[introduction]

Hi friends,

I started playing at the age of 12 on Commodore plus/4, now I am 39. Back then the computer was a new thing, I've never seen that before, seen the first device in elementary school. It was a Commodore 64, the school soon changed it to IBM PC with Windows 3.1. I asked my family to buy such a computer for me, because it was interesting for me. We learned Windows basic skills in school, and informatics for children, but I immediately got immersed in playing at home.

The first game ever in my life was a text game, without any graphics. I had to answer questions and progress. Like who climbed the Mount Everest for the first time. The device and games were utterly ridiculous, but I remember playing a fighting game for 24 hours without interruption. It was in 1992, not sure about the exact years. Soon later I had IBM PC 20 Mhz and was given a platformer from a friend of mine. That was jump in technology, I still have in on my PC after 28 years.

I soon found myself thinking that getting a super fast computer is the real purpose of my life. 

It was not a very serious issue, I've read books, went to gym and go outside to run every day. I graduated from University in 2005 with a good grade. I found myself in the job market, and it wasn't easy at all. I played sometimes, but I had girlfriend and had a lots of books. In 2010 I decided to stop playing cold turkey. I played a strategic game and disliked it, the next popular game was a lame title and it was too much for me. 

Quitting was very hard, even with a low level of addiction. 

First I deleted Windows and installed Linux on my PC to get rid of all games and it worked perfectly. 

Edit: I deleted this, but it is important. Recalling: I have to save this text right now, because it can disappear anytime by another PC crash. I read @MuMuMelon 's diary and how his long post disappeared by tapping a wrong button. 

I put the computer in the cabinet. It doesn't worked, so I put it in the other room, to "cleanse" my room from games, internet and media. After cleaning my room from the PC,  I went to the other room and continued consuming media there. It was not about the games anymore, historical things, TV.

When I quit playing, it was boring and I had lots of other problems too. I changed my addiction to much worse, alcohol, it almost caused my death.

Especially when I relapsed to games 3 years ago, when I bought my first smartphone. The last two years was a game + drink madness, like never before.

I broke my hand after countless hours of playing, I collapsed, and emergency surgeon fixed my broken fingers immediately. I was in cast for 2 months in 2019, and I played with one right hand and left thumb. I was very lucky not breaking my right hand, and meeting the best surgeon. 

Been to hospital in and out, and actually stopped drinking, after a near fatal accident, hopefully forever. The accident involved  36 hours of playing a multiplayer shooter type game without interruption, I collapsed and suffered a bad injury. I'm happy to survive this case.

This year I get a part time job as a cleaner, way under the level of my professional skills and other real life skills. The games and booze lowered my IQ with about 30 points in two years. It is a rough guess, and I am slowly regaining my common sense. I'm still fighting against this addiction, but not ready to quit now. My life is so hard, I need a place to escape.

I have a therapist and support now, and increasingly find games extremely boring. Not sure what else can I do in my free time, I've almost tried everything to find myself in another dead end street. I was into photography, discovering my city, everything works... for a while.

English is not my first language, I made grammar mistakes for sure, my apologies.

Cheers

a relapsed person