Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

30 day detox...


Recommended Posts

(1/30) 🙄 Feeling meh. 

hello, I'm old and I want to quit games.

I'm a freelance artist and I have a lot of ambition for the field I'm in.... but currently I'm a slave to video games.

i feel very empty without them, and I'm constantly looking for an excuse to play (like using it as a reward or.. saying it's the weekend or.. someting remotely stressful happening etc)

 

It's really tough for me because there's nothing quite like a hyper tense competitive game like apex legends.. dota2.. Rainbow 6 Siege, etc. 

There's just not a whole lot in the world that feels as exciting to me in terms of experience. This is something that took me a while to admit.. But I absolutely love these sort of high stress games

Not only that, gaming has always been sorta my go-to for sadness and depression. A lot of my worries and anxieties fade when I turn my brain off with video games. For me, it's not even about winning or losing.. It's just constantly occupying my mind so I can forget my troubles. it's sort of a cure-all treatment for me, though obviously, not a healthy one.

 

It's just hard to get the same feeling from art. which, while I'm very passionate about it, can be frustrating and very unrewarding a lot of times but that's a whole topic for another time.

But I still love it, and have these moments where I'm so glad I'm doing it. It has its own highs that comes by every now and then, and I've had times where I actually prefered to draw over gaming (though, It's been a looong while since that happened lol). Even when I quit and have a good week or two, I would end up "rewarding" myself for the weekend and find myself right back to square 1 (after binging on games nonstop for like a week or two. I really do mean binge as in eat game eat game etc)

A lot of times I would have crazy cravings to play some games. I'm wrestling with my mind as it comes up with all kinds of weird convoluted/elaborate plans to excuse myself into playing just a couple games then re-uninstalling. It's sickening how many times I've went through this very cycle and still I refuse to learn. A lot of my friends sorta roll their eyes and go "here we go again" when I tell them I've decided to quit games for.. x amount of time (rightfully so). I've even lied a lot of times and played games during these times I claimed to have quit too so...

I've been a lil hesitant about joining a group like this because frankly, I'm a bit ashamed of my problems.. Not to discredit anyone, mind you, but just like an irrational gut feeling I have in my stomach.. Mostly from what society thinks when they think of "addiction".

I'm 27 and still dealing with video games.. can't help but feel a lil pathetic, you know? A lot of people my age already have a good career going, and maybe even a family. 

 

sorry about the long rant. There are a lot of people here who share the exact same problem as me, so I hope it wasn't too redundant. 

But anyway, here are some things I'd like to do instead

 

Vague long term goals

  1. DRAW, a lot more. (daily practices, commissions and working on my comic!) 
  2. Becoming more active physically (hiking, working out etc) I broke my left arm and had surgery 3 years ago so it's a lil hard 
  3. maybe get into learning more 3D stuff 🙂 
  4. study Japanese

Today's goals

  1. set up schedule/daily goals
  2. draw for an hour
  3. clean up house 
  4. plan short term goals

 

I don't really have an answer to what I'm gonna do to deal with the boredom and feeling distracted from no video games.. if you have any suggestions I'd really love to hear them.

Ideally, I should be doing something productive... but Idk if I have it in me to other than lay down and maybe look at youtube.. Idk. We'll see

I want to have as much fun drawing as I do with video games but Im not even sure if that's a reasonable thing to achieve. 

that's it for today. wish me luck. Hopefully I can post daily for 30days 😄 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(2/30) 🙂 feelin OK. just OK.

Spent a good chunk of my time getting some stuff done.

I feel like I've gotten smarter about the way I study things which is nice. (unrelated to quitting games btw)

Things are much better today than yesterday, that's for sure. I'm starting to wonder if I was even ever addicted, but I know in a couple of days I'll be itchin like crazy to play.

So I'm sorta bracing for impact lol. But anyway, so far so good. 

Right now I'm watching my friends play apex while being in call with them. Looks kinda fun. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, computerfrom1999 said:

(2/30) 🙂 feelin OK. just OK.

Spent a good chunk of my time getting some stuff done.

I feel like I've gotten smarter about the way I study things which is nice. (unrelated to quitting games btw)

Things are much better today than yesterday, that's for sure. I'm starting to wonder if I was even ever addicted, but I know in a couple of days I'll be itchin like crazy to play.

So I'm sorta bracing for impact lol. But anyway, so far so good. 

Right now I'm watching my friends play apex while being in call with them. Looks kinda fun. 

Definitely AVOID watching your friends playing video games, you’re creating unnecessary temptation for yourself by doing that

 

That being said, I read your first entry, and you don’t need to feel ashamed for your addiction! We’re all here for similar reasons. Even myself, I was able to drop video games without much trouble, but I’m still struggling with a nasty PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) habit. So don’t beat yourself up. Definitely try to sit down and come up with a plan as to how you want your life to look moving forward, game-free. Come up with a plan of action and put it into place right away. And delete all your game accounts if you haven’t already. Burn all your bridges. If you know in the back of your head that the option to play still exists, you’re bound to go back. So get rid of the option. Anyway, that’s all from me. Hope this helps 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're on the right track, and you're never too old to stop! I'm 41 and am 13 days into my journey.

Keep up the great work!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(3/30) 😋 Feelin good.

Thanks for all the response you guys.

I did well today. I was quite productive. watched my friends play apex as I got some work done.

Right now the way I'm thinking is, when I do work as they play games, it makes me feel like im getting ahead 😈

 

It feels good to be reassured I'm choosing the right thing!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(4/30) 😪 Feeling tired. 

was out all day. went boating and got sun burnt.

Usually after a long day out, I treat myself to some video games to relax

I feel very empty.. tempted to hook my ps vita and play a lil bit of anything 

I can't do that so.. guess I'll just go to sleep early.. Goodnight

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

(5/30) ☹️ Feeling CRAVE

I feel tired.. This is usually the time I play a lot too. (a day after a big activity) 

I feel so empty without it. I feel like i should be gaming right now. Idk if i can do anything else

I'm trying to distract myself but god..

 

It just feels wrong to be not gaming right now, if that makes sense.

I'm out of my element. help. I won't cave but man it's tough

Edited by computerfrom1999
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(6/30) 😶 Numb, but surviving. 

ended up not gaming. today was much better. got stuff done. not perfect, but not bad either.

I want to push myself, but I dont rlly have the energy for it just yet.

Though, I had a discussion with a friend recently about how motivation is overrated and that I should just do the things I need to do until it becomes a habit.

speaking of which, I need to re-read atomic habits.. 

 

Lately I catch myself feeling a little out of it. Like I'm watching a video of someone else living my life.. I don't even realize what's going on until like a couple seconds later. Like I just got jumped here from another dream to realize my new reality. I take prozac so that might be what's doing it but who knows. Goodnight

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, computerfrom1999 said:

...I should just do the things I need to do until it becomes a habit.

This is actually a very important step toward recovery! Don't push too hard, and keep up the great work.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(7/30) 😴 Sleepy

Not much cravings today... but I feel like I'm not doing enough, even though I'm doing way more than what I would do if I were gaming..

 

19 hours ago, rkalajian said:

This is actually a very important step toward recovery! Don't push too hard, and keep up the great work.

You're right! thanks for stoppin by

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(8/30) 😴x2 Omega Groggy

forgot to post yesterday... 

I doodled slowly while chatting with my friends all day over voicecall. I saw someone play tetris and I really wanted to play.. I was sooo close to playing it, but at the last second decided not to.

I got so desperate that I played Snake a lil bit.but Ima go ahead and say it doesnt count...

I slept til 3Pm yesterday some how (13 hours of sleep). So it was a slow day. But I sorta took it as a breakday. 

Today is sorta on the same tragectory (however u spell that) as well. But we'll see. I did promise a group of friends we would learn a new program today, so looking forward to that.

Really wanna get started on working on my comic again. Actually, writing this stuff out made me want to draw. 

Also, reminder to read/listen to atomic habits again

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(9/30) 😶Unknown

The program learning session was cool. 

The thought of wanting to game intrudes my brain every hour or so.

Definitely another slow day, but not terribly unproductive.

Really need to sleep earlier today. goodnight!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(10/30) 😔 Feeling negative

I didn't game.. but everything felt kinda pointless. felt really unmotivated like I was directionless.

Feeling indifferent would be the way to put it. Idk where my life is going

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(11/30) 😕 Recovering energy

Another chill day. I really feel like there's not enough time in the day and like I'm not doing much (evn though I'm doing so much more than I was when I was gaming)

That feeling of "wow im doing the right thing" is kinda dwindling.. I kinda wish I was more motivated

Didn't have much of an urge to game today tho so that's good

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its pretty normal how you feel... Not to game wasnt really a big problem for me, because I filled that time with netflix etc. because I am a type of that guy. Other people fill it with social media etc. but ALL of them are as problematic as gaming. So after I wanted to quit with internet in general it became very hard(like for u) because there is thia huge void in your life. Days feeling ‘wasted’ because you didnt game, it really needs time until you adjust to non gaming-days. So stay patient.

 

I think you ahould take extremly care whether you want to continue staying in touch with your frienda via discord or w/e you are using. They are obvioualy triggering the gaming urge in you

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(12/30) 🙃 Lazy

Watched a ton of stuff with friends while drawing (namely EVO). All in all, it was an OK day. 

On 8/7/2022 at 3:57 AM, Lobares2 said:

Its pretty normal how you feel... Not to game wasnt really a big problem for me, because I filled that time with netflix etc. because I am a type of that guy. Other people fill it with social media etc. but ALL of them are as problematic as gaming. So after I wanted to quit with internet in general it became very hard(like for u) because there is thia huge void in your life. Days feeling ‘wasted’ because you didnt game, it really needs time until you adjust to non gaming-days. So stay patient.

 

I think you ahould take extremly care whether you want to continue staying in touch with your frienda via discord or w/e you are using. They are obvioualy triggering the gaming urge in you

I think it's alright for now. I'm not too worried just yet because I am much more productive even without the gaming. Maybe that will be the next step once I feel I'm ready.

I HAVE done full media fasting before, but ultimately caused me to relapse really bad. I live alone too, so I don't think it's very good for my psyche. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(13/30) 😢 Depressed

I don't know what it is... but I'm just so unmotivated and sad. No reason whatsoever. I just feel tired of everything (wanting to better myself, becoming sad then happy again happy then sad again)

I feel anxious like all things are coming to an end at a fast pace. It's hard to describe. I feel like a husk. I feel empty on the inside. All that which drove me to do anything just vanished and all I can do is sit and watch it happen.

The day started just fine, I went for a long walk after lunch even. But everything just started to piss me off and I felt myself wanting to be alone more and more. I even had a headache afterwards and just laid down in bed. Everything feels like it takes extra effort to do.

 

To be clear, this has happened countless times. It cycles itself out every couple weeks or so. In the past, I've passed times like this by turning my brain off with video games. I won't be doing that.. I don't even really have much desire to play.. But I would still play it all day if I could right now just so I can stop feeling this strange feeling. 

I don't know if I'll be doing anything today (it's 9pm atm and I took a nap for 2-3 hours). I'm not sure what to do

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you tried talking with a therapist? It helps immensely. Many years ago I was hesitant, but ended up biting the bullet, talking to one, and eventually figuring out I needed to go on meds for anxiety and depression. It wasn't a magic bullet, but it got me on the road to recovery that I've been working on ever since. Giving up gaming has just been the latest step in that journey.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(14/30) 😴 Sad

slept all day cus I didn't know what to do or didn't want to do anything

On 8/9/2022 at 5:24 AM, rkalajian said:

Have you tried talking with a therapist? It helps immensely. Many years ago I was hesitant, but ended up biting the bullet, talking to one, and eventually figuring out I needed to go on meds for anxiety and depression. It wasn't a magic bullet, but it got me on the road to recovery that I've been working on ever since. Giving up gaming has just been the latest step in that journey.

I've tried one once... but I didn't really have a good experience. They did prescribe me prozac which I still take. It does lessen the mood swings, because they're a lot worse without em. Thank you for sharing btw

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(15/30) 😞 in pain

Idk if it's because my brain wants video games or what but my god I am just.. so negative and depressed right now

I feel a constant headache and feel life is so meaningless. It's hard for me to even sit up.. I just want to sleep 

 

I do want to play games, but only so I can just be numb and turn my brain off from this bad feeling I have

What do you guys think? Is this withdrawal? or am I just having a depressive episode?

In the past, this was always when I called it "quits" and played games nonstop for a couple of days until I was feeling better.

I'm not sure what to do. This sucks so much

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, computerfrom1999 said:

(15/30) 😞 in pain

Idk if it's because my brain wants video games or what but my god I am just.. so negative and depressed right now

I feel a constant headache and feel life is so meaningless. It's hard for me to even sit up.. I just want to sleep 

 

I do want to play games, but only so I can just be numb and turn my brain off from this bad feeling I have

What do you guys think? Is this withdrawal? or am I just having a depressive episode?

In the past, this was always when I called it "quits" and played games nonstop for a couple of days until I was feeling better.

I'm not sure what to do. This sucks so much

You may want to seek professional help if this persists. Check yourself into the ER if you need to. Games were probably the one way you coped with these negative, depressive episodes, but now that you’re not gaming, your #1 coping strategy is gone. A wiser me would recommend you do your best to accept the negative emotions and just to feel how you feel for a while without trying to push it away; embrace the depression non-judgmentally and with acceptance; although that’s probably not what you need to hear right now. But for now, consider what steps you can take to get the help you need.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(16/30) 🥵 melting

23 hours ago, Paul A. said:

You may want to seek professional help if this persists. Check yourself into the ER if you need to. Games were probably the one way you coped with these negative, depressive episodes, but now that you’re not gaming, your #1 coping strategy is gone. A wiser me would recommend you do your best to accept the negative emotions and just to feel how you feel for a while without trying to push it away; embrace the depression non-judgmentally and with acceptance; although that’s probably not what you need to hear right now. But for now, consider what steps you can take to get the help you need.

Hey Paul, thanks again for dropping by. I've gave that a try and I think it went ok. I just kinda sat there and took it. 

You're absolutely right btw, it was my #1 coping strategy. 

Thankfully I think I'm gonna be getting out of it soon.. or at least I hope. 

 

Today I was heavily distracted buying a phone. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

(18/30) 😖 headache

negative thoughts are back..

i have such a headache. My motivation is really low too. I did some work today and made very little progress. It felt it was so pointless and made me reflect on all the years I have little made progress (in a bad way sadly)

 

Now I'm thinkin like, if there's even a point to me quitting game at all. Maybe it doesn't even matter. Really want to game and forget my troubles at least for a little bit

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share