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Peregrinator
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Posts posted by Peregrinator
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Day 93 - had an absolutely huge blister on my foot this morning from yesterday's walk and my knees are killing me but I guess that is the price I have to pay. I was hoping to go for a run but I can't so instead I made it a day of errands.
I went to the barbers to get a nice haircut, admittedly the barbers I use when I'm down at mum's is a pretty decent place and they always give it a good cut , the only issue is that the wait to get a cut is a bit long. But hey I have time and it's worth it.
I spoke to my mate who is the photographer and he said he would really be keen to go back up the Malverns with his camera, so we will be back up there the day after tomorrow. I'm really hoping my legs have healed by then. But I think it will be really good to do something with a mate for a change.
I spent the evening with my mum around an old friends, but I found myself distracted by messaging this girl, don't get me wrong I'm trying not to over do it, but in my head I am building her up as amazing. At the same time I don't want the news about my ex to have an impact and to force me to getting with someone just to get even, If things go well I don't want this to be a booty call, but at the same time I don't want to go full throttle into a relationship. I need to look at this logically and take it easy I mean this girl is everything my ex wasn't and I mean that in a good way and she does seem keen to meet up.
I looked back and untagged some of the photos I had taken with my ex on Facebook because it just doesn't look great . I came across one from earlier in the year, May to be precise and I just look horrific , there no other way around it, I'm horribly overweight and i just look like a greasy mess. If I was like that st the time, it's no surprise that my ex left, and at the time the games were just running my life. I can never afford to be that person again.
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17 hours ago, Matt S said:
Keep going and see what happens. Opportunity is always around the corner in the world we live in today if we're willing to look and be creative about it. You got this.
Thanks man, it's good to hear your positive words of encouragement
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7 hours ago, Matt S said:
I'm sorry you didn't get the interview you were seeking. This reminds me of when I first started doing well in engineering school in 2013. I had quit games and got my life back on track. I was slowly becoming one of the top students in my class. I got an interview at a job I thought I deserved and didn't get the job because they wanted someone who could potentially be a full time worker after the internship ended. I was so angry. I was a better engineer than the classmate who got the job, but they were a senior and I was a junior at the time. I let that bother me for a bit, but then turned it into a chip on my shoulder. I'd go and become a better engineer and make them wish they hired me. 4 years later I received a letter from them asking me to work for them and I let them know I was not interested. They missed out on me. Too fucking bad. They were very interested due to my experience and ability. Thought I'd be a great addition to the team. Blow me.
I say this story not for you to carry around a briefcase of spite regarding that employer, but I say it to motivate you. Maybe this is a chance for you to do well at a completely different job or role where you'll have a brighter future. It's like the hot chick who turned you down, then you got in good physical shape and now she wants you. Too bad.
I will say that in 1 year or so, the only thing you're going to remember is that beautiful photo you took and the journey you went on. That photo is captivating to say the least. Very inspirational.
Matt
I think your 100% right there , getting angry isn't a constructive day to deal with this, your way is better. I need to focus on smashing it out of the park and developing my existing opportunities in my current role. The irony is that my current role has a higher profile and is more demanding than the job I applied for, but I need something permanent. I have at least three months to exploit every opportunity that I current have to push the ball forward.
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7 hours ago, Matt S said:
I guess I don't even like the gym I go to. It's so small. The anxiety feeling associated with the gym is two fold. I want to get out of work and do something amazing immediately after work and have trouble taking a deep breath and just saying "Ok, work is over, now it's time to enjoy life a little." When I get to the gym, I hate my current one. I don't like the machines and don't like how it feels to be there. I get anxious because everyone I know keeps telling me different shit for gym advice. I think what I want to do is just go to a different gym down the street which offers more to me. I'd also like to go at lunch. I just get the feeling to leave the office during the day just out of frustration lol. But maybe after work is best because it lets me clear my mind of any bull shit from the day. I really miss working out because it made me feel so much happier and more confident in my looks and mentality.
Yeah I totally understand that, I'm admittedly a bit of a gym snob. I used to go to a gym that was quite small and it frustrated me during the busy periods that I couldn't get on a machine or the freeweights, so frustrated that I stopped going.
My current gym is relatively expensive but it works better for me both in terms of what's on offer and the fact I can get on machines without waiting. I have settled into a groove that works and turned the gym into my territory psychologically. To the extent that when my other ex started turning up it didnt make a bit of difference.
But when I first started and when I came back after a long hiatus I too felt that anxiety.
What helps me to stay committed to going is focusing on the feeling when I leave, that endorphin rush that just calms me down and gives me a huge boost once I have finished. Plus when people start to notice that your body is changing, that's a fantastic boost.
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On 12/27/2018 at 11:58 PM, Samon said:
I think you are totally right. I hope my 90 detox will go well, but after that I dont want to quit my Journal. I will keep writing, because there are many benefits. Yes, it takes time. And even reading others journals sometimes is taking much time. But its like eevrything in life. Dont do it to much and just take the benefits of it. So I totally agree with you.
Ill try to follow your journal mate ? wish you the best
I think that's a good move @Samon I found at the end of my 90 that actually I want to maintain the momentum the journaling has given me. The 90 days feels like a foundation.
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On 12/27/2018 at 5:55 AM, Deku said:
@RS Addict Thanks for the kind words, and best of luck with your own journey!
The past few days have been pretty unremarkable, so there really hasn''t been much to write. Historically studying the MCAT has been quite a challenge for me because it takes months of dedicated effort and commitment, which was really hard to maintain due to urges and burnout. So this time around I'm trying to set a manageable pace of 1 chapter a day, and making it the top priority in my day--I'll roll out of bed in the morning and study my chapter before doing anything else. I won't be done with MCAT studying by the end of break to be sure, but if I can just keep this pace up until the end I'll definitely achieve my goal of finishing Bio, Biochem, and Orgo, which means I'll just need to study Inorganic Chem, Physics, and Psych/Soc over the next semester.
To be fair given the way you have smashed your grading, I think it is fair to have a bit of a pause. Have you given any more thought to how you want to pace out your MCAT with your other goals? I'd be intrigued to know as I feel I need to get some.more structure into my routine.
Also don't worry about your relapse, I know.it was a few days ago and I'm late to the party, so to speak. The important thing is you are back and setting it for 120 days this time.
We are with you all the way
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Day 92 - and just as I think everything is going smoothly I get two big hits to mess things up for me.
Today I checked my work emails for the first time I applied for a job a few weeks back which is a permanent job on the same paygrade that I am on . Well today i got the "unfortunatly you have not been successful on this occasion" email, to be honest I was absolutely livid. Reflecting back I spent three years bleeding myself so that when I got to this position I would at least get an interview, but to not even get to that stage was just infuriating. I had a rant, I swore and just wanted to hand in my resignation. I know this may seem over the top, but I have gone above and beyond what was required for this job, to not even get an interview is a slap in the face.
Thankfully I had a walk planned in for today , which was just as well as it was a really appropriate time to burn off some steam. I recognised my anger for what it was, an emotional response and let myself tire out that part of my mind.
I jumped in the car, whacked on a self help audiobook and drove down to the Malvern Hills. I was still angry by the time I got there, so I thought "I really must knacker myself out here, up the first hill I went up to the top of the highest hill and realised this place is called an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty for a reason. The views and weather were amazing. All the hills line up and after walking up each one I just wanted to keep going. My ankle twisted 5km in ( it's weak from an old injury) but I kept going and the pain subsided. 10km later and I was starting to flag at the top of one of the hills. Time to turn back and walk 10km to the car. At about the time I was getting close to the highest hill, the sun started to set. My god it was amazing, golden rays stretching out of the clouds illuminating fields and villages below. Miles of green countryside plastered in golden light.
I took a photo and no matter how beautiful it looks, the real thing was an awe inspiring spectacle, and I took a whole load more over the course of the day.
Having sufficient time to myself I reflected on My job rejection. No matter how angry I was I could not change the situation. My application must have been weak, I needed feedback and to work on that feedback and find ways to get myself out there.
By the time I got home my knees were shot and I needed a bath. Then the second blow of the day. I had a text from the ex saying that she was seeing someone else, three months after we called off the engagement. I always liked to wonder how I would react in this situation, I thanked her for being honest and then thought about it. It's difficult to say I wasn't upset, I think it is only natural to be, but I was almost more upset that I wasn't seeing someone first. Trying to get in a challenge like this is dangerous, I need to focus on winning my own race with myself.
But all isn't quiet on the dating front, I said a few weeks ago.that in had started online dating and that it had been total carnage, any girls that I had tried to speak to had fallen by the wayside, except one. We had agreed to speaking the phone tonight and I was due to call her ten minutes after my ex text. So I rang her, we were on the phone for 2 and a half hours, talking about everything from holidays, to drinking to work. The conversation flowed well and at the very least she sounds attractive. She came across as bubbly outgoing and straight talking, something that my ex wasn't and something I probably need in a relationship. The conversation was needed as well, it completely took my mind off my ex. I'm honestly not sure where this will go but it is something and it's a big step forward on my own journey, I have already said I would like to meet and she has agreed, when I get back from my mums.
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7 hours ago, Matt S said:
I finally finished all the big moving parts and can finally settle into living at home. I'm still unsure about a few things. Do I keep my normal gym membership near work or do I cancel it and get a new one near home? I live 1 hour from work and traffic going to home from work is worse than traffic from work to home. I want to get 3-5 days in the week again without that anxious feeling. I just want to go, do my things, and not stress. I mentioned before a few weeks back how I had issues once I left work regarding hobbies. I couldn't just enjoy the hobby, I just had this terrible feeling after leaving work of disgust, exhaustion, frustration, and wanting to escape. It's hard to turn that around and enjoy life after that. I am working on that now. For some reason I have a difficult time going from sad to happy. I think I'm not alone here, though. It's all the esteem and frame of mind conversation. If I now start doing things for me then that is big. I make the choices to be happy or sad for the most part.
Firstly well done on the move, I don't know if things feel unsettled now but they will calm down soon.
In regards to the gym, I always prefer to go after work, I find my motivation for physical exercise flags the second I get through the door.
In regards to the anxious feeling do you mean the feeling of switching gyms? I have been at the same gym for a while now and it's closer to work. I'm really fussy so when I find a gym I like I stay there come hell or high water.
I think the last part of your comment is really important, yes you do make a choice based on your esteem to be happy or sad but also give yourself a bit of that space. You have a lot going on, be kind to yourself.
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Day 91 - Just kidding, I have reached my 90 day goal but I do not feel like the challenge is over or that I have finished my journey. I think there were several complications ( including coming out of a relationship, moving house and Christmas)which means I have not utilised the full 90 days to my advantage. Don't get me wrong I feel better and more engaged with the world but I still don't feel that I have made the most of all the oppertunities presented to me. With the deep seated complications of my own history this doesn't feel like it is just a 90 day battle, but something that will take me longer and I can't think of a better place to continue that journey than from here.
Given that we are still (kind of) in the middle of the Christmas period it has been difficult to forward plan the next 90 days so I haven't attempted it, there are however some comments from the past 90 days that I wanted to bullet point here.
- The highlight for me has to be the Dublin trip, going on a plane to another country on my own was a big thing for me and the journey itself was right, the only downside is hat it has made everyhting else seem a little weak in comparison.
- Having made a specific effort to apply myself in work seems to be paying off, being less afraid to get my name out there and landing some great collaboration has been good, next year will be a significant challenge work wise and in this challenge I will need to prove myself.
- Except from a few forrays into the online dating scene, I have not made much of a push in regards to trying to get into a relationship , Logically this is completely understandable given that I have needed time to process the end of my last relationship, emotionally I am struggling with this for some bizarre reason.
- I have found that whislt I have stopped playing games, my phone has taken over as my chief procrastination device. I think many people on here have found this. I need to find a way to control this.
- I have lost over a stone and a half in a three month period, granted I may put some on over the christmas period but the change is noticable, I want to continue this weight loss into the new year.
- I definitely want to seek out some more experiences this year. The crochet ( haha) was a busted flush but it the end the photography is the likely way forward in terms of a hobby, I will need more and certainly something that is going to be constructive and somethign where I am learning.
I do need to look in earnest ats Cam's 90 day detox as the challenge frame for me moving forward. I think I need that structure to really get the most out of this experience.
Anyway's merry christmas everyone, hope you had a fantastic time.
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Day 87 -So I drove down to mums for the Chirstmas period , the traffic was a bit heavy but I decided on the way back to go to one of my mums cousins to drop her off a present. I would probably never do that before I started this process. Id either talk myself out of it or I would simply just want to go and play on games instead. So I went round to see her and we had a good two hours just chatting about things and work and how she was doing, it was lovely and she really appriciated my card and present.
Once that was done I went to my mums and to be honest just crashed after the drive.
Day 88 - Christmas Eve , So i didnt have anything else to do for christmas so I just had a steady day, I went for a run. I haven't actually been for an outside run for a while but it was a nice (if cold) day to go. I did a decent 6.5 km run in a pretty good time which was good and for a change actually enjoyed going out and doing the run and it was a significantly better time then my last outside run, which was waay back in June.
Day 89 - Christmas Day - Soo yeah got some decent presents and we had a sit down meal, I put some things together and sorted out my mums laptop, I then went around my mate to see him and brought a bottle of rum with me.
I got absolutely leathered, it wasn't great and I cant really remember much, Mum picked me up and apparently I broke down crying talking about the way she treated me as a child, eeek not good. I cant remember anything but I'm pretty sure she feels pretty guilty and upset about it judging about how she reacted the next day, not the best way to spend christmas day. On top of that I was sick in the toilet.
Day 90 - Boxing day, woooo done it!! 90 days without games! so yeah I guess this is it, I have completed my challenge and its done and dusted. I didnt't celebrate in an over the top way, mainly because of the hangover. We did go out for a meal with some other friends and then I came home and just watched some TV and caught up with some christmas films. I caught up on the football fixtures and went to bed. But hey I have completed the challenge my 90 days are done I have acheived what I wanted to acheive and I am finished !!
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Day 86 - So first day of holiday, I got the last parts of my washing sorted and I just managed to get my presents wrapped, which is a miracle in itself. Today provided one of those rare opportunities for me to go and watch my football (Soccer for the Americans) team and by that I mean the professional team that I support and not the one I play for, both teams having the same nickname means it gets a little confusing. As I live 200 miles away from where I was born and therefore my teams home ground.I don't often have a chance to watch them.
But today they were playing an away fixture near me. Me and my mate both went to watch them as it was good I realised I had missed this. I have been feeling lonely over the past few days and whilst that is not a surprise today really helped. I think it is that psychology of being in your crowd with your "tribe". It was no longer just me a solitary supporter but 1229 of us chanting and singing all the songs we know. It was spiritual to be surrounded by so many people with a common interest.
So we went to the pub before hand , and I have to mention this, for a pint before the game. The bar was busy but the barmaid just ignored me at the front of the queue and tried to serve someone else who started to shout his order over. Normally I would just shrink away but this time I said " excuse me I was here first" and the girl actually apologised and so did the guy, which was a surprise, we started talking about the football and how long it had taken to get there (not very long for either of us).
Anyway back to the football, I spent the whole 90 minutes shouting and singing so my voice is a little gone but it was good, and we sung a lot more than the home supporters. I always find sitting in the away end at football matches as the best place to sit in terms of atmosphere.
Things on the pitch were actually pretty boring, there were a few good plays but both teams were cancelling each other out, until the 86 minute. A threaded pass across the goal allows our striker to hit the ball home and we went 1-0 up and predictably nuts, the whistle blew for full time and we celebrated.
Today didn't feel so lonely and that was good.
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Day 85 - last day of work for me, it was still a busy one though getting ready for next year and making sure everything is in order. Afterwards I felt knackered but still went to the gym , didn't do as much of a workout as I would have liked but still went.
I was absolutely shattered when I got home so I just watched some TV and crawled into bed at about 2100, looking forward to some time off, just worried I will get bored and play games
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22 hours ago, dirkj3 said:
I'm feeling the same!!
It's crap isnt it ? When Christmas is over qe can go back to normality
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Day 84 - Well work went crazy all of a sudden , I have found myself rushing around trying to get a whole stack of measures in place for January in order that we can deal with Brexit so I have spent most of the day throwing things together.
I saw the councillor after work, told him I felt lonely that online dating was not working. He said it was understandable and my reaction was understandable but not necessarily true. He said he had tried online dating before and he had to refine refine refine and that it was a game (haha).
He explained that it was a sideshow and that we needed to focus on what I was going to do next, I explained I had plans for the new year and I will share them on here , it's Important to see the online dating stuation as a bit of a gimmck.
Oh and edited to add, today was my last weigh in of this season of football we lost 3-1 on the pitch but i lost 1.5 kg over the week, I'm no longer technically obese ?
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Day 83 - Work is starting to wind down for Christmas so not a huge amount is going on. My sleeping hasn't been great so I felt knackered after work. As a result I skipped the gym and went home.
As an aside I have explored some online dating options just to try and ease myself back into the dating world so I created a profile on POF and Bumble a few days ago. My god it's like the dating equivalent of world war 1. I must have messaged 100+ girls and got hardly anything back in response. The problem is every rejection chips away at my self esteem and gives justfcation to my negative thoughts. I feel so ugly and this is justified by my lack of success, it's horrible I just worry I'm going to die alone at this stage.
Because I feel so crap I feel the cravings to go on games coming back, I haven't acted on them but still, it means the two weeks at mum's over Christmas may be a tough one.
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On 12/12/2018 at 7:07 PM, Matt C said:
Hi Pere, I've got a lot of studying to be done over the next month and a bit until exams are over. I do seem to keep getting to the latter stages of my day and itch to open up a Hearthstone stream to zone out for some downtime. I've got a couple of books I've been reading and would like to start exercising daily as opposed to every other day.
The issue currently seems to be when I'm fatigued from the day and I want to do something calming which used to be Hearthstone for me, I'd like to do these 90 days without watching streams, but I guess one thing at a time? I used to go out dancing quite frequently when I was still curating nights and DJing, however I've always been a little reticent to going back to it because of the associated lifestyle - I've been looking at different volunteering opportunities through the university recently. What worked for you?
Sorry been away so not had a chance to respond. I would strongly recommend volunteering especially if you are at uni, don't know where you live but here in the UK its a really good thing to do in terms of job prospects. Helps with what we all the soft skills.
Have you tired using the headspace app at all? I find that really works to calm me down, but I get what you mean and that its tough, try to take it easy one step at a time.
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6 hours ago, Phoenixking said:
I need to learn how to be kinder to myself and not as demanding. I feel I need to start this journal again. A part of me feels like I don't even deserve to because I'm not really kicking the gaming habit but it's more the search for a healthy life.
I've just been bawling my eyes out, crawled into a ball of my cold couch, sad music basically blasting. I saw my doctor today, I convinced him to let me stay at home for the rest of the week.
It all started this morning when I was making my breakfast shake. Some astronaut powder, some frozen spinach, frozen fruit, some 'fresh' juice. I had forgotten to clean the whole blending array and my bottle the day before. So it was all crusty. I started begrudgingly cleaning it, swatting away the flies circling the remains of my dishes. It was going to cost me five whole minutes. I'd be late probably. I had to hurry.
And then something just snapped. I couldn't walk out the front door. I just couldn't go to that infernal office any more. It was draining me, burning me out. I used my acting skills to lie my way through a conversation with HR; implying I was sick. Because of an incident they don't really trust me (I'm not sure they should, I try to never lie but I'm a bit of a rogue and really good at deception when I want to and I also tend to steal office supplies because fuck that place) so I had to get a doctor asap to verify that I'm sick. Obviously I wasn't sick. But there was something wrong with me. So I played the overworked/overstressed card. He empathized, advised a therapist, and gave me a few days off. But the thing is, when I use my acting, reality blurs a bit. I know that. I know that I can feel genuinely arrogant or mad or sad or whatever a part I play requires of me. The same applies to lying. My mind and body tend to refabricate what I perceive as real. It's part of what makes me a good actor. So it's only natural I started believing my own lie a little bit. But I couldn't shake it.
And then I realized, I haven't been well for a while. I've been watching porn again. First a little. Then I fought it. And then a LOT. I use it as some kind of crutch. To release chemicals in my brain. I can't seem to stop. I can't seem to relax. Meditation requires concentration and effort. I had to face the facts, something actually did break. A dam of some kind. Thank god it did. It's healthy to fall. It helps me learn where the ground under my feet is.
But I'd still like somebody to tel me that I am an okay person and that it's natural to fail, judge yourself and that learning to be kind to yourself isn't easy. And that it's okay to need to journal some more on this forum and that I'm welcome to do so.
I have to go to Krav Maga practice and attend a birthday party after that. I'll write some more tomorrow and try and start a daily structured journal again. I just need to get this stuff off my chest. I have to tell someone.
I feel kind of guilty saying this, but I am glad you are back, I'm sitting there looking at what you acheived over the 90 days and i'm like "wow I want to see what this person can do with the rest of his life, I want to see the rest of the adventure". I think you have a load more storeis in you , this isn't the end of the story not by a long shot.
And your human and we are inherently fallable. It IS natural to fail and to judge yourself, The important thing is that when you fail, you get back up and make the right decision, and I think coming back is the right decision, even if you have beaten the games.
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Day 77 - Not really sure what happened here ... dont think there was anything massive to report if i'm honest.
Day 78 - So today was the works xmas do, I got suited and booted and went out. It is a tradition for us to start early and its a tradition for me to have to go up and dance on the dancefloor on my own to a particualr song. This usually takes quite a few drinks to do and this time it wasn't an exeception. I actually really enjoy our Christmas works do its always fun to talk to people and have a laugh. I also crashed the fire service do that was on the floor below ours and caught up with a load of their guys which was really good. The problem is once you have consumed enough alcohol the time flies. I was out for a total of 16 hours, which is crazy. I also got really frustrated with myself because I had got dressed up but hadn't pulled any girls, I mean I never asked them in the first place so I don't know what my expectation was. But I just felt so inadequate and my self esteem felt shot, I know this was because I placed an unrealistic expectation on myself, but still it sucked. I ended up walking an hour and a half home from town in frustration instead of getting a taxi.
Day79 - Every big night ahs its price, especially past the age of thirty, I didn't move out of bed till 17:00 and then only to get a McDonalds, I just stayed in bed and wacthed netflix as I nursed my hangover.
Day 80 - I went into town to do some christmas shopping, and honestly, it sucked. All I could see were happy couples walking aorund doing their shopping together or people buying preesents for their partners and again I felt so alone. I missed that companionship the feeling of being with someone and being together over xmas, I just felt seperate from the world ad like I was just a detached human being. If i'm honest i'm not looking forward to christmas, for me it was always two weeks to go back to my mums and play games solidly. Im not 100% sure what I am going to do, however that determination to see it through to day 90 is still there , i'm too close to quit now.
Day 81 Back in work for the final strech, found myself twiddling my thumbs slightly having done a lot of my work , So I just made a few phonecalls to people and tried to do some admin but it was a bit dull. Went to the gym after and despite the Friday and Sunday its seems I am still on course to lose another 05 kg this week, justneed to keep it off or lower it before Thursday.
Day 82 So another day in work , this time things did get busy ( be careful what you wish for and all that) In the afternoon I had a meeting at Fire and Rescue HQ and met up with a few of the guys I had bumped into on the works do. Alos got invited to a retirement party for tommorow. I would love to have gone but I don't have a huge amount of money left with the move and Christmas so reluctanlty had to decline. Went to the gym, I want to keep my exercise up till the last minute before christmas.
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On 12/13/2018 at 7:25 AM, Matt C said:
Pere you really sound like you’re radiating positive energy and change wherever you go - something I’m looking to get back to being “a radiator and not a drain”! It’s awesome to hear you connected with your boss on an emotional level, being able to discuss books like Yes Man really illustrates to him you’ve got a deeper understanding of your emotional intelligence and what makes you tick.
Also excuse me for missing this if I did, but have you always been doing photography? Have you got a nice SLR camera? These landscape pictures you’re taking are pretty breathtaking, you should start an instagram if it interests you, you mentioned earlier how a mate of yours does it. It can be anonymous even, maybe start with “100 happy days”? It’s something i’ve attempted in the past, but only made it to day 60 or so. You simply take a photo of a scene or something that made you happy that day, in lieu of appreciation of it - somewhat like gratitude.
When’s the Dr coming in for your talk at work?
Thanks Matt
I haven't so the irony is I have been using my Samsung S9 to take all of my photos. I would like to invest in an SLR when I have the money and i'm not saving for other things . I am lookinga at setting up an instagram I just wanted to get a bank of photos first . I think that 100 days thing isn't a bad idea, My initial reaction was " It would be a good idea, but I spend alot of my work day staring at at a warehouse, How can that look beautiful and appealing?" Then the massive smack of irony hit me on the same morning as you can see below.
The Doctor is coming on the 22nd January to give her talk, I can't wait.
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Day 76 So a 07:00 start today, wasn't feeling the 06:30 but went into work, got an email from the Doctor of Psychology at the university, yes we have a date settled for her to come and do a talk, I sent out the email invite to the team leaders and managers and then about 5 minute later the area director walks up and says it looks really good and it has come at a good time for him. We then spent twenty minutes chatting around psychology and a mutual appriciation of a lot of the books I have talked about on my journey, it was quite funny. Don't get me wrong our area director is really approachable but it was nice to chat to him for twenty minutes.
My legs finalyl hurt a little bit less so I ventured back to cardio in the gym, it was good the exercise just loosened up all my muscles and now my legs ironically feel better, Apart from that not much else to say.
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Hi Matt , well.done for pushing through on completing your post and well done for having the conversation around your mental state, I remember having that discussion and it is an important first step.
Have you done any toward planing in regards to filling your time ?
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Hi Warrick welcome to the detox, well done on what you have achieved so far, you have already made some big steps there, you should be proud that you have got off to a good start.
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14 hours ago, Rude said:
Still feeling kinda antsy. I've got my list on my mind and I'm in no rush to bang them all out immediately.
I wouldn't sweat it in terms of trying tonget them all some at once, I would just pace yourself over the next few weeks and try not to rush it , one step at a time.
Is there anything else you would want to do as well ?
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Day 75 So again managed to get up for 6:30 had to go to a meeting a police HQ today so I wanted to get there early, was stuck at the gatehouse so ended up being late grrrr. Also I had to deal with far too many stairs as the meeting was in a lecture theatre. Apart from that I went to the gym and didn't do as much as I wanted. Given that I had a bit of a crazy day yesterday though I don't feel too bad about it.
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My journey
in Daily Journals
Posted
Day 94 - didn't actually do a huge amount and I don't feel to bad about it , my nose was hellish and think I have developed an allergy to mum's cats. I still have a massive blister on my foot so running was out of the question.
I cracked open my laptop and did some drawings, at first it was some logos for a self development project I wasn't to start at work, the next were just drawing for the sake of drawing, and I was there hours and I mean hours. I will post it up here when it is done.
Couldn't sleep at all last night ended up listening to reading of the poem Invictus , it's a beautiful poem and sums up how I feel at the moment , the momentum and courage to fight through the difficulty and the despair.