Stev1989PL

Well, we all need a healthy distance to ourselves here my friend. Otherwise we would go way more crazy than we need to be.

Finished day 36-37 > 53 days to go 🥉 Entry: Still no motivation.. but little brief moments of clarity of what I need to do with my life

Finished day 35 > 55 days to go 🥉 Entry: No motivation at all.. Also writing in this entry. @Jason70 allthough enogh to say thank you bro for your input and words of encouragement. I appreciate it.

Finished day 33-34 > 56 days to go 🥉 Entry: Hard comeback to reality. I cant motivate myself to be consistent with my work.. I get insanely distracted with everything, cant focus. If I continue down this road and dont change it I might end up without ability to handle my responsibilities.. Gotta figure out a system to manage my time effectively..

Finished day 32 > 58 days to go 🥉 Entry: I am gonna try to add "lose fat" contest into another 2 months of this commitment.. We will see how it is gonna go. I will add my current body photo tomorrow and will do updates in 2 weaks time

Finished day 28-31 yesterday> 59 days to go 🥉 Entry: Actual 1 month of no gaming content at all !! Holy moly!🙉 It's been a few days since I wrote here. Well, I am still hanging on. Couple days of get away did the trick and help additionally to dont lose a target from my sight. I am also handling alcohol better in terms of not getting into argument with my girlfriend. I have/had a tendency to be over-sensitive after few glasses of whisky. This time I had it under control which I am kinda proud of, even if I know how pathetic may that sound. We didnt argue at all. It was awesome trip and adventure, experiencing the sea and the seaside in winter !! Anyway with that entry I just wanted to refresh my routine here to not lose it. I also highly recommend writing here to anyone who is wishing to go much further with his/her commitment this time.. I am sharing below for my reminiscence and possibly for you to get a vibe of it VID_20210211_160653.mp4

Finished day 27 > 63 days to go Entry: As on attached photos.

Finished day 26 > 64 days to go Entry: We have arrived to seashore, booked a house till Thursday. We plan to work remotely and try to use rest of the day recharging by the sea

Finished day 25 > 65 days to go Another one bites the dust

Finished day 24 > 66 days to go No entry today, just one more day crossed out

Hang on bro, I admire you are putting yourself more on your shoulders to carry. Just observe when the temptation arises, take your time to see it being at that edge. It is selfrevealating (is there such word?)..

Finished day 23 > 67 days to go Entry : Still drinking, sipping whisky at the moment. Not playing tough. Is that better or not? I am not sure.. I am still prolonging my initial freedom of being a guy who just started at new company without any time investment on my side into the things that I should (procedures, processes, systems etc.). Instead of using that time to catch up, to learn more while I still have time before given real projects to manage, I am doing everything but that. Remote work doesnt help. I know I should move my ass up into the office to possibly be more productive due to environment but I am not doing so. We are going to the seashore on Sunday untill Thursday next week with my gf. She also works remotely. The idea is to go for walks/run after work and reset our minds.. I really want to try to go into the sea when we are there. If I manage to do so I will post a photo here. To sumarize I feel like am the wire walker between World Trade Centers in that movie, walking on my bleeding foot, in control at the moment but feeling that wound.. We will see how it goes. To whom whoever is reading - I hope you are hanging on bro!

Finished day 21-22 > 68 days to go Entry : Well guys, 3 weeks now passed! Holy moly shit, moly holy! Yet...... cant really tell at the moment that I have gone this far (yes it is far for me) as I am drunk right now again. No bullshit in this topic I can confirm. So lets put it out there. Even tough I was feeling as making progress since I wase being away from gaming but reinforcing different selfdestructing habbits.. Dont get me wrong, I know it is correct path from logical, reasoning poit of view. But at this point I just want to be honest rather fhan feeding into this lie. That is why it is stretched into another post from two days instead of one. I gotta get my shit together..

Fingers crossed bro, you are not alone! Just stay with the journal daily posts and keep track. It helps tremendously. I am speaking from my own experience here (also fairly new) with countless of relapses before joining here. It needs to be hard commitment. Burn your boats and get the island 💪

Finished day 20 > 70 days to go Entry: Writing from my mobile as I am too lazy to fire up my laptop (and it is late nonetheless). Still hard to motivate myself at work, my focus tends to wonder elsewhere. I'd say that checking gaming content while at work is still inprinted on my mind. I just check other things which I admit are more useful in life (eg learning language app) but still are not what they are supposed to be.. I need to work on that. After work I went as a support for my gf at her doctor's appointment (nothing serious so probably if I was gaming I would disregard this). Additionally I spent approx 1h on my programming course. I feel satisfied about the day. I hope you are as well from yours my fellow companieros. Wish you goodnight

Finished day 19 > 71 days to go Entry: Finally a day that went like a charm. Free day of any responsibilities and duties to anybody. I have spent it whole with my girlfriend, made her a suprise with pre-organised walk with alpaks nearby our location (she used to send me gifs/memes/insta posts with those animals pretty often so I got that idea). She was really suprised and so happy when we drove in to the farm gates and there were two alpaks standing behind the fence with our guide (I let her to belive we are just going to check new mountain route for trekking). I could feel her happiness and it worked on me instantly as well. We had a wonderful time there, had great guide that walked with us and told stories, shared lots of laugh. We both had our own alpak with their own unique temperament. Lovely and funny creatures to summarize!🤗 After that we headed straight to ice-bathing into local river at waterfall point (seen on my first picutre I have attached in my first entry here) and got back home for chilltime. We definitely got closer today. @DaBestCutting down on drinking, doesnt serve any purpose. Answering your question, I have started to learn Business English for better use at my work. Aside from that I have also started Udemy course on programming - just to see if it tickles my fancy - as the potential change of my careerpath. Additionally trying to get back to regular working out. I would also try to implement meditation as part of daily routine. Thanks for asking btw. I am ending this entry with Santos, one of the alpak saying "hello" from our little adventure today to whomever might be reading this now. Goodnight.

Mundane and unremarkable but still remarkable as you hold on with your commitmet bro

Finished day 17-18 > 72 days to go Entry: Still here. No games but worse time

You sir with all respect wont make a career in motivational speaking!😅 Anyway currently at 16th day of gaming abstinence, little steps my friend, little steps and consistence. Time will tell how this story ends

Finished day 16 > 74 days to go Entry: Day went fine I guess, although on low energy levels. Had a session with my psychotherapist, I definitely need to start working from the office rather than from home. I lack focus, get easily distracted, spend time on anything but doing what I am supposed to do - which is learning new occupation responsibilities. I will have a weekly call with my boss tomorrow. I have a strange feeling it might not go so well in terms of my progress tracking.. Kinda deserve to get a smack on my hands to put it lightly. Anyway I dont have vibe to elaborate myself more today. Just wanted to cross out the next day. @DaBestWell at least you have the necessities handled if needed be haha. I have the similar case with German, started over 3 times from scratch, elementary school, highschool and university. Since I have aversion to this language and I was forced to learn it, my tendency of forgetting was probably 10x times higher than in normal non-hostile approach. Whatever. Good night!

Finished day 14-15 > 75 days to go Entry: I have gone too hard on alcohol yesterday as well. Explained it to myself in such way that the rest of the whisky in the bottle should be emptied - as a keypoint of getting right back on track again. Kinda the same way as we tell ourselves "I'll start next week/I'll start from the beginning of new month or year". Little self-explaining lie that prolongs our dopamine injections (in this case alcohol). As usual in cases like as bonus I have neglected my training and diet. Basically I fcked up at one resolution I might fck the rest as well yeah? Thats what happened in those last 2 days. I didnt even realize that yesterday was 2week threshold completed - lost that consciousness and self-awareness which I wrote about. I feel ashamed in a way. The only sweetness in that bitterness is that I am still keeping myself away from gaming. I will also try to avoid other potential addiction sneaking up on me from behind in the sole purpose of filling the void after gaming. @DaBestThanks to you I have checked that article you linked in you reply to Tim Ferris blog about learning languages. I appreciate it alot! In its comments' section I have also found reference to Busuu language learning portal and spent some time on it today learning English. Loved it! Might actually do it daily to check its effectiveness in learning. Also if you know any other resources apps/webs worth investing time into I'd be in your debt. Anything you might recommend as well? Referring to what you shared bro I truly admire you and your story brings me super motivation to keep on going! Thank you for that! I also get a feeling like your experiences are kinda on similar side of the coin if I can put it like that. I relate to your insight a lot and fully agree with your logic in explanation of mental processes behind. Straight to the point! Let me know when you visit Poland, we could share a glass of good whisky if I succeed at those 90 respawn days 😄

Also at this very moment outside of the box I would really like to shout out that I could not believe myself being off gaming and consistent enough to write here for so "long". Yeah, for me it is "long". I am thankful for opportunity to write here at this very moment

Finished day 13 > 77 days to go Entry: I am little drunk atm to be honest. Day went "fine" I guess. That overused word "fine" which in reality means "leave me be" am I right? My day at work was divided into sections of focus when I had conference calls and those in-between when I was typing "www.gry-online.pl" in my mind and with my muscles memory (just asked my gf to check if there is "-" there as I didnt want to break given word while I am typing this message). Also my girlfriend had to go into the office today (they work in 3-1 ratios meaning, 2 weeks homeoffice and 1 week office scenario due to covid) therefore I was way more inclined and tempted to gaming today.. I have resisted to this temptation though. Not feeling like a super hero as it was barely done on my side. The recent days feel as though I was stuck in some middle-air sphere between the worlds of what I was used to be doing through my whole life and some vague potential of what I might become off it. I have to point out it here as it is rare feeling of me feeling as I was destined to do greater with my life somehow and in someway. The longer period of "clean mind" I have the more I am gaining additional perspective and little bit of stillness in my heart. I feel as though I am not so in the rush. I dont rush into another thing from another as I was used to. I am taking a time to do so. I recall clearly of the question I once got from my psychologist at one of my initial sessions: "Marcin, in your life, when do you feel like walking barefeet on the grass in early morning?". I honestly replied that I have no idea as I was always chasing something whatever it was in my life. Always on the move, not time to spare, no time to hold on for few seconds and contemplate. However at this very moment being "clean" for 13 days I am starting to notice more and more those brief moments of the clarity, state of being aware of time, space, life and actually not giving fuck of whats coming up next!!!! I really want to point that out here as it is like "holy shit moment" for me 🤯 @DaBestThanks for sharing and also being repetitive part of this journal bro. I really appreciate it! Would you mind sharing how long has it lasted for you? Being that deep into gaming? Sounds serious, especially since the medical condition was inflicted as you mentioned . Also sorry for being outside of this topic I would like to point out that I love your English. Are you native? If not show me your step by step of getting this good in fluency. I love it! And tell me (us - whoever is reading that) something more about yourself if you dont mind. How old are you, what is your current situation (however you want to put it into words) in life and whatever else you want to share. Thank you for being here to put it in simple words.

@vicwrld Sup bro, you are in good company. Start your journal right away, should be helpful to keep yourself in check - plus additional motivation. Stay strong!

Finished day 11-12 > 78 days to go Entry: Had intense Saturday due to Grandmother and Grandfather's Day, finished with a party with high amount of whisky - which led to my inability to write a post yesterday. Anyway I am still hanging on in case anybody wondered. It was relatively easy to keep myself away from gaming content this weekend as I was occupied totally with something - which is super beneficial to our purpose here I would like to point out. Though I have to admit that at one point when my cousin mentioned buying OLED TV with GeforceNOW service it made tick inside with proclivity to do the same as him. Idea of playing top games at highest graphic settings and 60fps is super duper tempting.. But fortunately I was able to put out this little spark that could have turned into relapse! @DaBestTrue indeed, well explained. I agree with you totally. Answering your question it is hard to say as I have never been able to keep gaming in even semi-controlled dosages. It was usually at extremes. No playing at all and when playing, playing all the time. Hearthstone being available on Android made me playing during workhours and neglect my responsibilities. Moreover I have played it while driving a car.. And just before making a decision to quit and registering here, I even took sick days at work, lied to my girlfriend about going to work and actually ended up spending time gaming at my the car for 8 straight hours.. In my younger years when I was playing Lineage2, WoW, Age of Conan etc. while being in Highschool I regularly played whole nights till the point when I fell asleep during lesson hours in front of my classmates. Just passed out on my school desk. Well I could speak to you for hours with different stories like that. But I think just based on what I wrote you get the picture. How was it with you my friend and your addiction?