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BooksandTrees
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Posts posted by BooksandTrees
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This week was pretty exhausting emotionally. I'm very tired today. I'm not used to being part of a family that is always communicating. My family wasn't close growing up and I stopped talking to most. I grew up in solitude unless I chose to socialize. Right now there's a lot of socializing with my wife's family. They're very nice people and nothing bad is happening. I'm just not used to it so I can be overwhelmed easily.
We've had good discussions about allowing me some quiet time and space because I'm not used to it. She's been great communicating with me. I think it's just gonna take me some time to adjust.
I've also lost a few pounds so that is uplifting. Work is good and I'm gonna try writing this weekend.
I've been drawing a bit too.
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I wrote 2 more chapters of my book and feel very motivated and restored overall. I'm happy about that. Hoping to keep it going. Allergies have made me pretty tired of late and house projects are progressing.
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14 hours ago, Ikar said:
I have a story to share regarding forcing positive thoughts/toxic positivity:
Almost three years ago, I met a guy who was on his way to becoming a financial advisor. He got me to join his gig with him and I was a part of his team for a while. I eventually quit, because the job required me to do too many things I didn't like or cared about.
I believe a part of me quitting was his toxic positivity. This guy was just always happy to start a new project, excited to do phone calls, attend another team-building etc. During one of the longer travels we had together, I told him he's like the Terminator.
I don't think he asked me to elaborate or maybe he even took it as a compliment. The reason why I said that was because he never had a problem. He never complained. Because of that, I never really believed him. He just seemed too perfect to be real and that's why I never connected with him as a person. I spent quite some time with him, but I never got to know him because of his facade.
I believe he is successful now and quite well off. He's also a very potent meme in my closest circle of friends, because they know him too, as he makes effort to make himself visible in the region.
My decision to stop working with him also saved me thousands or even millions down the road that'd have gone into his pockets or banks offering inefficient financial services. The awareness of cheap and effective investment vehicles is miserable in Czechia, even though they are available. I wish we had an IRA or 401(k) like you do in the US, although thankfully at least some domestic competition to big banks has sprung up recently. That's why I am working on setting up my financial blog, although I'm struggling with allocating time to this project 😞
100% on having more responsibility as we get older. It's crucial to be able to say "yes" to yourself and "no" to others, and to mean it, if need be.
It's very exhausting being positive when it's not natural. I think people mistake positivity for just being neutral and not being negative. Like you can just do your job, get it done, and still receive positive results without going into it with a fake wave of enthusiasm. It's more draining than being around a negative person because at least that person is being honest lol.
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17 hours ago, Ikar said:
. I used the inter-dental toothbrush for the first time after a long time yesterday, so that's also something 😄
Hygiene is so important, especially in recovery.
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Had a really good meeting with my writing coach. My book is coming along well. I'm very burnt out otherwise but I've been trying my best to do at least one or two cleaning chores a day and getting at least half a strong work day in instead of losing the whole day to ruminating.
It's tough when I'm in a depressed episode like this, but I think staying neutral and not forcing positive thoughts is helping. I'm just doing one little thing here or there until something starts rolling and I notice I'm productive for longer than 10 minutes.
I've started declining a lot of needless family and friend events. I think people need to understand as we get older, our social circle changes. People with families branch off and going to random friends 1 year old kid birthdays Isn't achievable by most, nor is it worth their time. The older we get, the more commitments and responsibilities we have and is important that we set time aside for mental and physical restoration to counteract the stress from these added commitments.
If not, we may find ourselves finding quick fixes to cope with added stress... gaming, porn, drugs, alcohol, sleep, social media and YouTube apps, TV, etc.
Disconnect is healthy and important. You don't have to go camping in the woods, but you do have to take a few minutes here and there to do nothing, accept boredom, and process your day, every day.
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I didn't get to write this weekend but it was very restorative. I meal prepped, slept a ton, did house projects and cleaned. It just felt very therapeutic. I also played the drums for the first time in a year and was terrible, but I just listened to music and hit the drums however I wanted and had fun.
I think I'm finally losing my fear of not being perfect.
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The level of growth you've attained is truly remarkable. Wonderful job and I'm proud of you.
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Been an extremely busy few weeks. Tons of travel, some family emergencies, covid, tons of deadlines at work, etc.
I've been trying to stay balanced by maintaining a good sleep schedule, patience with my thoughts, and spreaking about things that are bothering me in a constructive way.
My writing coach has loved my book so far. I haven't been able to write in a while but I'd like to try this weekend. I'm still bummed about my weight but I've done better by not overeating the past few weeks.
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I'm not putting enough effort into preventing my snack cravings. I'm eating when I'm not hungry and I'm gaining weight. I want to pause and train myself to not eat out of boredom or stress. I think the first few days will be hardest but I know if I train myself to listen to music or move around or draw etc when I'm stressed I can succeed. Meditation too.
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4 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:
Matt, if we’d have a part in an election campaign, what sort of slogan would you come up with?
I thought of “smartphone - dumb person. Smart person- dumb phone”
Labels people who use phones in a bad light so I can't do that lol.
I don't like slogans because everyone and everything is different. Sorry lol.
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Today ended up going very well at work. I'm really proud of myself for leading meetings and improving a project. It made me feel better after struggling earlier.
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I found a new book to read and my back is almost healed. So I'll be exercising again.
I noticed I struggle a decent amount at work when I hit a stopping point and need an urgent answer. That's when my cravings become strongest.
It makes sense because I need instant relief from something I'm struggling with. I think I can do a better job of finding something to do around the house.
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5 hours ago, Ikar said:
There is some mechanism that keeps the text in the cache of your browser if you go to another page or close the window, but it's not always 100% reliable.
I can't begin to list how many posts I've lost over the years from that lol.
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I made a lot of progress at work today and spent a lot of rejuvenating time with my wife and family the past few nights after work. It's nice. I've just felt tired and wanted some cozy time.
I started reading a new book yesterday and hated it after 50 pages so I stopped. I found a new one that I'll try this weekend.
My garden is coming along nicely with a good mix of fruits and vegetables. I'm seeing friends tomorrow and excited for that. And I might try to write tonight.
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I've become a lot more productive at work these past few weeks and I'm getting busier. Lot of interesting projects coming my way. I'm a little tired in general because it's a lot of learning but it's enjoyable.
I'm eager to hear back from my writing coach to see if she read my chapter yet.
I also noticed I'm starting to yearn for writing. Kind of like a craving in a good way. I wrote another idea for a story down and I'm looking to write again soon.
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2 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
I'll try this this week since I'm having a trip with the extracurricular work group whose company I enjoy, it could be a great place to try to reinforce good habits since it will be a new and conductive environment with many differences with the old one in significant ways like order, fun, social stimulus... I'll tell you how it goes and whether I can or can't translate it into my normal life once I return and have to deal with the relegated work
Enjoy it and good luck. That sounds fun!
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Hi Everyone,
I get asked about how I deal with cravings a lot. Below is how I typically deal with them.
Cravings are something that many recovery and focus programs revolve around. You can basically only focus from periods of 30 to 60 minutes without having a lapse. In recovery, you might sway from one end to the other because of random willpower levels.
Cravings are best described as the acronym HALTED. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, environment, and dehydration.
Next time you have a craving, take a few moments, like 10 to 30 seconds and close your eyes and scan yourself like you'd scan a homework problem. If any of those emotions are prevalent then deal with them. Those emotions are causing you to crave a solution to cure them and because our brains are wired to gaming, you'll naturally crave gaming. This is how you train yourself.
The toughest one to decipher is environment. That's 3 parts: social environment, mental environment, and physical environment. You might hate the room you're in, then people you're with, or the way you're feeling from something you're doing. Changing your environment is key to solving all of this.
You could be bored with a group and crave a multi-player game for example. Or you could be making no progress on homework and want some fast progress from a game etc.
Learn about yourself and you'll learn about these cravings. My current biggest craving is tired. At my old job, it was environment.
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21 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
@Ikar and @BooksandTrees, since you are probably far more experienced that me in the topic of handling time and distractions could I ask you for some advice on what to do when cravings, mental blocks come up but you still have to keep working since your schedule is tight? And also on how you arrange your time afterwards to stop the cravings and blocks to gain strength
I think this is something that many recovery and focus programs revolve around. You can basically only focus from periods of 30 to 60 minutes without having a lapse. In recovery, you might sway from one end to the other because of random willpower levels.
Cravings are best described as the acronym HALTED. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, environment, and dehydration.
Next time you have a craving, take a few moments, like 10 to 30 seconds and close your eyes and scan yourself like you'd scan a homework problem. If any of those emotions are prevalent then deal with them. Those emotions are causing you to crave a solution to cure them and because our brains are wired to gaming, you'll naturally crave gaming. This is how you train yourself.
The toughest one to decipher is environment. That's 3 parts: social environment, mental environment, and physical environment. You might hate the room you're in, then people you're with, or the way you're feeling from something you're doing. Changing your environment is key to solving all of this.
You could be bored with a group and crave a multi-player game for example. Or you could be making no progress on homework and want some fast progress from a game etc.
Learn about yourself and you'll learn about these cravings. My current biggest craving is tired. At my old job, it was environment.
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1 hour ago, Zoe said:
Day 1.
Yes, day 1 and so disappointed with myself. I feel so guilty for disappointing people @LordFederickRamsay @jailbreaker. @BooksandTrees @Ikar @Faroe Islander. I have to apologize. I know everyone will most likely say I don't need to, but, I do... For myself.
Yesterday, I decided to watch the NA Championship for Mobile Legends because my favorite team was playing. In was torture. They were highly favored, but 6 hours later...yeah that's what best out of 7 will do they lost. I was already feeling very low, mostly, because I messed up and didn't order my refill in enough time to not run out of meds so I hadn't taken them for two days. Thankfully the pharmacy was restocked and I was able to pick them up last night. Anyway, while I was watching the game, I picked up the switch (not mine, my husbands which he doesn't even play). I didn't download any type of game I like...but I played Animal Crossing. As I've said a million times, I really have no interest in this game...My niece has an account on the device, and I just played on hers and built up her island. It was totally for emotional soothing. I wish I would have just gone to sleep.
Enough on the self-pity. I learned from the experience. I learned that I really can't trust that it's only one game (well two, because LOL could probably pull me in pretty quickly). So, my niece has an old switch, my husband is in agreement with just giving her ours. Apparently not enough self-pity. I'm so embarrassed. I want to cry. I'm torn because I know these feelings are caused by two things. My failure at not gaming for 8 days and depression kicking in cause I lapsed on my meds. Good thing I finally feel like I'm done, like I feel disgusting when I even think about gaming. Gotta be careful with that, because I know some of that could turn into intrusive thoughts of self-harm. I don't have any urges to play because I see so clearly that it has control over me. I'm going to go straight to it to soothe...but, yesterday it didn't...it just made me feel worse.
I'm very grateful for this community because I felt a sense of responsibility to you guys. Not only that, I knew I would be feeling support from you guys when I came here to write today. I didn't have that before so I probably just would have convinced my husband that I didn't need to really quit and would have seriously relapsed. This was a slip, a slip that I'm very reluctant to restart the clock on, but, I know it's the right thing to do.
I watched Module 2 and 3..I think those are the numbers over again. I've already previously prepared by deleting my accounts, giving my iPad away and now the stupid switch. @jailbreaker.If there was a river near me, I would throw it in. 🤣Speaking of that, I want to relearn the clarinet. I have one...God I hope I didn't pack it and put it in storage..We are in the process of building a house and selling this one and we are packing along the way. Anyway, I can always go to storage and unpack it. @jailbreaker.Do you recommend a brand of reed and what number to start out with? It's seriously been YEARS. Also...don't hate on The Pink Panther Theme lol. The reason it's my favorite is cause it's the first piece my sister taught me. I was in 3rd grade and couldn't read music, she taught me how to play by ear. She was soooooo good. Anyway...it will be a really good way to fill my time cause I'll get obsessed with it. 🙂. Also, I'll have fun annoying my husband with the million awful wrenching sounds I will make while I'm learning. Oh man, my poor cats hahahahaha.
Ok, going to stop typing and maybe respond to one journal before I head off to work.
You didn't disappoint me. We're in recovery together. Everyone relapses. The only person you probably disappointed was yourself and maybe someone in your household.
Most of us are focusing on ourselves and immediate others. Not trying to be selfish, but don't view it as that sort of group. The less of a deal you make about relapse the more successful you'll be. The more you think about something the worse it is. Just focus on your next steps and move on.
You got this.
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The week ended well. I have worked very hard with my wife the past few days on some house projects. We've made a lot of progress after being burned out a bit. It feels nice. We'll pay attention to avoiding more burnout.
I wrote another 2000 words for my book. My coach is reading and editing the first chapter now. I'll be wrapping up chapter 3 tonight most likely.
I've eaten better this week but still let down by my weight. I think I'm on the right track. My back is feeling better now too and I've been more active in general. I finished reading my second book of the year and am starting my third now.
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decent ted talk for you.
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Yesterday was more difficult than I anticipated. I tried my approach but ultimately, I took the day off and slept for several hours.
I think I was overwhelmed with life and work and my mind was spiraling. I didn't want to waste time at work and I was starting to get overwhelmed with deadlines looming.
Something I learned recently is my depression is considered a disability and I can get additional support. I don't have to suffer in silence and force myself to get over it if I can't. So I took the day off.
I feel better today. More focused and ready to do my work.
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23 minutes ago, Zoe said:
I'm also really grateful for my therapist
My therapist was instrumental in changing my life. I'm very glad you're seeing one as well. These forums are good for voicing things on our minds but the professionals are so important.
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4 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
Thank you for listening and offering advice.
I had never seen boredom in that way, to me it just seemed like either an indication that I'm not working or a moment to reflect on my situation and make new plans. It just seemed like if you where bored and you weren't sleeping or planning you where wasting time. I will try it today, I already did exercise but the though of just sitting and letting a little bit of time pass to rest is something I have to try.
On the topic of feeling lost it could be a matter of the early adult's transition, family is good (for now), diet is fine, sport is being done, love I've been unlucky with but I have more or less managed it and I want to wait a bit before going back in, discussing it with close friends and making my mind up about when I want to try again and what that would imply/risk... Finally the carear is somewhat ok I'm starting to have hunches about what specialty I want to go into but don't have lots of formation/opportunities for it with the subjects, I mostly have to rely on extra curricular activities (groups, competitions, conferences...) to learn/get into that world a bit.
I still haven't figured these ones out and sometimes catch myself thinking about the end of the activities in a bad way (like I'm having fun with this team at the uni, but what will happen when they leave next year, how will I adapt and continue, they were a big reason why I was in and why the experience was enjoyable despite the hardships...)
Right now the biggest problem could those last 2 together with be not knowing how to say no, choosing and then fully committing to the decision and as a result getting overwhelmed by the possibilities and responsibilities.
The cravings can be somewhat dealt with, and my relationship with music, is a bit vague but mostly a matter of a bit of self control and overall healthier that videos. I don't know.
Today I will sit down for an hour or so to think them through a bit and try to give you a better answer.
Thanks for this. You're in a very common situation and I say that to try and help you realize you're not alone. College is a weird place where professors are trying to give you responsibility and prepare you for the real world. Then you'll realize the real world is still completely different than college and that college is all about problem solving and dealing with different people's personalities and learning how to cope.
It's also tough because each college major has a very tight, 4 year regiment to follow in order to graduate. This adds a lot of pressure to the student to accept this program for their forever job. Realistically everyone changes jobs. I'm now 10 years out of college and most of the people I graduated with from my engineering school are no longer engineers at all. So just realize you have options and can just see this through and don't have to fully commit.
If you want to do well in college you're not gonna have time to game. I recommend joining clubs and groups related to your major and doing homework and studying with them etc. A lot of my job opportunities outside of college stemmed from me being a member of those clubs back in college. They'll fill your time and you won't have the need to game anymore. After college is when you randomly get 8 hours a day back and filling that time sucks.
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How to Deal with Cravings
in General Discussion
Posted
Correct.