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NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened

Hopefully my last attempt


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23, M.

Day 1

Another attempt to make my life actually mine.

Since my brother got a PS5, things escalated quickly. A glimpse of stress and here I am playing. I quitted gaming and relapsed many times, but I want to stop this forever.
When I start gaming, I become impatient, and in constant need of stimuli. This brings to low attention span as well. Maybe some people are able to manage their time, but I can't.
I can play music, sing, I've got tons of books to read; I go swimming and have a dog I could bring to the park, yet gaming is the only things in my life that keeps me hooked.
Even the relatively high number of women I've had sex with in the last months couldn't keep me hooked as gaming does. That's how bad it is.
There is nothing I irrationally desire, but I think the idea itself of something that keeps me costantly attracted is wrong.
Gaming makes me forget this, as it makes me forget my loneliness, my boredom, my responsibilities, my feelings of emptiness, and myself.

So, my solution? Cold turkey stop, and more importantly, force myself to be bored out of my fucking mind. Boredom haunts me since childhood, but it's time to accept it. Embracing it will probably teach me how to stop sitting on my ass.

This is some things I would like to do instead:

  • Read. So many books I've bought and didn't read yet.
  • Swim. I already go swimming twice a week, but I want it to be more. 3 times at least.
  • Walking my dog. I've got the most beautiful and kind dog ever, yet I don't walk her as often as I should.
  • Meditate. Not necessarily daily, but at least once a week.
  • Making friends and going out. This is very critical, and happily I'm on the right track about this.
  • Updating this journal/Write.

I'll try not to spend my day surfing on Reddit instead of gaming, that would not be helpful.

As a fickle person, this will be hard. I'm still going to try though. I quitted already, more than once, so I can do it again. Let's be positive.


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Day 2

Alright, this day went kinda well. Went to the park with my dog where i talked to some random people and petted their dogs.
During afternoon I played music and went swimming.
MVP play was texting a co-worker and asking him to play basketball together. I've got a positive response and tomorrow if everything goes as planned I'm gonna play some basketball and improve my awful social life.

I spent my night watching videos on Youtube. I had better alternatives but I was too tired and I don't want to be that hard on myself honestly. I'm proud of myself for what I did.
Tomorrow is going to be my last day off, then I'll be back to work. Let's see what's going to happen.

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Day 3

I finally understand what's the problem. At the end of the day, no matter what, I still feel empty and lonely.

Today I went to the park again, and also I went playinig basketball by myself because my co-worker ghosted me. I'm proud I still went; I played with people 5 to 10 years younger but whatever. I felt a bit uncomfortable, but uncomfort isn't always a bad things.

Now I'm home, and my brother asked to play with me on ps5 just like 10 minutes, so I didn't really consider it a relapse honestly, I just didn't want sadden my brother.
After these 10 minutes playing, I noticed how It's not gaming itself. I'm just sad. There is a void inside I can't fill. Gaming distracted myself from it. Sex did as well. But It's there no matter what.

When I think about my most happy moments, all of these are with a friend of mine that now lives far. When we stopped living together almost 3 years ago, I cried a lot.
Since then, I felt like I lost a part of me. We still see each other from time to time, but sometimes I wonder if he really cares about me.
He's not the only friends that lives far. All of them do.

Therefore, It's difficult for me to trust people or, more accurately, to love people. I'm doing my best, and I guess that's what matters.
I'm also pretty sure that to fill the void, I've got to look inside myself and be grateful for all the things I have.
Easier said than done.
I guess I'll just keep trying.

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Day 4

I'm still following my routine.  Going to the park with my dog in the morning, cooking, then playing some music and walking my dog again. I managed to learn by ear a cover I really liked.
Didn't go swim because playing basketball killed my legs, but tomorrow I'll go swimming for sure.
This afternoon I went to work. Felt good to just work 4 hours: part-time is a bless.
There is a cute co-worker that I would like to go out with. The idea of everybody knowing it holds me back a bit. I'm physically attracted but I'm not sure we're on the same wavelength; pretty sure though that she is as horny as me(or even more). Worst case scenario it's not that scary.
Let's see how it goes tomorrow and in the next days, I'll think about it - honestly, overthinking is a curse and I think I should just YOLO it. Why am I even thinking about it?

Anyway, I think journaling can keep people sane somehow. Instead of gaming, it makes you think, makes you express yourself. I hate keeping thoughts in my head: that's why I tend to be straightforward.
So yeah, let's ask this girl out, reminding myself to avoid being an asshole if things go well.

It's funny that I embrace rejection without any problem, but when someone actually likes me I become an asshole for some reason. The typical pushing people away when they get too close.
Whatever, let's see what happens.


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Day 6

Days are passing by and I'm feeling good. Part-time is amazing, and I'm trying to go swimming 6 days at week. 10 days from now I'm also going to start my first DnD campaign.
Got plans to get to know better some co-workers I went on a holiday with recently. I've read for 2 days in a row as well and planning to continue.
I'm really loving my job and hope it lasts at least 1 year. Then I'll have to look for another one because of reasons too long to explain, so I'll do my best to enjoy it.
Everything ends: jobs, friendships, life itself. Every moment is unique, so better make the most out of it. If I'm not going to do the best I can, what's the point? I don't want to watch life passing by.
I want to look back and say "I did everything I could".

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Sounds like a good start to the week!   

Wouldn't recommend hooking up with colleagues - doesn't end well in the long run though great fun at the start from personal experience. If you think you're going to leave that job soon that's another story though.  
"I did everything I could" is a good philosophy - I hope it serves you well with anything setbacks that you might come across so you can bounce back easily. 

Keep it up!  

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