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Everything posted by play_time_is_over

  1. Yes I agree Cam I realise it now. I'm seeing tommorow as a barometer. It is a measurment of far I am willing to go to improve my life. I have to give it everything I have and then I will know all that I have to give.
  2. 3 days until I hit 90 days. This has been a pretty bad week / didn't do much. Tomorrow is Hajime class and to be honest Im slightly shitting my pants. My partner is easily the fittest guy in the dojo so I will be shown no mercy. 2.5 hours of intensive cardio non-stop. 30 minutes of staic leg poses. (Holding 1 legged squats for 2.5 mins x 10) 45 minutes of non stop technique (hit down and up again) 45 minutes of general exercise/torture (frog hops, non stop rolling, break falls, duck walks the worst!! 300-500 pushups. 300-500 break falls. I'm actually dreading it. However after that I will start my meds so it will be like a super-primer to jump back into uni. My mood does elevate but only for a day or two, not a sustainable solution.
  3. Hey Cam thanks for the concern. Eggs, brocolli, chicken, coffee, milk, cottage cheese, tuna, steak, lamb. Occasionally KFC or subway. I have been having diet soda with aspartame which I heard can be bad for you. I been thinking over your words and your right. Im in a victim mentality. I feel better today. Rejection and disappointment is a part of life - and facing it will toughen me up. Ive been in captivity, but now Im in the wild and we have to toughen up. Its that raw vitality of a predator I need to infuse into my body. Does a lion hesitate to chase a prey because he is anxious he might fail? Does he cry if he doesn't get it. No, he is just living, survivng. I welcome rejection, I seek it. The goal isnt to be so good you cant be rejected, but to be real enough to not let it bother you. Goes beyond women, uni starts next monday I'm just going to go super sayian on that shit.. be tough is my goal!!! Oh also looking back on my r/stipgaming posts - I havent been achieving many goals lately, contributes to low feelings.
  4. I agree with you, but I can't help my mood. I only feel happy maybe once every 14 days. On those days it's just awesome, heaps of people talk to me, I have awesome conversations with girls. The only thing stopping me from self-medicating is an empty bank account. Phenibut 2x a week means at least twice a week I will feel good, and modafinil if I'm feeling good enough to study. I work out 9-12hrs a week while counting calories and eating balanced meals. I have a lot of goals and opportunities and my fingertips but my bad mood too often derails me. Like I will be hardcore coding for my product then I will just totally drop it for a week because I'm catatonic and can't do anything. I'm willing to sacrifice the next 3 months of my life to getting this product done, which means my mood can not affect my progress. I think to be successful you need to be willing to do whatever it takes, for athletes that mean steroids and for me that means mood enhancers and nootropics. I don't need to be happy right now, so long as I am in the mindset where I can work.
  5. fucking hell cam that is amazing advice. "it allows you to play victim, feel sorry for yourself and give validate what you already believe." I need to drill this into my skull and realise what I'm doing. Maybe I'm being depressed because I secretly want to be or something, because it's easy. I'm going to the doctors in 1 hour, get a blood test and maybe get referral to a psychologist for anti-depressants. I'm mere seconds away from playing cs:go again - my mood right now is making it crazy difficult to do anything properly or constructive. I think I have low T, or underactive thyroid or something. even just taking them as a placebo or something may help.
  6. Yes, multiple times. I said she can get me a coffee next time she laughed and said okay. Then she texted me after thanking me for the coffee and asking if Liked Doctor Who? I said I never seen it and she can show me one day and she was like "okay! :)" She texted me a few more times so I thought the 2nd date wld be easy to arrange. Called her up "Ill see if Im busy" not a good sign. "Yes sorry I'm busy Tuesday. Really sorry!". In one hand I feel like she doesnt like me, I should move on. She's letting me down politely. On the other hand I realise I'm just a stranger to her, maybe she really is busy, and right now she isn't available. I wil try one more time in a few days. Because the signs are very mixed. Usually Id drop it but out of the 20+ girls Ive been talking to shes the only one I want to see again. fuck honestly I'm about to break. No matter how hard I try I just lack "something" like some kind of virility or passion for life which repels people. So many emotional ups and downs. I've never been so close to relapsing than right now.. just play a few games and get back on the horse tomorrow.............!
  7. True Cameron I should not crush myself for only doing 3 hrs of work instead of 6. 3 > 0. Rightnow Inmm totally crushed. 5 dates and one girl I really liked and was dumb enough to let myself like her. The date went really well, multiple signs she liked me and she is exactly who I'd want in a gf. Then I try to arrange the second date thinking its a sure thing but she just comes back with she's too busy. Thats fine - maybe she is too busy. Then again its highly probably she just doesn't want to meet again. That's whats killing me. I thought everything went really well, I looked great, we had a great time. Why?!?!?!?! I know you can't be bithered by those things, for example the other 4 dates went horribly but I don't blame myself. Just this girl I really wanted to get to know. Oh well.
  8. I agree with you and no I am not interested in pickup. GLL is anti-pickup. Essentially it says "take social dynamics, IoI's, maintaining frame" etc and throw it the fuck out the window. My strategy for getting girls is by being attractive and fun to be around, beyond that there is not much strategy other than overcoming anxiety. I know all pickup stuff is bullshit and if you're attractive getting girls is fairly straightforward and easy. Yea I cringe at pickup stuff these days... I would like a gf I just have really high standards for gf (personality wise). Ive had bad experience with women and the ones ive dated have been narcissistic, self-centered and emotionally distraught. I'm looking for a girl who doesn't do drugs or alchohol and is a high achiever. Funny thing is I think I found one she just needs to msg me back. So my heirachy is: -GF, FwB, Casual Hookup. It will start down the bottom and if the girl fits the criteria she goes up.
  9. WoW, csgo and LoL are probably the hardest games to quit. Good luck.
  10. My big problem is I'm afraid of Hard Work. I find side orojects to procrastinate that seem productive (im learning to model etc) but at the end of the day it's still time wasting from my main goal. My problem is I don't workhard enough. Work harder, work harder, work harder. Take the next step. Also my 2 dates flaked on me but I am not upset, I arrnged them too early on in the week.
  11. So I just realised there is a social event for uni on in about an hour. It would be easy to get ready and go but do I want to? My confidence is so low around my uni classmates, even lower than it is around strangers. I've known them all for 4 years and it is very clique-ey, plus I only have 1 or 2 friends whom I could talk to and I don't want to bother them too much. I used to be friends with many of them before my gf. I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself for their validation but I don't like being around them for that reason. Go to uni thing, go to aikido or sit at home. I walk into the bar and everyone is in their little groups that they have been in for 4 years and I stand around and talk to other guys with no friends in the class. Thats what happened last time. They are just not my type of people (design students). I didnt go to sleep until 4am last night - late night coffee dates messed me up. You know what though, I am pushing myself harder everyday - and I am doing well for myself. I have 2 dates tomorrow and 1 on Sunday. I should go for networking though. I'll get sressed and see how I feel. If I don't like it I can just go home. Update: went there, yes it was as stupid as I thought it would be. Cliques sitting in circles drinking. Spoke to some faculty staff and my 2 friends then went the fuck home was there for about 5 minutes. I don't need that shit in my life atm. I don't know why it makes me so angry - I guess it's because nobody wants to talk to me, they just go on their phones and dont really engage or respond when they ask them something. I know its not me because my dates are going awesome, my friends enjoy talking to me and I don't get disrespected at the dojo like that. Also all these Pokémon GO players! Makes me sick to my stomach. I dont make many friends because I'm different but shit like that makes me happy to be different. I just want to work harder and beat everyone as the underdog. I mean when we are dragging ourselves up from the bottom its not so good to be around arrogant peoples like that. I'm not where I want to be but I'm proud of myself and don't want my self-esteem to go down like that. I knew it was a bad idea to go.
  12. I will start approaching in real life, and uni starts next week. Online dating can be pretty soul crushing, but afte my abusive ex-gf my confidence was extremely low. Knowing there are some girls who want to meet up is a good feeling. Am I looking for a relationship or casual hookup? Put it this way, I am open to a relationship - it depends on the girl. However I'm not going to say no to a casual hookup either. If the girl likes to drink, go clubbing, has aspirations to get a boob job etc - we will not be knowing each other for long. If I get into a relationship the girl is going to be modest, kind, compassionate, conservative and supportive!!! I'm sick of bad relationships so I"m setting my standards high.
  13. You're making the right decision. "The reason people arent successful in life is not due to a lack of work ethic, talent or opportunity. It's due to people being too comfortable in their mediocre lives" Games make sitting in your room alone fun. How ridiculous is that!!! We should be out exploring and experiencing the world and growing technically and spirituality. Not rotting away in our rooms. Nobody ever regretted quitting games.
  14. True good point. By building it up in my head I give myself a lot of anxiety and pressure as well. I should just accept that I like her she probably likes me and to just let my instincts and what feels right take over a bit. More practice though.
  15. Wow what an absolutely awesome day! I woke up late and missed my first date, which I didn't have a problem with because she wasn't quite my type. Then I asked this girl on PoF that I am really really interested in (like she was my number 1 favorite out of 20+ girls) and she says "yea I'm available right now". OKAY. Get dressed, drive to the mall. She is so cute, modest, studying medical science and very petite. Super positive, my perfect match really. I think she's really into me she actually called me and is texting me throughout the night, so I will def's hit her up again. I went to another date after that which was fine, not my type, I think she was super nervous, but okay chat. I have 2 more dates on Saturday and another on Sunday with pretty attractive girls. I just got back from a massive chest + tri session at the gym, never had so much energy, and I'm shredding weight like crazy, 1kg in 3 days. Fuck it's just been a really really good day. Why would I play games and ruin all this????
  16. Cam if you read this you know I'm on GLL, but due to my inexperience I want methods that are a little less aggressive. So I sorted out my pics - http://m.imgur.com/9gNezzb And Im getting a good amount of matches, I have a date later today and 2 on saturday with maybe another on sunday. However I've only been on 2 dates in my entire life. I would like it to progress like this. First date - coffee, make sure she's not wierd, good conversation and some light touching. Second date - something more active fun like a hike/ice skating/beach more hand holding and at the end land a kiss. (Im not good at this). Third date - my place, dinner, movie, cuddles and see where it goes. I have little experience and this is just my "imagination" of how it might work. Maybe just skip the second date? What are good (cheap) date ideas that I guess are more fun than coffee/drinks. Thanks guys - if I asked on GLL the response would be "invite her to your place and get her drunk then aggressively hit on her" which is uhhh... I cant do that.
  17. Im cutting right now which makes me really weaj but I know once I start eating more the strength will explode out of me fast. Atm though, so weak haha.
  18. Went into office. Couldn't do any coding but did make 5 3d models and a few texututes. Art Direction is hard. Apparently a lot of people in the game industry don't play games. I love learning and making levels is soooo fucking fun and satisfying. I have 2 dates tomorrow, and toight I will go do 2 hours of Aikido. Currently 85.8kg. So close to 8% BF. I think I am easily 11% atm. Also I have my fitness goals: Bodyweight pullups x10 (3-5 atm) 80kg bench x6 (60kg atm) 60kg Incline Bench x6 (40kg atm) 60kg OHP x6 (32.5kg atm) 120kg squat x6 (80kg atm)
  19. I like your style of tracking your 'stats'. I also tried to quit reddit, porn, games, meditate daily etc all at once. My advice is when you relapse on 1, dont relapse on all of them. It is inevitable you will relapse on 1 of them sooner or later. At that time, try not to be so hard on yourself - and be proud that you still have your other habits going. I relapsed on every habit except games, felt miserable - but happy I can still say I ahvent relapsed on games in 77 days!
  20. Hey Michael - Im also in Brisbane, QLD. I'm 25 though. Youre doing this young - all I can say is yes, this is the perfect time to do it. If you can stick to it and can find good mentors you will be far ahead of everyone else. When I was growing uo and throwing my life away on video games I'd constantly hear "it's okay, you're still young". That made.me think I was fine. Well you're young enough to make mistakes until the day your not. For me that day was 22, thats when I started trying to change. Im assuming you're 15-16 so you have 7 years on me. Start now and by the time your my age you will be very far ahead.
  21. Its hard because games often provide us with our feelings of fun, social, community and challenge. So when we quit we need to find replacements for all of those things. Work is a good distraction but we also need to find fun things to do which aren't games. Find oeople who dont game etc etc. Keep up the good work.
  22. Id advise you to be careful of even mobile games - they often landslide into worse habits.
  23. Today I didn'tget up until 1pm. I just havent been sleeping or eating properly and after that massive legs day I needed the big sleep. I went to the gym last night, I can usually do 5-6 pullups in a row but last night I could barely do 3, so clearly I'm really weak right now for some reason. Trying to cut down my weight - 86kg my waist line is 34inches which is on point for my height (6'4") so soon I can start bulking. Going to the city now to look for good date locations. I launched csgo last night to ensure it was installed and hearing the menu music almost gave me a panic attack. I Shut it down as fast as I could - I already blocked the ports so it was impossible to play online anyway. Still. A big motivation for me is I dumped my gf to improve my life. The thought of me not improving after giving up my relationship is a huge motivator. If I went back to the way I was, I'd be the exact same - except without affection or love. That is simply too depressing to consider. I have to print out my goal card soon. The only thing that matters is working hard - and oart of that is keeping your mind happy and socail.
  24. The first few days are definitely the hardest as your brain destresses from all the video games. It will take a good 2 weeks before the withdrawals are fully gone. In the meantime try stay away from your computer.
  25. Trying to set up a few more dates. I think I will get some but it takes a decent amount of time to organise all this and of course the guy has to do most of the work. I am at my friends office working on my app - seems a lot easier to stay focused in an office with other people working. Still it's quite boring - all I am doing though is installing SDK's and API's needed to continue developing my VR app. Cleared about 100GB of useless data. I plan on going to the gym for a back and shoulders day later tonight - or maybe just back. I am re-installing CS:GO. I am running -insecure and also port blocking online play. I know this is super risky but I discovered I need the game installed to run the 3DSmax script which auto-exports to source model format. The SDK tools alone arent enough. The advantage of modelling in 3DSmax is I can make a model for cs:go but use the same model in unity, or unreal engine, or any 3D game/application. I will be developing employable skills needless to say. Once source 2 is released I can develop in that and be employable. I was thinking of doing tutorials soon in my spare time, but I doubt I'll have any. Balancing life between my passion (3D modelling / interactive environments) and what I need to be doing (gym, dates, style, networking) is the tough part. I might go to a meetup tonight if anything is on.