d.manuk

I read that sex can increase your dopamine levels to 200 and some drugs can increase it to 400 so I was wondering what level gaming would give you.

Ok. The HDMI cord I ordered last week came today. I’ll be hooking up my laptop to my TV which will be creating an automatic block to playing League. It also will help me watch anime since I won’t need to covert the videos and put them on a USB. Excited about moving past this recent stumble of mine. I’m also officially starting a new 90 day detox. I think I need it badly. 12/17, Day 0.

Damn it. I've spent probably 30 or 40 hours gaming in the past week. ? I'm not doing the stuff I said I'd be doing and the stuff I was somewhat excited to do. I feel guilty for using my time this way but I also don't want to stop??? The stuff I wanted to do no longer seems interesting because now gaming feels so damn good. What a mess.

I think its better to completely avoid if you're able since it will always be a constant battle, for a short period you may be able to do it but it can become a habit easily over the long term and you become too lenient with yourself until you end up in a situation again where you've been playing too much and feel a need to cut back but a long period of time might pass until you feel like you need to cut back and so the cutting back part will be more painful because you'll need to rewire your brain again.

Not having to work feel so good. ? I roasted some chestnuts this morning, I'm drinking tea, going to do my laundry and make a smoothie, then hit the gym once stuff is in the dryer. I've been working out fairly consistently (2ce a week at least) since earlier this year where I started tracking my workouts. Now I'm starting a pretty formal workout routine (4x a week hopefully) that's tracked in a spreadsheet. It took about 4 hours of studying to understand what to do lol but I'm looking forward to the results that I think it'll get me. I've already gone on 1 vacation since I got fired, will be going to LA next week, then Miami the last week of December, then I'm moving into a larger 2 bedroom right after that. This is a great time of change for me and I'm doing my best to feel good, not feel stressed, and become my best self that I can in this moment.

This morning I woke up itching to play a game of league as I wake up... Instead I will fix an excel spreadsheet I set up for myself

I recently lost my job. I have a lot of time in the day to fill now. It's hard to not play video games to fill two to three hours of the day and I haven't been successful for the past three weeks... but I will try to take advantage of this precious time and not waste it just like every other long stretch of free time in my life. As usual, I'm not sure how serious my conviction is to stop. I'm hoping to get some support on the forum to keep me on track. ? Update on some of my previous entries: Playing Maplestory 2 was the right choice, since I quickly saw through the time suck and addicting elements of the game and am not interested in playing it ever again. League of Legends is still pulling me to play. I recently did a study on myself to see how I felt before and after playing and I found that I felt at least 10% worse by the end of a League of Legends game at least 50% of the time. Having a physical journal is really good for me. I actually don't write too much about myself reflectively but I use it as an everyday writing tool like what to buy for groceries, things I want to do, and various other notes. I am still working on expanding this writing system to fit my life but I like it.

I'm going to try journaling in a physical journal and see how it goes.

Ok. So I wasn't 'depressed' for no reason, but it took me a few weeks to figure out why I was upset and piece it together. I had some more experience in being open so I get another point. I've also started tracking how often I exercise. I am happy that I went from being more sedentary in 2017 to more active this year. I'm also still eating a lot of plant-based foods for most of my meals! I have been playing video games in what I find to be a moderate amount and do not feel upset or uncomfortable with my usage. I honestly think I'm still getting the same amount of this done in my life, since I had naturally gravitated to being on the internet a bit more or watching TV while eating and when needing to rest. I hope that I am still welcome to post on the forums. Shining Heart Goals: Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 4/10 Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 5/10

I seem to get depressed once a month for a short period of time when something bad happens. It seems to happen pretty consistently.

I hiked a lot today. MapleStory 2 was announced to be released later in the US today. I’m going to play it when it comes out (in moderation hopefully). I can’t not try it out, I’ve been wanting to play it for so long.

It’s currently 80F in NYC. First time it’s that warm this year. Weather like this makes me want to play video games.

Today I stretched for 1.5 hours in the sun, which was the highlight of my day. I think I’ve been working out on avg 3 times per week for the past month or so. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I do not want to do fiction writing in my limited spare time. I will focus on making art instead.

I had a nice trip to LA last week. It was my first vacation in 6 months. I’ve been doing a good job exercising with some regularity every 3 days or so, I’m still working on increasing the frequency. I haven’t had much to write in my journal; I’ve been keeping my head down and staying busy.

Today I’m quite happy, the world colorful. I worked on a 5 minute writing exercise this week to start dipping my toes into creative writing. I can’t wait to integrate that into my current watercolor/tea/yoga/exercise/skincare hobbies.

I’ve kept myself SO busy this week. My bf is on a work trip so I’m trying to do a lot of stuff I would normally put on the back burner if he were available. I bought $500 worth of underwear that I will try on to decide which kind I like and then buy a bunch of that same kind. I downloaded a bunch of new K-Pop. I bought new sneakers. I drank a lot tea and worked on the watercolor drawing that’s been in process for 2 months. A lot of personal hygiene stuff, laundry... I wish I could do more, there’s so much I want to do!

What are you selling?

I feel happy today, 9/10. My boyfriend read my entire Gamequitters journal yesterday (for the first time). He said he was surprised that I seemed to be more depressed than he thought. I re-read it as well and actually didn't see it as much that way, but it was interesting to see what he thought. I have my ups and downs, perhaps I have more downs than he does. I wish he had a journal I could read as well, I still have a hard time knowing what he is thinking a lot of the time. What I did see was how much I've grown in the 1.5 years since I've started this journal. I'm very happy about that, and even though progress in real life is much slower than in a video game, when you document it in a journal it puts it into better perspective. In the next few months I will have more nice things to show you, as the investments in my personal development are working and ratcheting upwards. I worked out a nice amount this weekend: I did some pull ups, dips, and squats, and did 1 loop around a pond in Central Park. I saw Black Panther which was a pretty good movie for a super hero themed movie, ate at a few vegan places, had a nice tea workshop with friends and also went to a Japanese tea shop on my own. The tea workshop was my favorite part of the weekend, as I was able to meet another nice person that I clicked with. It's nice to have a slowly expanding group of people that I can connect with. I feel very grateful and appreciative to be able to find such people that I can kindly and warmly connect with even though I don't drink alcohol. Although nothing strong happened over the weekend, I feel like a few things clicked into place and I'm in a good mood now and will be for a time.

I’ve been having a tumultuous 2 weeks. They’ve been emotionally and physically draining. But I’ve done a very good thing. I channeled much of my negativity into water coloring and tea drinking instead of some other worse vice, this time around. Yes, I did binge on drinking tea and I am a just bit sleep deprived and have a small caffeine withdrawal but I am much more pleased with this than the other alternatives.

I feel a bit better today, the sun is starting to rise. I was feeling stronger emotions yesterday because my boyfriend wasn't here on Valentine's day and he also didn't make any big attempt to make me feel special. In his mind, we will just celebrate on a different day which I do not think about it in the same way but also I am not so upset about it either since I did not do a grand gesture for him either. This wasn't the year to do so. I have a massage planned for tonight, then I am having tea with my friend tomorrow night, and then he is also going to come over on Saturday afternoon so we can have another tea session. I'm trying to keep myself busy and I'm doing a good job keeping myself in check. I've spent a lot of time attending to personal hygiene these past few days -- I'm probably as good looking as I can naturally be at the moment.

Today is Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend is in LA this week so he’s not here with me today. That’s ok as it’s allowing me to start decompressing what happened. I’m starting to feel more betrayed and angry and anxious about what happened last week, which is good because I will be able to get these strong feelings out of my system so that I can be in a happier place mentally when bf comes back. When I’m around him I just want to be happy: a) so that we can move on b) because it will be a downer on a good time c) because I don’t want to bring much attention to it on a regular basis. I’m essentially doing a “fake it until you make it” approach but I’m not so much faking it I am just trying to sort out my feelings in private. It’s a complex situation to assess and break down. I’m trying to think of something appropriate we can do together to celebrate that will say “well we just nearly broke up but we’re trying to get back to normal and I still feel weird about it but you seem to be ok now and so we’re going to do this activity that reflects these unsure feelings for me that also have deep hope inside them as well.” lol!

I sold my $5000 gaming computer on Craigslist for $1000. I did it because I didn’t want to deal with shipping.

Maybe you should sell the computer now that you have a laptop. I’ve had to do a lot of that kind of shuffling around before I started to get happy and feel like the things I own suit me.

I’m awarding myself 1 point for being open. Shining Heart Goals: Initiate conversations with 10 people I haven't spoken to. Progress: 4/10 Be open with 10 people about things I would normally be embarrassed or self conscious about. Progress: 4/10 The relationship with my boyfriend appears to be better than before. We seem to be on the same page now. I hope this feeling continues into the future, as right now it’s almost like we’re dating from day 1 a little bit but not really which feels a little weird but also refreshing. However, it was extremely shocking to think that I would have to move out of our apartment. I was not prepared to hear or do that. I was too optimistic about our future and was really caught off guard! I don’t like to think of a worst case scenario but I will be better prepared if a next one comes along. It was scary to not feel safe with someone I thought I would always feel safe with. He did admit that he should have handled the situation differently and that I had surprised him by being so rational and mature about the situation and the resulting conversation. I told him not to underestimate me!! I’m serious about being in love. After all, I’m really picky and I picked him to be my partner.