play_time_is_over

Haha yea that's my problem my personality is really bad atm. It probably holds me back more than my looks. Kind of bored of girls right now... not replying to matches anymore - no motivation.

Day 135. Just finished a big week at uni. Studied until 2am and got up at 7:30am next day. Pretty sure I got a high distinction for my exam and definitely got a high distinction for my presentation. They are giving out 4 awards this year and my goal is to try win one of them. My confidence has been rising with my performance at uni and ever since I started taking anti-depressants life has been a lot more enjoyable. One thing that bums me out is my friend is really attractive and it bums me out to see how easy he has it. Girls give him "the look" all the time and legit eye fuck him. Just.. every girl we meet seems to want him. Ohwell, Ill just get super rich and ill be alone but at least I will be rich.

Its hard because I see her all the time at uni. This weekend I got really down but I think it was a good thing, to work through thise emotions a bit. I've been slacking off on setting up dates. However I've been making great progress at uni. I did a semi approach on a girl at uni today, dipping my toes in. I remebered something I learnt from my dojo today. Hinokshin or the pratise of helping others. If you only try to help yourself you will be miserable, if you help others while expecting nothingin return your life will be joyful. Thats how you make friends, thats how people like you - by giving value. Gave a friend at uni a pretty good business plan for his sports clothing comoany he just launched. (Free fitness plan to beef up followers + Branding identity stuff) so hopefully it helps. Been going hard at the gym last 3 days.

I'm just at this weird stage where I have no idea wtf I want to do. I'm extremely unfufilled. When I dumped my gf 3 months ago I said to myself "In 3 months I wont regret this decision". Well it's 3 months later and I still fucking regret it. I'm almost considering trying to win her back. I feel like our relationship would be a lot better now that I'm in shape, and not playing games. They say the best way to get over a girl is get a new one. Well I did and I'm still not over her? It wasn't perfect with her, but I was a lot happier than I am now. Eh, I'm going to see if it's at all possible.

definitely going to read this cam. Ive found books hugely motivating in the past.

day 116. Bad Day, very tempted to relapse. Been feeling a bit down, miss my ex-gf. Miss being in a relationship. Haven't been to the gym in like 5 days, and haven't been to Aikido either - probably has something to do with it. I'll go to the gym today, even though it will be by myself. I guess lazy Saturday mornings is kind of like that, everyone is relaxing or with their partner and I'm alone here coding. Trying to code at least, going very slowly. Would be great to switch off for a bit and just play a game. I realise what makes me happy isn't getting this or that, its making progress. Progress makes me happy, but when you make progress and kind of realise what you're working towards you don't want - its disheartening. I guess I've been trying hard to get fit and get girls and now that I'm achieving my goals I realise I already had what I wanted, but at the same time I didn't. It's strange. I guess my dreams break down into 2 scenarios: Dream 1) I have a fun job in a creative field and an awesome gf. Dream 2) Rich, successful, attractive, life is my bitch. I remember the day I decided to dump my gf. She was sitting on my bed watching TV and I was playing GrimDawn on my computer. Back then it made me sick to my stomach, but now I think it wouldn't be so bad, at least for a day...

Absolutely Cam. She did end up texting me back, we're meeting tomorrow. While Im happy with the outcome I realise it could drop at any second. We should only worry about what is in our control. In the case of women we can always work on our appearance or talk to new/more girls, but we cant control hoe the interaction with any one girl will go.

I'd say good luck! I've succesfully completed 90 day detox and a lot of our goals are very similar. I will just add 2 things that might help you. 1) Remember that games ARE REALLY fun. They're design to be, life isn't. Sometimes you have shit days, you can't be 110% productive every single day. On those shit days (and you will know when they come) my advice is to relapse on some your strict goals (I'm guilty of binge watching youtube every now and then, or going and grabbing some KFC) but dont relapse on your gaming, because your other goals fell through. 2) No Games is your number 1 goal! If you fail your others, dont let it get you down and quit this one. I'd say in order of most important to least important your goals are as follows: - quit games - do better at school - lift 3x a week - meditate 20mins a day - read 1 hr a day - limit youtube to only music videos or inspirational music Pulling games out of our life means, for a while, we are pulling away our escape and our "fun". If you make your life so hard and devoid of relaxation it will be difficult to maintain. Just stick to the most important rule "NO GAMES" and you'll figure the rest out yourself.

Go for it buddy you wont regret it. Nobody regrets quitting games :):)

I texted that girl and haven't had a response back in 4 hours. I know I'm being like an insecure little school girl right now but I guess confidence takes a while to build up, especially because 2 girls didn't want to see me again and that is somehow more concerning to me. Even though she came over and she asked me to call her back 2x I feel like she doesn't like me, has found someone else, or just has gotten bored. It's really weird. Only time will tell, either. 1) she texts me back excited to meet up and dispels my insecurities. 2) my insecurities are confirmed to which I feel like shit for a day or two but then toughen up and learn to live in a harsher world. So far everything has been 2). Which is good because I was too emotionally soft and life is generally one disappointment after another the majority of the time. So one needs to go through the phases of disappointment until they're mentally built up enough to not be concerned with the little things. It's also important to keep going on new dates and meeting new girls in case it falls through. The good news is my friend from uni called me today and it sounded like he missed me over the weekend haha (no homo). Thats good for me because I really feel like he has more to offer me than I have to offer him and I worry sometimes I'm not on "his level" enough to have a good friendship. Having a strong friendship or 2 is really important for me right now, even more important than a relationship. What I've noticed over the last few weeks of my no-gaming adventure is that loniliness truly rots the soul and it's extremely difficult to "build" oneself when you're alone / lonely all the time. It's like growing a plant, we clear the weeds and trim the branches that hurt the plant while nurturing it and guiding it forward, but being lonely is as if the plant is rotting from the inside.

Day 110 of no games. feeling like I'm doing well, plugging along nicely. Im going to hang out with that girl again on Thursday. It's wierd i enjoyed the hugging / intimacy more than the sex. I really am a relationship kind of guy. She's not big into texting so it feels wierd not talking to someone you been with. Its hard to know if she even likes me. Just down helping my parents move, lots of hard work and early mornings. Will make some good money. Also Im quitting porn again (day 4) now that I can get real intimacy I see no need for it.

Last night a girl came over and we got it onnnn haha. Wouldnt get this far if I was playing games.

Fuck I'm so pissed off. My luck with girls lately has been TERRIBLE. I'm getting very impatient, lots of time wasters and polite rejections. I MUST GET BETTER LOOKING. Recovering from a cold right now doesn't help things. It's just such a slow process that requires patience. Something is holding me back from going full HAM, like I need to transcend into a new realm of existence. I need to really put myself out there and stop trying to find the easy way, to soft way, the comfortable way. The only way to be good with girls is to willing to get REJECTED. The only way to get good with making products is to be willing TO WORK 12 HOURS STRAIGHT. The only way to get a good physique is to be willing to EAT FOOD YOU DON'T WANT TO. To just go to the extreme, jump in the deep end, immerse yourself, work so hard at changing who you are you have an identity crisis. Live without reservations and no regrets. Do what you want like consequences don't exist. Stop playing it safe and just go for it. Stop waiting and start doing it. I'm gonna go crazy. Staying away from videos games is really important right now though. Why do games feel so alluring right now? because they can save me from this struggle. They can liberate me from these emotions, this anger, this frustration. That's exactly why I need to stay away from them. I feel myself hardening up, I'm giving less of a fuck with each passing day.

Agreed enjoying the process is a large part of it for sure. I'm feeling a little hesitant this week - possibly something to do with having a cold. I have opportunities to meet up with girls but I am not diving into them. It's always easier to sit at home and do nothing isn't it? No excuses though, I've given myself an easy day today to recover. I will sleep in tomorrow to really knock it out of my system then I'm back to it. 103 days game free!! Gotta keep working for that 180day transformation story I want to be able to say after quitting games I got into shape, got girl(s) and got high distinctions at uni.

Yea I guess I just want consitency. Last night was actually really good to be honest. I enjoyed hanging out with that girl, there was a bit of intimacy which I haven't felt in a long long time. I won't get good at dating until I go on 10+ I rekon. I've been on 8 first coffee dates and only 1 second date. However already my 1st dates have gotten a lot better. So it's just practise I guess. My goal for 2016 is to go on 40x first dates, 8x 2nd dates. Currently 8 and 1. If I keep up this pace I should get there.

Date fron monday did eventually contact me and we met uo again tonightm i guess it went well i thibk she likes me but i sid not kiss her and I feel really bad for that. Gaming has left me so stunted that im learning things i should have got past in my teens. I've only ever kissed 5 girls - and slept with 4, strange numbers. However kissing for me is just one of those big barriers for me......... . Just keep trying, one day I will a story to tel my friends.

Hey Cam. It's been a testing week for sure. I had a date on Monday that I thought went really well - however afterwards I did not get a response from her. I had 3 dates cancelled on me as well. So I've been in 7 first dates, and contacted 3 girls for a 2nd date but so far nothing. Needless to say I feel like I'm doing something "wrong" without knowing what it is - however I wont really delve into it until I've asked at least 8 girls on a 2nd date. The funny thing is, every girl will say "Guys only want sex". I legitmately would love to have a girlfriend. At the same time I'm trying hard not to come across as desperate and honestly I don't think I am coming across that way - I talk to enough that I'm never super focused on just one. The only good thing is I've been busy at uni and starting to really get into my project. I start to think about it before falling asleep - that's when I know I'm getting in the zone. However long hours at uni have taken a toll on my health and diet. I heard a song today that used to be in a custom map I played in cs:go. I must have heard that one song literally a thousand times. Hearing it flooded me with nostalgia.. wow I could just easily go one right now and immerse myself, with my friends, even thinking about it putting a smile on my face. BUT I WONT!!! I like the pain of depriving myself of that pleasure. I enjoy proving to myself that I can endure it. I know this week has been bad, but I know in the future, quite soon in the future, I will be with an awesome girl, it will happen. In the meantime I keep working on myself in the gym and at uni. CS:GO has been installed on my computer for probably 2 weeks now. It's fully installed - I can go play it whenever I want. Yet I haven't - for that I am proud. Truly quitting gaming is about that, being exposed to it and saying no. Even my friend at uni is trying to get me into games, I just say no and he says "I respect you more for that". Respect is earned through hard work. Hard work is all that really matters in this world, the pain of hard work is the best feeling in the world!!! This week is just another trial but I will not be defeated. 100 days. Cam I just want to say you are awesome - sometimes it feels like nobody would care if you didn't exist, just having someone ask how everything is going makes a world of difference. Thanks man - keep up the good work you are doing here.

Today was awesome. Indian girl is texting me throughout the day and I went on a date tonight with a really awesome Brazilian girl. She is 18 too >:)))) Found out I got high distinction for my research paper and can get it published - got an internship as well. Been going to the gym like crazy this week and being at uni all day working. Got my gearVR (for development). The future is looking good. This anti-depressants are amazing. Plus hanging with my mate is really good for me. Having a goodnlife doesn't require one to be super tougu.. you just have to ve tough enough. Tough enough to not play games, not cheat your diet, not skip the gym, bot sleep in. Just that tough enough - and everything falls into place. I'm just enjoying life so much right now it's crazy! like when does it end? usually if I have a good day I crash the next but this is like 4 amazing days in a row.

It gets easier each day.

you just describe me to perfection 5 years ago. When that heavily addicted, games are really likea drug. Take themaway and he will get anxiety spikes and desperately want them back. You have to treat it like a drug - he's going to say and do anything to get it back.

Woke up at 6:50am for my first day at work! Also my only day!!! we worked too fast and finished everything. Still I had a lot of anxiety about today and overcame it and went in with confidence so I'm glad. 2nd day of anti-depressants. Really tired, gym tomorrow and VR meetup. Will try organise some dates as well. I don't want to be depressed but I'm even more afraid of being comfortable in a mediocre life. Today is officilally 90 days game free There's been some tough times on this road, and I almost relapsed - glad I didn't.

Class is over, it was hard but not as hard as I remember it - all my gym is paying off but right now I am so tired and ready to sleep. At least I start work on Monday and meds tomorrow to keep my mind distracted. I think I'm realising my problem with dating and women in general is that I'm coming off as asexual. I'm not letting my natural sexuality run it's course. What I mean by that is I wont be flirty and touch girls because for some reason I think it's wrong - I'm just a husk of a man which is quite normal for ex-gamers I think at the start. That isn't to say I want to be overtly sexual, but I want to show girls I am interested and not just a robot or a "friend". Confidence is something that is earnt through achievement. If I keep working hard at the gym and uni I know it will come. My ideal scenario on a daily basis would be: 1.5 hours of gym / martial arts 30 minutes of hitting up girls and arranging dates. 6+ hours of uni work 2+ hours of socialising or relaxation. Then working 12 hours during the week while I study. I was in a relationship for 2 years and pretty much gave up on myself from day 1. So that's 2 years of bad habits and thoughts building up. It's foolish to think it will be gone in 3 months but if I try really hard I think I can get to a good place in 9 - 12 months.

Recently I filmed myself for a youtube video I'm making and it was really strange to see what I look like to other people!!! Film yourself on your phone as if your listening to someone and look directly into the camera (not the screen) or even create a video diary (I might start this). You start to get a better idea of yourself and you may kearn somethinf!!! For examole I look angry when Im concentrating but I look nice when I smile, Im going to try smile more when I talk to people.

Its a hard pill to swallow - to think you may never go back to abother game again. Ive been watching all cs bhoo videos and missing my friends. I told myself I can go back once Im earning a passive 5k a month and slept with 30 women. Lets blitz our goals then when we comfortable and content we can do what we want.

I like your post format... stolen >.> Reading your jornal you seem super human.