Ikar

Hypothetically? It depends what kind of area of life we're talking about. I'm quite an orderly and organized person, but I think I am also creative enough to fill in any few remaining gaps I might have in my schedule. If I find out my lesson got canceled, I might go to the gym, write a message to a friend, clean the room or do something else that is useful. I honestly don't mind doing the same things every day.

I stumbled upon the text file of this report regarding my time usage about a year ago. It made me realize that even though I feel I am the same every day, I certainly do different things over time. It made me realize there is not enough time to do everything and be everywhere. It made me realize what I enjoy and value. For example, I was juggling three jobs the last September and eventually, I got into teaching English the most and it's been my main for about a year now. I could go on about which activities changed, transformed and so on, but I think at this point I am beginning to face a bigger challenge: 1) how to safeguard my free time and 2) how to trust myself I am going to use it well

Despite the fact that the last time I gamed was two and a half years ago, every time I come to my parents' house for anything else than Sunday lunch, my energy and motivation to do anything productive is instantly sapped and I get a permit to just laze around. I can't imagine living there again.

Thanks! I talked to her a bit yesterday in a group setting and I sent her a message today to meet up on Monday again. We'll see how that goes. --- Day 891: I had English classes, read some articles for a university course, wrote here, went outside to hop around with basketball (some Erasmus guys joined me later) and had a social evening. Day 892: I worked on a uni assignment, had English classes and had a social evening. Day 893: I went to the gym, had English lessons and decided to relax on my own in the evening and to write this. --- I feel these past two weeks have been somewhat rough, sort of living the lifestyle of "work hard, play/party hard". I get these weird stretches of time where sometimes minutes drag like hours, but on the other hand the days seem to be going by extremely fast. I feel as if I need to be doing something all the time, while I'm having a hard time relaxing in some sensible matter on my own when I do not need to do anything. As for dating, in the future I want to go out with multiple women at once or live the scenario where I know I have the option to do so. I think I am slowly trending towards it, as with the dorms full of people, I'm put on the spot. I dislike the idea of either not dating at all or being locked into seeing just one option as predominantly prevalent, no matter how viable it is.

Day 889: I wrote here, prepared for a date, visited my family and watched a comedy in the evening. Day 890: I worked out at the gym, had uni classes, an English class of my own and went to a date in the evening. Day 891: Today - TBA. --- Today is national holiday, meaning there are no uni or company courses, so I'm trying to figure out what to do and writing a diary entry seems like a solid thing to do. I set up a date yesterday with a girl I talked to for about an hour last Sunday. I took her for a walk around the city center, showed her a few places, went to a café... we had a similar flow of conversation as we did the last week for about two and a half hours and I think it was meaningful. I already know that I want to organize something similar with her the next week and I'm going to do that. What bugs me the most is that I do not know much more than that. I don't feel much more than that. I'm in uncharted territory, as any time I tried to date for the long term, no sexual relationship has come out of it. We always got physical fairly fast. Regardless, I think the right answer to that is just to do what I normally do, to not overthink it and go on/organize more dates.

Thanks! --- Day 885: I had English classes, went to the gym, went through mails, wrote here, went to the shop, attended the meeting of my geography group and had a social evening. Day 886: I had English classes, picked up my mom from the hospital and spent some time with her and had a social evening. Day 887: I had English classes, went for a walk, got through mails and watched "The Rock" in the evening. Day 888: I reorganized my room, cleaned it, washed the dishes, spent the afternoon with a friend and helped her transport a new chair and watched a comedy film in the evening. Day 889: Today - TBA.

I think you are right about the fiction of porn and I'd add to that also dating apps and perhaps advertisement in general. I've never really watched porn, although I stopped using the milder substitute I had instead of it a year or two ago. The quarrel I have with dating apps (despite finding a girlfriend there a few years ago, amazingly enough) is that it reduces people to a bunch of photos; for women ideally something sexy/explicit and for guys ideally something confident/accomplished. The real world is so much more nuanced (and I'd even say favorable) for meeting people that for most people, the plethora of opportunities available IRL makes dating apps pale in comparison. Adverts overall have the same problem as dating apps - I wonder what is the average time taken going through one dating profile. There's been some counterculture I've noticed on TV regarding the beauty standard. However it's not very trustworthy, as it uses the same techniques the opposite side does, mostly just trying to shock and not offering any middle ground. Meanwhile, back in reality, we have to play the cards we've been dealt, as the three aforementioned environments are not based in reality.

Day 882: I wrote here, prepared for my English classes, visited my family and met with the new Czech students at the dorm in the evening. Day 883: I had English classes, university classes and was social in the evening. Day 884: I had English classes, university classes, worked out at the gym, got through some newsletters and mails and sang karaoke in the evening. Day 885: Today - TBA. --- This last week's been fairly great. I am meeting a lot of new and old people and generally enjoying the evenings socially, both with girls and boys. I found out that the masters' courses at the uni are more practical and need more independent action from me compared to my bachelor studies. I like that, as I can work on the things in my own time. I was also surprised by the fact that the uni and my own English classes do not clash at all, as they are all in different times and I only had to make minor adjustments.

Day 874: I wrote here, prepared for my classes next week, watched some documentaries, tried writing another article for my blog, watched "Talented Mister Ripley", played football and went out to the English speaking event in the evening. Day 875: I watched some documentaries, visited my family and cleaned my room & dishes. Day 876: I had English classes, had an interview, worked out at the gym, read a part of "Gulag Archipelago" I wanted to go through again for a long time and watched "Hurt Locker" in the evening. Day 877: I went to donate blood together with a girl I know, did some shopping, worked at the gym, watched some documentaries and had a social evening. Day 878: I had English lessons and a social evening. Day 879: I had English lessons, got through the mails, figured out my university schedule, went to the shop and had a social evening. Day 880: I had English lessons, worked out at the gym, met up with the university students from my bachelor studies, played billiard and spent the night dancing. Day 881: I got through some newsletters, did the laundry, played football and was social in the afternoon/evening. Day 882: Today - TBA. --- I enjoyed both the Ripley and Hurt Locker films for their endings. I have to say that the social events I have been going to have changed in the past few months. Before that it was mostly playing cards in the hall with other Czech people, though in June the restaurants/bars were already open and I started going out more to events there as well. I think I am learning more socially (and about myself) thanks to my evenings being more diverse. Monday and Tuesday were very calm, yet the rest of the workweek has been fairly busy, while I am keeping active of my own volition during the weekend. With all that I have planned for the next week (meaning work + university), I am already looking at around 45 hours of planned activity the next week.

Day 869: I went to the dentist, wrote here, had English classes, played Scrabble with mom, played football and had a social evening. Day 870: I cleaned my room, washed the dishes, got through the mails, went for a walk, worked on resolving my internet issues at the dorm, had an English class and worked on the monthly report. Day 871: I had English classes, went for a lunch with my dad, had sushi with my brother for dinner and watched a short documentary about WWII. Day 872: I got a new haircut, read a bit about the Normandy WWII landings, had English classes and went to an English speaking event in the evening. Day 873: I got through mails, had English classes, got the results from a voting calculator, worked out at the gym, resolved the internet issue, watched a few YT videos about finance and psychology, went for a walk and finished the monthly report. Day 874: Today - TBA. --- I am thinking about some new approaches to English (both in teaching itself and in marketing), so it's gonna be great to meet my teacher at the university again. I was having some internet issues the past week and a half, but they are resolved now. It was somewhat annoying to run on the WiFi all the time, because the cable is the cable! I played football and went to the gym, both after a long time. I'm happy for that, as I need the exercise to tire myself to sleep well at night. There are self-defense courses at the uni and the evening Krav Maga courses as well, so I have more things to choose from. The English event on Thursday was fun and I circulated a lot, talking to new people. The voting calculator left me somewhat dazzled, as the three top parties (roughly with equal percentages) I identify with are from the moderate left, populist center and conservative right. It seems it's not easy to put me into a box of a political party! My father did the work and fixed the bike for me. I'm grateful to him for that. I finished the monthly report, because I felt it had to be done, but I don't think I gave it enough thought as I would like to. It was more of a statement of what I did or what happened rather than a good reflection. I guess I'll catch up on it in my regular entries. The past two weeks have been somewhat stressful, although it never really got on top of me to bring me down into prolonged bad mood. I'm gonna use this weekend to relax and do some hobbies.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 23/07/21 - 10/09/21 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period. --- Active writing (blog/writings/journal): L: About three weeks ago I wrote a few short texts here. I also attempted to write a start of my new blog post at the weekend. T: I wrote here, though I didn't work on my blog post. I have been encouraged by multiple to write more though and I do like the way I put sentences together, either in text or in speech - it is an art! Future goals/direction: Finish Past Authoring and the whole course. Write on my blog. Keep writing in my diary here twice a week. Work on "Breaking Free Exercises" from the NMMNG book. Books/Reading articles: L: My inbox is clear and I have read the first two books of "Warrior Kid" series by Willink. They're pretty simple, straightforward and believable. T: I read "The Little Book of Common Sense Investing" by Bogle (personal finance) and caught up on newsletters too. Future goals/direction: Continue getting through the newsletters. Read "The Little Book of Common Sense Investing" by Bogle. Family: L: My father helped me with a few things regarding the car and I am going to get sushi with my brother the next week. T: My mom's been on a long-term sick leave for almost a year now. She's gonna be in the hospital for the next three weeks to see if she improves there. Tomorrow, I am meeting my father for lunch and with my brother for sushi dinner. I'm happy they are both willing to help me when I need their help and in turn they can count on me. Future goals/direction: Continue working on bettering the relationships with my family. University: L: I meet fellow students here and there, although I am not studying at all at the moment. T: The university should start in a week. The dorm is getting busier, as some foreign exchange and even home students have already arrived. Future goals/direction: Find more sources for my upcoming masters' thesis. Exercise/movement: L: I've been keeping up with the movement quite well, despite the fact gym was opened and closed about the same time. T: The gym was closed since the end of July until this Monday, meaning I only made it there today. I went to the jiu-jitsu classes in August, but I can't make it work with my work schedule too well. I walked quite a lot - the city center is about two kilometers and I am there every other day. I have been thinking about picking up evening Krav Maga courses to have more regular martial art exercise. Future goals/direction: Martial art research. Keep in shape (using walks/sex/exercise). Social: L: I started visiting more social groups that I used to visit in the past. I met with my geography group, English speaking evening group and others. T: I went to a few trips that lasted a day or more. Other than that, I continued going to the English group and the billiard events in the evening. Future goals/direction: - English: L: I have a few lessons less, but it's still nearly 20 hours of classes in July/August. T: I'm positive I'm gonna be able to have above 25 hours of classes every week, that is if they do not collide with my university duties. I sent out the mails and the past two weeks have been fairly hectic in communication. Future goals/direction: I am going to send out some mails again to language schools and various other subjects to set up interviews from my secondary email. (do in August) I am going to pursue closer co-operation with my English mentor. I am going to check out a few more seminars on how to run online courses. Women/dating: L: T: I noticed that I am thinking more outside of my head about this topic and around friends which is good. Future goals/direction: - Additional activities: Personal finance: I've gone from actively spending time on this topic to more passive scanning. Chess: I still do a bit of chess every now and then, but not as often as before. Marksmanship: I've been having thoughts about returning to this hobby. Films: I watched a few films in the last month. The past month saw a steady decline though. ----- Masturbation - reminder: L: I think it'll be as with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste. Ejaculation is easy for me to handle, it's just that masturbation overall is difficult to get rid of. It's a process. This term was quite rough, especially with all the female attention that I've been getting recently. Masturbation is taking a toll on my sleep schedule, but I believe I will manage to handle it in a more healthy way. I'd like to think that I wouldn't do such a thing if I had a girl with whom I could have sex every (other) day, but my sexuality still my own responsibility even in that case and I have to deal with it in a way that doesn't screw me over. T: After having sex, I found out that I am more accepting of masturbation and that I do not hinge on it as much. Maybe because I already internalized the belief that sex in "just another" (yet important) thing in my life or because it's easier to get than I thought. Either way, I sense more peace in myself in this area. Meditation: L: I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm. I meditated a few times and I enjoyed the calmness. I gotta step up the relaxing activities, even though it sounds like an oxymoron 😄 I think reading + meditation might be a good combo, it’s just that I have to remember to do it when I have enough time to read, but not enough time to go for a walk at the same time. It's getting cold outside though, so I will not read outside too much anymore. T: - Gratitude: L: I managed to sneak it in into my journal a couple of times, so that's good. I'm grateful for all the new relationships and opportunities that flew into my life the last month. I'm going to make sure this continues. T: - --- Additional projects/misc/cool stuff finished last month: Additional projects/misc/cool stuff upcoming this month: --- Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude: I think I have done a good job at incorporating psychology lectures I’ve seen/learnt into my life. I don’t want to re-live the experience I’ve had March/April 2019, because it could be deadly. I gained the ability to plan after I quit games. Life’s more colorful and more difficult to deal with, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror now and see myself less skewed than before. I think I give meaning to things that deserve it now. I am not horrified of free time anymore. This is a BIG one. I am using my sociability more sensibly. No more trolling in Twitch chat and streaming. Coming to think of it, I’ve never been overly anxious to begin with, just the normal amount. I asked girls out on dates on high school. I was just totally oblivious to the signals I sent/received. I’m more conscious of both what I do and how I do it in relation with other people. I still get anxiety, but I act despite it. I stand tall and have my say. I'm very lucky to have a mentor in the field I am excited about. I'm grateful for everyone who has entered my life. I EMBRACE THE FACT THAT ANYTHING I START DOING, I WILL DO IT BADLY. I CAN ONLY BECOME BETTER INCREMENTALLY AND BY PRACTICE. It's less of a question WHAT I do compared to HOW and WHY I do it.

Continuation: I've been playing pool and billiard in the evenings recently. It's a fairly interesting social hobby, surprisingly good for training precision and technique. I have not attended the BJJ class in the past two weeks, mainly because the time-slot doesn't work well with my job, as I often teach until the evening. I'm researching other options that would be more suitable for my time schedule. Related to the sport/coordination/movement hobbies, I have been thinking about picking up some dance classes, as I have never attended one and I already do have a pretty nice looking suit I'm not using. Joining a shooting club's been on my mind as well. It's been a crazy past few days that I've spent quite socially and with not enough sleep. I tend to be fairly irritable when I am on low sleep. Today and yesterday I've caught up on it though, so I'm feeling better already. I had two or three good talks the past week with people: one with a new guy I share some views with, one with an older guy encouraging me to write more (based on the compliment I gave him that I noticed he structures his sentences beautifully and uses advanced words in speech with confidence) and one I mentioned earlier with my friend about physical/psychical pain and feeling sorry. I also need to start work on my monthly report!

Day 861: I wrote here, got through newsletters, visited my family and grandma and played billiard in the evening. Day 862: I had and English class, got the pay raise, did the laundry, got through the mails, got my car back and watched a film with a friend in the evening. Day 863: I started moving, had English classes, did some paperwork and cooked with my friend. Day 864: I continued moving, talked to a friend and had English classes. Day 865: I finished moving, got through mails, had English classes, got my car through the technical check, washed the dishes and went to an English speaking event. Day 866: I had English classes, got through mails and had a social evening. Day 867: I had a social day - I played billiard and had Thai food. Day 868: I helped my friend to move, spent time with my family and slept over at my parents' house. Day 869: Today - TBA. --- I prepared diligently for the interview for the pay raise and I got it, although it is only enough to cover the inflation of the past two years. I think I have pretty much hit the ceiling with what the private language schools are able to offer me and I'm also running into the limitations of my time. I also declined the high school teaching job, because it was further away and because I actually still don't know my university schedule. I have more flexibility teaching single bite-sized courses once or twice a week than having to be somewhere thrice a week to spread out the classes for teenagers. This got mentioned at the English speaking event, but I have not been working on my own marketing of my English business. I finished my website in March 2020, updated it in November 2020 and about a month ago I put myself on Google Maps. I'm gonna ask my friend how to go about this, because he is already doing what I am aiming at. My car's been successfully fixed, passed the technical check and I can drive it for the next two years. My bike is not yet fixed, but I am gonna make time to let it get fixed. I had my friend as a roommate for a few days and it has been fairly interesting and fun. We went to a couple of events together and I had a few interesting insights from those days and then I helped her to move. The main one is perhaps that I am able to say sorry to people when I hurt them physically by accident, but I hardly ever apologize for psychical pain (i.e. in a fit of anger), as it's difficult for me to feel guilty for that and because it's not objective. pool BJJ - 10-6 worktime dance - shooting range too social? MONTHLY good talk A quote from a film I saw the last week that I resonate with. Don't mind the numbers! 854 01:46:25,526 --> 01:46:27,721 "I have lived through much, 855 01:46:28,829 --> 01:46:32,526 "and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. 856 01:46:36,370 --> 01:46:39,065 "A quiet secluded life in the country, 857 01:46:40,974 --> 01:46:45,707 "with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, 858 01:46:47,513 --> 01:46:50,949 "and who are not accustomed to have it done to them. 859 01:46:52,819 --> 01:46:55,912 "And work which one hopes may be of some use. 860 01:46:57,589 --> 01:47:01,889 "Then rest, nature, books, music, 861 01:47:02,628 --> 01:47:04,619 "love for one's neighbor. 862 01:47:08,600 --> 01:47:11,034 "Such is my idea of happiness. 863 01:47:13,972 --> 01:47:20,535 "And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, 864 01:47:21,746 --> 01:47:23,680 "and children perhaps. 865 01:47:25,583 --> 01:47:28,381 "What more can the heart of a man desire?" TBD

Yup, I have done my research, I will write in my entry below how it all turned out. I don't think there is anything much to be desired in life honestly. The time is limited and (luckily) so are the things that really matter. The fattest thing I had to trim was obviously gaming; nowadays I always get strong feelings of discomfort whenever I feel I am going overboard in one area of life. I have already experienced a few times that I am at my most fullfilled whenever I feel my life is in balance and when I embody the things I want.

I found out that limiting social media is best done by going out and just doing things with people. I think any social activity does the trick, except something too idiotic such as drug abuse. Getting social hobbies is key! I found a way to use FB to my advantage, searching for events I would be interested in and using my IG as a directory for people. You mentioned you can't have sex with your partner before due to health reasons. Is there any other way you can use your sexuality in a more useful way than just watching porn?

Great props to you for being strong and working on yourself despite tragedy. Keep going! I agree. Willingly detaching and not participating is tough and unpopular, but I think the best way is to just wait if your mom decides to seek help with her problems on her own, just as nobody pushed me or you into joining GQ. A friend of my father has a son who used to game all day and didn't do anything else. He and his wife decided to kick their son out of the flat, so that he could get a job and start functioning properly. There was no telling what would happen (i.e. he could have turned into a homeless junkie), but in the end it turned out well, because he got a job and was able to take care of himself. Good work! The body and mind work together, so I am glad you can already see improvements.

Day 857: I had English classes, met with a friend in the afternoon and had a social evening. Day 858: I had English classes, a job interview and went to an English speaking event in the evening. Day 859: I had English classes, asked for a raise and went to a party in the evening. Day 860: I went out with a friend, checked out information about finance and how to negotiate a pay raise and went to bed early. Day 861: Today - TBA. --- I noticed I have been going out/being social in the evening every time since 11th, so I decided to take a break yesterday. We've been playing billiard quite often too. The good thing is I have not been drinking either and I'm mostly on non-alcoholic beer. I'm meeting my boss tomorrow regarding the pay raise, so I want to study/studied how to prepare for the meeting. I don't want to just come there and bark out the number, even if that works. I want to have a deep and serious discussion about what can I do for the firm, how I see my future in it and then land the ask after all the other important things have been mentioned. I'm coming to face the fact that the theme that seems to be running through my entire life is stability. It really comes to me that all I need is a few good friends, a job I like, some romantic relationship, a few hobbies, exercise and just work on these regularly. That's how I imagine my dream life, day in and day out. The downfall of that is I can become too rigid, unimaginative and safe in an attempt to achieve that.

Day 849: I read, wrote here, went for a walk and had English classes. Day 850: I got through mails, had English classes and attended BJJ. Day 851: I had English classes, talked to a friend and had a social English evening. Day 852: I read, did the laundry and had English classes. Day 853-854: I went to go down the river with a few other people. Day 855: I had English classes, wrote my friends, talked to a friend, attended BJJ and did the groceries. Day 856: I wrote my friend, had English classes, cleaned my room and finished reading CSI by Bogle. Day 857: Today - TBA. --- My car's getting fixed at the moment. It's somewhat annoying, as it hinders my mobility, but I'll get through that. I finished reading the book by Bogle about investing. Nothing too new, but a reminder is not bad from time to time. I enjoy the BJJ class, but I feel kind of all over the place, as there's no class for basics and beginners. I know I am supposed to get my ass kicked for the first few weeks/months, though it's difficult to keep myself on track in the current system. I still have zero idea how will my schedule look like when I am at the university, as I will know the schedule in two or three weeks and I start the semester in a month. I already feel the time constraints of not being able to do everything I want. I might have to give up the high school job where I was on an interview the last week. We'll see.

You can play with it when you are creating the post. The quoting system here on GQ is quite versatile; you can quote whole posts or specific parts of it easily. I'm sharing my experience that stuck with me and I think it stuck with me for a reason. I have enough things to do in life other than trying to convince random people on the internet of something. I also think focusing on your relationship is a good idea.

I was aware of your reply, you don't need to quote me twice! You don't "have to" interact with multiple women in a romantic/sexual way at once. But it's different if you don't do it because you can't (i.e. women don't find you interesting for whatever reason - being a wimp, being irresponsible, not meeting women) or because you don't want to (i.e. multiple women do find you interesting and give you signs, but you already chose to not choose them/you chose your one). --- I was going out with Girl A in autumn, but I lost interest in her eventually, because I felt she was not giving me any signs back. Then I started spending time with Girl B, Girl A got wind of it and told me she wants to spend time together again. Long story short, I showed Girl A that I am not interested in her anymore. I told that to Girl B and she said that she would not mind if I spent time with Girl A as well. Both were exchange students, so I knew the meetings would have to end sooner or later. The point is that it surprised me I could perhaps spend time with both of them (if I wanted to and if I communicated the situation well). Would I do things with Girl A again, if there was no Girl B? Maybe. Regardless, it was eye-opening, because a few years from now, I might have to solve a situation with more women who are interested in me and their specific stances. --- Another story is with my friend, who is twice my age, about a month ago. The conversation started off with me saying that a few days ago, I had a good chat with a new girl and that I like her. He asked if I knew what was the color of her panties. I told him that I do not. Then I went on talking about more specific details about her, the evening etc. Then he asked me, AGAIN, whether I knew what was the color of her panties. I told him, AGAIN, that I do not. Regardless, I have her Messenger and I might see her in the future on the event I met her. Who knows. The point here is not that my friend is a sex-hungry animal. The first point here is that I should make it obvious to the girl that I like her, enjoy talking to her and spend some time together, unless she or I decide that it's not worthwhile to spend time together. The second point here is that I really do not know unless I get a "yes" or "no" or we have sex, start dating or whatever.

Day 845: I had English classes, attended BJJ and visited my family. Day 846: I spent time with my family, read Bogle's book, did the laundry and talked to friends in the evening. Day 847: I read, prepared for English classes for the next week, watched Bourne's Ultimatum, went out with a friend in the afternoon and went to play billiard in the evening. Day 848: I went to a job interview, read, went to BJJ, had an English class and played cards in the evening. Day 849: Today - TBA. --- Going through the old HDD, I also encountered recordings of my old streams. I made them about three and a half years ago. My initial feeling was that I have not changed that much at all, although there are big differences. The age/experience difference between someone who is 21 and someone who is 24 can be enormous. It's not my idea, but the older I get, the more I realize that life is a game of tradeoffs. I can't be everywhere, be with everyone and do everything. I have to choose, even though the none of the options have to be necessarily "better". I've been enjoying the BJJ trainings. The guys are all fairly friendly and helpful, as there's usually not much time to do the basics, so I found some resources to study at home at least from videos. I also went to a job interview. It was pretty good, as I felt the interviewer was blunt and straightforward about the job. I have the opportunity to teach at high school beginning from September, 10-20 hours a week with a decent salary, mainly women aged 15-20. With that, there is a lot of unknowns: 1) My car is in need of some repairs. I want to get it fixed and have the documentation done by the end of August, but I do not know how much will the repairs cost and if it's not outright better to get another car. 2) I want to go to Erasmus, yet at the same time it could collide with the fact I could teach at the high school. Going to Erasmus is quite hazy as well; I'm approved for the summer semester (January/February?), but I have zero idea how will it look like with the CV situation in half a year. In that regard, having a steady job at the high school seems better. Above all, I have to prioritize my university studies and find out soon about my schedule and assignments.

Well written! That's pretty much how I felt some three years ago. My purpose was gaming and my X and it blew up in my face spectacularly. Related to that, I don't think there's a single "purpose" one has. I do a lot of different things today to get my "purpose". I actually find it easier to dispense with activities that do not work for me now that I have more activities to do.

I think that's the answer. Women come and go and sex comes and goes as well. But I stay with myself forever. You are not "supposed" to do anything, especially after a few days or a week of dating. I guarantee you there are many more women whom you can like and have a good time with. I'm aware that's difficult to realize if you are having this kind of interaction for the first time though. Be yourself, do what feels right and enjoy the ride.

Day 839: I wrote e-mails for interviews, cleaned my old HDD, went for a walk, cooked, watched a comedy film, washed the dishes and went to an English speaking event. Day 840: I started reading Bogle's "The Little Book of Common Sense Investing", visited my family, talked to a friend in the evening and wrote here. Day 841: I had English classes, got through e-mails, went with my car for a check, attended the BJJ class and watched a film about martial arts. Day 842: I got through the newsletters, read, got through mails, went for a walk, had English classes and a social evening. Day 843: I started writing the next article for my blog, cooked, had English classes, attended BJJ and watched "The Bourne Identity" in the evening. Day 844: I had English classes, read, cooked, had an online interview, watched "The Bourne Supremacy" and went to an English speaking event. Day 845: Today - TBA. --- I started watching more films, meaning I use my HDD to store them on. I went through it and deleted 400 GB of games/save files that I had there for several years.

You are exactly right. I let gaming, and later on my X, define me for a long time, so I am very averse to narrowing myself down just to a few activities or people today. I know some people would argue that "what we do is not all we are", but I think I am heavily oriented towards action as a person. I can't "just exist" for prolonged periods of time without any agenda at all. I also think that the more interests I pursue, the better will it be for my stability, though I am aware there's a ceiling for the number. If I look through my monthly report, I can distinguish two main categories - core and individual. I think "core" are common for all of us and trying to dodge them can have serious repercussions, while "individual" make us all a bit different from each other and they change over time. Core: family, education, exercise, social/friends, romance Individual: writing, reading, English, finance, films, chess, marksmanship I didn't make that comment in my yesterday's entry, but I definitely feel more adept at the negotiating table at work than in dating, though the principle is the same; to see whether something beneficial might come out of it or not. I honestly learnt through my own mistakes, though I haven't incurred any great "active" losses (looking at Forex and the finance advisory business). Plus it's better to take risks young with smaller amounts of money than old with larger amounts of money. I however do think I am good at handling my financial situation. I think a lot of it came just through tracking the areas of my life and how they develop over time. It seems it originally came from the idea of comparing my life before quitting games and after quitting games and then it just continued on and on. I am not pushing myself to "do better" in each area all the time, but if I notice something recurring over time, I can investigate it. That's the power of journaling after all; not only it keeps records fairly accurately, it can also show us how were we thinking about things before and now. I honestly encourage you to just copy-paste my monthly report and fill in what's true for you, how do you feel about it etc. It makes it easier to follow the trends in areas that matter. 1) reminds me of the fact that today's age has a tendency to make everything into monetizable entertainment. News is a perfect example; it used to be so boring and fact-based 100 years ago, now it's about being exciting/infuriating and fiction-based. Plus every political system on the planet will claim that it is the best one that has ever been invented. 2) makes me think about the global CV situation. I made my statement on it a few weeks ago though, so I'll just paste it again here to remind myself of it: