NEW VIDEO: Why You MUST Quit Gaming in 2025
Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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On 1/13/2025 at 6:21 AM, wheatbiscuit said:
Basically, I haven't binged longer than regular waking hours (16 at the very most and worst, I believe) since I was given medical treatment almost 10 years ago now. Even then, I had chores and work to do/in my mind - not to mention relationships. My point is that maybe there's a passion you haven't exploited that you might be extremely efficient at, thereby reducing time spent in achieving satisfaction.
Ikar told me sometime that my age (29 or 30) was 'no age' in being set in my habits. One of the small moves I've taken is having bought some fair-priced colouring pencils. I'm now on the lookout for an extensive empty picture book. It's music and truly harmless concentration that I'm looking for. Keep searching! - I didn't enjoy the idea of you dominating a game too much (as you surely did!), but the humanness that crept into your posts as you potentially watched several of us 'drop off' was heartening, as I often find in these things.
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As an update, I 'creamed' several in-game tasks as well during my break, at much cost to my mental state a few times. It starts with my morning cup of tea, and the search for something that: 1) Takes 30/45/maybe 60 minutes, 2) Sets me up for the day's to-do list without making me down-and-out about it, and 3) Improves relationship perspectives, generally. Someone from one of my groups also passed away, which was unexpected and saddening but not truly unbelievable - I will say that it is still a bit unreal and unfair to me though, ultimately wrong or right I don't know. I'm not counting my chickens, but there is still a lot of hope for this year in my book.
Support to everyone and this beast of a journal. - Matt (wheat biscuits still have worked well at all hours).
I share that "16 hours most/worst" experience, eating and sleeping relatively normally. I'm now actually in the process of writing down habits that I want to establish work on this year. I still seem to do a lot of things randomly and haphazardly, but I'm trying to work on it. I don't think I need too many habits either. Ultimately, there's no time to do everything either and I want to have some fun or do something different at times.
On 1/14/2025 at 8:51 AM, Amphibian220 said:@YanIn your posts, the day counts look very attractive. Your journal displays perfection which may also guide you to the reason for the relapse.
This attraction to counters distinguishes gamers because video games of all sorts communicate their successes to the player in this way.
I have this thinking for men who have taken the path to recovery in general: they have to start doing things they habitually outright avoid and deny. It can be difficult due to lack of knowledge.
many do not have safe people with whom they can share so that they can become more aware, many do not address areas of chronic neglect. Asking someone close and trustworthy for help is a major step in healing.
I also eventually ditched the "day counter", as there was no need to track progress in this way anymore.
15 hours ago, Yan said:To clean myself of its effects and reduce the need for willpower to fight gaming, there's one solution I'm aware of, and that is to not touch it completely fo a certain period which makes my identity as a "non-gamer" stronger, and makes me find substitutions for the hormone rushes it provides, and not even think of it, because that's not something i do on a day to day basis.
Regarding the other paragraphs
As you say you haven't binged over 16 hours. I have. Already two days out of the 4 i gamed, and in my previous relapse it was often happening too, with frequent 20 hours of gaming and 4 of sleep.
I do agree, there might be some haabit change needed, since i most definitely was lacking something if i started playing, although I'm not yet sure which , but i have some things in mind which I'm already trying out and we see how it works out
I think you should re-consider the "balancing thoughts yourself too, and i think its your "soft brain" talking excuses. Don't give it any place and take the path of self fulfillment and life, and not regret and avoiding the challenges of growth by tricking your brain's hormones.
Thank you very much for jumping n and giving your thoughts in any case. Appreciate it. Let me know what you thinkI think labeling yourself as a "non-gamer" is helpful for the initial recovery phase (avoiding gaming), but it's not really an identity to have forever. I remember to this day I had the idea that I would present my then-students of English (back in 2019) what change came into my life by quitting games. In the end, I think the lesson got canceled, so I didn't have this presentation. I also remember having lessons with a former alcoholic and sharing our stories in early 2020. I can't imagine running lessons on that today in 2025 though 😄 I even played a TV-computer game with my friends in one room last year in autumn and I've just remembered it for the first time, even though at I was initially reluctant for obvious reasons.
If anything, it's good to know how you work and how you can operate. If going strictly down the path you set out for yourself, day in and day out, it's great. I've had a similar experience to @wheatbiscuit 's; I could game all day long, stopping just to eat and sleep, but my sleep schedule has always been remarkably consistent. Good luck exploring new activities and habits to help you not game 🙂
9 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:One friend of mine expresses reluctance to 'overshare' at all, which is something I admire. The friend who contributed the lion's share to my journey here told me (after my detox!) that I still wasn't coherent enough for him. That is one of my more major concerns. If you hadn't already seen, I am largely soft by nature, and warming up is a very necessary process. Through abstinence I did achieve, but not much personally in that sphere.
To conclude and re-state, 'should need' has yet to become 'does/do need'. Forum direct messages are always welcome, as I've typed what I would have typed to anyone, almost anywhere.
If it helps anyone, I would encourage not to immediately view posts through the lenses of either addicts or fierce abstainers. I admit, it's hard to see many updates as a whole myself too, generally.
Don't worry, I think you got a bit more coherent from the last time I checked 😄 I get the message about should need/do need, it's a good point to mention.
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Evaluation of this year's goals:
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Main must-have plans for 2024:
Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course. - finished in July
Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this. - finished in January
Move in with my girlfriend in April. - finished in April
Set up the new kitchen for my grandma. - I now checked on my phone that the first furniture construction/replacement happened this mid-September. Most of the furniture is now changed/constructed, as well as most of the ancillary stuff like gas, walls etc.
Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:
Re-start my financial blog in February. - I haven't really thought of it in the last few months. Optional.
Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard. - Optional. I don't even now know why it's here 🙂
Habits:
Stop watching porn (again). - I had a run of three or four weeks without porn in June before CELTA. I entered "survival" mode during CELTA, as I just had no other way to relax and really even no time to relax. Holidays with my girlfriend usually give me time to stop, but it usually doesn't last long after. I just can't help but feel excited about it every now and then. And maybe that's it. I should just make my life more exciting and try new activities more often. I'll keep this in mind moving forward.
Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room. - I put my phone in the living room, so that works.
Establish flossing at least once a week. - I usually establish flossing for about a week and then successfully forget about it.
Exercise regularly. - I exercise with my girlfriend and do stretching on my own, in gradual intensity since about May.
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Plans coming up below.
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2024 yearly report
I'll lump reading, learning and university into one chunk:
Facts: I finished the university. I read two business/lecturer books, a book about health and a book about relationships. I finished the CELTA course. I met with my CELTA course-mate online. I read up on Reddit about finance and English teaching. I added and removed newsletters.
Feelings: I realized going to courses and reading books is nice, however it's not of much use if one doesn't actually apply the advice. Therefore, I'm quite OK with having read 'only' three books during the year, because I made notes (photos) of the important parts, grasped important concepts from them and overall put the advice into practice. I also became much more intent with newsletters. Whenever I find something interesting, I usually sub for a few weeks, check out the basic concept, and then unsub. My email is now much less cluttered than it used to be.
Family:
Facts: I think 80-90% of the whole kitchen project is done, mostly done in the second part of the last year. I think that's the only fact I have worth mentioning.
Feelings: I guess my mom is slowly succumbing to dementia. It's been happening for a few years, but I think putting a label on it helps me cope with it. I also don't think my father has skill-set and toolbox to make the situation better. I think the kitchen project really stretched my family's ability to work together. There would be problems even if we worked smoothly though. I'll let that be my lesson for the future; to do something for somebody with extreme limitations in how I do it, worrying about getting something wrong (for somebody else) and having to take blame from somebody else when something ultimately does go wrong. Maybe I'll grow closer to my family when I have kids, I don't know.
Business/English:
Facts: My business/English teaching is trending upwards. I improved the lessons for my students (questionnaires, CELTA), improved my business education (business books), worked on the marketing (new website, pricing) and eliminated nearly all language school courses. I have less than 10% of reduction of profits compared to the last year, but I also worked about 25% less lessons.
Feelings: I made some pretty big one-off investments into my business this year: I got the CELTA, new computer/technology and I'm working on the new website with a few other people. I feel good about it though, as it was and is necessary. Getting the CELTA was very demanding, but I managed to do it. Eliminating language school courses was also a big confidence boost and it assured me in that what I'm doing is correct and in demand.
Exercise:
Facts: My efforts to do exercise and stretch have been going up since May. I found a workout group I went out with a few times. I also started working out with my girlfriend several weeks ago.
Feelings: I think I started exercising more due to my occasional headaches and higher blood pressure. I don't know whether they are related, but exercise yields more benefits besides perhaps solving these problems.
Relationship with my girlfriend:
I've been looking forward to living together and we moved in together in April. I can say it's much better than living with flatmates, though perhaps a bit more distracting at times. I like to spend time by myself (for example when I have a free morning and my girlfriend's at work), so that's sometimes a challenge. What's great is that I think we solved/managed the traveling issue as well. I also started to exercise more, so I think that brought us closer together than ever before. We also worked on the "Seven Principles" book by Gottman and took some techniques and exercises from it. We also try to spend at least a bit of time alone with each other every day and I can say we're quite successful with that.
Social:
I participated in multiple different events: organized my friends and went to the shooting range with them, played billiard, laser game or table football; all that with different people and friend groups. I meet my best friend a few times a month. Oddly enough, I can also say an important social aspect has been the work on my new website with the web designer (and possibly the same for the coder this year as well). I can also say I have a good time with my girlfriend's family whenever I visit them.
Writing/Blogging:
I wrote/rewrote a grand total of two articles this year. I still have a few half-written articles I could finish, but I can't be bothered. I can't say I missed it or that I had an urge to write more often than that. Maybe later.
Other hobbies/activities I worked on this year: modern history, politics (though mostly as fun or infotainment), personal finance/investing, theater/culture events, shooting range, billiard, table football, my business.
Plans for this year coming up below.
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 10/12/24 - 7/1/25
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: I however do think I made good progress in educating myself through chats, meetings and Reddit with other English lecturers. Read up on my sub-reddits about finance again. I also read a short and a very insightful book about language lecturing. Gonna borrow a book about health today.
T: Spent some time reading on Reddit again, scanning for any relevant information. I'm almost finished with "Outlive" by Attia. I can say it sparked more interest about health, exercise and fitness in general.
Possible direction/goals:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: Managed to get to my grandma's kitchen twice with my friend and my father. Most of the old furniture has been eliminated. Now we just need to install the sink/sink cabinet and one more drawer cabinet. I also visited a Korean grill restaurant with my brother to try something new 🙂
T: I went to the theater with my mom and made some family visits as usual. My father and my brother took turns to work on the grandma's kitchen and it seems like we're really nearing the end.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
Business/English:
L: I have the CELTA certificate at home now! I also improved my financial planning by implementing new tools. I also worked on writing some of my new website and worked with my web-designer. Section with the split of lessons (my own/language school) deleted. Feels good! I've had this goal for the last two/three years and now it's reality. I had nearly 20 hours of lessons last week and just 1 for language schools. I'm happy 😄
The website improvement project is still ongoing, though not much work was done in the last month. The web-designer just asks me a thing or two every week; I assume he has enough work on other projects too. Truth be told, the ball was sometimes on my side and it took me a few days to supply something. It's OK though, because I know I'm doing something for my future career development. Other than that, it's standard Reddit reading about other teachers' experience, students finishing and starting, admin and preparation.
T: Worked on the new website again with the web-designer. Sent out the bi-yearly questionnaires to my students.
After sending out the questionnaires, I went for a holiday to Balearic Islands with my girlfriend. After coming back, I felt very excited to work with my students again! I contacted some of my old students and I signed up for a course organized and run by a coach I cooperated with in the past at the university and that paid for by the government. I hope the application goes through 🙂
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA
Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials.
Networking and business events.
Past projects:
Questionnaire - June 2023
Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.
Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).
Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023
Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.
Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.
Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".
Lecturer academy Brona. - fall 2023
Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July
Google sheets system for students. - update it
Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024
Canceled agency courses - March
Taxes - April/May
60/55 minutes online transition - April/May
Questionnaire part 3 - June
CELTA - July 2024
Contacted old students with offers - Aug/Sep 2024
Raised prices - from Sep
Website improvement project - from Aug
reading business books - Vlach, Gramel
Questionnaire part 4 - Jan 25
Exercise/Movement:
L: These days, I normally manage 1-2x exercise sessions (or runs) and 1-2x stretching sessions. All that along with some hikes at the weekend and regular walks once or twice a day. My blood pressure is somewhat elevated, but not in need of medication. I have another appointment on the 19th to check up with the doctor.
T: Exercise is about the same as it was the last month. The appointment went alright, though I am going for another test later this month. Went to donate blood plasma twice as well, so I assume my health is alright, as they need to do checks.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
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My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: going for holiday with my girlfriend, baking christmas sweets with my girlfriend, visiting the theater with my mom, having a board-game night with friends, visiting my friends, working on my relationship with my girlfriend (7 Principles), reading about finance, reading about English. Spent less time at the computer too.
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For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier.
I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.
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Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:
Main must-have plans for 2024:
Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.
Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.
Move in with my girlfriend in April.
Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.
Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:
Re-start my financial blog in February.
Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.
Habits:
Stop watching porn (again).
Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.
Establish flossing at least once a week.
Exercise regularly.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
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17 Dec - 3 Jan:
I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping. I don't think the activities I'm missing are unimportant either. I'd like to read more, exercise more, work on my business more, floss more or journal more. I really miss doing the things, it's not about hitting some arbitrary benchmarks of hours exercised or money made. I can also say that I am better at the mentioned activities than I was a year ago - I'm more effective at work, I started exercising and I make time to read more often.
Distractions vary, but I ultimately believe I have the power to manage them in a way that makes sense. I just hate being distracted and not being able to focus. I feel like my day just wasted away if I don't have a regular dose of these sessions. Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier.
As for the activities over the last two weeks: I did some reading, meeting with friends, went to cardiology, questionnaire, week-long trip to Mallorca with my girlfriend, got my financial spreadsheets updated, met my family, watched films and series with my girlfriend.
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On 12/22/2024 at 6:48 AM, Yan said:
Listened to that book, as far as I remember it was a beneficial experience from which i took away some health improvements (lifestyle) don't remember which though 🙂
Yes, I'm about to finish it and after I'm done, I'll find out more, especially about exercising. I am still nowhere near the recommended amount/quality, but I'm trying to get there.
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10 Dec - 16 Dec:
Got some work done on my website again and I think my web-designer is finishing his work slowly as well. My girlfriend and I made Christmas sweets together last week. We also did some exercise and went out a few times. I went out to the theater with my mom on Saturday and went shopping for new pants with my girlfriend on Sunday. The shopping turned out to be painful; I got a headache later during the day, maybe because of dehydration, not eating enough or just because of the environment in the shopping mall. I also started reading a new book called "Outlive" by Peter Attia, so I hope to take some insights from it for a healthier life.
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 6/11/24 - 10/12/24
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: I however do think I made good progress in educating myself through chats, meetings and Reddit with other English lecturers. I went to a seminar about tech in education, met with my coursemate again and studied more about AI. Read up on my sub-reddits about finance again.
T: More of the same really. I also read a short and a very insightful book about language lecturing. Gonna borrow a book about health today.
Possible direction/goals:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: Got some work done on the water pipes and electricity, mostly by my father. My girlfriend and my friend noticed he treats me quite harshly and that my reactions are quite harsh too; I'm really oblivious to that, because it's just how it's always been. We usually help out one another in need, so I guess that's OK. However, I'm working on having different relationship dynamics with others.
T: Managed to get to my grandma's kitchen twice with my friend and my father. Most of the old furniture has been eliminated. Now we just need to install the sink/sink cabinet and one more drawer cabinet. I also visited a Korean grill restaurant with my brother to try something new 🙂
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
Business/English:
L: I have the CELTA certificate at home now! I also improved my financial planning by implementing new tools. I also worked on writing some of my new website and worked with my web-designer. I wrote about the teaching-philosophy change above.
Section with the split of lessons (my own/language school) deleted. Feels good! I've had this goal for the last two/three years and now it's reality. I had nearly 20 hours of lessons last week and just 1 for language schools. I'm happy 😄
T: The website improvement project is still ongoing, though not much work was done in the last month. The web-designer just asks me a thing or two every week; I assume he has enough work on other projects too. Truth be told, the ball was sometimes on my side and it took me a few days to supply something. It's OK though, because I know I'm doing something for my future career development. Other than that, it's standard Reddit reading about other teachers' experience, students finishing and starting, admin and preparation.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA
Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials.
Networking and business events.
Past projects:
Questionnaire - June 2023
Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.
Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).
Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023
Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.
Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.
Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".
Lecturer academy Brona. - fall 2023
Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July
Google sheets system for students. - update it
Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024
Canceled agency courses - March
Taxes - April/May
60/55 minutes online transition - April/May
Questionnaire part 3 - June
CELTA - July 2024
Contacted old students with offers - Aug/Sep 2024
Raised prices - from Sep
Website improvement project - from Aug
Exercise/Movement:
L: I started being more conscious about my health after finding out about my high blood pressure. I'm gonna get a cardiological appointment soon. I also started being more intent on exercising semi-daily and standing/walking during the lessons rather than sitting. I went to a hike or two too.
T: These days, I normally manage 1-2x exercise sessions (or runs) and 1-2x stretching sessions. All that along with some hikes at the weekend and regular walks once or twice a day. My blood pressure is somewhat elevated, but not in need of medication. I have another appointment on the 19th to check up with the doctor.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
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My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: going to the shooting range with my friends, doing some minor fixes in my car, working on my grandma's kitchen, visiting my friends, working on my relationship with my girlfriend (7 Principles), reading about finance, reading about English, going to a wedding/hike/theater/debate with my girlfriend, going to a laser game with my friends. Spent less time at the computer too.
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Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:
Main must-have plans for 2024:
Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.
Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.
Move in with my girlfriend in April.
Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.
Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:
Re-start my financial blog in February.
Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.
Habits:
Stop watching porn (again).
Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.
Establish flossing at least once a week.
Exercise regularly.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
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Hope all is good, it's been some time since you last posted.
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5 Dec - 8 Dec:
Spent some time with my family and out with friends. Did some reading and kitchen reconstructing too. Nothing unusual otherwise.
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28 Nov - 4 Dec:
I had the Holter monitor for the whole day and I averaged blood pressure of 132/75 and 56 BPM. I have a cardiology appointment on 19 Dec, but I think it'll be OK 🙂
Spent some time reading financial and English teaching Reddit. Went to the shooting range with a group of friends, changed/charged my car battery. Spent a good deal of time reconstructing my grandma's kitchen with my friend on Saturday. Doing fine otherwise 😄
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On 11/26/2024 at 5:26 PM, D_Cozy said:
Talk to my partner - we talked about the above so far, the dogs having their vet appointments. I let her know about the recurring event on my calendar to serve as a reminder. We also talked about tomorrow; I took a day off so my wife can get IVF. The path to a 4th kid 😄
I have next to zero idea what parenthood (or being a father) entails, but I've always been optimistic about getting to it. I think it's worth the admiration. And I consider it an important part of life too. I just don't think only having free hands with my career and hobbies (as my health gradually declines) is all there is to life. I hope to be a father once too. I hope it goes well for you and your wife! 😄
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24 Nov - 27 Nov:
I made ginger tea and I'm currently chilling at home by myself. My girlfriend went to watch a debate on child-friendly cities.
I spent Sunday visiting my family, reading and working on chores.
On Monday, I went for the all-day army entry medical checks and it was all good. I just need to send them my results from the cardiology as soon as I get them. Went running with my girlfriend too.
I met my brother on Tuesday and had the first lesson with a new student.
I got my Holter monitor from a nurse today and it is monitoring my blood pressure during the course of my day. I should get a date of my appointment with the doctor tomorrow too. I just hope the gadget won't wake me too often at night 😄
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15 Nov - 23 Nov:
I've been fairly busy these days. Again, I think I am spending less time on the computer overall and more time with other activities.
My girlfriend and I went to the theater and had a burger dinner to celebrate being together for two years! 😄
I'm still keeping up with the exercise. Maybe not as much as my girlfriend, but it's still about twice a week of direct exercise, plus fast walks, hikes and others. I also visited a laser game place on Thursday and my legs are still sore 😄
Socially, I visited my girlfriend's family, attended a geography quiz and celebrated my friend's birthday.
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1 hour ago, D_Cozy said:
Thanks for your thoughts. I think it makes sense that the best way is unsurprisingly to just practice it and speak with others.
So it does really help to have my wife around, who speaks the language herself fluently, that's been a positive. I try to make an effort to speak French when my kids get to daycare and school as well.
Keep it up, it's really the only way forward!
1 hour ago, D_Cozy said:I have seen tutors that offer lessons online, but yeah I'd prefer something more in person. That's something I'll look into at the local level, something less classroom like as well.
I guess even group courses could be good, but you don't (and realistically can't) get a say in how they're run. Some might offer a free consultation/trial class, so I think it's correct to shop around. Good group tutors utilize pair-work a lot (because even speaking to a fellow student your level makes you get out of your head), use target language as much as possible (you're there to learn French, not English) and make you speak 1/3-1/2 of the lesson (mostly in pairs/trios). In individual lessons, the ratio of speaking (initiative) tutor/student should be as high as or over 70/30. Also look for any cringe/weird moments during the lesson - when there's too much silence, personal discussion bordering on arguments or students just being generally bored or absent-minded. I'm naturally biased, as I specialize in 1-to-1 (and 2, maaaybe 3) lessons, but I think it's really the most effective method in the ratio of time spent/language learnt. It's just costly 😄
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17 hours ago, D_Cozy said:
Wanted to ask; how much time do you recommend practicing per day for language learning?
I've been rethinking my own long term goals, and I think learning French should be in there for me. Anything else you can recommend too in terms of practicing and scheduling out lessons, I'll take all the advice I can.
I'd definitely try to stay in contact with the language every day, or at least most of the days. Duolingo is OK for that if you don't have any other way that day.
The truth though is that "specific" materials, such as language learning apps or grammar exercises should be the minor way of keeping in contact with the language. The most important part is just to speak and listen, at least for most people. You get good at what you practice.
If you want have French lessons with a tutor, I'd definitely recommend finding someone who can facilitate discussion and correct your speaking in a reasonable way (and also amount). Grammar exercises are good for homework; there's no point in paying someone to watch you fill out worksheets you can download/correct yourself. And again, ideally the lessons should be just a complement, not the main way of learning. From my perspective, the best students actively set the topic, tell me stories from their lives and show me their homework and I'm just there being happy for them while looking at how much they've progressed.
All in all, you should have several sources of French surrounding you and expose yourself to them in any suitable situation. I know it doesn't answer the "how much time" question, but I'd argue the direct answer to this question is somewhat meaningless. Let me know if it makes sense and if you have anything else to discuss, I'll be happy to share my perspective 😄
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On 11/17/2024 at 5:49 AM, D_Cozy said:
But the direction itself is also arbitrary in another sense too. As I grow in my roles (both work and personal) I will still have to learn about leadership, management, how to talk to others and better conflict resolution, and so forth. So even though I'm not interested in a "management" title, I still have to be effective at managing myself and eventually at managing junior employees too. I will eventually have to also hand down work to others, when I gain enough experience at doing a thing and feel it is time for others to learn how to do the thing for example. So even though that is not what I like about my job, I do still recognize these are skills I'll gain regardless of the path I choose, in my journey to become an interdependent individual.
All that said, I'm still very much so leaning towards becoming an Expert in what I do, which is software development (more specifically database). The deadline I put for 2 years from now is for that first promotion moreso, and I'm hoping to work on a timeline (this is what the "Get it Together" step is about) soon. Thanks for your message, as it motivated me to think about that part on a deeper level.
You're definitely correct about getting better at communication, whether with colleagues or customers. I think I've taught myself how to find common ground and to be proactive in negotiations over time too.
Depending on how much you enjoy doing your "core" work of software development and teaching/managing others, you'll decide your later path. I knew I liked my "core" work, so my "promotion" laid in improving myself and my methods, on top of getting better marketing, to give me a 50% pay raise (including benefits) compared to "traditional" employers. If I hadn't done all that work and learnt all the skills associated with it, I'd be just barely scraping by now, because 15$ an hour is different money for a 19-year old and a 38-year old with a family. So, maybe next November you'll be at the same company with the same pay and same work, but you'll have worked on a few side gigs by then and I'd definitely consider that a "promotion" as well 😄
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On 11/13/2024 at 5:57 AM, D_Cozy said:
My wife has also been feeling pretty shitty (how she put it) and it helped a lot to just talk with her. We have had a couple of busy days together, with all of the birthday planning for my oldest, coordinating plans between her family and mine on top of that. And she also had a day full of errands yesterday too, so she was quite drained. We've fallen behind on chores overall, something we're going to work on together; what this means for me is to stay on top of chores at home, and actually respect my Pomodoro breaks. I often tend to work through them, I have to stop that honestly. I have noticed that this tends to happen with frustrating tasks at work. I'm only making it worse though by not taking my breaks. So that is how I'm going to do my best to help her.
I feel you. I think I spend about half of my working hours sitting at the computer at home, so I also try to fill out any planned or unplanned lapses with chores. This also helps me with health, as it's important to take breaks from sitting all the time. I have a modular table that can go up and down to my change position and I made a point in my calendar to start every lesson (usually 45-55 minutes) standing, even if for a few minutes.
On 11/13/2024 at 5:57 AM, D_Cozy said:Goal 1: Get promoted! Strive towards continuous self improvement in my career, taking the opportunities I am given, and also making an effort to create opportunities for myself and others.
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2 hours ago, D_Cozy said:With that in mind, the how is going to happen with myself leaning on my manager and on my networking. These are two good action items for me.
Let's give this a deadline of 2040, which is 25 years from now. This one is really, really longterm, because it will require me to work on expanding my Circle of Influence; it will also require me to work on Goal 1 multiple times (get promoted... and promoted... and promoted) to get to the point where I can drive this kind of change in the industry I'm in (this does not have to be with the same company necessarily). I'm also giving myself the time needed to make that difference I am hoping for.
I was going to ask how you imagine to get promoted. I think there are two equally valid paths to go down:
1) expert - This is the one I've worked on. My bosses and customers are my students. I get to see the results of my work IN PERSON, which is incredibly motivating and satisfying. I also make sure to let my students know that they improved. I also have the pricing mechanism already figured out offer/demand, optimizing the rate and hours worked), though I'm aware there's a ceiling somewhere.
2) manager/CEO - I've had the idea to start a company a few times and I've been asked about a few times as well. So far, I've been happy to work on my own. Yes, maybe I could make more money, influence more people... I just haven't felt that this is my heart's desire. Of course, this doesn't mean it'll stay like that forever. It's not a dogma and some people choose to combine both approaches. It's just that both require different skill-sets, lifestyles and derive meaning from work differently.
I also think the direction you'll eventually end up going is ironically somewhat arbitrary. I asked the language schools for promotions/pay raises regularly, but I was never offered a promotion and the pay raises were cosmetic. That was all despite the amount of great feedback from students, racking up experience over 3-4 years and getting certifications. This is not to blame them, just to state the facts. Maybe the situation on the market/in the companies never warranted them to take such steps. All this is my experience and yours might be completely different though 😄
10 hours ago, D_Cozy said:-
make sure your passwords are different everywhere you login to
- use a password manager to ease this
- never share passwords
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don't overshare information on social channels
- I am purposely vague when I type when on this forum for that reason
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enable multi-factor authentication when possible
- yeah it's a pain to scan your fingerprint or open up your phone for a code, but it does actually help stop someone who is trying to access your account without your actual self being there
100%. Last week, I got a mail reporting on a login attempt from one of my old website/app accounts from Panama of all the places. Changed the password promptly, even though there's nothing of value in that account. I periodically check the security options of all the apps/accounts that I use actively.
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make sure your passwords are different everywhere you login to
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7 Nov - 14 Nov:
I've been feeling up and down lately. I think I definitely spent less time on the computer and more time exercising or just being with my girlfriend. We also attended a wedding of her friend at the weekend.
I started to exercise more in order to lower my blood pressure. I also decided to join the army reserve, meaning I'll go to an exercise a few times a year for a week or two. It felt like the right thing to do. I'll have to pass the medical checks to be accepted. I started reading a new book about lecturing/business as well and I hope to get some good insights.
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Thanks for sharing the link! 🙂
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 8/10/24 - 6/11/24
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: I didn't borrow any books this month, because unfortunately the library is in reconstruction. They should open it in a few weeks though.
I however do think I made good progress in educating myself through chats, meetings and Reddit with other English lecturers. I feel more confident at what I do and how I do it and that's a good feeling to have.
T: I went to a seminar about tech in education, met with my coursemate again and studied more about AI. Read up on my sub-reddits about finance again.
Possible direction/goals:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: My friend, my girlfriend and I made significant progress in the installation of the cabinets. The upper part is pretty much done and the lower cabinets are waiting to be installed. We're more than half-way through the project (including the planning - mostly done by my brother and father) and I'm very happy thanks to that. The installation of the lower cabinets will be more challenging, as we also need to deal with several pipes and the sink, but I'm confident we'll manage it.
T: Got some work done on the water pipes and electricity, mostly by my father. My girlfriend and my friend noticed he treats me quite harshly and that my reactions are quite harsh too; I'm really oblivious to that, because it's just how it's always been. We usually help out one another in need, so I guess that's OK. However, I'm working on having different relationship dynamics with others.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
Business/English:
L: I started some important projects in August, among them are: setting higher prices, contacting old students with offers for re-engagement and the website improvement project. We'll see how they go.
From the numbers below, it's clear that I didn't have many language school courses during the summer. Many companies cut language school courses during the summer completely. For my financial stability over the summer, it is really better when I have my own courses, because individual people only cancel the lessons when they are on holiday (2 or 3 weeks, but not 2 or 3 whole months like companies). I even got a pay raise in one of the language schools, but the gap is just too big at this point. I can earn 20-35% more on my own even on their best paid courses.
I have the CELTA certificate at home now! I also improved my financial planning by implementing new tools. I also worked on writing some of my new website and worked with my web-designer. I wrote about the teaching-philosophy change above.
The good news also is that I won't need the numbers below from the next month. I now officially have only 2-3 hours of lessons for the language schools a week, meaning tracking this metric is has become redundant! It will come down to just 1 hour in November too.
T: I didn't get any leads from my old students, but that's OK. I made them aware and that's what counts. The website improvement project is still ongoing, though not much work was done in the last month.
Section with the split of lessons (my own/language school) deleted. Feels good! I've had this goal for the last two/three years and now it's reality. I had nearly 20 hours of lessons last week and just 1 for language schools. I'm happy 😄
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA
Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials.
Networking and business events.
Past projects:
Questionnaire - June 2023
Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.
Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).
Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023
Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.
Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.
Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".
Lecturer academy Brona. - fall 2023
Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July
Google sheets system for students. - update it
Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024
Canceled agency courses - March
Taxes - April/May
60/55 minutes online transition - April/May
Questionnaire part 3 - June
CELTA - July 2023
Contacted old students with offers - Aug/Sep 2024
Raised prices - from Sep
Website improvement project - from Aug
Exercise/Movement:
L: I visited the physiotherapist a month ago, but I still do the exercises from time to time, mainly the main three I got during our very first meeting. I can now also say that I exercise once a week, either running with my girlfriend or going to the workout playground with other guys. I also cycled and went for some trips.
T: I started being more conscious about my health after finding out about my high blood pressure. I'm gonna get a cardiological appointment soon. I also started being more intent on exercising semi-daily and standing/walking during the lessons rather than sitting. I went to a hike or two too.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
Blogging:
L: I had another burst of inspiration some day in the late evening and managed to push out an article in about an hour and something.
T: -
Possible direction/goals:
Find a suitable UI/web template.
Set up emailing for subs.
Post two articles a month.
Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.
Finish articles in concepts.
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What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging
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Additional thoughts/activities:
I'm now more open to working abroad now after taking the CELTA. I also met many new and interesting people and managed to meet a few older friends.
My priorities for the next six weeks:
Prepare for the CELTA English teaching course that starts in six weeks. - done
I want to work on the questionnaire part 3 in May/June as well. - done
Reconstruct my grandma's kitchen.
My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: going to Italy, going to the shooting range with my friends, changing wheels on my car, working on my grandma's kitchen, visiting my friends, working on my relationship with my girlfriend (7 Principles), reading about finance.
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Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:
Main must-have plans for 2024:
Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.
Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.
Move in with my girlfriend in April.
Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.
Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:
Re-start my financial blog in February.
Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.
Habits:
Stop watching porn (again).
Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.
Establish flossing at least once a week.
Exercise regularly.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
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17 hours ago, D_Cozy said:
Good question! My personal and short answer is no, I wouldn't take that option, because I don't want to.
The detailed answer; I am able to cut my hours if I want to, but I don't want to do that because of these reasons:
- My company would handle it as reduced hours; which means I would be paid less. I do have to think of my family costs and needs.
- Money aside, I also like the 8h work-day; as someone with ADHD, it gives me structure. I can plan my wake-up routine, gym time, meals, hobbies, social life, bedtime routine, etcetera around my work schedule. And it makes weekends something special to look forward to with my family.
- As much as I like the balance, I do also like to do my job; the problems are tough but rewarding, and I feel fulfilled by it. During covid lockdowns, the company I worked for back then reduced my hours to save money; it felt like I could barely get anything done, and I felt unfulfilled. To be honest, I think that actually contributed to my mobile gaming addiction back then. So reducing my hours would, as a whole, probably just make me feel like I am not accomplishing much.
I think this is where journaling has been very helpful; I probably spend a lot more time journaling here than the average user, I do recognize that, but I don't see it as a waste because it has helped me with reflecting on how I spend my time, and focusing on the positive stuff.
All this to say, that I think it's better to look at cutting out the time wasters first, before considering things like my work hours. And I believe this is what Habit 3 also focuses on from the book; Put First Things First.
I'll be posting more tomorrow, but I did review my screen time apps today. My passive screen time has significantly taken a turn for the better, and that is just from one month of working on the 7 Habits, journaling daily, and abstaining from my most compulsive and addictive tech uses. So that will be my commitment tomorrow; share my reflection on my screen time from the previous month of October.
I managed to save up money throughout the past few years, so even though I am not in the same situation, I understand the first argument. I'm by no means rich, but if I wanted to, I wouldn't have to work for years and I can afford reasonable holidays easily as well. It gives me peace of mind and prevents me from taking bad deals just to make a penny. Plus I'm EU based, meaning generally "free" healthcare, strong social welfare and a stable job market. (Perhaps too much, because the EU seems quite stagnant, but we'll see in the future.) I don't want to sleep on getting better though, just because times are good now, the students are nice and the money is coming in, it doesn't mean it will last forever.
I get the second one as well. In fact, I think having a relatively fixed schedule of lessons is good for me as well. I'll see in a few years whether I'll want to make my schedule more rigid (now I have lessons anywhere between 8 and 8, but normally only in two blocks, so I usually have a good amount of free time in the middle of the day). Plus I also take the weekends off, or it's at least left for planning my business, remembering, thinking about my students' lessons and other creative stuff.
I think journaling is great too! Just writing a comment like this makes me feel like I've done some good thinking and writing. As for time wasting, I avoided some today by sorting my priorities. Working on priority 5 is better than working on priority 20 and that's what I did today 😄
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On 10/25/2024 at 4:33 AM, Mohammad said:
Day 27th without gaming.
I came home today feeling unwell, possibly because of the flu shot I received last night. I am also feeling exhausted and drained today so I need to take it slow at this point and give myself time to recover.
How are you doing now? I hope all is well these days.
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10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Good to hear about your health. I'm curious if you've considered self a nutritionist too? I've gotten a lot of help from mine.
What was the issue you solved together?
Thanks for the concern regarding my diet. I'm doing my best to avoid excess sodium, unhealthy fats and empty calories. I'm also even more vary of alcohol than I used to. I got a full blood and urine screening and all the values are OK, including sodium and cholesterol. My blood pressure is around 130 these days. I'm doing more exercise and I think it's starting to have an impact. I guess I should try to get a half-hour in every day though; I'm roughly at two times a week now.
Ikar's Diary
in Daily Journals
Posted
Take a look at the areas of your life and decide your goals for each of them for the next year. Put those goals on the page—this is the first step towards realizing them.
Plans for 2025:
Family:
I don't have any specific plans for my family, besides finishing my grandma's kitchen. I also don't have any plans of starting my own, although I've always said I'm ready after finishing the uni. The main thing for the success of that would be to manage time and money correctly.
Career:
The last year was successful business-wise. I got the confirmation for the new lecturer course running from February to May. The main goal is to get the website finished, so I want to actively cooperate with the other freelancers. I'm not going to set any arbitrary goals, except keeping my lesson work-hours around 20, and to managing the other admin stuff (preparation, mails, trainings) in another 10 hours. That makes the total of 30 hours worked a week.
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Friends, community:
As I wrote above, I am part of more friend groups and communities. I don't have any big plans in mind regarding this area of my life. I expect to naturally drift towards more libertarian, financially educated and entrepreneurial/self-employed communities. I find the most inspiring people there.
Relaxation, hobbies, creativity:
I intend on continuing the hobbies I currently do, including writing, working out or going to the shooting range. I also want to remain curious about things and keep on traveling to break out of the cycle to unwind completely sometimes. Maybe I'll get around to blogging again. I think the line between work and relaxation is blurry for me.
Physical health, fitness:
Again working out (and stretching) and flossing. I think my diet is OK. I might start tracking some indicators of body fitness, but I don't think I'm quite there yet.
Mental health, self-knowledge:
Avoid overwork and burnout. Keep hours on roughly 20 lessons + 10 hours of ancillary work a week. Keep on doing things that feel right. Keep on planning/marking down things in my calendar.
Habits that define you:
family - keep in touch with my family at least once a month
girlfriend - make time to talk every day and keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities
career - work on my education continually, learning something new every week, even in unstructured ways; sources: CELTA, meeting other English lecturers/teachers, reading on their websites, lecturer course coming up in February, working on the business side of my work
friends/community habits - meet with my best friend a few times a month, meet with my friend groups a few times a month too
relaxation, hobbies, creativity habits - shooting range, writing, traveling, blogging, reading, being curious
fitness habits - stretch every day, work out/run twice a week; floss daily
mental health habits - keep my hobbies, work and other activities in balance, try new things every now and then
a better tomorrow habits - provide great added value back for the money of my students