Marquess

There are multiple colorful ways in which I could reiterate my point, but I don't think it'd do much good. Luv u still but this is just dumb. I don't mind you playing LiS if you want to; I mind that you're not admitting what it actually is.

K, so we're at day 34 right now. I have to admit; I haven't expected to suddenly have such a rough time after hitting 30 (days, heh). I can't even tell what exactly happened and why, but this is also the longest I've been without WoW in 8 years, so this can't be anything but something completely new. In fact more than 8 years, if I still played the thing, it'd be 9 years as we speak (I started in 2007 during the Midsummer event). And there's a reason I'm aware there's Midsummer in in the game; I still watch videos on occasion simply because it's easier to watch than not to watch. I'll follow the release of Legion, the next expansion, for the same reason. Mood is better, anxiety levels are ... manageable. I have finally, finally started to meditate again. In other exciting news, I'm finishing The Fountainhead today. Exhausting report to follow in the next days, maybe.

Identity battle happening! Stay strong, soldier. NICE GIRLFRIEND BTW Haha I have a girlfriend? Never mind :x.

I'm not necessarily against trying adventure games (or any form of games) that you consider not damaging in your specific case, but, dude, at least finish your 90 day detox first. I believe that you're honest and not consciously trying to weasel your way out of this, but that's why you've joined this community. To be told that you totally are. Do the 90 days first, and then play LiS if you like. It's not going anywhere. (I'm thinking about doing the same.) PS: LiS is a game. Visual novels, for our purposes, are not.

Identity battle happening! Stay strong, soldier. NICE GIRLFRIEND BTW

Why the fuck do you still have a Steam account? It's ok to fail, but can you even claim you're trying if you're still buying games off Steam? Life is Strange is an adventure game. You can move the character, interact with environment, there are item puzzles and two action sequences. I mean; it's an amazing game, and I personally don't find adventure games to be all that dangerous. But that's just me, and the main reason I say that is because, while I still find them interesting, I don't actually want to bother with playing them (and I don't). If you "couldn't help" but to buy LiS, I'd say that's a different situation. Look, just watch this playthrough; it's the most entertaining one there is due to the commentary (dw, it's not a screaming, jittery teenager), and you'll get to experience it like an actual visual novel that way. (The game constantly reminds you that your decisions will have consequences, but the actual content you're presented with is mostly the same no matter what. For instance, preventing a suicide only gives you one short and inconsequential extra scene.) Ideally we wouldn't even be discussing that, but here we are.

I actually still feel very good; it's just that mood is extremely unstable, especially at evenings. But for example I'm great right now. I would relapse if I thought it'd make me feel better, but it would not. Not sure even if in short term at this point. There's nowhere left to retreat now unless I find a new addictive behavior or even a substance, lol.

There's this intense sense of tension and my entire body itches. I can't concentrate on anything for very long, everything pisses me off. It's been like that since I hit 30 days. There are pangs of pain inside my tights.

I need to have a meltdown soon, and this is the first time in my entire life that I'm acutely aware of it. Looking back, it's something that's been happening since I was 16 in one way or another. I don't know why, but every once a while I get an urge to do away with everything. To destroy something, to tear it all down. Mostly relationships I have with people ... either individuals or entire groups. Or just deleting a social profile. Or, idk, quit school and start something different. A new environment. Where the exact same thing appears in time. I just can't hold it together long term. I'm afraid I'm not even remotely done; it's now that all the shit that's been masked by my obsession with WoW is becoming too apparent. Again. I'm extremely unhappy, angry, and almost unable to relax. And please, I know what I'll do; I know what I must do. Don't give me any fucking advice.

MASSIVE MOOD SWINGS TYPICALLY FEELING EXTREMELY LOW DURING EVENINGS OH GOD

But I really need to start playing bass as soon as possible. I have some musical background on keyboards, and I've been wanting to play bass for so many years now. You know you need to do it when you spend so much time listening to bass covers and getting excited over rudimentary bass lines like this one. I don't even like Bon Jovi.

Thank you ^^. Well, you are allowed a passing thought about it every once in a while, ok? What I had in mind was more like people who make a deal out of it; a 45 year old who would often proclaim how he actually feels like 25. That said, 30 is at the extreme end of what can be considered young for sure. I wouldn't say that's always a negative though. I try not to feel too terrible about my 20s since I know I had (and still do) a good amount of issues to work through. Looking back, there actually were people in my life who did give me proper advice, but I just wasn't ready to hear it. My parents weren't one of those people, yet I can't blame them for it; they've always done the very best with what they knew. And I was a difficult kid to deal with. The main problem with my parents is that, to a large extent, they see all my failures as a direct attack on them. In their minds, I'm lazy and think I'm better than everyone else in the world, and my failures are morally deplorable because they cause them pain, which covers everything worth discussing. The second problem is that they react with rage every time I'm honest with them. I e-mailed my mother perhaps a month ago and spoke very openly; she hasn't replied yet. I imagine she was outraged and had the entire family telling her how right she is, and what a selfish and terrible person I am. The main advice my father gave me was basically work hard. That was it, and perhaps it would be enough for someone else, especially since they did everything they could to make me work hard and support me, but I just needed more. High school didn't work for me because I can only study by myself (most textbooks are crap because they're written by professors who make sure their jobs remain necessary), and I had no idea what to do with my life anyway so why bother. Add to that mood & anxiety problems and having different interests than most of my peers, and what can you even expect. I'm not trying to exclude the notion of personal responsibility, but that's a lengthy topic for another time.

Me too! Thanks, boss. I'll continue to keep track of days, but I'm probably not doing the entire dramatic "Day xyz: random title" thing again.

Renouncing our Lord and Savior? Ara, ara~~ Actually I don't know or I don't recall your stance on this topic and my light-hearted satire could've been offensive. Not my intention. Not in an unfriendly way I meeeaan... Ah, today this guys were completely euphoric. Nothing like the joy of the innocent to brighten up your day...! But Europe collapsing or whatever is no real deal compared to the fact you reached 30 days mate. I'm not your parents or anything but I'm honestly proud of you sir. I love Christ-chan. It's only with her help that we can save Europe from the religion of urine. And by religion of urine I mean Islam. Don't know whether I feel proud. It's more that I haven't been ready to quit before, and now I am. It's still only the first month; I'm not even remotely out of the woods yet, but the changes are already massive. I can't even exactly tell what's happening; it's like some not clearly defined elements of my inner workings are sliding back into place whatever that place is.

nvm

30 days. For this unprecedented occasion, I have prepared a short speech.

When you start telling yourself how young you feel despite your age, you're no longer young. I've never been 30 before, so I have nothing to compare it to. I don't know how it's supposed to feel like, and I also don't know how other 30 year olds feel. I can only make a more or less informed guess. Apart from that, it's a biological fact that your brain changes as you age; it's easier to learn new things in your 20s, and it's also easier to be creative. I'm 30, and I don't expect the next few years to be overly different in that regard, but the fact is that I've probably wasted some of my peak years in certain terms. I don't know. I'll never know. I can look at two of my peers, Justine Tunney and Paul Joseph Watson, and how they've lived their lives so far; how they've spent their 20s. I actually planned to include them in a post I wanted to make about 5 people I look up to, but I scrapped it at the end; it was a little too painful. Either way, I've managed to repair myself to a degree at which I feel close to my early 20s. I'll never get those years back, yet I can still look at what my peers have achieved and take it as a source of motivation. I think about this every day. And I fantasize about how different everything could be. Of course, I can always say that this is how things supposed to be, that it was just a necessary part of my path, and that it wasn't all that bad after all (it wasn't). Then I look at amazing lives all those people have and still can't get rid of feeling that I don't deserve any of it -- even though I obviously do. In 3 hours I'm hitting 30 days. How should I celebrate.

You can never guess. Here's a haiku: Summertime all things Hanako most wapanese 30 days woo! HOW

Btw, 30 days in two days.

I now finally (kind of) understand how "2.5D" graphics engines in games like Doom and Duke Nukem 3D worked. Basically, from a technical standpoint, these games took place on 2D maps and then drew the "3D" environment depending on where the player was facing and what was in his field of vision. On top of that, they employed a variety of tricks to make the illusion of 3D more believable, so things like jumping and climbing staircases were possible. Some later games even stacked one 2D map on top of another. But from tech standpoint, the player was always just a dot on one 2D map or another. There were no actual polygons involved. I considered playing Duke for a bit, but I never enjoyed such games. I actually tend to panic; the only action-oriented game I can play well is WoW PVP. And I'm obviously not playing that. That said, I believe I'd be able to play some Duke Nukem without much consequence. But at the same time I don't even want to bother with installing the thing since I'd probably also need a DOS Box or something, and then something wouldn't work properly, and It'd take an hour to even get it running with my luck when it comes to these things. I still think I may try it out someday for the old times sake, but I first need to play Life is Strange, which has been sitting on my drive for months now. (Or not. I may have deleted it; I'm not sure.) I mean; the very reason I think these games would be safe for me is because I don't really want to bother with installing them since I have, even at this point, or especially at this point, better things to do. Also, John Carmack, a person who played a key role in development of the above described graphics engine tech, is now working on VR and, I think, collaborating with Facebook. Both VR and FB are basically hellshitspawn of fucksatan. Much consequence vs many consequences. People say both, but I think the latter is more correct. Whatever "more correct" even means in this case.

actually nvm

Managed to extend NEET bux for 4 months at least. I'm always nervous, but they don't really care at all. Consultants aren't paid depending on how many of their clients find jobs; they just need to deal with them in a determined manner. I imagine this would work a lot differently in a private welfare agency. I'm not complaining right now. Actually got a slight sunburn from walking in the sun for probably more than two hours. That's enough D vitamin for a month. Alas, it's nearly unbearable for me to spend the entire day behind the screen now; I actually went to another walk just before. Passed a group of teenagers (FUCKING TEENAGERS) sitting at a bench with their shitty mopeds, and I was back to high school again -- anxiety and all. But why, they are kids. God, but then I went past them and checked them out because don't look at me, you shitty kid, I'm gonna look at you instead, and that was it. Apart that a few seconds later, some guy said "this guy is like Jesus". Probably because I was tired and walked really slowly & was really just taking the time to look at the environment. I'd have, perhaps, almost preferred if they called me a faggot or something because this is almost something I've been going for lately. It's going to happen eventually, and I'll consider it a success. Kids, actual small kids that seem to be running around all the time these days -- I live in a cluster of apartment buildings that includes a kindergarden -- are saying hello to me for no discernible reason, lol. I said "discernible" because Rand uses it all the time, and how will I remember what it means if I don't actively use it myself. "Obvious" or "clear" would've been more suitable tbh. Also, do native speakers actually say "cluster of apartment buildings"? Is it awkward? ANSWER ME PLSZ. I KNOW YOU HAVE APARTMENT BUILDINGS IN AMERICALAND don't pretend I haven't realized at the time I saved it, but this picture is very @Hitaru:

(I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.)

No.

Time to close Game Quitters :x.