaming? Do you store your system (keep it out of sight), give to a friend, sell it, or re-purpose it for other activities? I'm curious about this and if anybody feel the urge to answer that would be awesome.
  19. Okay so I did end up failing my first 90 day detox and at first I didn't feel very bad about it. We are all human and make mistakes and falter What can I say I love WOW and it is a game I have always enjoyed immensely since I've started playing it. I mostly love the release I get from playing it, the puzzle's I get to solve, the structure, the fluidity, the open world to explore and the memories I've created. I'm not trying to advocate gaming here, but to merely figure it all out inside my head to hopefully be more successful in the future at finding meaningful alternative to gaming that I can buy in to. Today I decided late in the night that I'd like to make a second attempt at my 90 day detox. This came shortly after I came home all excited to play WOW after a weekend away from my computer. It was all I could think about for the most part and I was biting my finger nails to get my chance to play again. All I needed to do was to get through the weekend with my girlfriend, work a day at work, then come home eat dinner and wash the dishes before I had my time to play. Through out all of those activities, WOW was on my mind. Who was I going to play? What was I going to do? The scenarios were practically endless...Even though I don't have the ability to play the game I still made plans like I was actually playing and I think that is a serious problem with gaming addiction for those of us that aren't fortunate to play out all of our addictions on screen. Instead we fantasize about playing even in dreams, which I know from experience happens a lot after a heavy gaming session. So needless to say I decided that I'd play my 5 top level characters on my main server to get them running on garrison missions and what not to "stay ahead" because the thing about WOW is once the expansion is out the current content dies and you won't have as much of a chance for achievements and what not, blah blah blahs that happen. I have until August before LEGION comes out so I have been feeling pressured to get "caught up" in-order to not miss out on whatever is out there and to get my achievements to prove to myself that I'm one of the originals from the game and that I stuck it out through shit content, although I think it's still fun. I know that there are much more important things to do in life then fantasize about gaming and I wish it was easier to deal with, but I'm currently stuck. I've come a long way over the past several years and am very proud of where I am in life and grateful for all I have, but still in the back my mind is the constant pitter patter of gaming strategy and planning that overtakes most thought and becomes quite exhausting. What I would do for a bit of clarity in my mind to not have to think so much about gaming...I feel like this is what it's like for drug addicts, even the recovered ones...is that constant urge and reminder of what it was like to have what you once did from your addiction, whatever that might be. For me it's gaming and also some parts internet addiction. I admit it through and through that I still have problems, even-though my time played on games now a days is laughable from what it once was, it is that urge and feeling I get when I play or think about it. So for this reason I will try once more to tackle this goal I had 90 days ago and try to make it successful for this next 90 days to come. I hope to keep my journal on here updated, but do enjoy a pen and paper much more.
  20. Hey Cam, I've been doing pretty good. I did happen to go through a relapse. Kind of funny how desperate you can become after awhile. I tore that desk apart, but the top piece was too big to completely toss until I could figure out a way to get rid of it. So I dug it out one night and set it on top of 2 plastics drawer things and made a make shift desk out of it and dug my computer out and hooked it all up. I wanted to get back onto my computer at first and my intentions were good, but one thing led to another and I started playing WoW again. This has been happening for about a month now. I get home and turn my computer on first chance I can get. I work fulltime and am still in a committed relationship so I dont have much free time to myself anymore. I have taken up a few things like minimalism and also running. Actually 2 weeks ago I completed my first half marathon so that was very gratifying for me! But...there is still that itch, that terrible itch to play. To cave in and reward myself for all this hard work I've been doing to just do something easy that doesn't require so much energy.. I guess what happened is maybe I overwhelmed myself by trying to change too much too quickly. I have also been struggling with a chewing tobacco addiction as well.. It is another crutch I have when I feel stressed out or stretched too thin. But ya I came back to this site for some support or words of encouragement after I gamed 6 hours straight because I couldn't win a match...typical horde problems they always lose haha. It's kind of funny that sometimes I don't want to stop playing while on a losing streak that I would much rather log off after a win no matter how long it takes. I guess I'm just that way though, have a stubbornness about me where qutting isn't an option, makes dealing with addiction a real son of a bitch however.
  21. Hey thanks all for commenting on my thread, I haven't been too great at keeping up at it, but I will make more of an effort! @karpet I totally agree with what you are saying and I think that is a very deep statement you made. I feel like the battle in your mind is the most difficult part and often hard to control. Taking away that physical trigger also did sort of program my mind that his is not how things are going to be that there is a change and you are just going to have to deal with it. I like your idea about keeping a clear and open mind and I think that adding meditation to my routine would be a great course to help clear the mind and keep focused on the right direction. So it has been over a month now since I tore down my gaming lifestyle and I must say that things are going very well for me. I have read all of the slight edge book and it was a great read, I have implemented a couple habits into my life from that book that have helped me a lot. I'm hoping to better my understanding of the principle and how to use it more effectively. One thing that I notice is I had no goal or direction for my life. Ever since I accomplished my college degree I felt like there was nothing else, like I finished what I wanted. The slight edge gave me better control over that and to set higher goals for myself. With video games the achievement was so convenient you didn't have to think about it much because it was given to you. With games like DOTA and WoW these achievements really drove us to play because they gave you a sense of purpose. Honestly if you're not convinced if you're addicted to gaming just take a few minutes and think about your life goals, if you can't come up with something significant than you're most likely addicted to games and get all your lifes fulfillment from them. Right now I toke upon myself to run a marathon on my 30th birthday coming up in around 4 months. I have been training hard and have focused on small goals like running a 5k, 10k, half marathon first to build up my confidence a little bit haha. It is kind of crazy, but honestly is what I needed and I couldn't ever make a plan like this without ditching my gaming habits. Sure running isn't the most fun on the planet, but once you start desensitizing from the gaming stratosphere you would not believe what is enjoyable to you, it's actually incredible or thirst for entertainment now. Actually that brings up a good point about another book I have been reading called Positivity. I'm on a section now that goes over the negativity we are given through media outlets like new, music, tv, video games and how we get addicted to violence that we crave it from everything we view. Me for example would play violent video games, listen to violent music, watch violent tv shows, and absorb into violent news stories. I think a lot of my anger problems came from overexposure to violence that I reacted to stressful situations in a violent manner instead of learning and being more accepting of them. I'm no psychologist so I do recommend reading the book for yourselves and get some great information on the topic. Also I should include a status update about everything going on. I revamped my room by throwing away my desk and that has helped. My computer currently is under my bed until I can figure out what exactly I want to do with it haha. I was thinking about getting a writing hutch that doesn't have the capability to hold a computer very well. I know it is risky because as a gamer if there is a will then there is a way right, so I'm holding onto the idea, but not acting for now. I fill like I have a lot more mental clarity to remember things that happened that day. I use to struggle in the past to even recount if I had brushed my teeth or turned something off, I was very forgetful, but now I can recall things better and also be more aware of the present moment as well. I have gone through a couple days at work where I was pumping myself up all day to dig all my computer stuff out and start playing again, because the day sucked so much that I just wanted that getaway, that release, who cares right? Well you know what I told myself, I care, I care and I don't want to go through all this again and I like the way I feel and I care about myself too damn much to suffer anymore from this stupid false reality...It's time to live your life and not somebody else's.
  22. @Laney Ya it is funny I totally agree with what you said, to them games are just a fun activity, but for us it is more of a complete lifestyle that becomes consuming almost the same way drug or alcohol addiction is described. Thank you for the support!! I think the change of environment was a great turning point for me, because I was use to sitting at that desk for hours at end, so a change was necessary to not trigger my past emotions and routine of gaming. Instead I spend more time outside of my room or if I'm in my room it's for writing or reading or personal development time. Keep on fighting the good fight and let me know if you decide upon changing things up environmentally.
  23. Hey guys, Figured it would be a good time to update how things are going. The first day I stopped playing games and deleted all my games, I had a talk with a friend about it and she told me if gaming is what you love than why get rid of it? So I excitedly went back home and started downloading WoW, which takes like 5 hours to DL. Not having the time that night I instead read my Game of Thrones book and relaxed which was nice. Then at work I was impatiently trying to figure out what to play when I got home and decided on my hunter, you know get a new pet have some fun running around wrecking face, I was very excited. So all day I was absorbed into this notion of playing again. Finally I did get home to play and right away logged into WoW and onto my hunter and all I did for 15 mins was sit there, I forgot what I was doing. Then it struck me hard that this is an insane waste of time, and I'm better than this, and how could something like this control me so much, and I couldn't even go 2 days without some sort of viral entertainment!! I was literally blown away and disgusted by my actions, so without moving a pixel on screen I shut down my computer, and over the next several days and weeks I worked steadily on changing my environment. First I tore down my desk that I use primarily for gaming and also because I have a chrome book to stay in touch with my internet obligations, I put my computer under my bed where it has been for almost 2 weeks now. I think the environment triggered a response for me to start gaming, that my room was enabling my subconscious to immediately follow a routine I have concretely pounded into place. Then I came back onto this site and read some more about the 90 day detox program and I went onto amazon and bought The Slight Edge for my kindle, and I'm 78% complete with it right now and it is truly one amazing philosophy to adopt. One thing that helps me is that quitting gaming is a long and winding road, but if you do little things everyday and focus on a routine than you will slowly move towards improving yourself and not having a sensation for games, but a sensation for life. I have to go to work right now, but I will keep you all posted about further developments.
  24. Hey all, My name is Alex, I'm 30 years old and my video game addiction started a long time ago with Halo 2 online. From there I moved onto Halo 3 and the COD series. Always was a big FPS gamer and eventually went pro with COD W@W. There has always been great satisfaction from beating other players online at the same game they were playing, it was instant gratification and also great disappointment upon defeat. I struggle with violence and anger in my life and video games always seemed to either cure my anger or make it 100 times worse if killed when knowing full and well that I was better than the person who killed me, and with my young ignorance I though I was better than everyone. These fits of rage and anger caused a lot of turmoil in my life and ended a lot of great relationships with people, including the worst one, myself. During these manic episodes I'd viciously self abuse myself or other items around my general area. I had to buy new consoles, tvs, games, controllers just to keep playing. There were times when I couldn't go out in public because of bruising on my face. I figured something that I spent that much time on I should be great at especially since all other areas of my life I was failing at. Kind of ironic that I used video games as my life's golden crutch to keep me up when I was down, but also what drove me to self abuse. Needless to say I did move on from hurting myself and haven't in several years thankfully that pact I never broke. I did however keep progressing in the video game world and ended up converting over to the PC to play World of Warcraft. I always thought that game was for losers and would not get anything out of it, that was 5 years and 400 game days ago. I was transfixed to that game, I remember once in college I ditched class to play 2 days straight to level up my warrior as much as possile. I literally sat in my bed with my laptop on my lap for 2 straight days, only getting up for food and bio breaks. I told my roommate I was sick, which isn't too far from the truth. I ended up moving home and dropping out of college and what did I do, I bought a gaming PC to really crank things up of course. I punched a whole through the screen of my laptop playing WoW, more anger issues...I did finally graduate college with a BS in chemistry and have a full time job now so life isn't that bad! Through out my second attempt of college I bounced from playing a ton of WoW or quitting for a month or two tops then would be even more addicted. All my free time was used playing that game and when I wasn't playing I'd be writing thoughts and agenda of what I was going to do when I reconnected. I literally have notebooks jammed packed of notes on what to do, to imagine what I would have created if that energy was used elsewhere is mind boggling. The other day I leveled up my 11th level 100 character and decided I'd switch my main character from my warrior to my rogue and redo all the achievements on the rogue to replicate the warrior which is a time consuming process to do. Then it hit me, "WTF AM I DOING?" So I decided to moderate my game play to one hour per night, so I looked up in google of course "fun things to do besides video gaming" and found a thread called how to quit playing video games FOREVER on kingpin social. I read the whole article and was so enthralled by the whole concept set in place that I decided to act. Yesterday I deleted all the games I play, SWTOR, FF14, LoL, Witcher 3, Boarderlands, and the mother of all WoW. It was very sad to delete them all, but it felt very liberating to know that I was opening a new chapter in my life, which matches my life now with the new job, graduating, and meeting the love of my life who drives me to be a better man. There is no time for games anymore it's time to improve even more and level up my life and start my own quests and slay my own dragons. Sure I will miss gaming a lot, but it is like an old hobby or mindset that's in the past, almost like an old playlist you use to listen to or a fond memory of the past, it is still there to look back on and also can serve a dual purpose to remind you how you were when you played those games. I have plenty of good and bad memories gaming to pool from. This is hopefully my final farewell to gaming and I hope to fill my time with things I love doing more. I'm looking to focus on reading for resting and also the doing nothing idea quoted from a journal I read on here. I did take a visual basics course in college that I loved, but it had the same trance feeling as gaming where you'd literally peel off 4-5 hours without knowing you did, but at least I'd create something and have an activity I can stop and start unlike MMORPG. I plan to focus on developing my relationship really well with my girlfrined and friends/family too they deserve to know who I am after so many years of me hiding in a dark room gaming. I think I also deserve to know who I am outside of gaming too...Currently I do play hockey for my social fun and am looking at joining maybe a paintball league too for added venting, socializing and general badassery! Also I'm very interested in creating a comic strip because it sounds awesome! I'd like to personally tip my hat to Cam for going through with all this and creating a very specialized area of therapy like this to help people with these addictions and cravings. You truly are one sharp dude and I think you have a great thing going here, don't give up fighting the good fight! Damn sorry for the long ass intro, anyways ttys Alex Alex