NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Pochatok
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Posts posted by Pochatok
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Day 1 - not relapsing today. I definitely need to back up my commitment w/ some reading- so I will read what I am already reading, just more. Caught myself wanting to order a new book... but no- there is no point! I have gotten so many to read through, already.
Today, it is so important to take the time to re-learn focus. Last two weeks have been an increasing disarray, due to a variety of circumstances. Time to do better.Po
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Hey, congrats on the hackathons (assuming you won?). And hey, competitions are hard, and jobs are even harder. I'm glad you're still here, and let's keep moving at our own paces!
And if you don't know what to do- do nothing. It's a skill not a lot of people have an easy time learning, especially those younger (like me lol). And I mean doing genuinely nothing- like a walk outdoors or simply laying on grass. Let your mind roam, or calm it down- but let it process and be bored! Boredom has been the way out for me, every time.
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Day 0 - a light, but still a relapse. It's all or nothing for this counter. However, this is not the sole measure of my growth. What matters is the change between the times the clock resets.
Been in a very difficult place emotionally this whole week, seem to be struggling a lot with getting things done. Sleep deprivation due to work does not help much either, sadly.
But, I will continue to strive for my best. There is no excuse not to do that- I want myself to be well. I want myself to be happy. I can't get there through relapsing and escaping in other ways. I must continue to meet myself where I am.
Be kind ❤️
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Day 7 behind- a full week. Has not happened in a while, but I will keep this going. Proud of myself for changing so much.
Dealing w/ a lot of personal hardships, but keeping together w/ some good habits- picking my face less, no gaming, etc.. I do want to acknowledge that social media and emotional distress took the place. Emotional distress seems to be addictive- it's comforting to feel sad and powerless, to me.
So, gotta keep true to my discipline- exercise, ice shower, journaling, and planning my day out.
Most importantly, not forgetting that God (future me) is always by my side.
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Day 5 and 6 behind - excited to begin seeing a significant continuity here.
Right now, with all that's going on around the world (and US in particular), it's been light and easy, keeping myself away from escapist tactics. Yes, I am stressed, but because of how different the source and quality of stress is, I'm dealing with it differently.
Simultaneously, I'm continuing to create habits that foster my spirituality.
Crucially, however, I am still not working towards my passions. And I want to, dearly.
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On 4/18/2024 at 5:49 AM, Ikar said:
Some people will damn us for that outright just out of their strange principle that we're not "normal".
Haha now that you bring the construct normalcy into the picture, I realize that I came out (in a bunch of different ways, not just queerness) once I quit, even while so many people I knew continued gaming. It was so liberating to feel different!
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On 4/25/2024 at 1:45 PM, richter said:
Cravings are still present at times. It's a good thing I gave away all my good in-game items/currency to friends, because I think I might have relapsed if it wasn't for that.
Same here, that helped tremendously! So glad to see you change in ways profound, richter!
Let's keep moving ❤️
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Day 4 and 5 behind- excited to keep moving (on).
Urges more significant today- I am a bit exhausted, and yet am not providing myself space of rest.
I will continue to build the free world I want to live in. I can't stop, I don't want to escape and distract (again). If not now, when?
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10 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:
What I've been wondering about is whether the days have gone by in just moments of realisation that I'm choosing to do another things than gaming, and not scheming about what I should/would do on them, or whether I'm creating a solid story of my life throughout.
imo, there is nothing you have but the present moment- every time an action is delayed (be it quitting your job cuz you don't like it (not to self-project, lol)), it is essentially erased from existence. the less I've been taking future- not just a month from now, but simply tomorrow, the very next hour -for granted, the more I've found myself working w/ my values and dreams.
also, i recommend this video essay on purpose/reason for doing things. it has helped me tremendously.
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Hey, have you encountered the "mindful self-compassion workbook"? has helped me tremendously in the 'being hard on yourself' issue. perhaps, what you're struggling w/ isn't reaching expectations, but setting them realistically.
do you have an in-depth understanding of your circumstances, of your struggles, of your pains? how do your expectations take that into account?
different things are hard for different people- don't beat yourself up for the universal human experience of struggling ❤️
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Day 2 and 3 done. Still going well- stronger urges today, but simply thinking about it is a reminder that what I seek is love and compassion. Pornography never grants me those things.
The urges are the strongest when I seem to be evading the present- in the state of "waiting". Today, I caught my urges peaking as I was waiting for lunch hour to begin. Why..? I don't even eat during lunchtime- I operate on my own schedule.
Either way, any escapism desires are manifesting strongest in pornography these days- what I want to resort to, instead, is mindfulness- awareness, acceptance, and follow-through w/ the struggles and pains that drive my escapism.
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Day one completed- I am committed to becoming a different person. Remember the future I want- and what it will take to get me there.
Today, my main aim is to review a lot of my "everyday" habits, and eliminate all those useless- such as unguided learning, compulsory eating, lack of social engagement, lack of meditation, etc.. It's been overdue, for me to establish more long-term, far-outlook routines.
Onwards- to aid my journey against addiction, I will take some time to read additional essays on healthy relationships❤️
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Been getting distracted a lot this morning- and upon a social interaction, realized how much my self-awareness expands when I get to talk to other people. It's something I dearly, dearly miss- genuine conversations where I get to be my (best) self. Having access to this currently unmet need- of regular human interaction -will help me greatly w/ my current struggle against pornography.
Here's onto day 1. Much more committed- remember, if I manage to truly rid myself of this one addiction, the effects will span across my entire livelihood.
onwards!
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looking through past entries, i notice that my quitting of games was not immediate- i held onto gameplay videos for awhile, and did fill my time w/ other poor habits. it was not until beginning of 2021 when i was able to quit fully.
i need to maintain the needs that pornography is currently fullfilling in some way- the issue being, i do not understand what those needs are. pornography desire comes up when i am very stressed and/or very tired.
perhaps, it simply the need to rest (especially my mind, less so my body). i should respect that- my workaholic-ness is what drives me to this level of exhaustion. i need to respect my own boundaries- and here we go, back to self-compassion.
will dedicate the last 30mins of this day to learning more on self-compassion, then.
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no relapse yet- practicing positive exposure again, does help a lot w/ more committed unlearning of my habits as the outcome. But a long way to go in terms of commitment- I am not desperate to quit. I want to be.
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23 hours ago, pdallair91 said:
Whenever I do a "what are my values" quiz or whatever, "honesty/authenticity" comes up all the time near the top for me.
Hey, I hear you- same is for me. And indeed, the current predominant modes of social interaction, be it dating apps or employment, do not favor that. In fact, that is very much discouraged. What you're doing is so brave- I'm glad you do not compromise on your values!
I'm not sure how difficult it is for you to find employment places where honesty/authenticity would be valuable... I too am searching for those- it seems that places like that do not pay much, and are very community/social-focused. Informal education, mutual aid nonprofits (like providing free counselling), etc..
I'm sorry you've had so much struggle from living by your values- it certainly does not need to be that way.
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And a relapse. Similar mode of relapse- low awareness of what I am doing, no red lights went off until I was well into the process. What frustrates me, then, is that upon recognition of my mistake, I continued nonetheless.
That's what must go- relapses like this may happen. But nothing will change unless I keep the stakes high, and treat my mistakes as something worth addressing.
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15 hours ago, Dark said:
I feel my body calls but rarely focus on them becase i have a lot to do and need to rezist pain and minor inconvinience
Used to think similarly; however, I've learned that I get things done a lot quicker when I do listen to that pain. When I do not, my body/mind are multitasking- trying to both do the thing and ignore the pain.
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Recommitting - day 7. I am mindful about who I am, and I will continue to change my life. I do not want to waste a minute- every second I get to inhabit this body is a blessing, and opportunity granted by god/universe to lessen the suffering of other living beings.
Po
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Brief update- day 5. Both keeping mindful of who I am (not someone who engages in escapist activities like pornography) and what I want (connecting w/ real people- friends ❤️).
Life has been accelerating- I feel more driven than when writing my last update. This urgency is energizing- hope to keep riding the wave, safely.
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On 4/10/2024 at 3:36 PM, Ikar said:
First thing that came to my mind reading your entry was your commitment to introspection and your wish to figure yourself out. It's a tough job.
What has worked for me was to find out what I don't want (to do, make or meet), gradually progress to things I want, plan ahead a little and establish a few routines (sleep, work, hygiene). And to prioritize stuff that has the biggest impact. Reading daily is nice, but it's not the biggest priority when you can't provide for yourself or don't have a sleep schedule.
Good luck with your reform 🙂
I appreciate your warmth in this reply ❤️
I believe that my basic needs are met, more or less- I do have the basic habits, but no guiding star to drive them further. I get up early, but not as soon as I wake up. I exercise, but don't break a sweat. Why would I- life doesn't have a very clear sense of purpose.
I am starting to uncover more of what I don't want- but there is still so much fog in the area of my passions. It's both an issue of practice- I don't get to do a lot of the things (I think) I enjoy -and an issue of priority- more everyday tasks like reading tend to fill up most of my day.
introspective is difficult, especially when I'm by myself- thank you for your encouragement!
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On 4/11/2024 at 4:36 PM, Dark said:
- I should focus more on hydration wasted one hour trying to find out what is causing fatigue
Do you do any mindfulness/meditation? Imo, it could be not the hydration, but that you're having trouble noticing that you're dehydrated. For me, a lot of my physical discomforts have lessened once I began listening to myself a lot more. Until then, I could never figure it out- was I eating too much, or too little; too early or too late?..
What it all came to was learning to hear what my body is telling me- b/c those needs change every day. Feeling dehydrated and overhydrated can appear very similar- it's listening deeper that guides me to the right responses to physical discomforts.
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On 4/11/2024 at 11:48 PM, BooksandTrees said:
Sometimes he doesn't stop crying and there's just this extreme cocktail of helplessness, self doubt, failure, and feeling unprepared.
Hey! Just here (as the oldest sibling of 5, my youngest being 2 and 5) to say that others' pain is not always something you can fix. Imo, the most important thing you offer is your presence- even if he's crying, he knows you're there for him. Sometimes that's the best you can do- and that's ok.
As he develops and learns to hold himself, he will remember you holding him, telling him that it will all be okay ❤️
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Today, I did not sent an intent of not-relapsing; fortunately, urges were low.
I am continuing to have massive issues w/ distractions. I need to work through this ASAP- a vision is closer, yet I have not arrived at it still. Hustle hustle!
Po
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Dear Diary...
in Daily Journals
Posted
Hey, I hear you! Whoever you kid grows up to be, they will be (and already are) so thankful for your love and compassion. I'm sorry that it is so hard on you; when my mom was working night shifts, my dad and I would get those similar 4hrs of sleep at night, taking shifts cradling my sibling. They refused to fall asleep w/ anyone but her mom.