The_Creative_Quitter

Dec 5, 2021 7 Things I'm grateful for: -Discovered that allowing myself to do "3" or "7" pieces of a jigsaw puzzle is a nice way to "zone out" or clear my head between doing things through the day. Nice little intermittent "reward" instead of games! -Having resisted games for exactly one month now. -Spaghetti & Mushrooms -New Shelf paper -Calm Sunday afternoons -Wood floors -My Creator and all He's given us (yeah, that should be #1) ... All for today. Have a productive and happy week, to any reading this.

Dec 3, 2021 Still going! Work being so busy is a blessing I guess. Sleep patterns are still a rollercoaster but that will take a long time to really adjust. Nearly a month since I quit... I can see how my brain is letting go of the games - other things becoming more interesting. Little things, puzzles, reading, and so on. So far, I'm happy I quit. At some point I may be on here ranting and wishing I could play again.. but til then, enjoying the process. All for today.

The last couple of days have been killer at work. My sleep schedule has been a highly varied rollercoaster - partly because of being so busy and partly because... My brain and body no doubt are still adjusting and it's going to take time for this. One day I think "Oh, I'm doing great, I got to bed early, woke up early feeling refreshed," exercised, did great... and the next night can't fall asleep despite doing everything (including my vitamins) right ... Just heart racing, couldn't turn off my brain. Major work projects keep piling on. At least I haven't played any games. Must keep it short. All for today...

If you aren't already taking vitamins... May I suggest trying Magnesium Glycinate supplements? Taken one in morning and one or even two at night can really help sleep and stop things like restless legs as well. I take multi B's and d3(5000 iu) with k2 as well, it's a good balance. I know different people do different combinations but... maybe try that magnesium? I love that you baked bread! Keep going...

Thank you Marius!!! Germany, must be so nice there this time of year. On my bucket list to visit someday, stuck in crazy CA, USA here. So busy yesterday and today. Going to count this post as today's journal... Still going...

Nostalgia is my biggest weakness other than the "compulsion to go back and finish this or that achievement" .... Nostalgia will probably be my long-term "Boss monster" of this whole process... I've been thinking of working on some kind of list of things I could do to satisfy that feeling of nostalgia without actually installing and playing a game -- nor even looking at screenshots or videos of them (I'd guess that would be even more temptation). Best wishes on staying with it.

Nov 27, 2021 The little gaming demon on my shoulder keeps nagging me with "but you still didn't finish those "Achievements, you could just go back in and finish those, THEN quit"... When you want to heal your life by resisting a long-term compulsion to (even part time) play immersive games that give you a sense of achievement while letting you escape other emotions and priorities... the TRUE achievement is resisting. I am in that battle now. It's a huge achievement day to day, to resist something that has been DESIGNED by teams of people, studied and tested over many years... to deliberately attract and addict. A Trap. Like Pleasure Island in "Pinocchio"... Resisting before it makes an @$$ out of me and my life. It strengthens my resolve to think that I am back in control of my life and can put my time to better use, before that time is gone. 7 Things I am grateful for today: -Loved ones -Musical Instruments -Dirty dishes that become clean dishes -"Elbow grease" -Coffee (I will probably repeat this one often) -Naps -Brisk Winter evenings

I would love to see more talk on this topic, I think in this time period it's critical. We are in danger as a whole of being completely sucked into these virtual systems, and these things have such potential for exploitation. Wish the world would wake up to it. They don't want to let go of their comfort zone. GREAT comments so far.

Nov 26, 2021 Jogged off some Thanksgiving dinner. Watched Fellowship of the Ring with loved ones...which reminded me of my time playing LOTRO. lol.. First thought about how gorgeous that game was (and probably still is), how much fun playing the Shire area was.... but then reminded myself how dark and depressing a lot of areas were, how bad the camera was, and how utterly awful they made it once it went "Free to play." Nostalgia is one thing.. endless ads and grind-fest is another. Don't want to spend lots of time in a fake world, however appealing - definitely don't want to LIVE in one, hence, avoiding certain new "social media" that are popping up trying to trick people into living life in fake worlds. NO THANKS! All for now.

Nov 25, 2021 Happy Thanksgiving... too busy to post yesterday. No time to even think about games! 3 Things I'm grateful for: -Thanksgiving -Happiness -No time to think about games All for today

Nov 23, 2021 More notes on WHY I would want to "reinstall for the holidays" - and they are some of the most insane, pointless reasons. Achievements/goals I never finished but wanted to finish. Just to know that I finished them?! What comes after, more of the same (or nothing at all). (I'm ranting to myself here) ... I could sit here and type out "I completed <this achievement> in THAT game" and it would hold the same 'value' <zero> AND waste FAR less time than if I actually go back into the game and complete them!!! I know what's behind it - wanting to escape, knowing how some of my real life goals are very difficult to achieve...knowing the real life goals hold no guarantees like the 'in-game' achievements do. THAT is, and has been my danger - falling into that black hole dressed as a colorful, beautiful fun illusion. Fear is a life killer. Fear is the enemy's tool. The world I am in is my Creator's world, faults and ugliness and all the beauty and good things in between... and I do NOT believe I was put here just to endlessly escape it. I have value, and a purpose. Carrying on... It's getting late. 3 Things I am grateful for: -- A long enjoyable shower -- Smiles -- Cool Breezes

I'm struggling with those same thoughts about the Holidays. Great idea to plan ahead, best wishes with it!

Nov 22, 2021 Last night was the first night I dreamt (vividly enough to remember) I was playing a game - I woke up from the dream... heard the music in my head and everything. So weird, plus another mild headache today. I was craving playing last night, having thoughts of installing "just on the holidays" or something. Trying to shake myself and say WHY? There IS a desire to escape, life can be difficult. It kind of scares me that what Cam said about these symptoms is true - it proves to me again, that I had a degree of addiction or compulsion that I had NO idea was there - or was denying it to myself for a long time? Working on time limiting other distractions, and lessening Procrastination... All for today.

Nov 21, 2021 I sometimes keep in touch with those I played MMOS with... The social factor is always tough and tempting... That's a big problem in our society today, I think. People are seriously craving good times with other people, in groups - people with similar interests. But life is being made so difficult for many of us (not all but yes, many, depending on where we live) that our options are very limited. I'm one of those people right now. The people around me, though I live in a populated area, don't have anything in common with me OR if they do, they are too turned inward into their own lives to reach out, or trust or make any semblance of real friendship around them. I know the reason for this, but won't go into it. One of my goals is to move, for sure. If I go spend time in MMOs with old "friends" I think it will only further delay my ability to find new jobs and digs and be able to move. So I continue on. Praying for the will not to play games and to keep FOCUSING! 7 Random little things I'm grateful for: -This forum and the people in it, who care enough to struggle against this -Rib-eye roast and sweet potatoes for dinner -The way plants actually move, and grow, and almost have personalities if we watch them closely enough -NOT having an ant problem -Crisp Cotton sheets -Interesting shapes -Spiders that kill the pests on my herb garden

Nov 20, 2021 Twinges of wanting to play. Asking myself why... A: "It's the weekend, I want to chill out." I can do that other ways that won't suck me back into that endless grind. I may try to add a random factor to making my artwork, make it a little more fun. That may be one thing I miss about games, the random challenges. 7 Random little things I'm grateful for: -Cool, dry weather -Gardens -The ability to find fun in things besides games -Paint -Interesting textures that form on our old shower wall and window -Hummingbirds -Pie

Nov19, 2021 Writing earlier in the day today, have commitments tonight. I must be feeling some craving for games - before bed (when I was tired and not thinking much) I got out the default Microsoft solitaire and played some Spider solitaire - which is pretty much the only game left installed on my PC... for about 5 minutes (lol) and thought, "Why am I doing this?" My brain is used to at least little challenges of some sort! Needless to say, bored quickly and went to bed. This morning my mild headache was/is back (has to be due to quitting, I was never a person to get headaches)... So one of you brought up Escapism as a topic in your journal - and I was thinking about that word. There must be a difference between escapism and healthy use of imagination - as a believer in a Creator, I don't think he gave us an imagination if we were -never- to use it. My day job involves zero imagination whatsoever. My second job (Artist) involves using my imagination constantly... but it's ... "active" and takes my energy, whereas the gaming is passive and consuming what others have created. The Artwork takes hard work, thinking, planning, problem solving... the gaming (at least in MMOs) - I can't really call it "work" even though it felt like it - it was habituation, being on a treadmill/grind. At a point I no longer cared about the stories, even - I only wanted the satisfaction of having achieved the "end goal" but was damaging myself by mindlessly grinding so much! It became .. yes, I see it now, rather an addiction, indeed. I honestly did NOT think of it as an addiction - maybe "compulsion" is a better word? Or maybe they are the same thing. Compulsion to defeat X number of <this monster> for <some reward artificially made "special" but really wasn't special at all, nor real/tangible>... And so is it really "escaping" or is it actually being enslaved into an illusion where you are still actually "working" (expending energy, and wear/tear on your body and brain) only not reaping any valuable reward?... I'm sure many would argue that point - especially gamers and game creators. This is my candid point of view with myself. When the computer is off, those 'rewards' have not added anything tangible to my life, and in fact have taken precious time away. Just reminding myself. (Side note: I once worked in the game industry, I chose to leave a long time ago. I do not do artwork for the games industry.) Maybe tomorrow I will write out a "Grateful for" list. All for today, take care, whoever may see this.

I know what you mean about time - and also about wanting to escape reality. The world is a difficult place right now, ironically because of the technology that is supposed to make it "better" - it has become too controlled, to much gray and concrete and metal and ... well I won't go too far into that topic. I like your "I'm grateful for" list - may have to do some of those myself. Sleep will come as you normalize - my headaches are back today, I think it's going to happen in waves - I'm just writing those things down to bodily adjustments over time. It took decades to acclimate us living with the dopamine from the games, now it will take a good deal of time (probably) to fully heal to a healthier state. Just my guess.

Nov 18, 2021 Working on: Mental clarity, Focus, "Less is more" mentality. Is anyone like me and has 3 browsers open with a ridiculous number of tabs? It's partly excusable because some of its necessary for work, but not the rest. I wonder if there's a browser-tab limiter... Yesterday, and I don't know if I should feel guilt over it, but I did try a couple of phone exercise games - just to make my walk/jog time a little bit more fun (and maybe there is a twinge of missing PC games there). I only found one that kind of worked for me - but it wasn't exactly a 'game,' more of an audio-story that makes you run in a High-intensity interval training pattern. The rest of them, the text is so small I can't read them or they just were too boring - probably this worked in my favor. My goal is to reach 1 year with no real (sedentary) gaming as such, then next November, reassess and MAYBE reward myself with a bit of strategy game time as a reward only -- but MMO's are my real weakness, I don't want to play them at all again, ever. All for now.

Thanks Marius! You pointed out something I missed - its beyond the adrenaline/dopamine boost of just the games. I have a habit built of reading too much of the news, which can exhaust me further - not like I can do much about the goings on in the world. Might get out the "Leechblock" extension in my browser and limit the time there. Working all day then going between news (potential anxiety-feeder there!) and the games (escapism) was probably serving to further exhaust me. LOL .. More calming habits may indeed be in order.

Nov 16, 2021 Another day, no games BUT yeah I find a little bit too much of my spare time in the evening (instead of going to gaming) is going to random internet readings. May take some conscious efforts to time and limit that kind of activity. I keep asking myself though, will I really be productive during that time? (We all need a certain time to wind down and clear our brain.. just chill out right?) Don't know. At least I haven't tried reinstalling a game yet! Work in progress.

Nov 15, 2021 I suppose having to write a quick night journal is a good thing. A short twinge of missing games this morning, but my time is being more easily filled than I thought it would be - planted my first garden row today after work, good being out in the air and getting hands dirty, been too long. Not a fan of the plastic sterile life that technology seems to slowly lead us toward - purposely going in the other direction. Memories of being a kid and playing in the mud and not caring. Good stuff. Thank you for reading (and the hearts!) - hoping to do some more reading of you fellow quitters' posts again later in the week - I have found this so valuable already.

Nov 14, 2021 Quick entry tonight. I was more social today than I've been in a while - work was an excuse to do so, but hey why not! I'm finding my home life beginning to change in small positive ways. One twinge of missing games this morning, but I ended up too busy to think about it!

You're my first comment on here, thank you for that! I'm past my University days though I have attended a few college classes in recent years for various reasons (personal growth, business skills etc) -- from my perspective, school these days isn't what it should be. You appear to be a critical thinker to me, a somewhat rare trait in this day and age and that's to be commended. I'd venture a guess you will realize that what you learned from school/uni isn't what you expected; more along the lines of... a prescribed formula based on specific agendas (whatever your degree may be) -- and that the REAL meat of your learning will come to you throughout your life, in real world experiences. ...Not saying that to necessarily harp on school, but to say that there is so much more out there to look forward to - and I have a feeling you will do so well (if you aren't already) because of the fact that you care and you think critically. May you make the most of both your school time and life experience. It does take some -almost- uncomfortably deep inner self examination, doesn't it? Early this year I had a near death experience - and miraculously blessed to have come through it - and it has left me realizing just how incredibly valuable our time is. Rather than being upset with myself for having spent time playing games...I'm trying to look at it as something I felt the need to do at the time, but am ready to (and really must) now grow beyond that and become more self-actualized. I know if I don't, deep down I won't be happy!

Nov 13, 2021 No games today, still going, late evening entry. Day to day, little changes, ups and downs, going to sleep earlier then falling off the wagon and a late night. Just part of the process again, adjusting mind and body. Weirdly part of what seems to help is going way back in my memory to a time where I really didn't play games - specifically happy times, and recalling how I lived, daily habits, waking times, physical activity and so on. During the time I've played too much, I haven't been able to focus on reading - whereas I used to read voraciously. Staying away from the games seems to have begun to clear my mind again, reading is becoming more fun again. All for now.

Nov 12, 2021 The initial "shock" of quitting games cold turkey, at first left me a bit A.D.D. I think, as far as filling my time. I explored a new hobby this week, and found I enjoyed it, BUT that it still takes too much time away from what I want to be doing work-wise. Learning to focus, and re-focus again seems to be a challenge especially after having games be a part time of my life for so many years. Still haven't had a hard-to-resist craving to play yet (hasn't been very long yet lol), but don't doubt I will at some point especially on rough days. Praying I stick with it and do what needs to be done in life with the time I have been given here. Still going...