NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Pochatok
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Posts posted by Pochatok
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20 hours ago, pdallair91 said:
marketing (ads, and "recommended" content)
Hey! Something that really helped me was switching to a more private browser (brave) or just turning various metadata off on chrome (ad tracking), combined w/ re-routing my social/game cravings into things more aligned w/ my values (only game I'd play would be a visual novel on a topic that really matters to me, or an unexciting, intellectual strategy game). I restructured my YouTube subscriptions, twitter feed, and Insta follows.
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Beside that, I'm sorry you're stuck at such an isolated and un-rewarding work environment. I would be (and am, kind of) experiencing cravings too- it's not a healthy space to be in. Regardless of what comes your way, I'm happy to see how much you care for yourself.
Po
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38 minutes ago, Dark said:
Getting more and more tired lately. Woke up early, went through uni, had absolutely no energy for everything so went to sleep. After sleep went to gym, and then went to sleep again. I took me 2 hours to finally be asleep.
Hey! I wonder, how familiar are you w/ sleep hygiene? Imo, that mid-day nap is what may be causing your fatigue.
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Day 1 - yesterday was too busy for any urge to even cross my mind.
Today though, 2 hours since awakening, I am already overwhelmed by urges. However, I decided to journal here first, because I know that I want to live by my values.
I want to be happy and free- that starts w/ integrity, presence, and self-compassion.
Right now, my urges are high b/c I am not aligned/informed by my goals. Instead of setting my goals, I've prioritized exposure to people and information. It is meaningful, but in the wrong order.
Tomorrow onwards, I will make sure to set down my plans, goals, aspirations, and a vision of future self BEFORE exposing myself to ANY external information.
Let's get it rolling- will work on my goals now.
Po
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Day 0, still- let's try to make it through.
I've set some vague goals, exercised, but otherwise have been passive- and it's been over 2 hours since I've woken up.
What's missing is a clear set of immediate goals that can direct me from the moment I get up. I am too caught up in the moment, I am not making decisions beyond "today". And while that has been making my life feel full and exciting, it is also a lot of time and effort, to plan every single aspect of my day.
Today, I will set up more thorough routines that I will stick to for 4-6 days/week.
Yesterday, relapses were centered around moments when I felt like I needed "more energy" or was escaping emotions. Today, I will keep learning self-compassion and kindness.
Ultimately, I want to be happy, and be free- that starts with being fully present and grounded in myself.
This feels vague, but I'll let it roll for now. I'll see if I can add more.
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4 hours ago, Dark said:
bring the happiness before the results.
Hey! Hope you can continue to be compassionate to yourself and the ppl you're going on dates with.
This made me thing of one of the most inspiring relationships I've seen- between my parents and their best friends. We'd gather together, and they'd be talking complete nonsense- the most boring, laid-back small talk I've ever heard.
When I asked why they were not talking about something more personal, like politics or how they're really doing, they said "it doesn't matter what we talk about, it's how we feel when we talk- we just want the vibes". I try to carry that attitude w/ me ever since- no matter what the subject of the conversation is, just bring a warm attitude.
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Appreciate your input, @Dark, @BooksandTrees, and @Ikar, I feel empowered and responsible ❤️ ❤️❤️
Unlike @Dark, I do not experience any significant drawback from not watching porn, but it still feels like a significant interference w/ my life, because I've educated myself plenty on how harmful the porn industry is, in countless ways. And, to watch porn is to be out of alignment w/ my values- I hate, hate with a passion sexualizing others, especially women.
Perhaps, it is an issue of not having my life "together". I don't have the daily opportunity to love and connect w/ people in ways that are meaningful to me, and porn is my "don't know any better" coping mechanism. Except that I do- so many things have worked, historically to replace porn, from books to connecting w/ real people in different ways.
Porn does not interfere w/ external parts of my life- getting things done, on time. But, it greatly shatters my inner self- it impacts my sense of integrity, it makes me see bodies before seeing people, it causes me to look and act towards people (especially women) in ways that make them uncomfortable. And that's the last thing I want.
So, it is hard right now b/c I am not experiencing a loss of integrity- I don't sexualize others to a point where it truly frustrates me since I am mostly by myself, and am not around people who can be desirable/attractive. But this is a subversion: the more I resort to porn, the less I connect w/ my friends (tested countless times over).
Ultimately, I want to quit.
Back to groundhog day: 0
I will dedicate time, right now, to tell one of my friends how much I love them.
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On 2/23/2024 at 2:57 PM, JuMpZ said:
As selfish as it sounds, I haven't even started thinking as far as serving others, because I'm still trying to take care of myself.
That's not selfish, that's so caring! To serve others well, you need to first serve yourself ❤️
Thank you for your thoughts and experiences- it is very helpful to hear a unique, different perspective. Cannot agree, but very much understand and appreciate how you approach art, it's wonderful 🙂
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Congrats! Best of luck continuing to live your life more fully- I'm so glad you're attempting to make profound changes in your lifestyle!
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Wow, it's day 6 already. Time to reset the clock, though.
Yesterday was a major relapse. Until then, I had some minor urges, but did not take them seriously enough. Right before bed, I lost about 40 minute of time to pornography. It felt all so regrettable. I told myself so many lies.
Why this happened: I felt like I needed to "bring myself down". Sometimes, other people's presence can feeling of being "more than" someone else. I cannot bear a feeling of superiority- I know that I am equal; to "even" things out, I do something that causes me to feel lesser than someone else. Yesterday was like that.
How to prevent this: journal more. Become more aligned w/ my belief that I am no lesser and no more than anyone; if I agree to treat myself w/ self-compassion, always, this will not be an issue.
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Hey! Thank you so much for sharing a lot of your journey, from current gaming urges to past experiences of homelessness. It means a lot to hold those words ❤️
22 hours ago, jailbreaker. said:I wanted to type in an entry here today since I may take a huge risk soon.
The risk is not worth it! I've gone through the same loop of "oh it will be no big deal I'll make sure it's safe", but no amount of safety measures matter when addiction is driving your intentions. And it sounds like it, to me- you do mention that you are at risk of falling into binge.
It's not worth your time, that risk or the possible consequences. I want you to be free, I want you to be happy, I want you to create a life where that kind of risk will seem unnecessary to take ❤️
Good luck navigating this situation however feels right; making regretful choices/mistakes is a part of the eternal learning process that is living- I look forward to hearing more from you!
Po
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@Dark Not quite sure what you mean by "stupid things"? To me, there is definitely some withdrawal effects, given that porn does play a role in my life. Taking porn out, temporarily decreases my ability to cope with stress. Recognizing the coping mechanisms that show up to fill that void as such helps tone those effects down, and over time I am able to replace those effects with purposeful activities like self-compassion journaling.
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Day 1/90
Thank you to all those who read my journals and keep me accountable. I appreciate your support ❤️
Anticipating struggle: most likely after work, towards the evening. I tend to get tired and sleepy at that time, and usually revert to [p] as a way to gain energy.
Preventing failure: read a book, send voice message to a friend instead. Recognize that [p] is an act of self-harm, and that i don't want to numb my feelings.
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8 hours ago, sniper said:
@Dark was he also short by any chance?
Ive gone back to old ways eating lot, gaming and not working out 73.5 kg, I havent jerked off for a few days not because I am avoiding but because I dont feel like (gg). If I go back to 80kg from here I may never try again.
And social anxiety is through the roof.
I remember this scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4F8kj0TYHs. Maybe if I was brought up like a spartan I woudnt be this hopeless.
300 Spartans is the pinnacle of macho-infused toxic masculinity. Imo, if you were indeed raised like that, you'd be emotionally empty and unable to truly care for yourself and others, so I'm glad that you are who you are, Sniper. You do care a lot for others, and want yourself to live happily- it shows a lot through your messages.
I know plenty who did follow the spartan steps pretty closely- now dead or disabled from fighting in Ukraine, because to "die like a hero" became their life's meaning (like for those Spartans). So lucky to have my parents moved me away from Russia when I was younger.
I think what you may be aspiring towards in that scene, however, is stoicism- what are your thoughts on that?
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lol, i speak that language- indeed, the right eye is lovely.
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On 2/20/2024 at 5:12 AM, JuMpZ said:
And just to be clear, I still battle with a lot of the insecurities mentioned in that mini-rant to this day. Me not submitting for portfolio review the first time around last semester was a byproduct of severe performance anxiety and my lack of acknowledging my skills and growth as an artist. I still feel those deeply ingrained traditional beliefs of not being able to become the artist I want to simply because I wasn't built like my peers. The logical side of my brain knows that isn't the case, and that my hard work and mileage will undeniably bring me to greater heights whether I believe it or not.
You cannot outcompete AI (or what AI really represents, commodified art). No matter how good you'll get, if you're making art for an "industry", you'll be replaceable. The only type of career where you as individual, as an artist are irreplaceable are those where you work FOR and WITH people, rather than reaping profit from them by creating for corporations.
This is the reason I am not working in games at this point in my life. I had the chances to enter, but I knew that it would be for projects where profit is more important than helping people.
This is also the reason I am doing independent animation, or learning to: because I want to tell my own stories, not distilled by any production team to make it appealing to a wider audience.
Skill and technique matter, but only when they support you in telling your own story, in serving real people. Otherwise, someone will outcompete you, because your value comes from not inherent worth as an individual, but from performance reports.
Just my 2c- I've struggled so much with this, too, and wish I got the answers I have now sooner.
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Feeling sooo done w/ pornography. I have moved through so many struggles, yet this one consistently comes back. I feel annoyed, disappointed, frustrated.
So, let's take it seriously- I will start a counter.
Will post every day through the 90 day period- brief, 1-3min morning reflections on how I'm setting myself up for success, and what I'm struggling with.
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Day 0: relapse.
Reason: Felt tired, a need to become more energized. Essentially, this is a form of self-harm: numbing my feelings while simultaneously preparing myself to release them. Now they're being released- but I did not need to go through that experience to arrive to here.
Takeaway: Remind myself that I am engaging in self-harm. Remind myself that what I really want is to listen, not numb myself.
Let's try it!
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On 2/21/2024 at 2:16 PM, Dark said:
Hmm, for me I have no friends now, apart from internet ones, and I don't know, I don't feel lonely as far as I can describe my successes and discuss something. I never experienced loneliness, but maybe it because of internet friends. In my country, my city most of people keep touch with me because I am useful for them, and I know it. One my mistake etc, and it won't happen again. But here,in internet no one knows, do I have job right now or not, am I useful or not, but u and some other guys help and share advice. Maybe that's why I don't feel it right now. Also if I feel anything related to being lonely, I read a book
Imo, I think social habits and needs vary greatly- I generally don't experience much loneliness either. However, often I also numb my feelings of loneliness by indulging in compensationary mechanisms; imo, "reading a book" when you're lonely can calm you down and help you ground yourself, but it does not address the social needs you may have.
And I do believe that nothing replaces in-person connection. But, all of my close-close people are only available online, and I get out into other social circles about once a week. That isn't enough- I do struggle with more anxiety and stress than usual. However, it covers the "minimum", and I will move to a different area in 4 months, so this loneliness temporary sacrifice I am willing to make for the sake of getting more done in other areas of my life ❤️
Just my perspective! Not doubting your sense of loneliness, but want to share how it works for me!
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On 2/20/2024 at 10:37 PM, Ace92 said:
This is what I've been struggling with. My therapist suggested that I commit to two clubs on campus to see and continuously connect with the people who regularly attend said clubs. It was good advice, but I'm dealing with a lot of confidence and self-esteem issues. I'm stuck in this period where I feel I'm becoming egocentric a little bit as I've labeled almost everyone around me as dumb or stupid. This is the result of being placed into a team of ignorant, lazy people for a group project (that's 30% of our grade, but they ignore all the instructions then complain when the professor informs them about the poor job they did, for doing their parts at the last minute), and dealing with a hypocritical roommate. Doesn't mean everyone is dumb though.
I also just enjoy my privacy a lot to consider if I even want more human interaction, but I know I need it because I become upset and just rot in my bed knowing that my one friend is meeting potential partners and hanging with others like it's nothing. Not sure how I can get out of this cycle. The one social event a week seems like a good strategy, keep me updated on how it goes.
Wishing you the best on your social journey.
Ace
Hey!
I hear you, self-esteem and confidence are hard to maintain. I do want to also interconnect them with your "egocentric" behavior.
Imo, raising self-esteem actually raises your insecurities, as self-esteem is based on social status/approval from others. Confidence is the opposite of insecurity: babies are 100% confident because they have no insecurities. As we gain insecurities (from becoming attached to the social importance of status, i.e. self esteem), we lose confidence. And as we gain even more insecurities, to the point of significant social anxiety, we develop narcissistic behavior.
For me, and it seems for you, the narcissistic behavior is the combination of an inferiority complex (self-esteem issues) that is compensated by w/ a superiority complex (everyone is dumb).
For me, then, it was important to first work through my own sense of inadequacy, through my insecurities. From there, I was able to replace self-esteem with self-compassion (something that is independent of how others treat you). Once that happened (still not 100% there!), I was able to let go of the superiority complex as well, and treat everyone as no different from me.
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Struggling again, this time w/ simple motivation.
My morning routine struggles- if I do not start it correctly, everything crumbles. Even one piece of the equation missing results in loss of presence.
Today, I took out exercise- did some minor stretches, but did not work out in the morning. Then, I avoided journaling, resulting in 3min worth of mindless internet browsing, then another 20mins of escapism following a 2hr worksession.
I can do much better, if I set myself up for success.
No distractions until evening, period. No movies, no social media- only actual efforts. This must be a solid rule, that I will follow consistenly.
First approach: keep myself logged out of all socials during the day. Log out at the end of every night.
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@Ace92- thank you so much for sharing your experiences w/ me, I want to give them more space and respond later ❤️
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On 2/18/2024 at 3:20 AM, Dark said:
@PochatokJust break up is YouTube channel right?
They are on YouTube, and podcast sites like applepodcast too!
Good luck w/ future studying!
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On 2/18/2024 at 11:39 AM, BooksandTrees said:
I think for me, the keys to success are sleep, nutrition, communicating My emotions and telling people how they can better help me, and finding joy in spending this time with my wife and child. If I eat poorly I lose any energy I had. If I don't communicate my pain or stress then I fester and get sick. My method for HALTED is getting me through this.
You are so in touch w/ yourself- I admire that a lot! So sorry you've gone through a lot of stress, and also I'm so excited for this huge change in your life. Wishing you and your loved ones good health ❤️
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Am 100% struggling to get these in as dailies- perhaps that's unrealistic, given that I already have a personal blog, journaling, two trackers, and other forms of writing.
It can be helpful to highlight my thinkfeelings and learning from a post-addiction perspective here. So, I'll keep coming here whenever it feels appropriate.
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Last couple of days, struggled w/ loneliness. After seeing a new-made friend for a bit, I realized how much I crave in-person connection. Just genuine, loving connection is such a big need. When I am away from people, it gets numbed. When I am around, it skyrockets.
With that, my replacement coping mechanisms have also been growing- I am overall isolating more (talking less to friends virtually), am engaging in more sexualized dehumanization (i.e. porn), and find my self-esteem dropping (lack of social validation from others...).
This is most definitely unsustainable and even dangerous to my wellbeing. I need friends that are nearby, even if that's hard to admit. Yes, I'm fine- but I can be so much happier.
So, an ask of my immediate self: start meeting people who I can access w/ ease. For now, commit to 1 social event w/in 15 minutes of travel from my house/week.
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On 2/17/2024 at 12:27 PM, sniper said:
facts
Nah, gotta say it's all perception. The qualities within yourself you call "beta" or "shortcomings" can be your brightest elements to others. Healthy Gamer (so many videos to choose from!) and Pop Culture Detective both have wonderful videos on that.
@Dark I appreciate you advocating for me! I did use "self-shame", but not as a status/identity, rather a behavior. From what I notice on this forum about your, Sniper, messages, is a lack of self-compassion. That is not a critique against your identity- you're a uniquely beautiful/imperfect/weird person like everyone else ❤️ I do, however, want to treat yourself w/ more kindness, because I want you to be happy.
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On 2/17/2024 at 4:42 PM, Dark said:
Trained a little and made my fists bleed while training strike
Ouch! Are you training safely?
When I was taking boxing lessons, I thought it was normal to get sore/bleedy fists, and nearly landed myself in serious arthritis (scar tissue and damaged bones healing improperly and leading to loss of movement/agility in hand).
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On 2/15/2024 at 11:42 AM, sniper said:
beta male
Quotefor all my shortcoming
I will continue to suggest that you stop self-deprecating. you're not being kind to yourself, and there is a lot of self-shaming. have you considered learning the practice of self-compassion/mindfullness?
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Ending the Loop
in Daily Journals
Posted
Day 2 - had some cravings, didn't give in!
And, had a wonderful improptu date that left me w/ 6 hours of sleep, but anyways! I feel like a lot of my social urges were met. I felt very loved and gave a lot of love, too ❤️
Today, I will also be quite busy and quite tired. I anticipate accumulating urges as the day goes on. My response will be, "I want to be sustainably happy- meaning I will simultaneously push myself towards creating a better world AND be gentle and caring. Pornography is neither of those; instead, it weakens my sense of integrity, raises my insecurities, and distances me from the world I want to create"
Let's get rolling 🧻