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Vera

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Everything posted by Vera

  1. Vera

    Moving on

    I'm very pleased with my evening! I was pretty productive and I'm dying to do more, but it's time to turn off my pc and get ready to sleep so I'm ready to be even better tomorrow. My knees are still not behaving, but a good rest will calm them down, hopefully. I really need to visit a doctor to clarify what my problem is. I'm just 25 and it's a bit underwhelming and scary to not be able to walk freely. But until I get an appointment, I should take good care of myself. I also discovered I have pretty reactive skin because my face got really angry at me for changing one of skin care products. I never had any allergies in general, but my skin became much more sensitive with age. It's my 'reward' for not treating it well for years and accepting advice from people who know nothing about skincare. Well, better late than never. I forgot to attach the screenshot of Webtime Tracker stats.
  2. Vera

    Moving on

    I have some free time during work and I have the urge to write something. Anything. I was using flash cards app called Memorion. I can't say it's bad, I enjoyed it, but I got bored of learning generic stacks of phrasal verbs and various complicated grammar. No matter how well I remembered cards, it got me nowhere in terms of actually talking to people. I want to change it. I usually have the ability to study during my commute to work, I want to use my time wisely, I know it's finite and I must make the most out of it. I feel the pressure to be as successful as everyone else around me(or on social media?), to have better job, better skills, better relationship, to have everything under control and to be not only better, but perfect. The reality of my life is much simpler: if my knees don't hurt and I slept well the day is good enough. If I managed to do something above my usual routine (read a book, find some useful info, write meaningful post in my diary, do some coding) I can consider the day to be almost excellent. But right now day seems to stretch forever and I have to wait.
  3. Hey, just let them be. You don't need to be bothered with their narcissism. And hey, Instagram is the place where people post selfies of themselves and their food thinking that it's important, but it's just a white noise.
  4. Vera

    Moving on

    Thank for the reply, @BooksandTrees. I haven't opened YouTube for a week and I started to write short notes, I haven't done that in quite some time because my phone was always running some kind of video. I think it's the step in the right direction.
  5. Vera

    Moving on

    I had a relatively good week. I haven't had as much work as on the previous week, and I spent quite some time on improving my skills. I haven't touched my diary and I doubt I paid as much attention to myself as a consequence which is bad. I want to rethink my planning routine because it went off the cliff some time ago. I basically have a bunch of tasks without any structure and it's making me want to delete the app and just forget it altogether. It's my fault, not the app's. I remember it worked very well for me, so I need to continue using it, maybe starting small and adding things as I see fit. I still want to use Blitz, but I may research for better alternative. Maybe even bullet journal, who knows. I got some interesting stones and I hope it will fit into my aquarium. I plan to start it all over again when I will find home for almost all my fishes. I don't want to breed guppies anymore, they multiply too fast and I can't house them all. I will leave two or three males and the rest will be plants and shrimps. Or I might get white cloud minnows, I wanted to keep this fish for some time now.
  6. Vera

    Moving on

    That's what I installed! Nice thing, I like the look of it. It notes down everything very neatly. Looking forward to Sunday, I want to see what my stats will look like.
  7. Vera

    Moving on

    @goodvibes I downloaded it, thank you! I appreciate that! I installed site blocker and blocked youtube right away. It feels liberating and I have begun to realize just exactly how much time I spent there. It was my entertainment, my go-to music player, my basically everything outside of work which is A LOT. I clocked in 22 hours total on youtube last week and it wasn't very fun to see. Videos add up, I want to check this and that and end up staring at the screen without any particular goal for hours on end. No education, no real entertainment, just mindless browsing. So guys, you do want some kind of time tracker in your phone/browser. It is a real eye-opener.
  8. Vera

    Moving on

    @goodvibes I had Distractions free YouTube installed on my Firefox before I moved on to Brave browser, haven't thought about installing something like that, but I'll do it today. I would gladly be listening to educational videos though. Not as cancerous as constant entertainment.
  9. Vera

    Moving on

    Guys, you're welcome here ? I don't want to leave Discord, I just got tired from being so connected all the time, I need a break. Btw, my weekend was basically me trying to stop watching so much YouTube, I swear it's extremely easy to get lost there. It ended when I blocked the app and got myself busy with something else. It's a very awkward feeling and it's uncomfortable to realise that you have to be careful with the small piece of glass and metal because it has certain things that try to manipulate your attention and steal your time, and these things cannot be turned off and hidden completely. Tech is awesome when it helps us get better, acts as our secretary, librarian, teacher, but 99% of the time it's just an annoying blob of repetitive entertainment.
  10. Vera

    Moving on

    @BooksandTrees my colleague is going to show up tomorrow, I'm very happy about it! I'm quite tired. The day was tough, but I had nice evening. Since I have freshly installed Linux, I am taking my time to set it up and make myself comfortable. I learn something new every day and I like it. And thanks to the programmer who created Redshift, it's absolutely beautiful. I also picked up a new book.
  11. Vera

    Moving on

    Went to the gym and tried as hard as I could to do my workout, but I'm not at my best. My colleagues disappoint me, the amount of work is absolutely ridiculous, I can't do anything properly because there is always someone who wants something from me and it's distracting as hell. I'm mad at some people because they expect me to do my own work and take over the responsibilities of my sick colleague, and they believe I should do all this work like it's nothing. I feel nauseous sometimes, I just don't know how I'm going to finish all this without making any mistakes.
  12. Vera

    Moving on

    @goodvibes sounds interesting. It reminds me of flax seeds, but I doubt that flax seeds can be eaten. Time to go to sleep.. Today's work was hard and not very rewarding, work keeps piling up. Got back into coding, updated my last little script and I liked it a lot. The whole process of making something work feels nice.
  13. Vera

    Moving on

    @goodvibes never tried chia seeds! Are you supposed to eat them or just drink the tea? Today was... normal. I had hard time on work because my colleague got sick and I have to do everything on my own. She is not going to show up until next week, if I'm lucky. If I'm not, it's going to take longer. I visited the gym today, had a very good workout, loved it. My new setup is working really nice. I'm finally comfortable with it, took me around one week to get used to my new desk and chair.
  14. @BooksandTrees hey, your situation is not that bad. goodvibes is right, you must not waste your health and just get the things going as soon as possible by talking to whoever you can about your problem. You can and should be proactive about it, but in the right way.
  15. Vera

    Moving on

    @BooksandTrees hey, good to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear you're not comfortable, but you shouldn't really think that if you don't socialize every time you go out, you waste time. I personally find that I enjoy being among people, going around doing my thing, even without much talking. If you have friends who can keep you company, you're lucky, but you don't need them 24/7, right? @goodvibes yeah, the internet is just a tool, and you need to use it, not to be used. I want to write little programs because it allows me to be creative and exercise my brain. Good job on moving on from Windows! I started to hate it, it is holding your hand so much it's disgusting. I am a fan of Mint, I absolutely love it. I was pretty picky, but I enjoy pretty much every kind of green tea except the cheapest ones. Black tea is not my thing, and I prefer mint, hibiscus and black currant out of all herbs. Thanks for kind words, I appreciate it!
  16. Vera

    Moving on

    Hello once again! I decided to take a break from social media/youtube/everything else that I clearly overuse. I uninstalled Discord and other messaging apps, blocked youtube on all devices and set out to have better, tech free weekend. Guess what? I uninstalled Windows from my pc completely and got stuck for several hours trying to figure out why my brand new Linux won't boot. I swear, I've got a headache while reading all articles I could find. But I won! I have fresh system to play with and I got rid of bloated Windows completely. Since I don't use it anyway, I don't regret it. If I ever need it, I'll just set up a virtual machine. Plus I uninstalled Firefox. moved on to new browser. So feels like I have a chance to do things better this time. Time to reward myself for my little win. Green tea is waiting for me! :) It's fun because I rarely drink tea when I'm home alone, but I will change it. Since I'm not using Discord for some time, maybe several weeks, I'll post significantly more. @BooksandTrees hello, my friend! :)
  17. Vera

    Moving on

    Well, running YouTube for 6 hours a day is not healthy. I don't even enjoy it anymore. I'm bored and trying to hide from discomfort, numbing myself with stream of irrelevant information. It's the same thing as gaming once was, but way more noticeable since I have my phone with me at all times. By the way, exhaustion barely leaves me now. I slept for more than 9 hours and I barely dragged myself out of the house, not because I'm physically unable, but because my interest in life has decreased dramatically. I did start to think about doing something other than mindlessly listening to people on yt. I found out I can't listen to motivation gurus anymore, I feel like their demands are way too high. Itst like they target very different people, way stronger than I am now, and this makes me uncomfortable.
  18. Vera

    Moving on

    My mood is fluctuating a lot. I seem to feel better for a couple of days and then it goes downhill. I haven't recognized a pattern yet, I tend to blame lack of sleep and general loneliness, but I've been alone for such a long time I got used to it. Better go to sleep and get myself busy, do something useful.
  19. Vera

    Moving on

    I'm learning touch typing. What I've learned - the keyboard I currently have is not good enough, it's noisy, it's stiff and its membrane has already gone bad. I have pain in my hands when I practice for more than 10 minutes, but no pain no gain, so I keep going on. I see a lot of thumbnails of videos about E3 and it's funny because it's so pointless. I watched one video and that's all, it's all the same, I don't even care about this conference.
  20. Vera

    Moving on

    Feels good to write an update filled with good news! I got back to working out at the gym. One of the Discord members kindly made the new routine for me and it's awesome! I was a bit uncomfortable today starting the routine on my own, I never did that before, I hired a trainer every time. But it turned out to be fun. I like it. Paid for 3 months of membership, so I can just train until September without any worries. I also bought Seneca's book (finally), I enjoy reading it and it is truly a masterpiece.
  21. Vera

    Moving on

    Well, haven't updated in a while. I'm going through a very hard period in my life and it's making me anxious. I feel stuck, haven't done much in the last two weeks and I seem to be in a rut. But I'm still fighting and it gets better day by day. The funny thing is how easy it is to find new ways to escape, the internet has all kinds of entertainment, endless feeds, an infinite amount of information, but it doesn't help me. I can watch youtube for hours and still feel restless. Nothing helps until I do something meaningful. My vacation won't go as planned, but I am not upset about that.
  22. Vera

    Moving on

    The day is going well so far. I'm not that sore after yesterday's workout, and I worked pretty hard. I haven't found a way to keep track of my food so I just eat what I know is good and don't bother a lot about it. My knees bear all the load pretty well, I don't feel pain or discomfort. I should start to plan my vacation. It will require a visa, so I need to gather up all the info. I finally got back to coding tonight. I wanted to play words game with someone, but it seems that I have to do it alone, so I spent the evening trying to create a simple words game. I feel so lonely it's just ridiculous. Better get to sleep now, before it gets worse.
  23. Vera

    Moving on

    I finally got 500 points in Forest. Time to buy a new tree and aim for another 500 points!
  24. Vera

    Moving on

    I went to the gym today and had a really good workout. My mood instantly improved, I even enjoyed the day until it was time to discuss certain things with my family member. I couldn’t care less about it, but constant, day to day talking and planning and dwelling on it makes me cringy and irritated. Why should I constantly pay for what I don’t need? It makes our relationship so artificial, I sometimes think that she prefers the thing to me and it makes me sad, anxious and tired. I’m having a hard time fighting for myself, trying to keep going, to not fail whatever I still have, I just don’t have enough energy to care about her plans, especially when it’s simply forced upon me and I give up because it’s easier and she stops poking me with a stick once she can have what she wants. She says that she does it for all of us, but I don't enjoy it at all. And she doesn’t even understand that I agree not because I really want to do the same thing, but because I want her to leave me alone. So I’m tired and sad again, but I had a smile on my face for some time and I consider this a win.
  25. Vera

    Moving on

    I am in a bad mood today. I woke up feeling absolutely broken not only because I'm sore after workout, but because I can't bring myself to do anything. I spent some time reading my diary and I mentioned being tired in almost every entry. I sleep well, but I still feel tired. I tried to do something with my hair, do a simple hairstyle, but gave up because I couldn't do it properly. I stopped studying at the same level I used to, I was able to do two hours of coding after a whole day at work, I don't do that anymore. My first step is to actually start taking vitamins and see if that helps. Maybe some sleep is also good, but I doubt that.
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