NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Vera
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Everything posted by Vera
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Went to the gym and did my usual workout. It was fun, but hot weather feels even in air conditioned rooms. I was weaker today, probably because I spent quite a lot of my strength on 40 min cardio. I'll try to do cardio after weightlifting, it might be a nice change to my routine. I'm starting to feel lonely and it drags me down. I am at a weird spot right now, I'd like to find a boyfriend, but doing so requires putting myself out there and I'm not that confident. It's complicated because I feel like I have a lot of things to deal with before I'll be good enough to actually start trying.
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I was outside for pretty much all day. I don't like sun baths so I was sitting comfortably in a house and knitted for quite a while, waiting for the sun to calm down a bit. I was in charge of the BBQ today, and it went well. Meat and fish were both tasty, I had a bit of fun with my family, but I was bored in the evening. Watered plants, helped here and there, watched yt, listened to the audiobook Im trying to finish for quite some time. Nice day. No gaming related content, no urges.
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@Ikar your story is a sad one. But you are alone now and you have all your time to improve. If anything is positive about being single, it is freedom from worries and overthinking. I appreciate that.
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They seem to make your last days as bad as possible... Keep holding on! ?
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@Ikar hate is part of the coping mechanism. When I was dealing with the breakup, I hated my ex. I used it as a fuel to move on from what was tearing me apart. There was no other way to avoid depression, fear, guilt, and shame. I protected myself until I was able to actually shake the weight of it off my shoulders. And it worked really well since I'm not depressed and I don't have painful flashbacks all the time.
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Hello! I finished the 90 days several days ago, but I had no idea, I don't count days. I pretty much moved on from gaming. What about you?
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@Sapuverell I don't speak about all games. I only think that games designed to work against their players are bad.
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Bought the new shoes for the gym and had a nice workout yesterday! I've worked overtime yesterday, so didn't have time to take a walk today as I wanted to. But I'm not sad, I've done most of the day to day things I have on my to-do list, and I can go to sleep without any worries. The day was good. I keep an eye on news about the gaming industry, it's pretty interesting how AAA titles just crash one after another. This gives me no urges at all. I consider it disgusting to play such games now, they are filled with shady practices and hooks and tricks to make you spend as much money as you can, without giving you a really good experience and fun.
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Life happens! I got sick, then got better, after that had a good day and a bad day. I sleep better, try to watch yt less and be more mindful about what I eat. I still struggle with the gym, but I'm doing what I can, even if it is just showing up and doing cardio. Something is better than nothing. Watching gaming-related content makes me have urges and it also disrupts my focus and makes me tired because I have to fight with my urges instead of doing something productive. But I get over them every time without installing any games. I talk to people, look for new things to do, complete my to-do list as much as I can (the key is to have a small to-do list and a few things you know you like to do when your main tasks are complete). Time flies by with such a speed that small things really do add up, it is not a lie. Therefore showing up and making the most out of my time is important. The first Seneca's letter tells me how precious our time is and how much of it I spend doing unnecessary, empty things and self-sabotaging myself. What else can I do to make today count?
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Saturday was busy, I was helping my family and didn't have much time to do my own things. I had enough time to reflect on how many pointless and harmful things people do that are just a tradition. But I had a good Sunday. It was hot outside and I walked around for quite a while, ran some errands and bought new sunglasses. I was shocked by the prices, but I found cheap and decent-looking ones. I am bored out of my mind today. I guess I broke youtube because there are no more interesting videos on my feed! So I check it from time to time, but it's pretty pointless and adds nothing to my life. I need to quit it too. Checked out last Cam's video though, it was quite good. I liked that he stressed the benefits of quitting gaming once again and in a very clear way, that was a useful thing to hear.
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Planning helps. I stick to my simple routine and keep going. I usually start with the default list of things I need to do, like go to the gym or study a chapter from the English grammar book. As my day goes on, I can add different things, something to buy or a task that I would forget about quickly if I don't write it down. I also use Forest for two hours straight in the morning and it gives me time to work without any distractions. Or rather it forces me to do boring tasks I postponed yesterday. I have more than 400 points so I'll buy a tree soon. I also try to figure out how to use Memorion, the app itself isn't that straightforward, but I like it.
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I'm slowly getting my routine together. I finally decided to make use of Blitz and this app is good, exactly what I need, no more and no less. I use it to make my daily to-do list and kind of create my schedule all the way down to mundane things like clean my desk or do a water change. I also use Google Keep to write anything that interests me to look it up later, I always have something nice and interesting to google if I'm bored. The last part of the triad is Markor, text editor which serves as a diary and a food tracker. I actually like to write and I need it when things get tough, it's the way to clear my mind. Once again, the editor on this site is behaving strangely, I can't use Enter. But it's not important. I found Forest app on my phone and decided that it would be nice to use it. So my goal is to get 500 points to "buy" a new tree. I'm very stressed today so I try to calm down without using my phone, and doing my tasks one by one, slowly and as good as I can is helping me a lot.
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I hate weekends. Really. I don't seem to be able to stick to my habits. I care for my fish, but I do not do the same for myself. I remember that Peterson talked about it in his book, and I think it is a pretty good point. I disrupted my routine, ruined every possible sleep schedule, didn't do a proper workout for a long time, and I deserve apathy as a result! It is all my fault of not planning ahead enough, not being mindful, not doing what I should and I will fix that.
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The weekend is going well. I'd say I've slept for half of the time but I finally feel like I can do something without yawning my head off. My focus also got much better. I really need to make my sleeping schedule more consistent because I feel pretty bad if I don't sleep enough. Well, I searched for a bicycle and found a nice one that's not ridiculously expensive. I might buy it after my summer vacation is over, if I still feel like it. I also did some math and was pretty disappointed with my salary. I'll also find a new job during vacation if no promotion will be offered to me. We'll see how it goes. Still can't find the app that will be good for tracking my food. Might as well return to simply writing it in a random text editor and adding some notes, because I waste more time on searching for the app than actually writing what I eat. And my memory is pretty bad because I just eat stuff and forget it immediately, I don't remember what I had for breakfast. Guess a simple editor with highlighting what I eat as good or bad will help me, it's a pretty good idea after all. I watched a stream a day ago or so, and it was boring. I guess being mindful about what content I consume lead me to watch less yt and less pinterest pretty naturally. It happened almost without forcing anything.
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Time flies by! My knees got better, did a long walk on a treadmill yesterday and I don't feel any pain now. I want to repeat the walk today because I really need to work out, and I will try to do half of my usual routine. I wasn't motivated to do much, but I feel more inclined to do something now. Something is always better than nothing.
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My knees give me trouble. I can't workout properly because they flare up very easily even if I just walk on the treadmill. I decided to stop and give myself one more weekend to rest. My tablet suddenly decided to break. That's why I don't like Windows, I have almost no control over what my pc is doing on the background. And it's bloated. I think that Microsoft this and Microsoft that just takes up space and precious resources without being really useful. I thought the tablet would replace my pc, I've been searching for a part in my pc that makes strange noise, but it seems I'll lose the opportunity to study in the kitchen. That's unfortunate. I was looking for something to replace Anki with, and I found Memorion. I don't know yet how good the app is, it just seems to be fairly comfortable to use. I keep studying on my own. I can't say I enjoy the process, it just needs to be done and it's not that pleasant sometimes, but I keep going.
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Everything is fine. I went back to the gym tonight and did some easy cardio to determine if my knees are holding up. It turns out they are, but I have to wait until tomorrow to know for sure. It is making me a bit anxious. I have lots of tiny fry to feed now. I am actually happy because my aquarium looks so full now and I enjoy watching little ones searching for food. It's so cute! I haven't found the right note taking system which will allow me to keep track of what I eat. It's a hard task to find something that suits me. So I'm still searching.
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It's been a long time since I wrote something. My life took several rather strange turns but I enjoy it. I'm still learning how to negotiate with myself, and I made quite a long list of things I would like to change. I am aware of how fine the line between trying as hard as you can and burnout is, so it's all about balance. I stumble upon gaming related videos on youtube and I don't hesitate to click 'not interested' button anymore. Not playing games is a part of me now, I no longer ask questions or search for a reason to stay away from gaming. I have important stuff to do. That's cool to know I've passed the point of no return. I also don't dwell on my breakup at all. I'm doing really well considering how hard it was to survive the first two weeks. It makes me happy. :)
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I'm feeling worse tonight. Not physically (my knees are almost fully healed by now), but mentally. It's hard to concentrate, I am bored and my attention is all over the place. I managed to start a course on English grammar, but got distracted quickly and finished just one assignment. Better than none. I also knitted for a while and fed my fish. I feed them very carefully and make sure that there's no overfeeding. I feel lonely. I usually feel this way if I hang out on social media more than needed. No one sends anything to me and I'm disappointed because I still want to talk, but I end up writing into my diary and cheering myself up because I did well tonight.
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@BooksandTrees taking breaks is helping your productivity, not going against it. Have you tried Pomodoro technique? It might be useful to structure your time more if you need to do some work at home, takes off some part of planning off your shoulders AND gives you breaks at the same time.
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Last two days were strange. I had a strange kind of food poisoning and was nauseous for two days. It made me a bit irritable, I don't do well when I am sick. This evening was better. I almost recovered and had a good time: listened to music, wrote a long entry into the diary, knitted some more and ordered a bunch of stuff from Aliexpress. I don't feel guilty for being not very productive. I used to beat myself up for not using my time properly, I fell prey to the common misconception like you should go from gaming all the time to being insanely productive all the time. I found that a good old laziness recharges me very well when I do want to postpone everything and just do my day-to-day stuff without being in a hurry because I planned so much and did so little. It allows me to peek out of my shell and be curious for a while.
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I watched series in the evening after I came home. I am knitting and listening to Russian translation. Had to sacrifice the original sound to be able to multitask. 5 out of 10 danios are dead now. I see two more aren't very healthy as well. It's really sad to lose them, but I can't do much. They keep getting sick where Endlers thrive. I just concentrated on the plants and left the fish alone.
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@BooksandTrees hey, you write long posts! It's interesting and sad to read them. About your mom, mend what you can, make it work so you both aren't strangers and can communicate as adults and move on. There's something you won't be able to change in her and no amount of talking will fix that. If your home makes you anxious, try to spend a night somewhere else and see if your anxiety changes. Have you tried it already? And you definitely have black and white bias, I don't remember how it's called exactly, but you tend to see the world only as black or white without anything in between. Do you make to-do lists for each day? How do you do that? What approach do you use? Do you have some kind of schedule, a plan for the day? If you do, is there some time you set aside for yourself? Just to have fun, go out, listen to music, write, be active?
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I ended up not liking any planner I managed to find. I searched well though. Guess I'll have more ideas about that in the future. Just scheduled my facebook account for deletion. I felt the old pain waking up in me when I saw his face, do I have some kind of PTSD? I was tempted to talk to him, to just write a couple lines and satisfy my longing, but it will never be as it was. Talking to him will return me to day one, to all the pain and self-hatred and confusion and stress and false hopes. I've suffered too badly to allow that.
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@BooksandTrees thank you for your kind words! I try to keep up with my decisions and I'm happy whenever my day went well. I'm a bit burnt out, but I'll be okay soon.