I don't know what to do?

[TerryPHD]

I am so bored of games I have so many all my friends game and I have nothing in common with them. even some of my family members game but I never get invited to play with them I suck at most of them any way. I spent 2500 dollars on a gaming computer but even that doesnt help I have 3 of them to some degree or another. computers I used to own my own business but it was far too competitive. I am retired from the military since 1986 from a service connected disability. I have seasonal schizo affective paranoid schizophrenia with catatonic schizophrenia. it's under control with meds at the moment but. I also have neglected so much of my life I am lost I have no friends to talk to I want to quit smoking too I''l be 61 years old this month. do I sell my gaming rig wipe and reload to quit gaming and go heavily into aa nica and this forum oh I am also 34 years sober to and not hard drugs since 1988. I used to love to go to AA meetings I had a lot of friends then and I am starting to make zoom friends on NicA I have a lot of options but I want to keep a computer cause I do enjoy making music on my guitar I need some advice or something I dont know what IO need someone to tell me what to do thanks.

 

[Laney]

I love the idea of going back to AA meetings! Maybe you can be a mentor to someone struggling! AND guitar yes?? You should make music if you can! 

Hope you can make some decisions soon 🙂

[jailbreaker.]

Hey Terry, 

I've dealt with my fair share of paranoid hallucinations and delusions, as well as catatonic states, and I know it's not fun.

At one point in college, I was living with 7 other people in the same apartment, which was a huge change for me. They were all my friends, and I'd known most of them for at least a year, but I had a hard time with paranoia anyway, because that's just how my brain does things apparently. I thought that they were saying bad things about me behind my back, but just loud enough to hear through the walls. It felt like the whole world was out to get me, like my friends were enemies and they secretly hated me.

It took me a while, but eventually I asked if they've got a minute to talk, and opened up to them about what I was going through. All the voices I was hearing, trying a new medication, that sort of thing. They helped me through it. One of my friends even called an Uber to get me to the hospital late at night. Although I'm taking a break from college now, we still keep in touch and hang out sometimes.

It was hard to shake those beliefs that they were out to get me, or that I was always bothering them, but once I reminded myself that they're my friends and we've got each other's backs, the rest just flowed naturally.

So, maybe try calling up your friends and having a conversation about what you're going through! I'm sure they'd be happy to be there for you. If they're not, then definitely try going back to those AA meetings. Sounds like you had a lot of fun at those!

Aside from talking with my friends about my problems, music always helped me get through the tough times. Guitar especially. I'm with Laney on this one: try makin' some freestylin' tunes! You got this!