amchow

7/1/2020 - Day 33 Today was a particularly slow day at work...... at least until the end of the day and then I felt productive with the flood of work that came in rather unexpectedly, but hey.... being busy is good. Another thing quitting games has done for me: I'm in a much better mood (or just able to deal with my emotions better and understand them better). My mood has been good and I've not felt any urges and cravings that I am aware of (or understand for that matter). Still continuing to go strong and win the war against video games every day.

6/30/2020 - Day 32 It's funny how the longer I go without games, the easier the journey is getting (to the point where I forget to write in my journal because the days are getting easier). Plus, my mind is now so set against games that I actually don't feel good when people support playing them. It's crazy how being honest with yourself really sets you free from so many bad things. Plus, I am enjoying every new hobby I picked up and I am looking forward to the future + the 442 LEGO models I will have built in Idk how much time. It'll be a long time for sure before I even get ALL of them done. Work is going absolutely fantastic and I am enjoying everything I do for a living. I am grateful for everything I have been blessed with and will continue to remind myself that it is NEVER worth giving any of this up for games. NEVER!

Celebrating 30 days of being free of video games. Funny how 30 days ago, I was struggling with doubt about whether I would be able to make it this far or not. Turns out the positive outcome happened! 😄 I look forward to 60 days and all the days to come of being video game free! 😄

6/28/2020 - Day 30 I feel so good today. Two main good things were accomplished today: Finally finished this Tram car model I've been working on for the past couple days (See below) I made it through 30 days of NO video games! Funny how 30 days ago, I was afraid I was going to have a hard time making it this far. But my journey sure is not stopping at 30 days. It's going to keep on going for the rest of my life. Cheers to more days video game free! 😄

6/27/2020 - Day 29 Today felt like a good day. Was super busy with chores alongside a pre-planned zoom call with my women's small group from church and later a get together with my other church small group. Thus, lots of social time today and I felt fully connected and checked in with people. Aside from the social stuff, got started on a LEGO model for a tram car and started writing details for a fanfiction series that I have wanted to do in the past but never got to due to gaming. Tbh, the feeling of accomplishment from creating digital LEGO models is so much better than gaming (which I can't even recall how I felt because my brain was so numb) and it directly translates into the 3D modeling work I do for a living with the visualization skills required for it. Overall feeling good and I'll be writing in the Celebration section of the forum at the end of tomorrow to celebrate 30 days of being video game free. 😄

6/26/2020 - Day 28 Wow. Almost a month has passed since I quit. I look forward to Sunday as the 1 month mark (and more days to come game free of course). I feel rather good that this week is over. It's not that I hate work. In fact I love it quite a lot now. It's just been a busy week filled with lots of work + wrestling with slow systems and processing speeds with work tools. Did the usual daily items such as Duolingo and my typing courses for funsies. However, the highlight of today came not too long ago. I FINALLY finished the B-Model AC Cobra sports car I have been working on for a few days. (See below). The feeling of accomplishment is one I won't forget and it is surely much better than the feelings I don't even remember feeling when doing the dull accomplishment of beating a boss or a dungeon in the past. At least, this model exists as proof of accomplishment and all my previous game exploits have gone 'poof'.

6/25/2020 - Day 27 Today was a productive day. Worked from home and got stuff done. Continuing my daily Duolingo sessions and typing courses + Lego models + reading online comics (namely PPGD by Bleedman on Snafu comics). Still working on my current Lego model (B-Model AC Cobra). May not get it done tonight because it is a bit complex (even though it is a car). Will get the render pic on a future journal entry when I finish it. Achievements: Made a conscious decision to identify myself as an engineer and not a gamer. Continued to stay away from gaming and the endless dream world that constitutes them. Worked hard at work. 😄 Keeping this short because I am a bit tired. 😅

6/24/2020 - Day 26 I had a whole diary entry written out here and thought I clicked the Submit Reply button. Either there was some sort of internet fuzziness or my mouse was being weird and didn't actually click. Regardless of what happened, I again apologize for not touching base yesterday. I was in a good mood all of yesterday. Today I woke up in not too good of a mood (probably due to feeling tired) and I started feeling struggles again. Thank God, I talked to my mom and talked me out of it. In the meantime, I have been active in building virtual Lego models in Studio 2.0. Below is the AH-64 Apache Helicopter I spent the past couple nights (in 2-3 hour sessions) working towards finishing the model. Rendered using PhotoReal engine (from within the software) There will be more to come as I have building instructions downloaded for at least 150+ models to build over the coming months. In summary, I enjoy this hobby rather strongly and feels like more of an accomplishment than gaming could ever give me.

6/22/2020 - Day 24 (Covering for Day 23) I literally can't believe it. I was having so much fun yesterday doing things that are NOT gaming. I repeat NOT GAMING! And thus I neglected to do my daily diary entry. Nonetheless, I have never felt better. I was seriously wrong about how things would be after my parents left. I am actually embracing responsibility for my life for once and to be honest, it feels so good. Being checked into life is so much better compared to being checked out and playing games all the time. Looking back now, I missed so much. Yeah, I was there physically, but mentally, I was absent. Constantly spending time in that man made virtual world that wasn't real at the expense of being there for real people who I was with in real life. I can't believe I was even thinking that playing RPGs in moderation was good thing. That would never have worked. I would still have ended up trapped in there at the expense of a lot of other positive, real things I have been blessed with. Meanwhile, I'll keep enjoying the healthier new things I have come to love and enjoy.

6/20/2020 - Day 22 Today was just a roller coaster of emotions, but I can say with certainty that I resolved to do something right. That is: No consideration of gaming in moderation. I had to again remind myself of the destruction by gaming in general and that I had to be honest with myself that moderation just isn't and will never be an option due to the addiction and compulsive behaviors tied to them. I have to go on with nothing related to fun on a device. No puzzles, color by number, match 3. At for the time being with those. But definitely NO RPGS. I cannot go back to those and risk getting sucked into an imaginary world. I just can't. Because it is not possible to moderate with those. They are designed to keep you in them for hours. Thus, i will never go back to that world. I need remember why I started this and why I need to carry on. For all the things i am grateful for: My parents and what they have invested in me. My job and the team I work with. The roof I have over my head.

Yeah. I have a multitude of activities: Learning a spoken language on Duolingo Learning coding on CodeAcademy Writing stories reading books Listening to music Watching TV shows like Law and Order SVU and Blue Bloods Typing classes for funsies LEGO modeling Recreational coding (no gaming apps). Just a matter of planning which one to do on which days.

@BooksandTrees I am glad you are doing well. In fact, reading your story is making me more determined to never return to games again and not think I can control something that has been such a destructive thing in my life. On another note, I encourage you to start 3D modelling. It's what I do for a living now in mechanical engineering and I find it rather fun. Plus, I do LEGO modeling on Studio 2.0. The BrickLink website has the download for it and it is free. It's the closest thing I have to recreational 3D modeling as all the industrial CAD packages all require a paid license to use them long term. Plus you can build whole models with LEGO building instructions from the LEGO official website without spending a dime (plus they never ever break). If you want another platform that is more 3D animation and has a lot more detail involved, Blender is a good one for 3D modeling and animation with detail nodes and other features. Has good rendering engines and other extensions you can use to customize the interface and available features.

@BooksandTrees I listen to music on the way to work. Once things got busy at work, it took my mind off the stress from home. Plus, I have a group of nice and fun loving colleagues who are very good at keeping morale up so it got me in a better mood. My mom and I made amends the following day so everything is all good now. What I am more concerned about for myself is when they leave to return home today. I'll be alone at home alone a lot and I'll be dealing with a whole new set of urges to game and lie about it (which I don't want to do).

@BooksandTrees Thanks for the advice. I thought about it more and you are right. I am not ready to even consider it and the fact I am feeling the pull at such an early stage is not a good thing. To be honest, the risks are too high for me to even consider it right now. I was reacting too heavily to emotional instability I was having at the time as I had a bit of a spat with my mom before work and was not in a good mood when I posted this question plus I have also been struggling with the fear of letting it go entirely (even though that option would be the best for my life). My main motivation when it came to moderation was to prove to my parents that I could moderate and not go back to gaming full time like I used to. Also, I want to manage my time investment on it and not treat it like an emotional crutch like I used to. Right now, I won't consider it as I am starting think I am not ready to consider it due to how I am currently managing stress from family and potentially work further down the line. I also have no intention of leaving this community as it is essential to me staying the course. @chiliflavor I would listen to BooksandTrees and not consider moderation right now. Focus on winning every day and not go consider it until you've had months to establish new routines, habits and mindsets.

I've been struggling with the thought of inserting gaming in moderation back into my time blocks after 1 month of detoxing and I am wondering... Thoughts on this and what has happened with those who have attempted to do this before the 90 days are finished? Note: I do not intend to ever return to MMORPGs as that is where my addiction lay. I am more so thinking about modded/easy single player offline games as alternatives.

6/21/2020 - Day 21 Today was a busy day at work and I like it when it busy. Time goes by fast. Parents are here now and I am enjoying time with both of them. However, both will be leaving for home this Saturday. Tbh, I am a bit fearful. I think of what I used to do whenever they returned home. Back to gaming in secret I would go. I am extremely determined to not let that be my path of action. Especially during my detox. In the meantime, I keep learning Mandarin on Duolingo, doing typing classes, building Lego models, writing stories, reading books and online comics... the list goes on. I need to focus on improving myself before I even consider gaming in moderation a possibility (without MMOs ofc). Need to stay strong. Gratitude journal: My parents and what they have done to give me a future My job and the team I work with. The roof I have over my head.

6/17/2020 - Day 20 Today was crazy busy at work and I found I love it. Plus, my team is very helpful and supportive in my development as a design engineer and I am extremely grateful for that. Still learning mandarin, doing typing courses for fun and listening to music. In a couple days, my dad will arrive to take my mom home and they will be leaving on Saturday. As much as I will love having my space back, i will miss them a lot and to be frank, them not being here just gives me more incentive to carry this detox all the way through to prove that I can carry this on even when no one is around to see it. I want to keep going strong and doing the right thing for myself. Gratitude journal: My parents and what they have done to give me a future My job and the team I work with. The roof I have over my head.

@Amphibian220 Here's a few I can think of: Writing - Stories, poetry, what ever I think of or just want to write. Reading - If one has books on hand, read 'em. Lego Building - Good activity that can take varying amounts of time depending on the size of the model. Either create your own models or have building instructions for possibly hundreds of models downloaded before hand and you are good to go for hours. Listen to Music - Have music downloaded offline to your phone or to your computer locally and play it via a media player. All in all, be prepared for anything and always have offline non gaming activities on hand in case such a thing does happen. 😁

6/16/2020 - Day 19 Today was a pretty normal day at work with the usual tasks and hee hee haa haa moments at work. There's one thing I am starting to notice as time goes on during my detox. The urges and cravings are starting to fade. I don't feel them as frequently anymore. They are still there. Not going to deny that. The strength of emotions associated with them are not as strong as they once were. Thus, I feel good that things are working out and continue to work out. Gratitude journal My parents and what they have done to give me a future My job and the team I work with. The roof I have over my head.

6/15/2020 - Day 18 Keeping it short again today due to my battery being low at the time of me writing this entry. Went back to the office today with Monday blues and returned home in a good mood feeling refreshed. I seriously love my new job. In the meantime, the time for my mom to return after being here with me for the past 4 months is approaching. In all honesty, with my mindset changing, I must admit. I will feel odd not having her here. For sure I will continue doing chores like I have always done (even when I had been gaming previously). All I know is I'll miss her. Gratitude journal: My mom and dad - I'll miss them when they leave on Saturday. My job - the team I work with and everyone I interact with there. My apartment - Just having a roof over my head makes me grateful. Continuing live my life the way I need to.

6/14/2020 - Day 17 Going to keep this short as I need to go to bed and get sleep for work at the office tomorrow. Good things happened today: Did my usual learning Mandarin on Duolingo. Spent a good part of my day doing typing lessons for funsies. It's actually quite fun regardless of whether you know how to type efficiently or not. It's entertaining trying to get 100% accuracy and as high of a typing speed as possible. Assembled an old fashioned television in Studio 2.0 (Lego builder software) using building instructions I found online. Was quite proud of the end product. Gratitude journal: My parents and how they have provided for me during the Covid craziness in spite of not having a lot of resources themselves. My job and the people I work with as well as the company I work for. My grandma and how much she sacrificed to give her kids and grandkids a future. As per usual, still going strong.

@cardboardcoyote Welcome to the community! I am happy that you are making the same decision that all of us here have made to make our lives better. I agree with ace_dee in that single player games are not as dangerous as online multiplayer. Gaming in moderation can be considered after the 90 day detox period (or how ever long you need it to be). Quitting and detoxing is just one step towards a new life and future. Keep it up! and remember we are all cheering you on as we go through the same journey.

6/13/2020 - Day 16 Today felt like a good day. Resisted urges and cravings to game in spite of unstable emotions (as I got into a conflict with my mom the night before). In all honesty, the conflict was my fault. I started a gratitude journal to begin reflecting on things I have and not things I think I don't have when it comes to my mom. On the positive side, here's what I accomplished: Got my new office chair for my apartment and assembled it myself so I feel very proud of myself for that as assembling something without my dad is a first. Learned how to talk about nationality in Mandarin on Duolingo. Downloaded Lego Build Instructions to use in Lego Digital Designer (LDD). Super hyped about this one as 3D modeling is what I do for a living and I adored Legos as a kid. Watched more Law and Order: SVU with my mum. Gratitude Journal - I am grateful for: My mom and dad - All the sacrifices they have made to give me a future, the money they invested to get me through school debt free, and how they helped provide for me while I was out of a job for 3 months. My job - the team I have, the better work atmosphere, and the desired subfield I want to go into for a career. My car - my parents paid for it fully so i could go on debt free. Am planning to keep this up to change my attitude about my life and my parents and not just my attitude towards gaming and how I live my life. Continuing to go strong and look forward to a new future.

6/12/2020 - Day 15 2nd week of work finished. I am for sure looking forward to getting a new office chair tomorrow. It's about time I got that 6 year old office chair replaced now that I will be working from home every other week until the Covid craziness ends. Time has only taught me what my triggers are and I am now having to face them head on. I must remember to be grateful and not complain, whine or get frustrated. Gratitude diary: I am thankful for my parents and what they have given up for themselves to give me the life I have now, my job, my team at work, the good weather. What I did today: Worked another 9 hour day today, did more learning Mandarin on Duolingo, watched a repeat episode of Blue Bloods. Still going strong.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! I tend to be a overthinker and think too far ahead a lot. Another thing for me to change up and work on.. 😅