Day 1, Again, Intro

[Jules]

I'm 34 and after quitting games in early adulthood (regular but not addicted gamer as a teen), I picked up console gaming again, with a ps5, after a year of the pandemic, March 2021 (I already had a switch, but hadn't played much). I then fell deep into gaming addiction for a year and a couple months, until last May. I was in therapy (EMDR) for some other stuff and that helped some, intermittently. I would put the PS5 in the closet for a week or two, even a month, but then I'd have a bad day or whatever, or just a day without any plans, and then out it came, and I'd open up with a gaming all nighter, and get back into it for a few days, until I got sick of myself. Finally, due to some commitments feeling more fulfilling and the early stages of a promising relationship, I gave away my PS5 June 2022. I'd already had a month or so off, but had a one day relapse. Things were great until early in the New Year.

Some how or other, something in popular culture reminded me of games, and that I had a switch in my closet. I wanted to see if I could keep gaming under control, so I gave it a try. So began the latest Spiral, accelerating in this past month. At first, it was just a few binges when I was experiencing some lows, like maybe 2-3 total, maybe one a month. Then I gave away my switch, so finally that was gone. Then, in April, I discovered my laptop can handle a fair number of games, and I had a really bad month of relapse, with the worst being this past weekend. I have been recognizing this was coming back, and I kept hoping it would be enough to get rid of the consoles, but I obviously can't get rid of my laptop (I did just initiate the steam account deletion process). What I'm feeling like now, and what I am remembering from when I was in therapy (I stopped late last year), was that I need a plan, I can't just say I'll quit and that's that. So here I am.

[Zoe]

Welcome! I find the journals the most helpful here. 🌸