amchow

12/11/2020 These past few days have been very busy as it appears that having company presents something different every day. For the most part, my food has been super good and my mom has been spoiling me with her excellent cooking skills to the point where I am often worried I may have gained weight. XD However, I know my weight will go back down once I return to my original food menu. Other than that, nothing much else to report. Until next time.

12/7/2020 These past few days have been both good and a bit hard. My mom has breast cancer and is undergoing treatment that is painful both in the physical and emotional sense as it blocks the body's production of certain hormones. This causes bodily aches and pains as well as low emotional states. I've mainly been there for my mom, supporting her and trying to cheer her up as much as I can. I'm trying to enjoy my time and see this through. Until next time, folks.

12/3/2020 Haven't written for several days as I kept my computer usage as minimal as possible since my mom is here. Have been spoiled with good food all week and I am very content with the time I have had so far. Treasuring all the time I have with her, watching movies and TV together. At the same time, also dealing with my need for independence and space while at it. Until next time, folks.

I am extremely grateful for your vulnerability. I can tell you for sure you are in the right place. A lot of us here have gone through something similar and we have all overcome. I am certain you can too. This forum is a safe place to relate your troubles. As for advice, the journey to recovery starts with you. Start with what you say you want to do. Look your past self in the face and say "You are not who I want to be." Then from there, define specific goals as to where you want to be in the future. What you want as a career, even where you want to be with your relationships. Here are some other tips I can give: 1) Since you are wanting to stop gaming, I would detach from your current "friend group" and make some friends in real life who don't game. The friends you have made online are not really friends and like you said, have no maturity due to being stuck in an adolescent mindset and like you once were, are escaping from something whether it be responsibilities or a painful situation or circumstance. 2) I know it might sound hard, but I would advise coming clean with your dad. It is better to come clean and ask for help than to allow the lie continue growing and try to deal with things yourself. I only managed to get my life to where it should be when I became honest with my parents, my friends from church, and myself about what gaming had done to myself and my life. Trust me. I also had to face my mom's wrath about lying, but it was better going through the pain from that and getting her support in my recovery process than trying to hide it and struggle on my own. In the end, she appreciated my honesty and I am certain your dad will feel the same way after his wrath has faded and will fully support you in your recovery especially if you make it clear you are wanting to turn your life around. 3) Start a journal in the Daily Journals section of the forum. It is a good way to keep track of your progress in the 90 day detox and to help document your feelings and emotions during recovery as those will come and mess with you in the beginning stages. 4) Start with a 90 day detox. It is a good goal to have. For me it started as 90 days, but then it became forever because I found I could live without games. It just took time to get there. Feel free to reach out to people on the forum and don't forget. We are all walking the same journey and we are all here to support each other. You can do it! :D

11/29/2020 It's been a good few days so far with my parents being here. I have been super spoiled with good food these past few days. Quite sure I've gained some weight but it is a worthy price to pay for good food. Now, I am just dreading work tomorrow as I have to deal with the usual nitpicky colleague of mine (if I can even call him that with the amount of picking he does). I just need to keep reminding myself that the best thing to do is let him nitpick and let the boss kick his butt over it. I have no power to do that. Just need to be patient and hold my temper in check.

11/26/2020 Well, it's Thanksgiving and my parents are here. I am glad they are here. At least this time, they do not have to worry about me gaming as I am not doing that anymore. I am glad to be able to relax and enjoy a four day weekend and not have to think about work at all. Plus, I get to sleep in and catch up on sleep. Well, now I await the Chinese Roasted Pork and Chicken Rice that my mom is making for me for a very Chinese Thanksgiving meal. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

A lot of tech and engineering companies are considered essential and are currently hiring people for a variety of positions. If you are looking for a job, Indeed and LinkedIn are good websites to look at. I spent three months searching for and applying to positions on there when I was laid off in March of this year and ended up getting a job in the middle of the pandemic.

11/24/2020 Finally, the time is just around the corner. My parents are traveling to spend time with me for Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to it as I have been longing for more company and just more time with family in general. I worked hard these past few days, even staying up to as late as close to midnight to get things done. It was all worth it in the long run as I got enough done to the point where I could relax and leave the remainder till tomorrow. I also managed to negotiate getting the deadline shifted until tomorrow and later received word from the project engineer that the project will finally be going into the release process after I finish these markups. I am quite relieved at that news as this project was something I originally thought I couldn't do due to it being high difficulty and often times the feelings of anxiety and frequent thoughts of "Is this the job for me?" wore me down. But I learned so much about my line of work and all the processes involved in detailing that I would have not learned if I was doing something easier and in my comfort zone. In summary, it feels like an accomplishment for someone who has only been in the design world for 5 months. However, I have not peaked and will never peak. Being in an engineering job is a journey that won't end until I retire and I know I will continue to learn new things as I continue on through my career and gain more experience. I'll continue to write even when my parents are here. Till next time and... Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in advance! 😄

11/22/2020 I apologize for my absence since the 18th. Been extremely busy working on something urgent for work over the course of this weekend. In all honesty, I am quite okay doing this. It is better than being lazy doing next to nothing after doing real life dailies. Parents are coming in a few days so I am looking forward to that. Also have had quite a time considering mistakes made as of late and I have spent time doing personal introspection on myself. Found that I need to start appreciating my parents' investment in me more and I need to be more conscious of my spending on food and not getting stuff I don't need. In essence, I've got more growing up to do alongside what has already been started. Till next time, folks.

11/18/2020 Not a lot to report aside from the fact that my state is in a low level lockdown status again. I am grateful I can still go outside and take a walk and get groceries when I need to. I am so looking forward to seeing my parents next week + all the food that will come in the weeks to come. At least the weeks will be a bit more varied with my mom staying on for a few weeks. Until next time, peeps.

11/15/2020 Had a good small group meeting yesterday. It always feels good meeting with people in person. The bible study was good and I got to have a fun experience helping keep an eye on a couple of the <2 year old kids who were quite a handful. XD Hard to imagine that I saw them as < 1 year old babies in baby car seats quietly entertaining themselves just a few months ago. Now, they are scurrying everywhere, getting into things they shouldn't, you know. Normal 1 year old antics. In spite of the antics, I love them a lot and I look forward to future years when they are older and I get to "torture" them with stories from when they were babies. XD While it is fun helping take care of them, the thought of having my own kids after I get married is a scary thought (at least for me that is). One step at a time.... Until next time, folks.

11/13/2020 Days are going by fast. It's again surprising considering I am at home 95% of the time. Yesterday, I had a chance to go out. Had a dentist appointment and spent the rest of the evening doing some more stock up errands before coming home to rest and go to bed. Glad today is Friday and I look forward to a small group meeting tomorrow.

11/10/2020 Today was another same old day with work. Working on system drawings and detailing in general. Learned a day ago that Blue Bloods Season 11 will be premiering on December 4th. Looking forward to it. I am just hoping they will not include Covid and all the rioting topics in it. We all don't need to be reminded of that as I am certain we will all not forget about these past several months. I am hoping things will calm down with everything going on. Not sure when it will happen though. Till next time, folks. 😄

11/8/2020 Didn't write for a while due to nothing new to report. Things are still going the usual way aside from the fact that I will be signing up for individual insurance coverage for myself this month. It really feels like you are taking another step towards being a true adult when you have to get off your dad's family coverage due to an age restriction. It's a good thing to me though. It's another cost to concern myself with and it gives me another reason to be financially responsible. In fact, having more costs to concern myself with really stresses the value of money and not being reckless with spending. More reasons to be responsible. 😄 Two more weeks until my mom comes and I get two enjoy a little over a month of Chinese and Indian food. 😍

11/4/2020 Today was a good and productive day. Got done with a lot on a technical drawing for work. Just need to fine tune and submit for review. It feels good when I get a lot done in a day. Despite that, I am now feeling frustrated. Currently, lots of blatant cheating going on with the US election. However, there is not much I can do about it. Just gotta keep living my life and let the appropriate people take care of things. Until next time, folks.

11/2/2020 Wow.... November has arrived. Time is passing fast.... and tomorrow is Election Day in the US. Already stocked up and prepped in case chaos decides to come here to my town and I am unable to go outside for safety reasons. However, I am not fond of the thought and neither do I want such a thing to occur. I hope things die down quickly should this happen. Hopefully, the chaos stays in the big cities and smaller towns are left alone. Till next time, peeps.

10/30/2020 It's another one of those times i thought I sent an entry and then later realized I didn't. Today felt extremely productive. Maybe because it's Friday? I don't know really. What matters is that I ended the workday feeling good. Got a small group meeting tonight and I look forward to relaxing all day tomorrow. Until next time, folks.

10/27/2020 Just going to start putting the date I write from now on. Things have gotten so normal that I've lost count of the days. Today was a good day. Started a new set of tasks after finishing another set of tasks for work yesterday. Every time I finish a big set of items, it feels really good. November is approaching and the weather has gotten colder. Continued my daily routine of going out for a walk after work even when it's chilly. Tbh, I prefer colder weather. Hot weather is uncomfortable to walk in. Continuing to drool as I look forward to enjoying my mom's cooking for a couple months.

@BooksandTrees It's just something I noticed and it's especially surprising when Covid restrictions had all of us locked up indoors on a daily basis for a good part of those months. Restrictions in my area are loose enough thankfully that we are all able to at least go out to run errands or meet in small groups so it's not super suffocating fortunately.

10/24/2020 - Day 145 Today is another usual Saturday. As it is my designed day of rest, I intend to spend it doing just that after what felt like a long week at work. Nothing much is going on this weekend. Hoping there will be small group again next weekend. Plus, I can't believe November is just around the corner. The past few months have felt like they didn't really exist due to it passing so fast. Oh well. Such is the nature of time. Until next time, folks.

10/22/2020 - Day 143 Today was another usual day at work as was yesterday aside from the Town Hall meetings that the company I work for held. Currently, I am eager to return to the office. However, all talk of that from management has stopped completely and I am quite certain this will continue for another few months at least. In the meantime, I do have something positive to look forward to. My parents are arriving in my town just a day or two before Thanksgiving. :D My mom is staying with me for a couple months. Thus I get to be spoiled by her skills as god tier level chef for that whole time and I am already daydreaming of Chinese roast pork and the varieties of butter chicken and Indian curries that my mom is planning on cooking. (*drools as the thought passes through the mind*) Oh, if only end of November would come already. I want my roast pork. T.T Gotta be patient until then. :) Until next time, folks.

10/20/2020 - Day 141 It's another one of those times that you have enough going on in life that I forgot to write again. Apologies again for that. Yesterday was a normal start to the week. Last Sunday felt good after having two social events that day. One was a Zoom call with the other being in person. I particularly loved the in person meeting as one of the children of my small group leaders gave me a picture she colored and I was rather touched by that. :) Ate some good snacks and meatballs while I was there and did some catching up with friends. Then I came home and got a good night's sleep. Speaking of sleep, feeling like getting lots of sleep today as I am feeling rather tired. Today felt like a long day. Until next time, folks. :D

10/17/2020 - Day 138 I'm writing now as I am going to be busy with social stuff and cooking for the rest of the day. Finally, today is a day with lots of interaction. Zoom call with my women's small group and then an in person meetup in the evening with another group. I am satisfied. It'll refresh me lots and I'll feel better after the fact. I'm super looking forward to that plus the bowl of wonton noodle soup I'll be making for lunch shortly. Until next time, folks.

10/15/2020 - Day 136 Days are turning out more or less the same. Though that can be explained away and excused given the current circumstances with Covid and all. Have been really hankering for more social contact (and very much regretting not doing more of it pre Covid). Gives me something to look forward to once all the craziness comes to an end. The Blue Bloods DVDs finally came in yesterday and I started watching. Though then the thought of "What about after I finish the series?" comes into play. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I also started on my next LEGO model this past weekend (Old Fishing Store from the LEGO Ideas set collection). Going at it slowly as it is a complex model in spite of it being a building and one missed step or brick in a step can mess up a lot further down the line. Until next time, nothing new to report.

It's not just a matter of changing behavior as you are experiencing now. It's also a battle of will, emotions and mind. It will require mindset changes and a willingness to try those new things instead of instantly thinking those things are boring. In all honesty, the stuff that we often think as boring in our youth are the things that contribute the most to our future. Try learning a coding language or something practical like that. For all you know you may come to love it in the future.