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Vera

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About Vera

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  • Birthday 10/06/1993

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  1. Vera

    Moving on

    The day was painful. Spent some time putting away things that can trigger my memories, cried hard, but my desk is clean now. I can at least touch my diary again. I've decided to use a new paper for it and I'm pretty excited to try how it will work with my fountain pen. My health is still failing pretty miserably. I have a weird knot in my stomach, I've never experienced something like this before. My body just can't handle it without any harmful consequences. I'm grateful it's not a heart attack. I spent my evening watching some youtube and I don't feel any guilt. I should come up with more useful alternatives though, preferably non-fiction because fiction is almost always equals romance and I can't stand that now.
  2. Vera

    Moving on

    @Catherine17 @Mouxine thank you for your kind words! I'm slowly getting better. Yeah, Mouxine, you're right, I've been with the wrong person. Way too many times, to be honest. Gaming doesn't bother me that much. I have to watch for cravings I might want to try to use as an escape, but I can hunt those thoughts down pretty quickly.
  3. Vera

    TSL's Journal

    @TwoSidedLife your attention is definitely getting better. Noticing small details can be really useful. I believe you will accomplish all of your tasks :)
  4. Vera

    Moving on

    My day was bad. Kept myself from crying by taking sedatives and it didn't help so much. I made it through the day, but I was on the edge of a breakdown. I was lonely, frustrated, angry at myself, hopeless... Didn't eat, had no appetite, I was nauseous and weak and tired. I have slightly raised body temperature, around 37, so I'm sick and will spend all weekend in bed to try and get better. I miss gym, but I have no choice. I hope a long sleep will fix me.
  5. Vera

    Moving on

    Well, I'm definitely sick. I went to work and I hope I will make it to the end of the work day. @BooksandTrees my meltdown is kind of over, I'm not that desperate anymore. I know I will go through it and I just don't have any time or desire left to pity myself. Being alone is not the end of the world, I have more things to do than I can count and all world is open for me. I dreamt about bike touring, might as well work to make it happen.
  6. Vera

    Dear Diary...

    Hey, I'm so happy for you! It feels good to read how well your day was. Just remember to rest and do not fall into overtraining, and you will be fine. Your good news cheer me up too!
  7. Vera

    Moving on

    No gym today, everything hurts and I feel broken. Did nothing, just sat in the kitchen. I'm afraid I'm getting sick. I have absolutely stupid thoughts like 'it will never be as good as it was, you're going to be alone for the rest of your life'. I really need my sedative.
  8. Vera

    TSL's Journal

    @TwoSidedLife have a good weekend!
  9. Vera

    Life changing journey

    @WuqingDi welcome! That's good you decided to start journaling. It is a great tool to get to know what's going on. Grayscale your phone, it will make youtube less interesting.
  10. Vera

    VGRM Detox #2

    Video games were overstimulating your brain. So a period of boredom is pretty normal, look for hobbies or activities that can fill your time and give you something to look forward to. :)
  11. Vera

    Moving on

    Today is a good day. I came home and had some free time, so I did a water change in my aquarium. Found one more dead shrimp, I guess there's only one left. I also can't find one small fish, I think it's gone too. I don't know what's wrong with my setup this time. I remember the same cherry shrimps were breeding like crazy when I kept them several years ago, I had to give them away for free. I probably should buy some more from another breeder. I decided I can go to the gym today as well. I wasn't feeling particularly fine, I ate something that triggered my digestive system but it didn't stop me from doing a small cardio workout. I walked for 5 km, and it would be really boring if I didn't watch the movie. I should probably try something else next time. Cycling would be nice. I will use sedative for 3 more days and try to go without it. I have a small habit to place it alongside with my other supplement every morning. I noticed I don't need too many repetitions to include a new action into my routine. Don't know what else to write about. I'll just go to sleep. :)
  12. Vera

    Moving on

    @marcopolobus I will keep it up of course. Being in a good shape will really help me find a good mate when I decide to look for one. ;)
  13. Vera

    Moving on

    @BooksandTrees yes, I meant the relationship. Great job! Exercises will cheer you up no matter what! Oh I know who you're talking about, his channel is called AthleanX, right? I have some of his videos in my favourites. The cozy sweater is everything behind the decision to quit, your reasons, your goals. The best thing about it is that no one can take it from you. @Mouxine being betrayed sucks, but I won't dwell on it and make myself miserable. I like Seneca and his ideas, and I definitely will have questions, thank you :)
  14. Vera

    Moving on

    I'm already in my bed. Don't even know where to start.. I had a bit of a breakdown after I've finished my work. I was sad because it became absolutely clear that I've passed the point of no return. There's no way back and I feel that it is the right thing to do to delete every picture, all message history, finish a chapter in my real journal, seal it and put it away. Gym session was hard, but I made it clear for myself that I can do much more if I stop holding myself back. The problem is my mind, not my body, so I guess a part of me which is always ready to quit, always searching for a way to escape, always whining and complaining, always telling me that I'm not enough, I'm weak, I'm anything but able to stand up for myself... This part of me is my obstacle.
  15. Vera

    TSL's Journal

    @TwoSidedLife that's so great to hear! I'm so happy for you!
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