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Over-playing Record


White Draco Edge
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2021, September 23

Summary: 

       3 hrs of games spread out through day time, then from 10 PM - 7 AM straight playing. total: 12 hours within a 24 hour span, for 1 day.

Facts:

       - Having a lot of free time  - Not having a 9-5 job   - I was seeking reawrd after some hard work  - I was bored   - I was not willing to do other activities during that time  

       - after playing: fingers, back, neck, body, eyes, butt aches   - went to sleep at 7 AM, and woke up at 12 PM     - state of mind after over-playing: "It hasppened again. Well, it can't

          be helped. I do like games and the body-aches are real. I did not cause harm to others, for now. I derserve hapiness. I can start to make things better right alway. I do not need

          guilt or shame; they are the killers for positive attitude and focus. What happened, are the past now, can not change it, let me start a better day with pround, hope and love, and

          write these things down to make sense of what I did, and give me some wisdom for the next trail ahead." 

 

My awareness:

       - this time, there is less shame and beating-myself-up-for-nothing. This seems quite powerful. In the past, whenever I over-played, I think I went into a temporary

          "F*ck, I am worthless..." attitude. That is killer for hapiness, man ! Why do I have that ?? It does not make sense. I am going to do positive self affirmation every day

           now, I'm telling you. I need to turn this nasty self-discrimation attitude around, killl those nasty venom bugs; all hail Ophra Winfrey !  I am WORTHY !!      

 

Future Stratagies:

        More real-people conection will come to me, or I will go find them. I can sense it happening. Playing eill still be there. The first step is releasing the shame, is standing

        up. Keep up self affirmations, controll play time whenever possible, but do not force it. 

 

I am grateful for:

        - a high performance PC laptop so hat I can play on-line games soomthly

        - my parents keeping me informed on my future traveling plans; keeping me accountable for everything; even the naggings

        - Cam, Videogame Quiters, Intenta; they give me strength and a better way to express my fellings 

        - the existence of the internet !!  I am healing and becoming a better human being because I find so much valueable knowledge on the internet !  

 

              

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Oh wow. Thats a share. I cannot stress how much do i value you sharing this with us.
This post brought a lot of memories. The ones where i banged my head against the wall saying i will never play again, until another evening and another game night. And I cannot stress how glad do I hear that you are getting better relationships with games - that is mainly better relationship with yourself! And for me it was also a start that ultimately led to having relationship with games good enough that i could just say bye mate, see you in 90 days, or maybe forever. Its not because I hate my life or hate games, they just take way too much value and I need to shift it towards work, school or my girl. But number one valuable thing in your life will always be you and nobody can tell you otherwise. One thing from my personal experience from therapy - this could lead to selfishness, if you become your only value. It happened to me and I lost a lot of good friends because of that.
Also I would recommend having your journal in one post only and just reacting to it, it will make it easier to go back to it and not scrambling for your posts in the whole section (for us as well).
Welcome to the community mate. 

Edited by Gundham
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