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karabas

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Posts posted by karabas


  1. On 2/17/2019 at 8:35 PM, Mohammad said:

    However, later, for some reasons, I started to play again. I did not mean to start playing games against. Just wanted to play a single game.

    It's really important to get down to the core of the problem. What triggered you to want to play that single game? Can you avoid it in the future?

    Also, you now definitely know that you can't just "play one game", so hopefully you won't get caught like that again.

    15 hours ago, Mohammad said:

    used a trick I learnt from a book. It is called 10,10,10

    That's really interesting. Might try that next time I have a craving!

    • Like 1

  2. Day 6/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 2 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 38/120
    Umra resolutions (50%): 9/30
    30-minute study: 7/90

    Work Hours: 3:10

    Well, yesterday was a crazy day where I ended up starting work at something like 8pm. Not at all my fault, so I'm not worrying about it.

    On the plus side, I've gone to bed early the past couple of days! Honestly, once I tasted what it's like to stay up after morning prayer and how much I can get done in one day, it's really hard for me to not want to do that every day. There's just no comparison with my late-night sessions.

    I have another non-work obligation today, but hopefully the rest of the week will be productive.

    • Like 1

  3. Day 4/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 36/120
    Umra resolutions (50%): 7/30
    30-minute study: 5/90

    Work Hours: 28:05 this week (5:15 behind schedule)

    It's been somewhat better last few days. I haven't relapsed mostly because I've been too busy. But that's good I guess?

    I'm also having some pretty strong gaming cravings, for the first time since August when I last gamed. That's worrying me more than my struggles with this video detox. I am NOT going back to gaming man. I just can't.

    To be fair, the thought of having to pay for games again (since I deleted my Steam account) does sound like a huge hassle & waste of money, so I'm hoping I'll just ride it out that way.

    Sleep has also been better. Last two nights I've slept at around 1am (instead of the usual 2-3am) and yesterday I was ready for bed before midnight, but my wife wanted to discuss something important so we ended up staying up a bit.

    Yesterday was also the first day I stayed up after morning prayer until I went to bed at night and it reminded me of just how much I can get done if I can just get my sleep straight... gotta work on that.

    The 50% goal for my spiritual routine has been working well also. It's not difficult to do and is not time consuming, so I have fewer excuses to put it off.

    • Like 2

  4. salaam bro! welcome back, glad to see you're back on the detox ?

    if I could offer a word of advice: try to spend more time on the journal. it's not just about keeping track of the number of days. you need to be monitoring your feelings & cravings, what makes it worse, what makes it easier, etc. Keep it up even if you relapse: you can asses why it happened and plan on how you're going to do it better next-time.

    In the long-term, this really helps you make progress.

    I'd start with reflecting on why you relapsed the previous time and what you're going to do differently this time to address that problem.

    Also, as a fellow Muslim, I'd recommend doing the prayer of need (salatul hajjah) at the beginning of your day & ask for help to get over this problem. And obviously you need to have basic spiritual routines, like Qur'an, istighfar (asking for forgiveness), and salawat (sending blessings on the Prophet ﷺ), even if it's just a few minutes of each every day.

    Hope this helps!

    • Like 2

  5. Day 0/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 32/120
    Umra resolutions (50%): 3/30
    30-minute study: 1/90

    Work Hours: 9:20 this week

    Meh. I keep falling into watching random stuff. I'm not even that into it, I think I'm just really tired. I definitely feel that way.

    It's not super bad right now. I'm managing to be mostly productive so I'm wasting maybe an hour or so a day on vids. It's not optimal, but I don't have the willpower to get myself to re-commit to the detox at the moment. I think it's down to my irregular sleep. Need to reign it in.


  6. Oh hey! I was going to follow up with you and see where you're at. Glad that you're back (even if just to post).

    What is it about life that spikes your anxiety? What are you afraid of facing?

    Also, maybe this is a sign that your life goals aren't motivating enough? (Cue my normal pitch for figuring out your metaphysical beliefs since they're at the core of everything, but you know the drill :D)

    It can also just be fatigue. I've relapsed myself and I haven't had the energy or motivation to properly re-start my detox. I think I'm just tired of constantly pushing myself. I figure if I get proper sleep a few weeks straight, I should be back in it. So it's just a matter of getting some rest sometimes. Fighting yourself all the time is exhausting.

    • Like 2

  7. Day 1/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 27/120
    Umra resolutions (50%): 1/30
    30-minute study: 1/90

    Work Hours: 15:10 this week

    I'm sorta back on track. Haven't watched any more shows. I decided to cut my spiritual resolutions down by 50% (like I did when I was traveling). Hopefully after a month of doing this, I'll raise it back up to 100%.

    Still need to sort out my sleep. Slowly getting there...

    • Like 1

  8. Well, it's been crap. I've watched like two seasons of shows in one day (although I rescued some time by finishing them off via recaps instead of watching). This is right at the time where I had a couple of tight deadlines, which I obviously missed. On top of that, a high-paying client of mine paused my contract... it happens regularly and I was expecting it to happen, but I could've fit in a few more hours of work by now if I wasn't procrastinating and earned a good amount of money. Not a big deal in the long run, but just sucks to trip myself up this way. 

    I really, really hate myself when I'm like this. 

    Dunno what the plan is. I have a lot to do tomorrow and I know I'm really mad at myself now, but it always wears off after sleep. Plus it's late and I'll be tired tomorrow, which means even less self-control.

    I need to pray. Can't do this thing myself - I never have been able to, except when He's picked me up. So it's all good. It's just a reminder about the real state of things. Hopefully I'm so invested in the stuff I'm doing right now that it'll hurt to keep procrastinating enough for me to get back on track.

    Resolving to leave all this nonsense again tomorrow.

    • Like 2

  9. On 1/31/2019 at 5:32 AM, Deku said:

    but I´m feeling quite happy in spite of all the various commitments in my life. After spending years sitting in front of a computer screen bored out of my mind, it´s a great change of pace to have so much going on that there is always something to do

    Exactly. It's not the commitments that make people unhappy, it's the feeling of not living up to your full potential. Getting rid of games helps one to start working on the things that matter, thus happiness ?

    • Like 1

  10. Day 0/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 26/120
    Umra resolutions: 0/90

    30-minute study: 0/90

    Work Hours: 9:20 so far this week

    Well, I guess that was expected. I relapsed on videos and watched 3 episodes of a show I used to like back in the day. I already broke the detox in the days before but as they were minor infractions, I decided to keep going. Can't really call 2+ hours of watching a show as "minor" though.

    Not all is lost, however. I still have youtube, netflix, and the rest blocked on my computer. My only access to this stuff is via my phone. And I didn't stay up abysmally late, but cut myself off soon after finishing up my work.

    This actually may be worse because if I don't see the harm of my relapse, I'm more likely to continue with it. But I'm hoping I can maintain my semi-productivity and get myself back in the detox.

    Videos were going to be harder than games anyway, I've known that for a while.

    In terms of what caused this... pretty clearly it's been the constant travel, disruption of my schedule, and lack of proper sleep. This led to increased FB usage and then slowly, relapse into videos, mostly due to lack of proper self-restraint due to poor sleep habits.

    Sleep is my #1 priority in the coming days. If I can return to sleeping on time and staying up after morning prayer, things will turn around quickly (God willing).

    • Like 3

  11. Day 78/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 25/120
    Umra resolutions: 0/90

    30-minute study: 0/90

    Work Hours: Dunno for last week

    Ugh. My life hasn't been very stable lately. A lot of travels & other things happening. I still can't settle back into my solid routine that I had before traveling for the holidays. I'm squeezing out some work, but it hasn't been to the amount I wanted and it's becoming a problem. Very behind on several of my clients' projects + don't have time to pursue my business or new clients.

    My spiritual resolutions are floundering: I do them sometimes and sometimes I don't. Same for studies.

    Even my video restrictions have taken a battering. I've allowed myself a few videos & I'm struggling with getting off of FB, despite the fact that I see it as a really problematic medium.

    A lot of this is down to instability in schedule + the hassle of incorporating in this country + bad sleep habits.

    I need to stay in the sample for a month and just do my thing if I want to get back on track. Otherwise I'm afraid this detox might fall apart - and I don't want to go down THAT rabbit hole.

    • Like 2

  12. On 1/30/2019 at 9:01 PM, JPAO said:

    Wait that's legit a thing? I might look into it just because I think its cool. I don't really have trouble waking up anymore

    It's totally a thing. Originally designed for deaf people, but works just as well for those who can hear ? Like I said, I used it as a silent alarm so that I don't wake up my roommate in the early hours of the morning. Worked for me just fine for ~4 years, no sound needed.

    • Like 1

  13. On 1/29/2019 at 6:26 AM, JPAO said:

    I have 3 alarm clocks set up around the basement in completely different locations haha

    We could totally try and build this lmao

    Have you ever tried one of these? https://www.amazon.com/Sonic-Alert-SBB500SS-Extra-Loud-Flashing/dp/B000OOWZUK

    Got it in college because I would wake up early and I didn't want to wake up my roommate. Unlike regular alarm clocks which I start ignoring after a month or two, this one lasted me 4 years (and I wasn't using the sound function, which is annoyingly loud).

    The bed shaker is so strong, I had it under my mattress, not my pillow like the instructions recommend.

    • Like 1

  14. Oh man, I'm really sorry to hear that. That's really rough ?

    Not much that can be said here. Just be of service to your mom in this time as much as you can. Physical & emotional comfort can be key to a recovery, plus it'll keep you away from the computer. So just serve her hand and foot and try to make this time as bearable for her as possible.

    • Like 1

  15. Day 70/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 17/120
    Umra resolutions: 8/90

    30-min study: 1/90

    Work Hours: 24:55

    This has been my worst productivity week since this detox started going. I'm not beating myself up too much about it because it's largely been because of sleep, which has been poor for a number of reasons outside my control. We also had an unexpected guest over and that inevitably takes up time.

    Another thing is that I feel like I'm getting back into videos. I've watched a few of my purchased videos in my YouTube app, without good reason. I'm also do a lot more of Facebook reading and I can literally feel the spiritual dirt accumulating from that. I hate FB.

    And finally, another thing that's eating up my time is tax stuff. I'm trying to register a business in this country and figuring out how to do that while keeping international taxes in mind is messing up my brain. But it looks like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Most of my research is done and it's time for paperwork and I'm offloading that to an accountant who knows what she's doing.

    Guest should be leaving today and I'm hoping the sleep stuff will resolve too. I'll be better about keeping my phone in another room, which should solve the FB/YouTube issue (I have FB feed disabled on my desktop + YouTube blocked).

    So I'm hoping this week will be different!

    Oh, and forgot: I added a new "habit": 30 minutes of daily religious study. I've been feeling pretty crap about not doing more of it, so this should get me started. Plus, I'm starting up my classes with a teacher again - first class is tomorrow. So I'll need the little bit of study time to prepare for the class & review.

    • Like 2

  16. Day 65/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 12/120
    Umra resolutions: 3/90

    Work Hours: 6:30 (10:40 this week, 2:40 behind schedule)

    Same same. I'm happy that I'm overall staying productive, even if it's not to a 100%. It definitely feels like a leftover from the time I invested in myself last year. I'm starting class next week & it's going to bite me in the butt if I can't sort out my sleep. I also need to prepare for it this week.

    • Like 2

  17. Day 64/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 11/120
    Umra resolutions: 2/90

    Work Hours: 4:10

    Sleep is still a major problem. Also this tax stuff is taking over my life. At least I've been able to get back on track with my spiritual resolutions, thank God.

    • Like 2

  18. Hey Lea,

    Nice journal, I love how you laid it out.

    My little brother (who's 3) is on the spectrum and brother-in-law is clear-as-day Aspie (although undiagnosed). Can't say I have a ton of knowledge about it though. Also, I dunno if that's a good thing to bring up? lol

    One thing that seems missing to me from this journal is your overall long-term goal. Maybe it's because you prefer to keep it to yourself, in which case no problem. But otherwise I'd recommend you write about it. It helps to think about where you want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years, 30, etc. You're a Christian, so you believe in a life after this one. That clearly entails some long-term commitments as well.

    Having something to work towards becomes very helpful when your desires for gaming/watching stuff flare up. If you know what you're working towards, it'll be that much harder to jeopardize this long-term vision for some silly games.

    Also, it seems that you're quite scared of a relapse. Don't be. Most of us here relapse once or twice, or thrice, or a thousand times. The key is not in not relapsing. The key is using each relapse as a learning opportunity: what went wrong, what will you do differently next time, etc. That way every failure makes you stronger. Obviously you should try to avoid relapses as much as you can. And if you can avoid them completely, that's great! But don't be too afraid of them, because then you'll be very down if it happens and it'll prevent you from getting back up.

    As Rumi said (since you like poetry):

    Come, come, whoever you are.
    Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
    It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair.
    Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times.
    Come, yet again, come, come.

    • Like 3

  19. Day 63/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 10/120
    Umra resolutions: 1/90

    Work Hours: 33:55 (6 hours short of goal)

    Was going to skip doing my spiritual routine today, but just read some Qur'an because I haven't ready any in a few days and one of the first verses I read was "Oh you who believe, do not let your wealth or your children distract you from the remembrance of God". So I was like, OK, I get it ? And I went and I did my resolutions.

    Ended up going to bed very late. Not being very productive still & there's tax stuff that's kinda taking over my time at the moment. But at least putting my phone away in another room helped with FB & getting back into videos.

    • Like 2

  20. This is really interesting, in the sense that your approach now is to go after the stuff you love doing as opposed to a straight-up detox.

    I wonder if that's what's been holding you back. You and I are very similar in our approaches and we started around the same time. But I know that you weren't really motivated by your university studies. Whereas I find a lot of purpose and excitement in my daily activities, so maybe I was unconsciously benefitting from that the way you're trying to consciously do now.

    I still think you're probably better pairing this up with a proper detox, but I like the original approach you're taking with this. Clearly, something needed to change.

    I'll keep the rest to myself as you asked ?

    Also, it's been a few days. Update? Try to still do daily updates, even if short. I think it really helps. (although I should be talking, I've been very sporadic with mine recently)

    • Like 1

  21. Day 62/120 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
    Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) 
    Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17)

    No phone in washroom 9/120
    Umra resolutions: 0/90

    Work Hours: 31:55 this week (so ~1:30 behind)

    Still struggling with a couple of things. First of all: sleep. It's the never-ending vicious cycle: I get crap sleep -> I have less willpower & focus -> I'm not productive -> I stay up late to be more productive -> I get crap sleep.

    This is not good, especially since it's winter time and morning prayer is so late, I need to be in bed by midnight and I can still get a full 8 hours of sleep. Sigh.

    The second problem is that my willpower is eroding my habits. I've watched a couple of vids (it was a bit in a gray area of "I need to/I want to"). I also spend too much time on FB and the like. I'm gonna put my phones away in a different room starting from today: they've been my biggest distraction.

    My spiritual routine's wrecked. I'm doing maybe a quarter of what I was doing before. Thankfully, I still go to the mosque once a day, which I feel good about. Hopefully I can maintain at least that and build back the rest of the habits.

    • Like 1
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