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Kaizal

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Everything posted by Kaizal

  1. Also keeping in mind that my judgment isn't super clear right now just because I didn't play games in 3 months. So all of this I'll talk over with my therapist and get her input, if anyone is reading I would also appreciate the input in this specific instance
  2. The exam stress is getting heavy but I still haven't played, I hit 3 months the 17 of this month. Looking at games again now, first of all, I still wouldn't ever play a gatcha, that's set in stone. The damage those games do to me is gigantic. However other games haven't been that damaging to me I think. They keep me having fun, enjoying myself and playing with people I enjoy being around with, the problem comes along when it becomes my sole refuge and I distance myself from people because of them. Then I start feeling lonely, worthless, unaccomplished, generally terrible. And to be honest that's not excusive to games, this happens whenever in life I start getting stressed out way to much. Which is easy for me given that I have an anxiety disorder. So whenever I'm feeling like shit, and can't do anything at that specific time, instead of delving into thought's that harm me a shitton, thinking about a videogame is more fun to me, I have something to redirect that huge amount of anxiety over to. Nothing in my life has gotten way better because I quit playing games, even though I was going to the gym quite a bit and enjoyed it. Talking and hanging out with friends just like normal. I feel like the problem to me are specifically the kind of games that try to fuck with my brain to get to give them money. And the rest are just fun games, that I overplay whenever I feel bad, but I have a good time with them, and they don't make me feel bad if everything else in my life is in order.
  3. I'm gonna have to study quite a bit in a week from now since exams are approaching. So trying to figure out what to do for a week until I have to start studying again doesn't seem worth it.
  4. Still alive, still not playing, kinda hard recently though ngl, since I have a shitton of spare time now.
  5. Was feeling good today until my self-worth issues kicked in and fucked with a relationship that is quite important to me atm. Frustrated af. Urge to play kicked in but didn't do it. Gonna apologize for being a dumbass to this person. Anyways, gatchas still suck ass. Genshin can fuck itself i'm not playing it. Warframe not atm.
  6. Still alive, still not playing, life's been better than terrible, so, yeah. That's my progress report of the day.
  7. I appreciate the intention of helping. However right now I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist working as a team to give me the best possible medical attention for my mental health profile right now. If I want advice on what to do, I will ask as I have done before, this is primarily a thread to remind myself to not play games for the period I have set for myself. The task is time bound, because the nature of it, is to make my brain function more normally, so that I can assess at what point do which games become damaging to my health without having a dopamine withdrawal clouding my judgment and with mental health professionals by my side so help me make that call. So again I would appreciate if you could refrain from giving advice that hasn't been asked for.
  8. Still going strong and not playing. Finals are close, let's see how it goes.
  9. Already replied but a second reply. The games that I find that actively damaged me the most, namely gatchas, I actively avoid looking at any info related to them, so at least i'm not behaving that self destructively.
  10. Also, still haven't played though, and will not for at least 2 more months. But I will definitely never ever touch a gatcha again, and while all else might be going to shit, that isn't.
  11. It's specifically about one game, Warframe. And it's because it's the best game I have ever played for me, no abusive monetization. Good events, but playing outside of those events it's still worth it. And the game keeps going in the direction I want it to go. And it never felt like if I don't play now, I won't be able to get this later. So when it comes to mental health issues, this game has had the mildest impact of them all in perspective. I do want to play that game quite a bit, but I have committed to not doing it for 3 months at least. And this might all be the dopamine withdrawl speaking. I have been diagnosed an anxiety disorder last week and while not depressed exhibiting several symptoms of depression. I guess that theorycrafting and watching the news has been my way of looking away from the pile of shit my life has been the last few weeks.
  12. I'm going to really have to start to stop keeping up on news on the games I like, it just gives me unnecessary stress knowing i'm "missing out" on things that depending on how the detox goes and my plans for later, I might get anyway. And if I decide to stop playing all games all together, it doesn't matter what i'm missing out on. So shouldn't stress myself with it. Starting to catch up on my studies though it might be a little to late in some cases. Got diagnosed an anxiety disorder last week and I can't say I was surprised. Dealing with it as best as I can.
  13. Haven't posted in days, but still haven't played at all. Not because of lack of temptation though.
  14. Still going strong, putting my rutine back together.
  15. I'm still staying away from videogames, day after day I'm becoming more aware of the urge to play. However it's not a "I enjoy this game so I want to play it" feel, it's more my brain being like "shouldn't you be playing rn you little shitter, gimmie my dopamine fix" kind of feel. It's strong enough to drain some of my energy throughout the day but not strong enough to make me actually play. Also, I need to get a new wallpaper on my PC, having a genshin wallpaper clearly isn't helping but I have no idea what to put on there. Also, I uninstalled a bunch of games, and since gaming might be out of my life for good or at least a long time, i'm considering eventually switching to Linux. Unrelated but I vomited today and I have 0 drive to go to the gym, so I will try to study as best as I can(instead of grinding for some shitty useless gems).
  16. Ye, it's kind of what i'm doing now, and it's slowly working, also today i'm in the process of uninstalling a shitton of games.
  17. I've tried doing that, and it helps to a certain extent, it's weird because the recommendations seem to depend on the device i'm using. Anyways thanks for the advice and while it does definitely help, it's not a silver bullet. Algorithm does weird shit sometimes. Still I quite appreciate you taking time out of your day for making the suggestion.
  18. Didn't check in here in day 3, back at day 4, still haven't touched any games, feeling good. Trying to focus on my studies and the gym.
  19. Still getting reccomended Genshin and Guardian Tales content on Youtube, i'm feeling good today so I didn't even feel like checking the videos. I wonder though if there is any way to get that kind of content out of my feed other than not watching it persistently. Gotten a little behind on my studies so tomorrow going back at it with all my energy.
  20. First day of not playing any gatcha garbage, will uninstall as soon as I use my phone again, dissapointed that I didn't manage to realize what I was doing when I picked Guardian Tales but also happy I haven't downloaded Genshin today, the day I've craved it the most since I quit. Also no more games since tomorrow for 90 days, not that I was playing anything else though.
  21. So first of all a little bit about me, I don't really want to disclose my name, my alias online has and always will be Kaizal(unless it's taken). I'm from Uruguay. While I do want to quit games, or at the very least develop a more healthy relationship with them. I will talk a bit about myself and then do a TLDR for the ones than don't wanna read much like me :D. A bit of backstory from the new rando. Around the age of 16(probably 15 actually) I started therapy. I remember clear as day, the reason I went there in the first place was because I wanted to find out if I had a videogame addiction. I was clearly playing too much videogames, and it was deteriorating my life(or that was the simplistic explanation I was able to come up with at the time). I am now 20, and I can say that I do for sure not have a videogame addiction. I think my therapist was able to give me a definite answer about this when I was around 16. I did however play quite a bit though, while I am not an addict, the fact was still that I wasn't deriving much enjoyment in life from basically nowhere else, and games seemed(they 100% didn't) to fill the void I had inside of me for basically minimal effort, kind of seemed worth it. Why I am here now I will talk about specific games in here(specifically ones with quite the abusive game design), so if you think this might hinder your ability to put space between you and games, please don't read further. For quite a while I played League of Legends and Warframe, and while I dislike Riot as a company with passion, neither of this games did me much harm per se. I played League alone and with friends, but I never felt obligated to play, nor do I think this games are particularly abusive in the way they go about making you play and pay. The game that really did hinder my life in a clear way and gave me way too little enjoyment back for it was Genshin Impact, my first garbage(gatcha*) game. All F2P games i've played i've stayed F2P, this was no exception. And I though that since I had the willpower to not spend I would manage to have a fun experience with not too much trouble, oh boy I was wrong. The constant minimal feed of premium currency that was just enough to keep me playing, but never feel rewarded. Anyways I quit the game when I didn't get a weapon I wanted. And I haven't played it since. Basically at this point I promised myself to never play this game again. It has been one year and I have been able to keep it. However 4 days ago I started playing Guardian Tales, another gatcha, thinking it was fine since it was not Genshin, little did I know I was just easing myself into (almost) playing Genshin in the long run. Today I started browing stuff about Genshin, previous events and stuff, the state of the game right now. Today I almost broke my 1 year of not playing Genshin. And today I will make another promise to myself to never play another gatcha again, and not play any games whatsoever for 90 days. ***No more talk about specific games*** It's hard to explain how weak, worthless, and unresolved I was feeling when I was considering downloading the game again. This last 2 years have been hard for me, the pandemic made it hard to keep the connection with some of my friends alive and also 2 of my grand parents died while enduring tremendous pain during this pandemic(cancer sucks). My grandmother held off on taking morphine while agonizing for seemingly no good reason. My therapist speculated it was probably a way to punish herself for the life she wasn't able to give her children(this is probably true but we will never know for sure). This all made me think about life and death and specifically the question, "Have I led a fullfiling life, one that I can be proud of the day I die?" And the answer right now, is a no, definitely a no. Not that I haven't made improvements I'm proud of(quite proud of in fact), but it is still a no for now, and I want to work towards making that answer a yes. And downloading a shitty garbage abusive gatcha game isn't that for me. That is only going to make me take steps back in life, weakening my relationships, slowing or halting my slow but steady progress towards economic independence, and a fulfilling social life, maybe even find a partner. Can't do any of that if I have to live with the shame that I feel when I realize I can't even keep a promise to myself, that I am that unreliable. TLDR: Games can hinder your life to a great extent even if you don't have a "gaming disorder" or a "gaming addiction". This was my case, gatchas made my life worse, so I am never playing them again. And also no games in general for 90 days. Will evaluate what my relationship to non-gatcha games will be after the 90 days. Wish me luck people. If you wanna chat, you can DM me, I don't guarantee a swift response though.