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Georg's Daily Journal


Georg
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Posted (edited)

Hey guys! The link to my introduction.

I'll start off by using one of the provided templates (posting it below so I don't have to search up later).
 

DAY # -

Time I woke up:

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 

 

Physical task: Walk the dog

Mental task: Meditate

Projects: Dari

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

 

Summary of Day #:

 

 

What I am grateful for today:

Over and out! 

Edited by Georg
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DAY # - 0

Time I woke up: 9:30

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 2:30

 

Physical task: —

Mental task: —

Projects: —

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I’ve started this journal

~ I’ve found a great channel on ENFPs and have learned a great deal about myself

~ I’ve gone to a friends’ gathering and had a great time there

~ I’ve walked the dog twice for at least 30 min

~ I’ve washed all the dishes before going to bed

 

Summary of Day #:

The day was great for me. It started with me being addicted and ended with me feeling connected. It is in my nature to be excited about a start of any project. I also found a great resource that will definitely help me understand myself better, and that has inspired me a lot. Also, A. and K. told us they are going have a child, and that’s just amazing. Just what is needed during these trying times.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for people who run Game Quitters.

~ I am grateful for my wife.

~ I am grateful for my dog (and for the fact that she is finally having her period again).

~ I am grateful for having access to foreign education.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 1

Time I woke up: 12:00

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 04:30

 

Physical task: Yoga 7 min

Mental task: Meditation 10 min

Projects: —

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I’ve taken care of myself before I’ve started doing anything else during the day

~ I’ve let my interest run wild allowing it to listen to a podcast, listen to some music, look through a book on Budapest, read a chapter from a book on sayings, etc.

~ I’ve spent a good evening with my friends and my wife

 

Summary of Day #:

I’ve had a great day emotionally. I am a bit upset I couldn’t do work today. Sometimes I wish I just had more time. Social connections are important, but so is work. And sometimes I am much more keen to spend time with friends than to do work.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for my wife.

~ I am grateful for my friend V. and his mom G.

~ I am grateful for my theatre.

~ I am grateful to my mom for giving me life.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 2

Time I woke up: 8:00

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 1:30

 

Physical task: Yoga 7 min

Mental task: Meditation 10 min

Projects: Theatre, Dating

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I've woke up a good chunk of time before I had to start my working day and thus I've spent a good deal of time with myself in the morning

~ I've performed in one of my favourite shows at theatre

~ I've had a great date with wife

~ I've enjoyed nature while staying in town

~ I've read a few chapter of Harry Potter

 

Summary of Day #:

It was a great day, really. One of the best for a while. I've been listening to a lot of new information lately, I've let myself explore my ENFP side of desiring to learn new things all at once. I've communicated with people a lot, I've spent very little time in front of screens. The weather was great, I'm starting to feel the summer coming on.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for my wife.

~ I am grateful for living in modern city with access to nature.

~ I am grateful for the opportunity to perform on stage as an actor.

~ I am grateful for learning more and more about myself daily.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 4

Time I woke up: 9:30

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 4:30

 

Physical task: --

Mental task: --

Projects: Work, Repairs

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I've spent at least 5 to 6 hours working productavely.

~ I've finally fixed the water problem in the kitchen.

~ I've walked for at least 30 min twice.

~ I've talked to my dad for at least 30 min.

~ I've responded to a friend of mine who have been long waiting.

 

Summary of Day #:

This was a very intense day. I've worked a lot, I've listen to a lot of new material. I think there was an hour or so which I've lost to watching porn. Fortunately, my wife came home and it was easy to stop without relapsing. I know this is not a No-Fap journal, but I think this is the only thing that really got me down yesterday. Other than that it was a great day. Also, I've just realised that it's only Day 4 but it feels like a whole week already...

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for having a good repair-man.

~ I am grateful for my wife.

~ I am grateful that dad is alive.

~ I am grateful that there are new prospects for me.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 5

Time I woke up: 9:00

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 1:30

 

Physical task: 7 min of yoga

Mental task: 10 min of shavasana

Projects: Work, Home

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I've finished first draft of the contract at work.

~ I've reached out to two people who I need to reach out to despite anxiety.

~ I've read a book a little as a means to get down to work.

 

Summary of Day #:

This is pretty late into the night. I feel the urges coming on. That's because I have a big project ahead of me and when I have a big project ahead of me (especially with tight deadlines) I always tend to look for ways to avoid doing it (thus making it all even worse). And so I enter this cursed cycle of procrastinating and then wanting to procrastinate even more, because things don't get better on their own - obviously. So I've spent a good deal of time today watching porn and eventually relapsed. I know this is not the point for the journal, but it does matter, because watching porn when I'm quitting gaming is always a precursor to a) start watching gaming videos again, which is in itself a precursor to playing them. Also, a dangerous thing are web-based flash games which can lead to me playing again. A thought has just occurred in my head, that I could potentially open up my other laptop and lunch a gamer I like... but that would be counter-productive to the big goal I am working towards. I don't feel like I have the power to stay through the night, honestly. I want to sleep REALLY hard. So, this is what I'll do: at first I will go and procrastinate productively - i.e. do something I like doing instead of work. If I succeed in this I will then seamlessly transition to work. If it still doesn't help, then I'll go to sleep. Since I need to focus, I think that reading will be a great thing to do right now.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for my wife.

~ I am grateful for people who can think and who still live in this country. 

~ I am grateful for all the hardships that come my way.

~ I am grateful for my natural tendency to sleep to rest.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 10

Time I woke up: 6:30

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 1:30

 

Physical task: --

Mental task: --

Projects: K

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ We've signed an important document during negotiations.

~ I've sent a work e-mail I was putting of yesterday.

~ I've dressed well.

 

Summary of Day #:

Past two days I've been in a business trip. Today is the end of the second one and tomorrow I'm leaving to come back home. Being on a business trip really gave me strong urges for some kind of sexual adventure - bare with me here, this is at first gonna be related to sexual desire, but then I'll talk about why it's important in terms of gaming - so, these sexual desires have been connected with (in the following order): 1) having sex with a hooker; 2) watching porn as if fantasising about cheating. Since my ass is too lazy to do something and I don't have time to search for an actual hooker, and also I'm a married man (God!) - oh, well, fuck it. These thought make feel even more ashamed, because this is sinful (even though I am not religious it is strongly embedded in me that cheating is wrong yet so desirable). Well, anyway, long story short I've relapsed a lot during these two days on NoFap, but today I've decided this needs to stop and now I am once again taking what's left of me internally and doing my best to fight the new drug... SO, as I said, this is where gaming comes in. You see, for some reason after a hard day of work here I feel really stressed out. And I want to get that hit of dopamine that my brain is used to. And, being an addict, the hit must be pretty strong to take effect. That's why... oh, well, I suppose I just don't try anything else at all. I have a book with me but I haven't once opened and read it. The weather is great outside but I stay in the hotel room all the free time I have (opting out of working outside when I can). Why? Who the fuck knows. I'd say, because I don't take responsibility for myself in these matter. For some reason I do not take care after myself. There must be some kind of deep feeling regaridng that but I am certain I am running away from it like hell. And the feeling is something along the line of "am I selling my soul for the corporate career because I just can't find any better way to earn decent money on what I'd love doing for a living"? Jesus, even that question makes me anxious, but that's only the tip of the iceberg, I know for sure. ANYWAY, there's a high change I'm going to game very soon, because the urge is really fucking strong after quitting porn. I need that dopamine hit, and I'm not sure I am going to make it through, to be honest with you. I am really urged right now, but I still could meditate and go to sleep.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for the money I make.

~ I am grateful for people who provide service in this country.

~ I am grateful for my colleagues.

~ I am grateful for being able to go abroad.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 17 (May 30th)

Time I woke up: 10:40

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 2:30

 

Physical task: 1 hour walk at night at the park with my dog

Mental task: deep talking with myself about my future

Projects: Admission

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I've finally realised what is important for me in work: travel and other cultures, communication with people, artistic creativity and financial security

~ I've started a mindmap of all options available to me in terms of getting state-covered second higher education in the field of directing

~ I've contacted a couple of people asking for help in terms of getting the required literature

~ I've created a letter for work

~ I've remained loving attitude towards my wife despite personal struggles

 

Summary of Day #:

It was in fact a really bad day that got me to a much better place in life. I hit a certain low once again. I've masturbated today, but I haven't played a game since my decision 17 days ago. This feels great in itself. As for why the day was shitty: I've spent about 10 to 12 hours watching Youtube. And that PMO. And all of that when I have a shit ton of work to do (still do, btw). Why the day was great: I've had a good talking session with myself (recorded it on mic too), during which I realised that the main source of my dissatisfaction in life is in me not striving for something I truly love and want to achieve. So, I embarked on a journey to find out what that is for me and help myself get it. Right now I am very seriously considering getting a second degree in Directing (be it theatre or cinema - whatever works).

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I am grateful for the fact that I can get my education free of charge.

~ I am grateful for my wife always supporting me when I need it.

~ I am grateful for my job that pays all kinds of my bills.

~ I am grateful for having a good flat with food and water in it.

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 0 (1 Jun) / 18 clean

Time I woke up: 11:00

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 02:30

 

Physical task: no

Mental task: no

Projects: work, theatre

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ I've realised I need a therapist and I've sent an application to get an appointment with the one I've chosen for computer addiction.

~ I've performed well today.

~ I've done a translation of a scheme fast.

~ I've had great sex with my wife.

 

Summary of Day #:

SHIT. I am just getting lower and lower. I've played today. This fucking on-line game. I've relapsed at night too (PMO). I am fucking addicted as hell to internet and computer in general. I don't know what the fuck to do. Since my job is so heavily connected to staying online, I need to think of some fucking stupid think not to like this anymore - sitting in front of the screen. I haven't slept at all today and I still need to walk my dog. FUCK. I hate my behavior, when I do stuff like that. It just SUCKS. Big time. At least I hope I am getting therapy soon. This has to fucking stop.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ My wife.

~ Theatre.

~ Audince.

~ Therapists.

Over and out! 

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Posted (edited)
On 6/2/2022 at 4:57 AM, Georg said:

SHIT. I am just getting lower and lower. I've played today. This fucking on-line game. I've relapsed at night too (PMO). I am fucking addicted as hell to internet and computer in general. I don't know what the fuck to do. Since my job is so heavily connected to staying online, I need to think of some fucking stupid think not to like this anymore - sitting in front of the screen. I haven't slept at all today and I still need to walk my dog. FUCK. I hate my behavior, when I do stuff like that. It just SUCKS. Big time. At least I hope I am getting therapy soon. This has to fucking stop.

It’s okay, relapses are a part of quitting. Almost everyone here had relapses in the beginning. For example I’ve been here for almost 2 years and I guess I’ve relapsed about 70 times since then. And about 100 times more before GQ. I think my first serious attempt to quit was at 15, I joined this forum at 17, now I’m 19 and still struggling a lot. Quitting is a process, you have to look at relapses as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, analyze your mistakes and weak points and move forward with this knowledge. Also don’t beat yourself too much because of relapse. You’ve spent 18 days without gaming and that’s what more important. You could’ve played all these 18 days, but you’ve only played 1/19 of that. 
 

Best of luck!

Edited by Max
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