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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. Anyway, I just write something for today as well: I relapsed on my nofap adventure. It is such a hard thing for me. But it is not as much of a problem, as it may appear to be, because the most important thing is to get rid of the pornography addiction. Since that did not happen. I am still happy. The curious thing however is that immediately after relapsing, I fell back into some kind of old habits: I immediately started look for ways to procrastinate. When I think about it, this often happened to me after fapping. Normally, this would lead to a procrastination cycle and I would waste valuable hours with bullshit. However, this time I am breaking this cycle by writing this text right here. I will soon start to work again, because I still have two more hours, before I have to go to university (woke up at five). Today I will try to focus on this nose thing, to see, if it helps me with my eye contact issues. But I feel confident today despite my earlier "failure". For instance, I shaved quite nice, even though my skin reacted a little bit to the razor. But I have some nice lines and contours, so this is awesome. Btw, I also listened to another episode of the art of charm podcast. It was episode 266 with Josh Shipp - Wishful thinking is not a strategy. It was so good and so insightful. I can really recommend it. Those guys really manage to create this "aha-moment", which makes you feel caught, because some of the things you struggled with yourself. And now it is time for me to get to work. A failure is nothing that should put me down, but encourages me to work harder. It is a long way to go.
  2. A little update about yesterday, because I was to tired to do it after driving back home. I really get shit done now. I just start working and finish pretty much whatever I want. However, I still think that I could do so much better. Youtube, facebook and other kind of websites really pose a huge source of distraction. On my main browser, I installed an extension to block those websites after 20 minutes starting from my wakeup time (5 to 6.30) to 5 pm. This absolutely helps me to stay productive. The best option is the nuke ability, where I do not have a timer, but it is blocked immediately for as many hours as I want. I can not deinstall the extension during this time and I never really want to. But it is just crazy, how often I still open youtube or something just without any good reason in the middle of my work. Since there is then the message that it is blocked right now, but it is insane how often this happens. I swear, at least 5 to 10 times within a 60 minute timeframe. Despite all of my huge changes and my work ethic, there is still this procrastination mentality. I have to fight this. Such a time waster. Regardless, yesterday was pretty great. It was nice, just to get the positive feedback of my family.
  3. @voidedhalestorms So you never have this kind of discomfort with anyone? Ofc with the expection of life threats. ^^ For me it really feels like a big barrier, I so could not get rid of.
  4. Wow, thanks for the idea. Will try it out tomorrow. So are you also doing this when passing by strangers or only when you are in a conversation?
  5. Thanks for the input. That was very helpful. I will try to apply some of the things you mentioned. Regarding health, you hear so many different things. One says, it is important to stay healthy, another doctors says that it does not matter. Guess in the end, no one knows the truth. xD
  6. Yesterday, my family was quite surprised by all the changes, I made. I tend to be against the idea of external motivation, but I have to say that this was a slight confidence booster and it also makes me wonder, what kind of impression I had give them over the last years. I seems that I have been quite messy in the past. It really feels good to be on the right track now. Right now, I will give this nofap thing a try, but I already feel like I could explode. Let's see, what happens. Maybe the tips of one member of this forum will help out a bit.
  7. Yesterday I had two noteworthy experiences. First, I was buying stuff in a store and when the female seller was looking me in the eyes. I managed to hold eye contact. Overall, nothing special, but usually that is a struggle for me. The second thing was that I managed to sray alert and focused during a 4 hour drive. Usually, I get extremely tired, but this time, I made it trought the whole thing with ease. Ofc I took a break, but might it be that my new lifestyle gives me more energy? An interesting observation, which I will observe further throughout the journey.
  8. I guess you should do, whatever helps you. For me right now, I just really believe in it. And I mean I REALLY believe that I am an early riser and hard worker etc. It seems only logical to wake up early and get shit done. But for some areas, this is more difficult for me than others. And I think as long as you feel like you miss something, it is still attached to your old identity. James Clears said, we are proving our identity to us with our behaviours and habits. They are like a mirror. So I think, it is this fine balance between really believing in the new identity and then proving it with your habits. But it should really never be based on outcomes. Not only did James Clears say that, I also experienced it. It you only go to the gym in order to look good for other people, you will really not stick to it. 100 %. This whole thing is entirely a dialogue between you and youself. May sound weird, but it is true for me. Actually you are doing this to impress your "second you". Self love is really important in this. You clean your appartment, you work out, you eat healthy, you take care of yourself, because you think that you deserve it. For me personally, I really started with my diet one year ago. Those constant diet adjustments really proved me this: Not only am I able to stick to healthy diet routines, I also have some degree of self control. Especially for us former gamers (in my case still a gamer unfortunately), we are struggling with self control and really believe that we are incapable to resist things, since our addiction is actually made by design: Developers design games that they bring us in a state of flow, this balance between perfect level of challenge and perfect perceived level of "easiness". There must be a reason, why so many of us also don't workout, eat healthy and have a porn addiction. We just believe, we are incapable to resist it. It is therefore useful to start with something, does not have to be your diet, which you feel comfortable to do. This could create a chain reaction, where you get this confidence that you have self control and now can apply it for other areas of your life. I started with my diet changes one year ago, but only a couple of weeks earlier did I really start to become a passionate worker. So for some areas it might be easy, for others I will be harder, because your identity is still attached to it. For crying out loud, some of these habits are things, we did for years or even decades! But believe me this: You can develop self control. Big time. This is something, I don't believe. I know!
  9. Welcome, I am also new here. "Gaming-free wise" I am not, where you are right now, but I hope that at some point, I will be there as well at some point. About this "trigger". Maybe the trigger was an internal one. Something like that happened for me as well. An inner mindset shift, which I think is always better than external motivation. Anyways, good luck here. Ps.: I have no idea, how you guys can all stay away from pron and masturbation. ^^
  10. Welcome, I am also new here. I know what you mean with the sense of purpose. Games can really give you that feeling of accomplishing something. I mean, the developers basically design it that way. Right now, I am really focusing on my studies and work my butt of. When I go to discord, which I do rarely and see all those people playing for 5 hours straight, it really is a slap in my face, considering that I used to do that as well. Now, when I see, how much work I have to do, despite all the additional effort, no wonder I failed so far. All this time was soaked up by these silly games. But it is also hart to give up on my online friends, because it was always a good time, I had wih them. I am not ready yet to do so and quit forever. I recommend to really focus on a real life goal to fill the gap of gaming. For me it is self improvement in basically every area (diet, work ethic and social life (thats the hardest one). I just don´t miss anything, because it is so exciting and completely requires my full attention. And since it was also recommended to me to start writing a journal, I think you should do the same. But you are absolutely not alone with your struggles. Greets
  11. It has been a pretty good day for me. It actually started a bit shitty, because I was playing a bit with friends the evening before. Therefore, when I woke up early, I was pretty tired. I still managed to being quite effective with learning and was productive. Brought some gift for friends and family and also managed to bring some snacks to university. Think the people liked it. So yeah, overall an exceptional day. Hope I can keep up with the vibe.
  12. I know that I have a lot of problems, which is probably the reason, why I am here sharing stuff with you guys. Especially, when it comes to socially related things that involve other people. However, I know that I accomplished a lot of things this year individually, which were quite big game changers for me and I have some theories and ideas, why it was working out for me. I lost a lot of weight, started to eat healthy, exercised a lot more and recently, I became an early riser, take care of my skin and body regularly, do some yoga and work very hard for university. I also play less videogames. So therefore, I want to quickly share my expericence. If just one person is benefiting from that I think it was worth to do it. 1. You have to change your identiy. I think that many people look only at numbers and outcomes. When it comes to changes, you should not focus on the number, how much weight you lost or how muscular you became. It is more about a mindset shift and a new identity. I am convinced that a nerdy couchpotato will never be able to have a regular fitness routine and eat very healthy. Because I think that at the moment, where those things become a reality, this person is not a couchpotato anymore, but actually a fitnessfreak and healthy eater. Ofc those terms are used very vaguely, so I don´t want to get to deep into definitions. But the shift comes from within. One month ago, I found out that other people actually have written about stuff like that before. So, luckily, I figured it out for myself. But in case you want to read more, check out "Identity-Based Habits: How to Actually Stick to Your Goals This Year" by James Clear. You can find a free article, but there is also a book. Really good stuff and basically, what I have also experienced. 2. It only takes 5 seconds Mel Robbins 5 second rule can really get you going. You basically just count down from 5 to 1 and then just do it, whatever you want, whether it is rising up from bed or doing something useful. Just do it. Check out her Ted-talk. Really inspiring! Definitely helped me to get going a bit. But ofc I am not only relying on that. For instance, I don´t need it to rise early. I just do it, because my mindset kinda wants me to do it. ^^ 3. It is ok There was some article that stated how important it is to come down and relax in case, you messed up or did something wrong. Just saying "it is ok" to yourself in those situations can be really helpful. You are only human. Failing is natural. Unfortunately, I have no idea, what the article was called that discussed those "three magic words". xD 4. Take care of yourself I recently started to get into grooming, skin care etc. I also eat quite healthy. Being obsessed with these things can really help you to feel a lot better. It is actually kinda fun to be against sweets and to actually hate them. I feel so much better by trying to eat good, clean food and to work out. Makes a difference in my opinion. 5. Be patient Changes take time. Therefore, it is important to not only focus on the results. For instance, I never really measured my weight routinely. So it never really mattered, whether I was loosing or gaining weight. But over time, ofc I lost some, almost without noticing. Focus more on your inner mindset and identity, which links back to the first point, seems to be the more sustainable solution for me. Yeah those where just some things, which I wanted to share here. Maybe it will help someone, to get a new perspective on things. Ofc those were only my personal experiences. So do, whatever helps you. Take care! Alex
  13. Alright, I will start a little journal here. I have never been able to really start something like this and tend to be sloppy with those things, so I am not starting overly enthusiastic and writing a ton. I am also not commiting myself to write everyday and one specific time. Just a little bit, when I feel like it. It is also the middle of the day, but right now, I just feel like doing it. So yeah, lets get into it. It is today another one of those excellent days, where I had quite the perfect morning. I woke up at 5 and was immediately awake. I followed my usual practice of opening the windows, drinking some glass of water, shaving, showering and extensive skin care. Since a couple of days I am trying out a new washlotion. My skin feels so good after it. It is crazy, how soft it can become. Besides the usual things like coffee and some oatmeal with apples and a bit of honey. Was then watching some replay of the dallas/phoenix game. Luka nailed it once again. ^^ In university, I actually managed to have eye contact with another female student and was saying "good morning" to her. For me that is quite the accomplishment. I was actually proactive instead of reactive. The same, when talking to another girl during programming. We then worked together for a while. I know, those are just minor things, but for me this is quite big. This is all probably to the nice podcast "the art of charm" as well as my recent shift regarding my mindset. So this was quite the success. Now i will work a couple of hours for university. Later I will watch a Harry Potter movie with a female friend. We will to this via discord. After that probably playing some games together and then it is time for bed. I know that I should not play games, yet I just do not feel ready yet to give up this kind of connection with my online friends. It is just not possible yet. I will now also write something in this group that I think is worth sharing and then it is time to get active. That is it for now. Not important whether it was day 1 or whatever. I think, numbers are overrated. It is not about the numbers.
  14. I think video game are the actual reason, why I cannot enjoy books anymore. I always tend to say that it is due to the fact that I have to read a lot of shit for university. But the more I think about it, the more I would draw a connection between books and video games. Whenever I try to sit down and just start reading and just start reading a book, I will start to yawn and just get tired. Maybe I should start doing it, when I want to sleep. ^^ Whatever, the level of stimulation by videogames is just insane. Another good reason to stay away from it I suppose.
  15. Alright, I will try it out. Thanks for your kind words. It just generally know that I had no endurance in the past to do something like that. I hope it will be different this time ^^ @ismailkanaan @DaBest I am not so sure about the therapist. Would really take a lot of willpower for me to try something out in this regard. Maybe with some different perspectives, it will become a little bit easier for me to do that. Furthermore, I highly doubt that I will be able to stick to the Nofap thing, but I will give it a "shot" I guess. xD That one with sports is right though. I know that it can really help to engage in something like that. But again, this is this thin transition between staying at home and finally getting my ass out of the house. There is just something that hinders me. Not even sure, what it is exactly. ? I can really relate to what you said with those social conditioning things. And actually, I tend to want something back in return, so this is also something, I can work on. Btw, I tried out the Art of Charm podcast. The guys are really hilarious and time flies by listening to them. This was a superb advice to listen to them. I will continue to do so. Take care!!!
  16. @DaBest wow thank you very much. Those were some really useful tips. I am familiar with Carnegies works, they are quite good. But it is really hard to actually use them in reality. For instance, despite knowing that smiling at people is beneficial, I just can't do that. Even looking at people is a problem. Anyway, I will check it them out and see, if they are can help me. That one with improv comedy is a little surprise though. And about nofap. It this really helping? I am not sure and to be honest, I struggle big time with this subject. ^^ @ismailkanaan what is the reason to start the journal? How will it help me? Do you have experience with that?
  17. Maybe skip the big text and read the summary down below. For over 20 years now, ever since I was a little boy, I have been a hardcore gamer. My entire life was based on it. I was either unwilling or incapable to focus on something else. Something meaningful. In all those years, I perfected the skill to sit in front of my computer, without moving a lot and pretty much ignoring every itch in my back... sitting there for hours playing stupid games. However, this year, I lost this ability... Changes Something deep inside of me has changed. It started with my diet. I hated to be controlled by sweets, junk food and trash like that. I quitted most of that at the beginning of the year. Sure, on occasion I would eat a piece of cake or something like that. How often have I eaten icecream this year? Not one single time. Chocolate? Maybe twice. I also started to work out a lot. As a result, I already lost 24 pounds. Over the year, I became quite obsessed with the idea of clean eating and good food. I cook a lot myself and try to eat as healthy as possible. I am a new person in this regard. Yet, despite all of these successes, which were quite new to me, since I have tried diet changes for many years, I still was not progressing with my life. The reason? GAMES!!! I hated them. I hated that I could not resist on playing them, when I wanted to learn for university. I hated that I could not resist, when I wanted to clean my room. I hated that I could not resist, when I wanted to go outside and meet new people. I hated that they were like chains around my neck, making it impossible for me to become, who I wanted to be. The real outburst Now three weeks ago, I had the biggest change of my life. I hated that I was oversleeping because of games. I liked the current topic in the university and wanted to really focus on that. I would like to turn it into a career, if possible. But the oversleeping was making this quite hard. The next day, I went to bed early and the next morning at 6.30 am I used the 5 second rule by Mel Robbins. It really helped me to immedieately stand up and start my day. A new burst of motivation was inside of me, which I have never felt before. I now work very hard for university, something I could never do before. Procrastination was always in my way. I now wake up between 5 and 6.30. I eat even healthier and I can even resist gaming in order to work hard. When I played some path of exile two days ago with a friend of mine, it was the first time since one week that I was playing a game. Other things just seem more important right now. Why am I telling you all this? This sounds like a hero tale of someone, who has iron will and can change his life just like that. I think the only thing that I changed, was my identity. Which was easy, because... I hated myself! I still hate myself, but something has changed. Just an identity change, which was not really focused on the outcome. That was the x-factor. Something I have overlooked for so many years. How can a couch potato become a health freak and exercise fanatic? By becoming a health freak and exercise fanatic. Just cooking healthy and going to the gym is not enough. It has to be a change inside of you! Summary This year, I mastered to do the following things: - I turned from a couch potato into a health freak and fitness fanatic and lost 24 pounds so far - I turned into an early bird - I turned into a hard worker However, there is one identity, which is stronger than every other. Seemingly stronger than eating and waking up: Gaming. I am a nerd, I am a gamer, a computer maniac. This is who I have been for my entire life. Right now, I have full control over everything I do. But I am not sure, if it will stay like that forever. I am afraid that gaming will strike back and pull me back into this dark hole, where I have been for many years. But even worse, despite me changing so many things this year, I am not sure, if I can change my identity of being a nerd. It is what I have been my entire life. It is all I was and all I am. How can I change it? How can I finally destroy the one thing, I love more than anything else? But now the reason, why I am here There is another thing, which takes my control away. Gaming made me a social cripple. I am not sure, if people can relate to that: I can talk and chat via the internet without problems. But I have trouble to go outside. I would like to go out and hang out with people; meet new people. But I don´t know how... When I go to a lecture in the university, I have problems to make the first step and talk to people, I don´t know, where to look and what to say. Making friends and small talk? It seems to be so easy for other people. But I am incapable to do it. It seems, they would talk to me, but they don´t know how to approach me. What to say... I feel like a weirdo. Looking on a screen. Looking at pornography, that is something I can do. Sitting in my room for hours. Like three weeks ago, I discovered that this one last identity, the nerd, the gamer, also has to vanish. To turn my life around completlely the way I like, it has to go. Otherwise, I will be stuck forever. Despite not even gaming, I feel the chains around my neck. But I am afraid that I can not do this one last change by myself. I just opened my eyes for the first time after years and feel like I woke up in the matrix. Please help me! Gamequitters are the only people that fully understand me. People with similar problems and similar chains keeping them captive. Take care people, everything is possible. I belive in that!