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About byrdmath

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  1. I gamed this week... and not in moderation, which is the real issue i'm having with it. If it was what would have amounted to like 5 or 6 hours in the past month i wouldn't have even thought twice, and just moved on. but it was like most of 2 days... so... I feel really low. Before the relapse i got really depressive, like hours of crying for "no reason" depressive. it lasted on-and-off all day a few days before i picked up a game. Of course, the gaming numbed it. But now that i'm stepping away, i feel super drained and cruddy. I'm trying to stay engaged with my very demanding work. I should be checking email at night and i'm not. I hide from my email and just game. I feel all over the place. I know i can focus and move forward. Prior to this something was bothering me a lot. I was also focused on my job, and not on my own stuff. All my personal equity projects were going by the wayside. I think i'm just an entrepreneur at heart, and no matter what i'm doing, if i'm working on someone else's project and not my own business part of me will always feel unsettled and unfulfilled. Maybe that's what has to change. Maybe i just start working harder towards that long term goal and i'll feel less heavy about it. I don't know. Right now i just need to focus on the next steps for after a relapse and move on.
  2. It depends on what resources you have at your disposal. Learning the foundations of drawing is helpful. There are online resources, and going to a local class or workshop is helpful. Community colleges have affordable drawing classes at flexible times. Buying a book on drawing could be helpful. I took a lot of art courses in high school, and then went to college for fine art. If you learn all the foundations you can do anything. There's this awesome school that teaches a seriously solid approach to drawing and painting: https://www.wattsatelier.com/ I recommend them for sure. You can also catch some of Jeff Watts videos on youtubes. If you want to do digital drawing/painting http://www.ctrlpaint.com/ is a great website. There's nothing like learning in a studio with a teacher and other students though, cause then you're physically there which adds a lot, and they have critique and you get all the individual attention of a professor. hope this helps, @Bladezz
  3. Aw thanks Remigjus. I guess from reading and watching other fantasy stuff. I also spend time writing down ideas when they come into my mind. Treat yourself like George Lucas and write down all your ideas like they could turn into Star Wars someday. haha. I guess once i do that, i have all these weird ideas sitting around, then i l pick what i want to draw, look up some image references and sketch them. Once i have sketches, then i can pick what i want to work into finished pieces. Here's something else I did a few years ago, if you like the fantasy art...
  4. Here's what i did today, rather than game: The most difficult part of a dangerous quest is knowing what must be done. Ink, Gouache and watercolor in moleskine sketchbook
  5. I have kept busy... drew more today. Haven't used games this week. I had some real downers, though. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Not much more to say than that. here's a link to what i did today rather than game: http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/1815-byrdmaths-artistic-dexterity-build/#comment-14332
  6. My mood (negative and anxious) didn't change much yesterday but i pushed through all day and made it to the end... I even meditated and exercised to combat the brainfog during work hours. I DID end up drinking a bunch of bourbon at night before going to sleep which was escapist, but at least i spent time reading instead of gaming (the two usually always went together - i know it's not advisable to do what's associated with the other when trying to quit). The drinking is pretty lame considering it's going to take days for it's effects to flush out of my system. I usually get sluggish the day after, and experience pangs for more drank over the following 2 nights. I'll do better next time. It's all good. It's all progress. I'm mindful of my setbacks and i will continue on unabashed! I'm reading about comics this morning before work. The Complete Guide to Self Publishing Comics has some really great tips on every aspect of making comics... page layout, and how to implement thumbnails most effectively, etc... It's great! I recommend it. I also observe that making myself read about processes and subject matter i'm interested in helps to change my mental focus away from the stuff i'm trying to avoid. It's something i have to remember for moments of temptation. I'm going to keep texts on my most inspiring subject matter close at hand through this process.
  7. I love putting up safety nets for myself like you're describing here. I've used open DNS to block so much stuff... both time wasters and pornography. It really is satisfying, and i share that feeling of happiness that comes with making those changes. Keep it up. So great to read other people's victories!
  8. thx 4 da wordz (internet talk) but srsly
  9. Yesterday was probably one of the lowest/most tumultuous moods yet. So bad. I was sort of in-hibernation all morning... but i made myself go out on a dinner date with my wife to our friend's house in the evening.. had a pretty good time. But the morning was bad. I could barely control my emotions. I just sort of let them go through me and allowed myself to process what i was feeling. I hope i don't have many more days like that. I could barely keep it together. I think this might be because i'm in the process of quitting multiple vices at once... I think it's withdraw... how i feel super drastically bad sometimes. It's all going to be worth it. Reading other people's stories of how much their lives have improved over time is really helping. Also making myself get up and move around helps.
  10. Hey... wow. I so relate to your struggle, as many others on these forums can, too. Just keep going. I am proud of you and anyone else who is taking such ownership of their decisions up till now, and choosing how they want to live going forward. It's a challenge, but not insurmountable. Building towards goals in your real life, avoiding these escapes is going to pay of huge for us. I recently quoted this in my recent post where i sort of had a moment of clarity (lots of brain fog lately while trying to quit)... "I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal" - Groucho Marx Working towards these substantial goals in the real world is what's going to allow us to be fed, nurtured, and fulfilled. Here's the quote in context: Anyway, keep up the good work.
  11. Today i was considering the yearning to run from reality and escape into games, and the consequences of indulging in that escape, especially over prolonged periods. It's so interesting that as you spend more and more time ignoring your reality and the things that it's composed of, the less appealing your reality becomes... both because you become comfortable in the habit of not dealing with it all, and because over time your life falls into disrepair which makes it harder to return to. You get focused on the micro goals and rewards of the game, and forget about the tangible and spiritual rewards which time and effort pay... It's so strange that in giving into cravings to neglect your reality you're actually cheating yourself out of the possibilities of traveling to amazing places, experiencing incredible relationships with people, working as an entrepreneur, building your personal equity in the real world... possibly towards cool stuff like early retirement. Living there, building there - in the real world - affords you the opportunity to physically establish awesome stuff and become engaged on a spiritual level which can lead to fulfillment no game can offer. So, just now, I was reading about Groucho Marx - An amazing comedian everyone should check out - and i read this quote of his: "I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal." This is so profound to me. Think about it.
  12. Thanks, hycnijsy. I'd say i spent about 2 hours on the one with the lady holding the little guy, and about an hour/15minutes on the one with the girl smoking.. they just started as sketches. ehhh... not enough. I really need to do it more regularly.
  13. Also i'm in this show this Friday if anyone lives in the Philly area...
  14. Did this before work this morning... Ink and Watercolor sketch Don't smoke around birds. They think it's cool, and the second hand smoke will cause them harm... especially the canaries.
  15. Doing pretty well. I've been kinda brain foggy, but i'm not using games and i'm having some ups. I drew more this week... Working on 2 paintings. I drew something that entertained me this morning. This Friday, June 24th, I'm in an art show in Horsham, PA at the Scatterjoy Center for the Arts (305 Horsham Road) Opening Reception from 5-7:30 pm... if anyone lives around there... For update on what i drew this morning, see my thread under the arts section: http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/1815-byrdmaths-artistic-dexterity-build/