Tatu92

Day 70: What I did: I finished a 12 hour shiftwent home to chill with some family friendswent out to get bubble tea with a friend.What I am grateful for: the KFC my friend bought me when I came homeI worked hard to save a life today I am off for a few days _____________________________________ T

Day 69: What I did: 8 hour day shifthoused a couple of family friends over tonightWhat I'm grateful for: at work am learning that everyone's got it hard.housing my family friends over while they're dad is in hospital.noticing my attitude and changing it. *trying to change it__________________________________________________ These journals are short. But I'll be off the next few days after tomorrow. T

Day 68: What I did: Worked a 12 hour shift.Ended up buying a pack of cigarettes.What I'm grateful for: Pulling my charge nurse aside to request for an assingnment change, because of the workload.Driving on a weekend, with clear highway streets.It's New years coming up._______________________________________ Man, now I understand why it's so stereotypical for nurses to smoke cigarettes. I gotta cut this out quick. Stressed out at work. T

Alright, I will after this weekend's series of shifts. I'll be done by Monday, then I have a few days off. The shifts are 12 hours x4 days so I'll hardly have time to do anything after. But this coming week, I'll be working hard. What I did: 12 hour day shiftWhat I'm grateful for: in the morning met someone from another nursing unit that used to go to my old university. I got his contact info.I asked for help twice today. Learning not to just solo everything at work.keeping cool under stress

Day 66: what I did: laundry at 4 am.cleaned my roomhad a quick breakfastwent to mall to buy shirt and pants on boxing salewatched netflixwhat I'm grateful for: fixed my bed real neatly todayearly breakfast with eggsmy family clearing driveway snow_____________________

@hycniejsy - Thanks for sharing man. Yes, keep on going we must _____________________________________________________________________ Sorry I forgot to journal yesterday, I got a bit distracted towards the end of my night. Day 65: What I did: laundry in the morningcompleted listening to beyond group call #4. And made noteswent to 1 hour of hot yoga.made contact with my group partner for this week, for beyond.a few house-keeping tasks... regarding work.What I'm grateful for: The book "The Road Less Traveled" - by Scott Peck.Yesterday had a chat with a yoga buddy I've met at yoga. We sat by the bench and joked around for 20 minutes before class. He swears a bit too much, just like me, and I found it distasteful actually. He's a lot like me in many ways. Glad to learn from him.I'm also grateful for my mom to have given me her old phone. It's a lot better than my old phone. And also I'm grateful for not having spent that much yesterday. I'm finally living more aligned with that value of mine, regarding living a life that is revolved less around consumerism. I'm more mindful of when my mind automatically goes into "I need this to feel better about myself" mode.______________________________________________________ I wrote a bit there... But the main thing from yesterday was that I got a lot of work done. I was more focused, largely because I got some closure regarding an issue I was having. That issue was about boundaries. This whole time I was displaying anger/resentment/reactivity when putting up my boundaries. It was the best I could do at the time. I thought I was being a more well-rounded person, but it felt like something was wrong. Then I realized I didn't need to be angry. There was no need. Problems came up, and I should expect that because life is filled with problems - one after the other. And how I reacted wasn't condusive to the outcome I wanted. And I also saw an example on this TV show from netflix, of someone who was calm-assertive. Like how Cesar Milan describes it. That calm-assertive was more of what I was aiming for. But instead I was angry-reactive. So I adjusted my demeanor and outlook. I'm more calm now. Now I just need to balance that calm, with dominance. (i.e. looking people in the eye, standing my ground, having boundaries, etc...). T

Day 65: @Cam Adair , will do. I'm going off to a night shift, but I'll definitely hit it up tomorrow afternoon after I sleep. What I did: My mom gave me her old iphone.I went to 1 hour hot yoga.went back and forth trying to unlock this iphone. and finally got it to work. then, got a new sim card.About to go to nigh shift.What I'm grateful for: new iphone.going to hot yoga after a long time of not goingmy sister buying me a month unlimited membership at the hot yoga place.________________________________________ Today was a good day. I did a lot of running around, and unfortunately could have saved a lot of time if I knew what I was doing. A lot of people were giving me the run around at the phone kiosk, and I also didn't really know what I was doing in terms of unlocking my phone etc... But in the end, I overspent just $11, and got all of that stuff done - and got a new phone to replace my old broken phone. Some lessons: - don't go to shady phone repair dealers, they just mess up your phone even more. - be more careful and notice when I'm about to make an irreparable decision. - I could have saved $11 if I just calmed the hell down, and looked carefully at my phone. T

@Cam Adair - Thanks for sharing your experience, I appreciate that. It's really encouraging to hear that from you. Just knowing that you went through the path, and were learning the same things. The mistakes I made so far have instilled guilt and regrets, but I know it comes with the learning.

Day 64: Christmas is on the 25th of December. At least, over here anyway. What I did: Went out to buy a pair of glasses.At home I handed out resumes to different hospitals.I scouted various courses I needed to take to get into the units I wanted to get into.What I am grateful for: Getting a new pair of "beat up" glasses.Handing out some resumes.Getting some rest.__________________________________ T

Once I'm done the 90 days I might try written journaling too!

great to hear!

Day 63: Merry Christmas! What I did: woke up at 4pm.Had christmas dinnerset up my calendar and daily activities for the rest of the week.What I am grateful for: For my little brother making me something nice for ChristmasFor the clothes my parents bought, and my sister buying me a month member ship at my yoga place.That post I just did, helped me reflect on what I need to do to adjust.________________________ Christmas is done! This week is gonna be busy. T

Thanks for the understanding! In light of trying to keep things positive here... I learned some lessons. Mostly related to work and work-ethic. What I did good: I asked for help from those I could trust.I was aware that this girl was using my attraction to her as a way to get her way, i.e. leave work early.The next day, I took my supervisor aside to request an assignment change.What I needed to improve: The next time I notice someone putting work off, I will call it out. I did not call it out this time, because I liked the girl so I kept quiet.I over-reacted emotionally to the girl trying to put off work for me to do after she's gone. Next time I should calmly tell her to wait until it's time to give me work and for her to do as much as she can until it's time I take over.If I am feeling emotional, I should go out for a walk or something, and take a breather - or even, go for my break. _______________________________________________________________________________ Unfortunately, my kindness is my weakness. I am very likely to be kind to people, and am very hesitant in making them work fairly and more likely to help them out. But, in the long run, I am very much putting my own needs last. Next time, I shouldn't feel bad about calling things out as they are or even not doing others a favor. I imagine it might turn out bad, or that they might get mad - but in the least, it would be a learning lesson. So I should remember that those are covert contracts I am doing, don't do others a favor. And look out for myself first and fore most. T

See you on the weekends Mario! Best wishes in your endeavors

Great to hear you're getting a lot from your visit. It sounds like you're getting more focused in the new environment. Also, I can relate to the nice-guy issue. I too am acutely aware of other people's needs, but often find that other's are not as acutely in tune to mine. I've noticed this pattern through out my dealings with people. Enjoy the rest of your holidays Pierce

Day 62: @Pierce - Thanks for sharing your recommendations! I've got a copy of meditations, but I lent it to my sister for the mean time. I do enjoy reading it. I'll check out Peace of Mind. @Cam Adair - Thanks Cam! I'm working on it. I've let it snowball a little too long, and now I'm trying to undo it. What I did today: Came back from night shift.Slept and woke up went to buy a beard trimmer, and treat myself to a latte from Starbucks.Came home and spent Christmas with family.What I'm grateful for: My dad cooking some kick-ass soup for ChristmasReading this excerpt that touched on how ever since we were young we were taught to buy things to cure our anxieties/ negative emotions. Deleting my Steam account, because that act has saved me from relapsing at least twice in the last week. __________________________________________________________________ I'm just having a few less than great days lately. I've turned into a negative person for the last few days. And it becomes very apparent in my dealings with stress at work. Or even more so when this girl I liked at work commented on my reactivity/anger when stressed, then they started saying how I needed a lap dance and how she felt bad I was single and that it's the holidays. On the plus side let's see... I have been aware. I know, and I get that I'm being negative right now. And I can also see that I'm being reactive. It feels like I can't control my negative emotional reactions to these events, because on some level I know what they are saying is true - I do need a lap dance, and want a girlfriend. That's been the underlying negative focus that brought me to gaming in the first place. Although that sounds negative, I think it's a good thing that I can define what I'm experiencing with clarity now. I'm wounded there, it's a soft spot, and I'm acutely aware whenever someone comments on it - especially someone I find attractive. I also know that I have to somehow be bigger than that wound, in order to grow. T

Day 61: What I did today: Woke up from night shiftHit on 1 girl today . She unfortunately said she had a BF. What I'm grateful for: Hitting on that girl.The weather being a little warmer right now. 3 degrees sounds cold. But it's warm for this time of year. Not spending too much today, just spent on gas money and food. _________________________________________________ Since I've got some more social experience now, and some frequent friends I hang out with, as well as some social activities... I've decided to focus a little more on my dating life. So yeah T

‌@dandielionous - Thanks for the congratulations! ‌@Pierce - Thanks for your compliment Pierce! I really am trying my best, so thanks for noticing. And thank you for sharing your experience! _____________________________________________________________________________ Lately I've noticed myself in victim-mentality quite a bit, especially in work. In fact I've been spending quite a bit of time complaining instead of getting to work on what I want. I think it's a good thing that I caught myself, because it's been building up quite a bit. And now that I caught myself I'll make the necessary adjustments. T

Day 60: Hey Mario! Thanks for your support man! I definitely need to re-focus on my goals. I'm gonna go to night shift right now, but I'll make sure to re-read your advice. What I did today: Woke up around 12 pm. Slept again to prepare for night shift.What I'm grateful for: Mario's advice.Dr. Glover podcasts.I got paid today ________________________________ Just a quick journal today, gotta run. I'll be working on my goals over the holidays. Thanks for now. T

Thanks Mario! Man, for some reason, I've been getting cravings to play Dota again. I keep thinking that there'll have been loads of updates and that the game would be so much better now. I keep wanting to check the website, but have managed to avoid it. Despite taking so much action in the past few month, lately I've been feeling a lull. I think that may be way I'm craving, and also that it's cold outside these days. ARgh!!!

Hey Cam, I'm listening to his podcasts. And dandelionous yup I definitely struggle with that. Day 59: What I did today: 1.5 hour hot yoga.more christmas shoppingchilled with my sister for a bit.Gym with the new friend I met from volleyball.What I am grateful for: I am grateful for noticing when I did not do what I wanted to do today. I already ate dinner, but still went to buy dinner with the new friend just cuz I wanted to chat more. It was a learning lesson in opening my mind to my options. I could have gone with him, just to hang out. Or could have left saying my intention to keep hanging out. Cleaning my room, doing my laundry, and grooming my face today. I initially thought I signed up for only 1 hour of hot yoga. But when I got there the lady said "welcome to the 90 minute class". I was caught off guard because the 90 minute class is very hard. But after doing it, I had an inner smile . All the feeling-good chemicals in my body were just bursting. ___________________________________________________________________ Let's see.. Where am I now... I have only partially listened to the 3rd beyond cast. I'm about half way through it. I am thinking of dropping rock climbing off of my activities list. Although it was a fun experience, it is not something I am absolutely thrilled about continuing. I got to meet some new friends there, but if I continue to go there just because of that I wouldn't be living true to myself. There are definitely great opportunities there, especially in cultivating the new relationships with the social circle that goes there. But that social circle is mostly made up of guys. And they play games, and some don't have jobs. So they're not really great candidates for nurturing relationships with, In terms of volleyball, I love it. It's here to stay. I go to these drop in classes in North York (1 hour away), once a week. It's worth it staying there, I'm getting to know the people. There may be some potential friendships there, but a little less likely because they are further away. Through my close friend from that invited me rock climbing, he also invited me to a volleyball league near my area. This group is a nice welcoming group. The only issue is that their "leader" does not seem to like me. And I don't seem to like him. Maybe we got off the wrong foot. But it continues to present a very stifling environment. Since he likes to control how everyone plays, it can feel stifling. He also likes to control my participation in the group. Which will be a little troubling to deal with. I'm not particularly sold on sticking around. Although there are some interesting people in this group, it may prove to be detrimental in my growth as a person - seeing as how this leader may constantly put me down, I see it as something that may affect me over time. Just feels heavy being around him. I signed up for a league that clashes in scheduled time against the previous volleyball league mentioned. This presents two options. One is to stick to the current group which has a pre-existing social circle. One that goes out for dinner after games, and spends time together. On the other hand, I can join this new league and it will present a new set of people - and unknown dynamics. My current opinions are as follows: drop rock climbing. continue with new league coming up, and perhaps drop the current league with social circle. and continue to go to the North York drop-in volleyball games as I see fit. This will end up in me spending less time with the current social circles that exist. But will present new situations. Am I running away from my problems? Or am I moving forward? - I'm intending to move forwards. The unmentioned goal being to find a social circle or new friends that present a light-hearted dynamic, and that is also welcoming/ accepting of me. T

Day 58: What I did today: Got coffee and went to the mall to buy some energy bars and sports tape for my injured thumbWent off to play volleyball for 4 hours.what I'm grateful for: I'm grateful for a really good/ fun volleyball session today. The nice people, and great energyDriving my car today was really nice. Watching this anime today that sparked inspiration ____________________________________ I've been thinking a lot lately. And it's been about this advice I got from this guy, about boundaries. I learned what I had to learn from it, which was to not be "nice". Actually, it did help. Because all this time I've noticed when people were demeaning but I would just ignore it or turn the other cheek. He basically taught me to fight back, and don't ignore it when people put me down. And that the "nice" I've been doing is a covert contract. I do it with girls as well, most noticeably. I'm just so excited sometimes, and can't help being nice to the girls I'm attracted to. I don't whole heartedly expect them to like me back, and to some degree I am being nice because I feel all warm thinking about them. But anyway, what I've been struggling with lately is his advice to adopt a mildly aggressive look. I think there's some merit to it. Like, recognizing the masculine energy in me, which can come up as "destructive", and usually avoided because it seems " bad". But at the same time, can't be the "pissed off guy" all the time. Agh... just thinking... T

Thanks for the reminder Cam! I was blaming that guy for a lot of things, largely because he was the leader and also because he kept me from joining the group out to dinner. That was a little bit of a dick move. Let's see... I learned: It hurts when other people talk about you under their breathe, snidely. It's important to adopt a habit of only speaking good about other people, otherwise keep my mouth shut. It doesn't really help to blame others about things that I don't particularly like, and it cultivates a lot of negativity. Being a leader means taking responsibility (it may mean doing more work than others) in making things happen. BUT.... it's important not to be domineering. I can see this in myself in the same way, in that when people are of a different skill set, the one of more competence may get frustrated at the one with less. This is where I have to be compassionate because I am relatively less competent than other people as well. That's the main lessons. Thanks for reminding me to learn from this Cam!

Day 57: What I did today: Woke up from night shift.Did some christmas shoppingWent to volleyball and got connected with some people.Went rock climbing after.What I'm grateful for: going volleyball, despite this annoying guy there. And still meeting some new people, but the only thing is that that annoying guy is kind of their leader. I might not stick around this social circle for too long. Since the one dictating the relationships dynamics is someone that has a prejudice against me.feeling tired but still getting out there and being around people, despite feeling sick/down.Tomorrow being a new day and another chance to renew my thoughts and plans.____________ T

Congrats on 125 days man. Great job!