PODCAST: Check out Episodes of the Game Quitters Podcast
Ikar
-
Posts
1527 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by Ikar
-
-
On 2/10/2023 at 6:12 AM, Yan said:
- Still the same. Alarm clock.
You're not alone in that! I need to remind myself to keep my alarm across the room to actually get up. I haven't done that in the past few weeks.
-
2
-
-
26th Jan - 5th Feb:
I've decided to put a few lines here because I am feeling somewhat bummed out and lost. To put a long story short, I was supposed to go to Georgia on Saturday morning. The flight got gradually delayed and eventually canceled that day, so it was moved to the next one. That completely ruined my plans for the vacation, as I had some time-sensitive plans for the first few days with others. I've been filing out some applications for refunds, but it's not looking great so far and I wonder if I'll get any money back at all.
---
In other news, I still do have a week of vacation time I need to put to good use. That's worth more than a couple hundred of euros lost for the plane inconvenience or by not having classes this week. I can do some reading, website resigning, exercising, meeting friends, kitchen designing for my grandma, smaller trips...
-
1
-
-
On 2/4/2023 at 4:29 PM, PastTense said:
How on earth is this different than the subreddits for various topics? like reddit.com / r/keto, fitness, loseit, mealprepsunday, etc etc?
initially this seems to be just another commercialized "forum" a business made to retain clients.by the way are there any virtual meetings?
As @Lobares2 pointed out, the forum is free. I come here regularly for almost four years and I haven't paid a single dime for any of the courses here. Nor are those courses billed monthly or something, so there are even no "clients" to hook permanently. If I make a living helping people by teaching English and @Cam Adair makes a living helping people by quitting games, how's that any different?
As for the second question, I'm not aware of any such thing here. My opinion would be that this forum is not that big to have those meetings regularly.
-
1
-
-
21st Jan - 25th Jan:
I did my monthly report and thought about the conception of my teaching schedule. I studied for the exam (I have it in two hours), spent time with my girlfriend and read about finance.
-
I'm using the template I used the last time. 17/12/22 - 20/01/23
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
---Books/Reading articles:
L: I didn't read almost at all this last month.
T: I read Free to Choose by Milton and Rose Friedman and I also watched the video series. A very catchy and interesting book.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue getting through the newsletters.
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: My grandma's sister actually visited my grandma and I am still pondering the kitchen unit. Nothing else is happening otherwise.
T: The kitchen unit design is still on me. It just feels like too much work and something I can't care about, so I don't really know when will I get down to it. I went to sushi with my brother on Monday and my mom is on a rehabilitation again.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue working on bettering the relationships with my family.
University:
L: I'm not sure if I already put it out here, but my plan for some time has been to do the main part of my diploma in summer 2023 and to do the defense and finals in January/February 2024. With my university duties taking 10-15 hours a week and English teaching taking 25-30 hours a week, on top of other activities like the business mentoring, social meetings and one-off things, the last thing I want is to add more to the university bucket.
As far as the university currently goes, I'm actually fairly caught up on the projects as of now. The exam term comes after Christmas, but it seems like most of the study load was actually focused on the projects and that the exams will (hopefully) not be too demanding.
T: I finished all the projects and smaller exams successfully. I have one more exam on Thursday and today I'm going to study for it.
NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.
Possible direction/goals:
Find more sources for my upcoming masters' thesis during the summer.
Work on the assignments in a timely manner.
Job/English:
L: Maybe I've mentioned it before, but with my job position and demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Classes are at a stable 25-30 hours a week. I'm likely going to outsource a few of the projects, such as the modern re-design of my website, SEO and perhaps some more advanced marketing stuff. My students have also been helpful as far as this goes. I have many upcoming projects in the pipeline.
So the business mentoring is done after three months. I brought away many ideas - honestly so many, there's work for months ahead! It's been really great and I am very happy and grateful that I was able to take part in it. I'm gonna write down specific areas and what I want to do in them.
T: I've been working on the re-design and re-writing of my website and I am planning to make some progress this weekend. I got some good ideas from the meeting at the beginning of the month.
-
I've just done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:
a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the course themselves) + more challenging
b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons, roughly matching the a) group
c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not
d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS with an added quality
e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality
I have about 30% of my workload in category e), so I am going to eliminate that over time, starting next month by removing about half of them. I might outsource them to my former Georgian girlfriend if she's interested.
-
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them. = Update my website to reflect the new ideas and inspiration from the web. Get a customized redesign and SEO for the website. Networking events. Variable pricing.
Look into strategies in becoming truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.
Exercise/Movement:
L: I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change. I sometimes go for a walk over the weekend, as I normally don't have time to take a two hour walking/reading session during the week.
Still walking and cycling regularly to see my students or when going out in the evening. Winter and snow set in, however I am still walking outside to my students, even though it's more difficult.
T: Pretty much the same. There was a lot of snow the last month, but it melted about a week later, so I got on my bike again. Unfortunately my chain broke and overall my bike needed to be put into the service. Luckily, I live in walk-able distances to my students, so it doesn't matter that much.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape.
Women/Dating:
L:
SpoilerI learnt that perhaps I do not have as hard-core of a monogamous mentality as I thought I would have. I'm also probably more aware than ever that everybody is fucked up, including myself. There are a few women I could think of in the romantic plane in my area. I don't think it makes much sense to be writing about specific women though. I came to the realization that planning in this area is usually cumbersome and counterproductive.
I cut one of the relationships, did sex and I'm keeping my eyes peeled.
I was predicting the change in my sexual mindset and behavior for a long time. I behaved and acted in line with it. I just needed the reality to catch up on it; similarly to that when I was gaming, I got fired from the post office several days after I quit gaming, because most of my (unsatisfactory) work there was done when I was still gaming.
In the past, I believe I looked at the more obvious sexual displays of others with both distaste and envy at the same time. Especially when I thought that I have no other option than to sit and do nothing or to get drunk and hope that something happens. It just took some time to internalize that the thing standing between me and a good (even if only sexual) relationship with a woman is... me.
As long as there are two consenting adults, whatever goes. Whether it's a good idea or not is another question (given the circumstances), but I won't villanify that behavior a priori anymore.
That said, a horrible relationship is better than none at all. The cataclysmic end of my last one was likely the trigger for me to quit games for good. Nothing is forcing anyone to stay and die in a horrible relationship, except the lack of options in one's head. (December 20)
I learnt a lot about the sexuality of women over the past few weeks by spending time with the Spanish girl. I learnt a bunch about my sexuality as well. I also learnt relationships can be more nuanced. It's been a great learning experience so far. (January/February)
I've spent about two months with the Spanish girl and this morning she left home for three weeks, after which she should come back. I feel that she's into me, that she cares about me and that she doesn't want to lose me (be it to another relationship or due to some quarrel between us, though I find the latter less likely), though at the same time I feel we both want to assert ourselves to leave other options available. In my case to find someone more "permanent" to date/be together with, because I know she'll be gone in the summer. In her case it's different relationship philosophy and uniqueness of every relationship.
To explain that further, she actually encouraged me to meet other girls to see what might come out of it, which is generally something I am not 100% confident at and could use some practice in. Regardless, despite our differences, I feel that we're willing to respect each other and not argue about them. (March)
We had a few talks together with the Spanish girl and decided we wouldn't carry on with the sexual element in our relationship. It was the first time for her trying to amalgamate sexual and affectionate relationship into one and the second time for me. I decided to take her for her word and not to push her into something she doesn't want or isn't sure about. I sensed/noticed that it's not the first time she's having difficulty in continuing the relationship in the current setting. I think that a part of good relationship is the ability to respect "no" as a "no" and it's definitely one of the things I want in all my relationships that go deeper.
I'm actually somewhat surprised by how romantic the relationship has come to be. I think we are both considerate of each other and already value each other to go through this in an abrupt or otherwise bad way. I feel a sense of loss in a way, but I think various factors chimed in to dampen it. Besides, I have learnt a lot about various sexual topics and I grew more confident in this regard. It's very liberating to be playful and inventive too!
This one is actually only a few days old, but I do feel attracted to one girl and I want to have sex with her, although I don't think something long-term could come out of it due to the factual differences that we have. Hooray for being human! (April)
We've been flirting and dancing around around with the girl from April. I told her we're gonna do something together after I am done with the finals and I want to keep that promise. I'm not 100% sure if it's the right move, but I'm gonna take the opportunity regardless. (May)
There are some situations with the girl where we do get close, although from some situations I also understand that I don't want to be too closely involved with her and neither does she. Though I like her physically and I think she's aiming at good things in life, I feel she constantly needs to put herself in messy/highly emotional situations and states. I can joke about it and laugh it off with her as her friend, but it'd be very different if I decided to be a more unpredictable variable in her life.
That doesn't mean random and unpredictable sex can't happen. The last week I had sex with a friend from the dorms I've known for over a year. We were both tipsy, though I think we were both surprised how that evening ended up happening.
I've been having thoughts about the time with the Spanish girl, meaning there could still be something I need to decode. I didn't talk to her before she left to Spain about a month ago and nor I gave her the letter I wrote and planned to give her. Regardless, I've thought about the topic myself. I found that the main idea is to take it as it is, regardless of what the reasons of her sudden April "cut" were. I also believe that sometimes the more loving and more courageous decision is to walk away to prevent more hurt and pain, whether due to toxicity (my X) or time constraints (Spanish girl?). One of the things that "got" me closer together to her was the care. She really did care for me as my mom or grandma would, which I noticed when she was adamant about the fact I needed to see the doctor. The fact that we could also agree to disagree was amazing as well. Lastly, she did catalyze more effort from my side to get to know my family better and closer.
Talking to one of my friends, she said the average masturbation for her is better than the average sex. I found that quite surprising, as I've never thought that would be the case for anyone.
To end on a good note, I met an interesting girl yesterday in the evening and wrote her on Messenger today. I really should meet even more new people. We'll see what comes out of this. (June/July)
I noticed that I am thinking more outside of my head about this topic and around friends which is good. (August/September)
I'm fairly positive I am making progress in this area. It's really only about having the guts to say hi and then making the ask to meet. It needs to become the routine, if I want to have some control over this aspect of my life. The end-result doesn't actually matter. And I'm aware I will make mistakes, get myself in stupid situations, get used and whatnot, but it's all in the game. I'm fairly adamant and determined in this. I've done a lot of scouting recently, so I got some "hard data" on a few girls I was interested in. (September/October)
To put a real example here, I'm currently making an effort to find dates and a girlfriend. I met a girl last Monday, had a good chat with her for a while, wrote her to meet up and she agreed. Five minutes into the second meeting, I found out she had a boyfriend, yet I didn't just turn around on my heel, as I promised her a walk around the city she doesn't know. I spent some two hours with her, had a good conversation with her, found out she's a good speaker and discussed some views on philosophy and politics.
The advice I could take from this regarding my dating life: Be more aware of social situations when I am first interacting with a girl I like and be better at scouting to find out whether she's already seriously dating someone or not. Then again, I got something I wasn't expecting but is valuable as well: thinking about reconsidering some of my life views through a good debate.
All in all, it's impossible to answer the question: Was it a success or a failure? Well, It depends on how I choose to look at it. (Oct/Nov 21)
I've been meeting one girl for about a month now, both in a planned way but also running into her randomly. She seems shy, a maverick/lone-wolf to a great extent, but also quite honest. I think it's gonna be interesting. Gonna meet her on Monday and do something together again. (Nov)
So I've been out a few times with the Georgian girl I met at the beginning of October. She's fun to be around, likes my analytical mind and so we sometimes grapple intellectually. She's also kind and I'd argue more compassionate then I am. We're gonna plan something together the next week too. I'm fairly unaware about where this is going, so I'm leaving this go its own way. The only thing that's for sure is that she leaves at the end of January.
What I've been probably happiest about that this area of my life seems to have some traction, as I felt there was none during the summer until the end of September. What's also worth noting is that this one of the areas with the most shades of gray and trial and error I've been in. I can absolutely not plan for an outcome. It's as much about knowing the other person as it is about knowing myself. (Jan 22)
Things have been going pretty well with the Georgian girl. She's gonna stay here until June and I myself might go to Germany for Erasmus in April, if the situation permits. It's nice to have somebody close to me to share things and try new things with every now and then. She's intellectually bright and can challenge me on a few things, so she also gives me the mirror sometimes.
She's also good at English and had some interviews already. She negotiated even a bit higher rate than I did. She actually gave me the impulse to revisit the payment I get from language schools this early. (Jan)
February and March have been pretty good with the Georgian girl and I believe we both enjoyed it. I'm happy that we managed to get the things we wanted to get done together. We will continue to date, until the distance is just too much to bear. She's going to have a more complicated schedule in April with a lot of traveling and in mid-May she's going to move to another city, which is however reachable on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I hope to post an update on this when the time comes. (Feb/Mar)
In April, we've been apart for about two weeks and there's one more week until she moves to another city for the internship. We spent a lot of time together this week.
I've entertained the idea to have a long-distance relationship until I/we are able to be in one place or to change location at will. My plans are to do the Erasmus in Bulgaria and finish the masters at the uni in early 2024 and after that I am completely location-independent - until then, I am to an extent bound in my current city. The money is not necessarily the issue either; although it's usually more expensive to travel than to stay in one place, I expect my financial situation to be healthy. It's not unrealistic, but we'll see. (Apr/May)
We've been seeing for weekends. My girlfriend even made a surprise visit today, traveling to my hometown for the weekend. (Jun/Jul)
Made a promise to not watch "porn" to my girlfriend. Our relationship is very warm. We shared some nasty secrets about one another and I think that bound us even closer. She's leaving back to Georgia in mid-August. We plan on seeing once or twice more and deciding what's next. (Jul/Aug)
She told me she doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship when she leaves in two weeks, partly because she already has the experience of long-distance for three years and she doesn't want to go through that again. I did cry (which I haven't in at least a few months, if not years), although I do not feel heartbroken. I take it as it is. Life's good.
She's been a great friend to me and I believe she will be in the future too. I believe she made her decision after contemplating it for a long time. I know she likes me, loves me. And because she's a great friend of mine, I won't question her judgement and try to convince her of something else. She knows what she would go through if she had another long-distance relationship. She has the right to say "no" to it and act in her best interest.
The malicious part of my mind keeps telling me that I am a rejected loser, as I was unable to convince her to continue the relationship. I think the malicious part takes inspiration from concurrent culture/TV or my past experiences with women. However I decided to have the relationships I want now, not based on templates that somebody tries to feed me or on what happened before.
The good thing about the "romance" in the relationship is that it has a closure I can understand and get by. So while the pain is inevitable and it sucks we won't see each other anymore, the suffering is next to none, as I don't pity myself or second guess something, as I did with the Spanish girl.
Another great thing about the relationship is that I never needed to "act like a man" or "extort" something from her. We always said what we wanted, more or less straight up. Not playing mind-games saves a lot of energy and even if we argued sometimes (about something philosophically significant; not about who is going to wash the dishes), we just acknowledged the differences and moved on. This also meant acknowledging our negative personality traits - she is often too disorganized and bad at planning things, whereas I can be sometimes condescending and arrogant (I think I share that trait with my father). (Aug/Sep)
IMPORTANT - I thrive when I have an equal partner in a relationship. I also have experience to see obvious red flags contrary to that a mile away. In a relationship, I can be sometimes condescending or arrogant. I know what I want in a relationship. I won't sell myself short in a relationship. (Sep/Oct)
I saw a girl on Monday, we started chatting two weeks ago because we share one subject at the university and decided to meet together, because we are writing a lot. She's quite talkative, seems like the nervous type, though she seems to have some tactical tools to help her with that, like good hobby structure and calendar. We'll see. Going out with her again tomorrow. (Oct/Nov)
I think quitting games matured quickly and brutally overall, including in my relationship to women. I can say I am attracted to the girl I have been seeing. She gives me more than enough signs that its mutual. I don't think I am wrong, but I've been surprised before 😄
I have to scout her behavior for a longer time to see how (in)secure she is. She's capable of being independent, based on the things she's done in the past, so I am not sure whether she's just trying to seem more "approachable" for me to make a move on or whether it's a bigger issue. I don't want to have a clingy girlfriend.
It's been going well with the girl. I wouldn't dare to call her my girlfriend yet, but we've spent several afternoons/evenings together, so it's pretty serious dating now. (Nov 22). I believe now she's a girlfriend. (Dec 22)
It's been going well with the girl. I wouldn't dare to call her my girlfriend yet, but we've spent several afternoons/evenings together, so it's pretty serious dating now... I believe now she's a girlfriend. (Jan 23)
T: We've been seeing over the weekends mostly for an afternoon/evening. It is good 🙂
Possible direction/goals:
Set up at least two dates a month (with my girlfriend).
-----
---
What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading, cleaning, washing the dishes, business ideas, uni work, blogging
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going to the gym, going for a walk
-----
Additional thoughts/activities:
My hobbies are: personal finance, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: working on my business, taking a two-week vacation, going to the a debate, reading about finance, spending time with friends, writing my yearly report, going to sushi with my brother.
---
Goals/resolutions for 2023:
Pass all the exams at the uni, finish the thesis and finish all university duties successfully in January/February 2024. - WIP, progress = yes
Improve my business, so that I don't need to teach for language schools anymore, by getting more private contacts, opportunities and students. - WIP, progress = yes
Go to Georgia to visit my friend.
Resolutions for 2023:
Stop watching porn (again). - I am not porn-free, it comes in waves. I'll try to be more aware when the urges come and what makes me more likely to have them.
Start getting up when my alarm rings. - I got better, not 100%, but better.
Continue - planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, studying for uni, dating.
It's a very short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
---
Add-ons:
I enjoy writing articles, however I am not enjoying the process of how to actually set up the blog, whether I should try and make some money off of it. I think I will, but I won't go on writing e-books, providing courses and whatnot. Just a few affiliate links for the services I like. This allows me to focus on writing and not fret over something I don't even know I want to do.
There are tentative plans to meet the Georgian girl again in a few months. I'd like to combine it together with some Erasmus+ project as well. I'm going to visit Georgia on 4th February and return on 14th 🙂
I've been doing this for three years! I'm gonna do some large-scale comparison of annual report of 2020x2021x2022 and planning for the 2023x2024x2025. Should be fun! - DONE
I found out I quite like to give presentations, if I really believe and enjoy the topic. This goes for both my school and business presentations. Better keep that in mind.
-
13th Jan - 19th Jan:
I sold my car. I wasn't expecting to sell it this quickly, so it's possible I undercut the price some. However, I also knew there was surely one repair due and I let the buyer know that. Plus it's a car, so more things will attrit over time. The reason for sale was that I'm gonna get my dad's old car as soon as he gets his new car in a few weeks. I spent half my Thursday going through the procedures.
I had an uni exam on Monday and today I'm going to start studying for one on next Thursday. That should be it for schoolwork this semester.
As there were presidential elections on Friday and Saturday, I met up with my girlfriend on Sunday. I also met up with her on Wednesday, as at first, I was supposed to go to the shooting range, however the other guys had some issues that came up. She invited me to an interesting debate in the city center and it was overall a good evening. I also met up with my brother for sushi on Monday and with one of my friends on Tuesday afternoon.
---
I've been fairly busy and productive this week and I'm happy about it. I'm gonna have a slower weekend and I'll have to start studying more for the exam next Thursday. I'm gonna do my monthly report and also work on the re-design of my business website. Meeting with my girlfriend on Sunday.
-
5th Jan - 12th Jan:
I went to a meeting with a woman who works for a marketing company. She was a part of the business investor commission at the university. She gave me some tips on how to improve my website. I have already done some small scale rewriting and redesigning to be up to the latest standards, however I will need to port my website over to a new WP template. I'm happy and grateful to her for those ideas 🙂
I've also been fairly weary these past few days. I don't really have much time to work on something fun and new, such as the redesign or reading. I feel like I am just passing through the motions and I don't like the feeling. I spent the last three evenings just passively watching films and one YT streamer. I'm gonna be social tonight and play some games with friends.
-
1 hour ago, Yan said:
Wooooowwww, hold your horses... How long have you gone without games 'till now? In my opinion until you haven't been clean for at least 90 days, you couldn't say that your decision to game is logical. Especially after the fact that today you said you "fell" to it. It was not planned in advance.
I suggest you give your "weak side" in your mind a punch and get back on the horse, those are all justifications after the fact, not clear thinking.
I repeat, until you have been clean for the amount of days you set yourself (better 90) and planned a few days in advance that gaming is what you want to do and set a timeframe for it, and then withstood this timeframe, I do not believe it's a rational decision which fits with your values. Rather just moments of weakness.
You have now done it two days in a row, don't let it turn back into a habit. It would be difficult to stop gaming and start the detox again, but if you postpone it ,it will be harder. Think about it...
@Irishrican950 What do you guys think about it? @Ikar
I'm raising a red flag here.There are times when I think about the games I played before I quit. I've even played a few simple/limited games since I have quit gaming; I did some online chess exercises and Cashflow board-game, however I lost interest in the first and blocked the second. It's just not worth going there again.
That said, we can only really quit games after our lives stop revolving around staying away from games. "Normal" people don't write in their diaries that they played or didn't. We do and we focus on it.
I'm currently struggling with porn. It feels like a much smaller issue than gaming, but I still haven't gotten over it. Even if I spend like 15 times less time a week than I did on gaming, it's still there and I don't feel in control when I do it.
-
2
-
-
31st Dec - 4th Jan:
Spent a good part of 31st finishing my university paper, however now it's done. I had some nice chats at the New Year's Eve and it was a pleasant experience. I met up with my girlfriend as well.
I finished reading "Free to Choose" by Milton Friedman. There's also a video series that comes with it. Both of them are a pretty great illustration on the economic side of governments and people on various topics.
I started lessons with my students in the new year. So far, so good, I missed it over Christmas. I got a new student before Christmas, a consultation with another one soon and a meeting with web/marketing specialist today.
-
2
-
-
On 12/29/2022 at 1:45 AM, Paul A. said:
I attempted another 11 minute run, but could only run for about 7 minutes. My neighbor advised me not to run every day, and I think he's right. My legs are still sore from the previous days of running, so I need to let my body recover.
How do you run? I think if you run at full speed/power every day, your legs are bound to be sore. I think if you run 2 kilometers in 12 minutes, it's a pretty relaxed pace, comparable to just walking fast. Maybe if your legs are too sore to run, you can just go for a walk instead 🙂
4 hours ago, Paul A. said:But how viable are those interests to a lucrative career? Not very. That being said, I still have time to figure out what I want to do, so I'm not exactly in a rush. I'm sure it'll come to me in time.
I have one student who currently does marketing for one big hospital company, but who told me he is going to quit it. What he wants to do in the future is to learn some IT/programming or stay in the medical field, but not as a marketer. Personally, I started teaching English, because it came from my skill-set. But I actually had no idea whether the area had a good earnings potential at the beginning.
Is there something you are better at than most people? Or do you not mind doing something most people find difficult/annoying?
-
1
-
-
7 hours ago, Ace92 said:
These sound like great goals for 2023. Thanks for posting what you've accomplished since you quit video games, very inspiring. It makes me excited to think about what life will bring me when I quit games.
Hi Ace, I'm happy my posts had a positive effect on you. Good luck! 🙂
-
26th Dec - 30th Dec:
These days I've spent with my girlfriend, reading and watching Free to Choose, writing here and working on my uni project. I have to step up the school project tomorrow and on Sunday though.
-
1
-
-
Goals for 2023:
Pass all the exams at the uni, finish the thesis and finish all university duties successfully in January/February 2024.
Improve my business, so that I don't need to teach for language schools anymore, by getting more private contacts, opportunities and students.
Go to Georgia to visit my friend.
Resolutions for 2023:
Stop watching porn (again).
Start getting up when my alarm rings.
Continue - planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, studying for uni, dating.
---
It's a very short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
-
2
-
-
19 hours ago, jade_ said:
Congratulations Ikar! I briefly read your post the other day and "liked" it and had been planning to come back to post a comment.
It's inspiring to see what you did over the years since you've quit and helps me understand the long-term impact that letting go of gaming can have in someone's life and ultimately hopefully my own life.
Thanks for your post and I hope you keep striving for more.
Thanks! I'm happy you found it useful and inspiring.
I wanted to do something like this for a while, but I never had the time. I think it took me about six hours to go through all the materials I have accumulated (mostly diary monthly reports and my calendars) and I tried to be considerate with myself and others (so someone can actually read it in a few minutes) to only go after the most important things. I think it was a good exercise of gratitude, to value the evolution that I've gone through over the years, to consider the situations I've been in and the decisions I made.
Best of luck to you! 🙂
-
On 12/27/2022 at 6:18 PM, Amphibian220 said:
What you made me think about by going over your career choices is that it is important to keep looking for options and new opportunities.
I can continue working in my current job without bothering about better options, but if I check employment and education opportunities once a week I may across a much better option.
In fact its good for mental health to have a change of profession towards something more challenging and requiring new learning. That is what I think from experience.
I also feel physical strength building is important for effective work.
Well done on the successes, are you thinking about the next detox ?
I keep coming back to this subject because the school years are so much more effective as a way of life than a 10 hour desk job. So the detox can be directed at having a healthier way of life.
You are correct, it's key to keep looking. It's possible I will teach English forever, but maybe the skills and knowledge gained along the way will lead into a different job in the future. I however do feel I am improving as a teacher and as a truly self-employed man.
I also agree that physical activity is important. I think taking at least a 30 minute walk every day at minimum is good for my state of mind and body.
I definitely agree the detox improved my mental and physical health. I still get pulled by the computer to do stuff, partly because of my online classes and partly because of my own laziness, but I have much more will to just go and do something different than spend time by the screen.
-
9 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
Good work, diet is one of the most confusing things for people to get right since there is not much consensus apart from sugar, alcohol trans fats and processed foods bad moderation good and the confusion in itself can be a huge risk factor. Hope it goes well paul.
Btw I read in a book that there are many diets with different effects and a lot of marketing and misinformation around some of them, be careful when picking one and tell us how it goes with the one you choose.
Pd:
If you have any comments or sources on what diet is best could you send some to me, I have been trying to shake my diet a bit but struggled to get it through
8 hours ago, Paul A. said:Thanks Faroe, and I’ll be sure to give you any information I find on what diet is best. I chose the whole foods “diet” (although I don’t like the word diet, I would call it a nutritional plan) because I think the human body isn’t meant to be consuming highly processed, sugary and fatty foods. Natural, whole foods are more nutritious, less calorie dense, and more satiating than processed ones. They’re just better for you in every way.
I think regarding diet, the baseline is relatively easy: fat people should eat less, the intake needs to be lower than expenditure. If you are skinny and want to get buffed, you need eat more to gain weight (protein), then you can then "shape" into muscle. It depends on your goal.
Secondly, it also depends on your body. I can eat dairy products all day every day. I have never had problems with it. I however have problems with sugary cereals - they give me stomachache and acne if I eat them too much. Legumes and eggs give me farts! Take your body into account as well.
Don't get discouraged, stick to the basics and try something 🙂
-
2
-
-
I hope this thread will serve as an inspiration and a place to share your successes!
What have I achieved since I quit games? What have YOU achieved since you quit games? What can YOU achieve if you quit games?
Yes, I know 1347 days sounds intimidating, but 1347 days are going to pass anyway, so it's best if we make them count. Almost three years ago, @BooksandTrees made a post how his life changed after a year and a half of no gaming. I did the same, except I made the time-span to be almost five years even before I quit games.
---
2018:
I got my first girlfriend ever. I left the army in August 2018. During the time I worked some odd jobs, I streamed games daily and had my first English students, while still studying at the university, even if just once a week.
2019:
The year of my personal reconstruction. I quit games in April 2019. I started my Excel "calendar" in June 2019. I went to Iceland for work in June 2019 and came back in September. I moved out to the dorm away from my parents in November 2019.
There are just a few sentences, but I made some very important steps that year and got a lot more agency and clarity over my life.
2020:
The year of my professional reconstruction. At the same time, I was flirting with three job ideas - Forex, financial advisory firm and its management and English teaching. I didn't continue with the first two.*
I got my English teaching website up. as well as my official registration for English teaching. I started getting some serious (online) English course-load from language schools in autumn 2020. I got my gun license. I switched over to Google Calendar from Excel. I started to let my finances get managed externally. I started get involved with women naturally for the first time, not only via online.
2021:
Got a job I could call a job at this point. I got my bachelor's degree from Economic Geography and Regional Development. I started to passively manage my finances internally. I got some more experience with romantic relationships. I didn't go abroad seriously due to CV restrictions.
2022:
I really enjoyed the time I spent with my Georgian girlfriend. It's hard to say what comes out of my new relationship now. I've done some traveling abroad. I participated in business mentoring.
---
Above is the very basic information about what happened in the last five years and what have I achieved or done. I didn't include anything that happens on a continual basis and where it's hard to track "progress", such as reading books, exercising, writing or family relationships, although I'd say they universally got better from the point where they were when I quit games in April 2019.
Overall, I'd characterize myself as a guy who wants more, who wants to do better and who knows what he wants. It's apparent when I look at the way I manage my work/business, finances and relationships over the years.
I'm not even talking about my mental health. Yes, there are still things I do that I don't like or that I need to do that annoy me, however compared to the time when I was gaming, it is really a breeze.
---
*I didn't continue with the first two because:
a) I was pushing myself to do Forex and financial advisory and management, because they weren't truly my ideas. I have only ever had three job ideas myself: army, streaming games and English teaching. The other ones were interesting fillers, but they showed me what I didn't want to do in the end.
b) I didn't see any money from them. It's hard to start a business with no prior experience in the field and knowing how it works. Gotta be in the first line with the troopers to be a good leader after.
c) I started getting some serious (online) English course-load from language schools in autumn 2020. I was able to do what I really wanted, so I cut the other bullshit.
I can say what I want about language schools now, but I needed them for the last two years, not the least because they provided me a stable paycheck for the work done. I didn't care they charged their clients 20$/hour and paid me 10$/hour. I got the necessary experience to start building my business and to get where I am now at the end of 2022.
-
4
-
-
What have I achieved since I quit games? What have YOU achieved since you quit games? What can YOU achieve if you quit games?
---
2018:
I got my first girlfriend ever. I left the army in August 2018. During the time I worked some odd jobs, I streamed games daily and had my first English students, while still studying at the university, even if just once a week.
2019:
The year of my personal reconstruction. I quit games in April 2019. I started my Excel "calendar" in June 2019. I went to Iceland for work in June 2019 and came back in September. I moved out to the dorm away from my parents in November 2019.
There are just a few sentences, but I made some very important steps that year and got a lot more agency and clarity over my life.
2020:
The year of my professional reconstruction. At the same time, I was flirting with three job ideas - Forex, financial advisory firm and its management and English teaching. I didn't continue with the first two.*
I got my English teaching website up. as well as my official registration for English teaching. I started getting some serious (online) English course-load from language schools in autumn 2020. I got my gun license. I switched over to Google Calendar from Excel. I started to let my finances get managed externally. I started get involved with women naturally for the first time, not only via online.
2021:
Got a job I could call a job at this point. I got my bachelor's degree from Economic Geography and Regional Development. I started to passively manage my finances internally. I got some more experience with romantic relationships. I didn't go abroad seriously due to CV restrictions.
2022:
I really enjoyed the time I spent with my Georgian girlfriend. It's hard to say what comes out of my new relationship now. I've done some traveling abroad. I participated in business mentoring.
---
Above is the very basic information about what happened in the last five years and what have I achieved or done. I didn't include anything that happens on a continual basis and where it's hard to track "progress", such as reading books, exercising, writing or family relationships, although I'd say they universally got better from the point where they were when I quit games in April 2019.
Overall, I'd characterize myself as a guy who wants more, who wants to do better and who knows what he wants. It's apparent when I look at the way I manage my work/business, finances and relationships over the years.
---
*I didn't continue with the first two because:
a) I was pushing myself to do Forex and financial advisory and management, because they weren't truly my ideas. I have only ever had three job ideas myself: army, streaming games and English teaching. The other ones were interesting fillers, but they showed me what I didn't want to do in the end.
b) I didn't see any money from them. It's hard to start a business with no prior experience in the field and knowing how it works. Gotta be in the first line with the troopers to be a good leader after.
c) I started getting some serious (online) English course-load from language schools in autumn 2020. I was able to do what I really wanted, so I cut the other bullshit.
I can say what I want about language schools now, but I needed them for the last two years, not the least because they provided me a stable paycheck for the work done. I didn't care they charged their clients 20$/hour and paid me 10$/hour. I got the necessary experience to start building my business and to get where I am now at the end of 2022.
-
2
-
-
22nd Dec - 25th Dec:
Spent some time with my friends and my girlfriend, worked on the yearly reports, read the book, worked on my uni paper and spent two days with my family. Back on my usual track tomorrow.
-
1
-
-
17th Dec - 21st Dec:
I've been working on some school papers the last five days, normally in the morning when my focus is the best. It was relatively easy, as I had the presentations, and therefore the structure, already at hand from my previous presentations on the topics. I have one more paper to go, but I still have to decide what will it be about tomorrow.
-
I went to a get-together with my high-school classmates on Saturday and It was OK. There's also a hike planned and another get-together on Saturday, but I'm not very interested in that and I don't think I will go there again.
There's a bit of a fluctuation with my courses/students from the next year, but it seems like it will balance out the next year. In aggregate, I raised the price of my lessons by 25% this year, however the inflation has been around 15%. I also know that on average the "real" wages overall have decreased by 10%.
The economy has been tough, but I wanted to factor in my will and determination to grow my business, especially in the last three months. It will also help me with motivation, as even if I got to the stage where I have enough time and don't have enough lessons, I can always pick up more for language schools or just do something else. I'm planning to expand more the next year and I need to think ahead. I'm sure gonna succeed at this.
-
I went to the theater with my girlfriend and it was fun. I also sent my online students a card for Christmas and New Year and hand-delivered a card to my F2F students. I read about finance and I also started a new book by Milton Friedman - Free to Choose.
Overall today's been a very relaxed day, I spent it all by myself and did what I wanted, so I decided to take some time to ponder my thoughts and write here 🙂
-
1
-
-
9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I got a new job, gave my 2 weeks' notice, and am officially out of that company.
Good job Books, remember there are many jobs you can actually enjoy and be good at them. I hope the current one treats you better.
-
1
-
-
8 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Yeah, @Yan, for some reason I just found that the days did not matter. I remember being the best in the world at a video game in 2013 and nobody cared. I was so proud of the rank and not one person gave a shit. Then I did not give a shit.
I think that's what happens when we know what we are doing isn't healthy. We get somewhere and it's not fun, nor it makes us any money. So why do it? I wanted to become a pro streamer, but it was not possible with the selection of games I had. Sometimes the way to win is to quit.
8 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:I think this was a huge step for my healing. I wrote a lot about how much I hated my family in my first couple years of posting on this website. It wasn't until about 2019 that I started to fix that. It's strange how I hated my dad and never wanted to see him again and how that evolved into the relief of not feeling hatred anymore, having a father again, and being able to have contact here and there. It was also relieving to see him change.
It's a lot to change yourself, but it means a lot when the others who have pained you at times can also change. Some can't change and we have to accept it. Sometimes people change and it can mean the world.
My family relationships got 10000% better every time I wasn't at home with my parents long-term, I remember you had to move out of the house too. I agree with the last paragraph. I am close with my grandma, I have good relationships with my brother and father. My mom unfortunately has a mental disease that turned her into a bumbling character and I believe that she'd get worse if she went to the mental hospital. It what it is.
-
I've been doing this for three years! I'm gonna do some large-scale comparison of annual report of 2020x2021x2022 and planning for the 2023x2024x2025. Should be fun!
-
2
-
-
I'm using the template I used the last time. 12/11/22 - 17/12/22
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
---Books/Reading articles:
L: Still getting through "The Magic of Thinking Big", as it's a book to read multiple times. Keeping up with the newsletters.
T: I didn't read almost at all this last month.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue getting through the newsletters.
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: There are two family projects I need to take care of, both of them regarding my grandma. One is getting her a new kitchen unit instead of the derelict one she has and to organize a trip to visit her sister by car with other family members too. I want to get these done by Christmas.
T: My grandma's sister actually visited my grandma and I am still pondering the kitchen unit. Nothing else is happening otherwise.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue working on bettering the relationships with my family.
University:
L: The internship is (finally) over. I've grown to dislike the GIS editing, as it seemed that there was no end in sight to it - the job was quite monotone and because it was hard for me to find time to actually do it. The summer tasks regarding the internship were more interesting.
I'm not sure if I already put it out here, but my plan for some time has been to do the main part of my diploma in summer 2023 and to do the defense and finals in January/February 2024. With my university duties taking 10-15 hours a week and English teaching taking 25-30 hours a week, on top of other activities like the business mentoring, social meetings and one-off things, the last thing I want is to add more to the university bucket.
T: As far as the university currently goes, I'm actually fairly caught up on the projects as of now. The exam term comes after Christmas, but it seems like most of the study load was actually focused on the projects and that the exams will (hopefully) not be too demanding.
NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.
Possible direction/goals:
Internship finished.
Find more sources for my upcoming masters' thesis during the summer.
Work on the assignments in a timely manner.
Job/English:
L: I've been having the mentoring classes and bi-weekly seminars (decided to make time for them) and they've been a great help in terms of moving my business forward and coming up with new ideas. I'm gonna implement some of the easier improvements this weekend. For example, I did a business analysis of my students/clients a few weeks ago to better understand the people I meet.
Maybe I've mentioned it before, but with my job position and demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Classes are at a stable 25-30 hours a week. The business seminars/mentoring are still going on, so a lot of ideas are coming in. I'm likely going to outsource a few of the projects, such as the modern re-design of my website, SEO and perhaps some more advanced marketing stuff. My students have also been helpful as far as this goes. I have many upcoming projects in the pipeline.
T: So the business mentoring is done after three months. I brought away many ideas - honestly so many, there's work for months ahead! It's been really great and I am very happy and grateful that I was able to take part in it. I'm gonna write down specific areas and what I want to do in them.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue going to the business seminars/mentoring at the uni.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them. = Update my website to reflect the new ideas and inspiration from the web. Get a customized redesign and SEO for the website. Networking events. Variable pricing.
Look into strategies in becoming truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.
Exercise/Movement:
L: I've been biking regularly to work/uni. This month I even cycled to my family (35) or to pick up my car (20). I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically part of my job and uni duties. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change. I sometimes go for a walk over the weekend, as I normally don't have time to take a two hour walking/reading session during the week.
Still walking and cycling regularly to see my students or when going out in the evening.
T: Winter and snow set in, however I am still walking outside to my students, even though it's more difficult.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape.
Women/Dating:
L:
SpoilerI learnt that perhaps I do not have as hard-core of a monogamous mentality as I thought I would have. I'm also probably more aware than ever that everybody is fucked up, including myself. There are a few women I could think of in the romantic plane in my area. I don't think it makes much sense to be writing about specific women though. I came to the realization that planning in this area is usually cumbersome and counterproductive.
I cut one of the relationships, did sex and I'm keeping my eyes peeled.
I was predicting the change in my sexual mindset and behavior for a long time. I behaved and acted in line with it. I just needed the reality to catch up on it; similarly to that when I was gaming, I got fired from the post office several days after I quit gaming, because most of my (unsatisfactory) work there was done when I was still gaming.
In the past, I believe I looked at the more obvious sexual displays of others with both distaste and envy at the same time. Especially when I thought that I have no other option than to sit and do nothing or to get drunk and hope that something happens. It just took some time to internalize that the thing standing between me and a good (even if only sexual) relationship with a woman is... me.
As long as there are two consenting adults, whatever goes. Whether it's a good idea or not is another question (given the circumstances), but I won't villanify that behavior a priori anymore.
That said, a horrible relationship is better than none at all. The cataclysmic end of my last one was likely the trigger for me to quit games for good. Nothing is forcing anyone to stay and die in a horrible relationship, except the lack of options in one's head. (December 20)
I learnt a lot about the sexuality of women over the past few weeks by spending time with the Spanish girl. I learnt a bunch about my sexuality as well. I also learnt relationships can be more nuanced. It's been a great learning experience so far. (January/February)
I've spent about two months with the Spanish girl and this morning she left home for three weeks, after which she should come back. I feel that she's into me, that she cares about me and that she doesn't want to lose me (be it to another relationship or due to some quarrel between us, though I find the latter less likely), though at the same time I feel we both want to assert ourselves to leave other options available. In my case to find someone more "permanent" to date/be together with, because I know she'll be gone in the summer. In her case it's different relationship philosophy and uniqueness of every relationship.
To explain that further, she actually encouraged me to meet other girls to see what might come out of it, which is generally something I am not 100% confident at and could use some practice in. Regardless, despite our differences, I feel that we're willing to respect each other and not argue about them. (March)
We had a few talks together with the Spanish girl and decided we wouldn't carry on with the sexual element in our relationship. It was the first time for her trying to amalgamate sexual and affectionate relationship into one and the second time for me. I decided to take her for her word and not to push her into something she doesn't want or isn't sure about. I sensed/noticed that it's not the first time she's having difficulty in continuing the relationship in the current setting. I think that a part of good relationship is the ability to respect "no" as a "no" and it's definitely one of the things I want in all my relationships that go deeper.
I'm actually somewhat surprised by how romantic the relationship has come to be. I think we are both considerate of each other and already value each other to go through this in an abrupt or otherwise bad way. I feel a sense of loss in a way, but I think various factors chimed in to dampen it. Besides, I have learnt a lot about various sexual topics and I grew more confident in this regard. It's very liberating to be playful and inventive too!
This one is actually only a few days old, but I do feel attracted to one girl and I want to have sex with her, although I don't think something long-term could come out of it due to the factual differences that we have. Hooray for being human! (April)
We've been flirting and dancing around around with the girl from April. I told her we're gonna do something together after I am done with the finals and I want to keep that promise. I'm not 100% sure if it's the right move, but I'm gonna take the opportunity regardless. (May)
There are some situations with the girl where we do get close, although from some situations I also understand that I don't want to be too closely involved with her and neither does she. Though I like her physically and I think she's aiming at good things in life, I feel she constantly needs to put herself in messy/highly emotional situations and states. I can joke about it and laugh it off with her as her friend, but it'd be very different if I decided to be a more unpredictable variable in her life.
That doesn't mean random and unpredictable sex can't happen. The last week I had sex with a friend from the dorms I've known for over a year. We were both tipsy, though I think we were both surprised how that evening ended up happening.
I've been having thoughts about the time with the Spanish girl, meaning there could still be something I need to decode. I didn't talk to her before she left to Spain about a month ago and nor I gave her the letter I wrote and planned to give her. Regardless, I've thought about the topic myself. I found that the main idea is to take it as it is, regardless of what the reasons of her sudden April "cut" were. I also believe that sometimes the more loving and more courageous decision is to walk away to prevent more hurt and pain, whether due to toxicity (my X) or time constraints (Spanish girl?). One of the things that "got" me closer together to her was the care. She really did care for me as my mom or grandma would, which I noticed when she was adamant about the fact I needed to see the doctor. The fact that we could also agree to disagree was amazing as well. Lastly, she did catalyze more effort from my side to get to know my family better and closer.
Talking to one of my friends, she said the average masturbation for her is better than the average sex. I found that quite surprising, as I've never thought that would be the case for anyone.
To end on a good note, I met an interesting girl yesterday in the evening and wrote her on Messenger today. I really should meet even more new people. We'll see what comes out of this. (June/July)
I noticed that I am thinking more outside of my head about this topic and around friends which is good. (August/September)
I'm fairly positive I am making progress in this area. It's really only about having the guts to say hi and then making the ask to meet. It needs to become the routine, if I want to have some control over this aspect of my life. The end-result doesn't actually matter. And I'm aware I will make mistakes, get myself in stupid situations, get used and whatnot, but it's all in the game. I'm fairly adamant and determined in this. I've done a lot of scouting recently, so I got some "hard data" on a few girls I was interested in. (September/October)
To put a real example here, I'm currently making an effort to find dates and a girlfriend. I met a girl last Monday, had a good chat with her for a while, wrote her to meet up and she agreed. Five minutes into the second meeting, I found out she had a boyfriend, yet I didn't just turn around on my heel, as I promised her a walk around the city she doesn't know. I spent some two hours with her, had a good conversation with her, found out she's a good speaker and discussed some views on philosophy and politics.
The advice I could take from this regarding my dating life: Be more aware of social situations when I am first interacting with a girl I like and be better at scouting to find out whether she's already seriously dating someone or not. Then again, I got something I wasn't expecting but is valuable as well: thinking about reconsidering some of my life views through a good debate.
All in all, it's impossible to answer the question: Was it a success or a failure? Well, It depends on how I choose to look at it. (Oct/Nov 21)
I've been meeting one girl for about a month now, both in a planned way but also running into her randomly. She seems shy, a maverick/lone-wolf to a great extent, but also quite honest. I think it's gonna be interesting. Gonna meet her on Monday and do something together again. (Nov)
So I've been out a few times with the Georgian girl I met at the beginning of October. She's fun to be around, likes my analytical mind and so we sometimes grapple intellectually. She's also kind and I'd argue more compassionate then I am. We're gonna plan something together the next week too. I'm fairly unaware about where this is going, so I'm leaving this go its own way. The only thing that's for sure is that she leaves at the end of January.
What I've been probably happiest about that this area of my life seems to have some traction, as I felt there was none during the summer until the end of September. What's also worth noting is that this one of the areas with the most shades of gray and trial and error I've been in. I can absolutely not plan for an outcome. It's as much about knowing the other person as it is about knowing myself. (Jan 22)
Things have been going pretty well with the Georgian girl. She's gonna stay here until June and I myself might go to Germany for Erasmus in April, if the situation permits. It's nice to have somebody close to me to share things and try new things with every now and then. She's intellectually bright and can challenge me on a few things, so she also gives me the mirror sometimes.
She's also good at English and had some interviews already. She negotiated even a bit higher rate than I did. She actually gave me the impulse to revisit the payment I get from language schools this early. (Jan)
February and March have been pretty good with the Georgian girl and I believe we both enjoyed it. I'm happy that we managed to get the things we wanted to get done together. We will continue to date, until the distance is just too much to bear. She's going to have a more complicated schedule in April with a lot of traveling and in mid-May she's going to move to another city, which is however reachable on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I hope to post an update on this when the time comes. (Feb/Mar)
In April, we've been apart for about two weeks and there's one more week until she moves to another city for the internship. We spent a lot of time together this week.
I've entertained the idea to have a long-distance relationship until I/we are able to be in one place or to change location at will. My plans are to do the Erasmus in Bulgaria and finish the masters at the uni in early 2024 and after that I am completely location-independent - until then, I am to an extent bound in my current city. The money is not necessarily the issue either; although it's usually more expensive to travel than to stay in one place, I expect my financial situation to be healthy. It's not unrealistic, but we'll see. (Apr/May)
We've been seeing for weekends. My girlfriend even made a surprise visit today, traveling to my hometown for the weekend. (Jun/Jul)
Made a promise to not watch "porn" to my girlfriend. Our relationship is very warm. We shared some nasty secrets about one another and I think that bound us even closer. She's leaving back to Georgia in mid-August. We plan on seeing once or twice more and deciding what's next. (Jul/Aug)
She told me she doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship when she leaves in two weeks, partly because she already has the experience of long-distance for three years and she doesn't want to go through that again. I did cry (which I haven't in at least a few months, if not years), although I do not feel heartbroken. I take it as it is. Life's good.
She's been a great friend to me and I believe she will be in the future too. I believe she made her decision after contemplating it for a long time. I know she likes me, loves me. And because she's a great friend of mine, I won't question her judgement and try to convince her of something else. She knows what she would go through if she had another long-distance relationship. She has the right to say "no" to it and act in her best interest.
The malicious part of my mind keeps telling me that I am a rejected loser, as I was unable to convince her to continue the relationship. I think the malicious part takes inspiration from concurrent culture/TV or my past experiences with women. However I decided to have the relationships I want now, not based on templates that somebody tries to feed me or on what happened before.
The good thing about the "romance" in the relationship is that it has a closure I can understand and get by. So while the pain is inevitable and it sucks we won't see each other anymore, the suffering is next to none, as I don't pity myself or second guess something, as I did with the Spanish girl.
Another great thing about the relationship is that I never needed to "act like a man" or "extort" something from her. We always said what we wanted, more or less straight up. Not playing mind-games saves a lot of energy and even if we argued sometimes (about something philosophically significant; not about who is going to wash the dishes), we just acknowledged the differences and moved on. This also meant acknowledging our negative personality traits - she is often too disorganized and bad at planning things, whereas I can be sometimes condescending and arrogant (I think I share that trait with my father). (Aug/Sep)
IMPORTANT - I thrive when I have an equal partner in a relationship. I also have experience to see obvious red flags contrary to that a mile away. In a relationship, I can be sometimes condescending or arrogant. I know what I want in a relationship. I won't sell myself short in a relationship. (Sep/Oct)
I saw a girl on Monday, we started chatting two weeks ago because we share one subject at the university and decided to meet together, because we are writing a lot. She's quite talkative, seems like the nervous type, though she seems to have some tactical tools to help her with that, like good hobby structure and calendar. We'll see. Going out with her again tomorrow. (Oct/Nov)
It's been going well with the girl. I wouldn't dare to call her my girlfriend yet, but we've spent several afternoons/evenings together, so it's pretty serious dating now. (Nov/Dec 22)
T: It's been going well with the girl. I wouldn't dare to call her my girlfriend yet, but we've spent several afternoons/evenings together, so it's pretty serious dating now... I believe now she's a girlfriend.
Possible direction/goals:
Set up at least two dates a month.
-----
I've been doing this for three years! I'm gonna do some large-scale comparison of annual report of 2020x2021x2022 and planning for the 2023x2024x2025. Should be fun!
I found out I quite like to give presentations, if I really believe and enjoy the topic. This goes for both my school and business presentations. Better keep that in mind.
---
What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading, cleaning, washing the dishes, business ideas, uni work, blogging
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going to the gym, going for a walk
-----
Additional thoughts/activities:
My hobbies are: personal finance, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging and geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: working on my business, visiting Slovakia, giving presentations, playing table football tournament, going to the theater.
---
I think quitting games matured quickly and brutally overall, including in my relationship to women. I can say I am attracted to the girl I have been seeing. She gives me more than enough signs that its mutual. I don't think I am wrong, but I've been surprised before 😄
I have to scout her behavior for a longer time to see how (in)secure she is. She's capable of being independent, based on the things she's done in the past, so I am not sure whether she's just trying to seem more "approachable" for me to make a move on or whether it's a bigger issue. I don't want to have a clingy girlfriend.
---
Add-on:
I enjoy writing articles, however I am not enjoying the process of how to actually set up the blog, whether I should try and make some money off of it. I think I will, but I won't go on writing e-books, providing courses and whatnot. Just a few affiliate links for the services I like. This allows me to focus on writing and not fret over something I don't even know I want to do.
There are tentative plans to meet the Georgian girl again in a few months. I'd like to combine it together with some Erasmus+ project as well.
-
2
-
My journal
in Daily Journals
Posted
I actually had only one serious exam this semester and it was OK, though I am finding that as time progresses, I'm getting lazier with my university assignments. I worked out a plan to finish the summer semester/all subjects of my masters by June and then have until January/February 2024 to finish my thesis and do the finals. What is the plan for your studies?
I understand that. I have the same issue quitting porn now. I didn't watch it for over a week a few days ago, but then I just got too excited. It's nowhere as bad as it was with gaming, but I don't want to spend a few hours a week watching porn. I also think it's somewhat unfair towards my girlfriend, so it's another good reason to stop for me.
I don't exercise, but I matched my chores with physical activity. That means if I have to meet my students F2F or meet with friends, I either cycle or have to walk for at least for 30 minutes. Is there any way for you to do that as well?