[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 13,

I meditated using fabulous guided meditation - 5/9. Didn't run but chose to use the intensive workouts from Fabulous. I did this because I wanted a bit more time in my morning to plan and enjoy eating breakfast, etc... Running takes the most of my miracle morning. I think what I'll do is run on the days I don't have work and do the intensive workouts when I do. It seemed to work great today.

I got a message from my ex-therapist who is in India in a zen Community. I sent him an email of my progress, over the tail end of our sessions he became a friend to me and I enjoy sharing my journey with I'm as he was the first person who just sat there and listened to me and felt cared about. Most of us don't know how to listen including me, it's such a valuable skill it ought to be mandatory in schools. It's what allows us to forgive, grow and be compassionate.

So yea, went to work did gap filling all day and my boss gave me my contract to sign. I asked him if I could do 3 days a week starting next week and he agreed. I think this would boost my levels in travelling greatly, I may even be able to travel to three countries I'd I save up big.

On my way back home I went to the post office to see how much shipping would cost for a WW2 Jacket I had previously been given but had no use for. Some more money to go into the savings. I checked my bank account and noticed that there were still Visa purchases for those dating sites that totaled to $45. I'm not gonna bother chasing up and asking a refund. I'll just take this as a painful lessons that temptations usually end up paying you. Anyways I have this jacket to offset that deficit.

I went to Film for Change and it looks like there will be some projects coming up that I'll keep an eye out for. There me and a mate grabbed some ? and fed the volunteers and staff. There was a cool wooden tree art thing made of pieces of small wood and driftwood that I wanted to capture but forgot to. I'll remember to shoot it next time

I came back home and spend like an hour and 15 minutes reading through my contract, I still have like 6-7 pages to read. Basically, I'm a the bitch and the employer has all the power.

Grateful for: mum's soup, sun, travel guide books, water, learning new skills.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 12, 

Gave up in the morning. I don't know what it was, the ache in my heels, the cold or the accumulation of my goals not being clear but I decided to sleep to 5:30 instead of 5AM. I am a little physically tired and felt entitled to rest more.

I tried reading a little bit of DC but ended up dozing off till 8.30, I didn't beat myself up as I know that's not helpful nor useful to getting where I want to go.

I went to a financial planner to start saving, I moved all my first pay to the savings account and left the rest for rent and food. I need to save to meet my goal of going overseas.

My folks came into town and we are curry for lunch. I helped them out with their visas as they are also going overseas. They brought me fish and some food.

I went running in the afternoon to make up for my neglect in the morning. I watched videos about using a caulking gun and sanding. Lastly, talked to my twin brother in Japan as he's started his travels and video recording.

Grateful for: helpful positive people, food, my warm clothes, my legs to walk, YouTube.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 11,

Pretty good day.

Meditation 4.5/9, Running 7/9

I've been doing my miracle morning pretty luxuriously taking more time than I need to. On one hand I think it's good because I'm actually taking time to enjoy things and on the other hand I don't know if it's just an excuse to be lazy. So I've been completing my miracle morning in 1 hour 15-20 minutes instead of one hour. Perfectionism? ?

I had a nap again after finish reading my Social Anxiety material. I think I will just walk to the library to force me not to lay in bed to escape the cold. The library opens at 8.30 though so that means I gotta figure something else out for 2 hours. I guess I shall just live in the kitchen where there is no bed haha.

I went to meet Charles a Chinese migrant who wanted to go to last week's leadership meeting but couldn't make it. He asked me if we could meet to fill him in on what he missed out on. He had similar visions of wanting to change the world perhaps through the education system. We spend a good hour and half talking and at the end he offered me a free financial planning session tomorrow. It's cool how things are coming together, I need to get my finances sorted if I want to be productive and to run any sort of business let alone my life. And here the universe is offering it to me for willing to be friendly and helping others :)

I watched a course on what differentiates an amateur and a pro photographer from skillshare.com. Some differences were that a pro photographer makes their living off taking photos and an amateur doesn't. Pros also shoot photographs according to what clients want not what they themselves want.

I read some of the XT2 camera manual in preparation of Mundo Lingo in case that organiser girl wanted some photos to be taken but she wasn't there tonight.

I met up with the other guy I met @ the leadership talk last week in a little chill bar to have a chat. We talked about our goals and why's. I told him that I feel my why's have recently felt diluted and that I need to revisit them as I feel less productive or losing course. I asked him how his why, does it strengthen in the journey your in or does it have to be Rock solid from the get go. His response was that it is through the journey.

For me my why for work is weak. I have the trip to South America driving me but my why is a bit fuzzy. I told him that I remember when I was young, me and my sister where sleeping in a tent with my dad and we pondered what we should be. A doctor, lawyer? My father is a doctor and so I felt obliged to do something as noble, helping poor people or changing the world but here lies the problem. Is my why, my dad's why? Because if it is then it's shallow and doesn't truly resonate with me. I think I've been a bit brainwashed on this end and find it hard to actually differentiate I'd it is indeed his why and not mine.

I went to Mundo Lingo and had a good night. I realise now that I need to actually practice this at least 4 times a week to have significant progress and becoming relatively conversational for when I go to South America.

This is kind of what I mean by my goals need revisiting. I think my photography thing may need to take a backseat, for now, increase my days working at painting to save up for my trip to South America. As it stands right now I don't exactly know what I stand for but I'm hoping my travels can give me some new perspectives and insights on how I want to live my proceeding years to come. So I think that's my goal now, to narrow it all down towards making this trip happen. One step at a time. I don't even know if photography is my thing, and yet maybe just another extension of me doing what other people think I'm good at.

I'm confused :s and want to seek clarity. It's hard to explain but when people ask me what I like to do I say photography, cooking but these questions never get to the real heart of me to the point of "what would you like to be doing on your dying breath?" Fuck I'm a dramatist lol. The game of Life blarghh...

Grateful for: smarter people than me - humbling, chill Vibe bars, honesty, library's warmth, miracle morning.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 10,

Meditation - 5/9. Running - 7/9.

I laid in bed and napped for and hour as I was trying to read Dale Carnegie, learnt from this mistake don't lay in bed.

I went to the library to listen/watch Gary V/RSD. I resisted urges to buy a nut bar from my favorite lil shop. I'm thinking if I resist this sugar craving wouldn't I eventually just cave in anyway because "what you resist persists"? I managed to distract myself and drink water and bypass this urge. I'll try to remember to do this again tomorrow. I still eat bananas and green apples... They probably stimulate my desire for sweets. 

I went back home to eat lunch, going back home I have no wifi. My thought was to go hard mode so that when ever I want access to the internet I need to go to the city. Also my thinking is to save the $23 a month but the convenience for what it gives to enable me to upload my photos and watch courses is worth it I think. I realise that saving money on this issue doesn't actually work out in that it enables me to work towards my career more efficiently.

I don't know if watching Gary V is a good thing for where I am at life. He's inspirational but I feel bad when I don't achieve much in my day. He says to be patient in the way of 'eating shit' for 10 years and look at the long term. Everyday I think I can change my behavior in a day :/ but this is impossible. 

I went to Kizomba tonight, good vibes,  slightly less people ? left early to make sure I sleep on time.

Grateful for: internet, dancing, water, books, my smile

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

This was yesterday's post:

Day 9,

Meditated 4.5/9 ran 5.5/9. Cleaned room, accountability brother watched football and did meet for our 10AM call. Told him it was not cool but obviously I'm not mad but tried to make him see that this doesn't help with going towards his goals and he made excuses.

Uploaded matariki Ahí ka photos on Instagram. Went dancing Kizomba, had ok time, moves quite hard to remember I need to practice more.

My methods to keep on track and not get distracted this week is by:

 drinking water regularly like every 30 minutes a sip or two. Listen to study music and use the Pomodoro 25 minute timer, disable wifi.

Eat a whole bar of dark chocolate. I'm craving carbs because I'm bored and have started an association with sugars I need to drink more water and focus on tasks. I ran out of cellular data so will need to go to town to get internet, I don't pay for wifi at my place, positive is that it forces me to go outside and walk to the city more likely to have shoot something out there than the cozy comfort of my room.

Grateful for: brothers coming to see me and shouting me dinner, rain that contrasts the good days, my phone, Gary V, excitement of morning runs
 

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

@Cam Adair Yes I still have Tinder installed, I'll give it a try later.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 8,

I started the morning by waking up at 8AM, I was signing up on dating websites to go hook up or something or just meet random people for the sake of it. I have pretty strong sexual desires that I've pretty much repressed all my life. Don't know if it's the right way to go about it but I guess I should try and learn through experience than some idealized plan.

I helped Film for Change move offices and got to know the organization a bit better. They deal with making videos for 'trauma informed' counsellors to help people and families that are in danger of suicide, have had suicide in their families recover. Pretty noble cause to work with.

I edited more photos and put them up on Flickr

I went to a wine expo - Winetopia with my gay friend, had fun there and met two girls from Mundo Lingo. They asked if so could take some photos for their Linked In profiles and I don't mind doing so. I discovered that chocolate goes really well with ?. Winetopia had a really chill and vibrant vibe.

I unsubscribed from the two dating sites, I had to call their customer support just to cancel my subscription before it charged for a full month. The lady on the phone tried to subscribe me to another dating site and I had to raise my voice very authoritatively and told her what she is doing is wrong not listening to the customer, I had to tell her three times before she got off her sales rep schtick. Veerrry dodgy business customer service.

I'll try looking more on free dating things or maybe just go the real life route, that's what these dating sites are telling me. They're so fucking flaky and weird, I probably haven't spent enough time on them but I decided to unsubscribe because I know that I'd forget and get charged for a full month more than the three day trial membership.

I'm going to use Sundays as a 'preparation' day for the week and try to focus all day on setting my week up for success.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 7,

Meditated - 5/9, Running - 6.5/9

It was interesting after work I went to a meeting about the future procedure for painting. In there I talked to a guy who was in the film-making business and he was giving it a bad wrap things like it's bad for your health and he would stay after 5 sometimes to get the work done. This is standard practice in film-making and I said you have to be a bit crazy to work in the film industry which I believe somewhat but I think the other part is to be highly passionate and organised. He instead desired the more low-key chill job of painting, and it is actually quite chill. I say this is interesting because it again reminds me of the 90%+ mediocrity that resides in society. He was justifying his leave from the film industry and had a warped view really, I look back before I began on this journey and can 100% relate with him because I didn't have much energy nor was I organized in the barest of senses. But now I see it actually achievable with enough hard work and dedication.

It's just unbelievable how pervasive this mediocrity thing is and the best place to look is ourselves where we are being mediocre. My organisation is mediocre, my imitation towards conversations is mediocre but I am working on his my exercise and sleep is generally good.

I shot some more Matariki photos will upload them over the weekend.

Grateful for: my camera, other people bitching about the cold that helps to me to feel good about my perspective of gratefulness, having things to do, bananas and my Gary V.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

4 hours ago, Dannigan said:

A surgeon in the hospital I work in is pretty damn good looking and apparently intelligent too.  But he's really humble and I always see him dressed in scrubs.  Some folks are blessed with good looks.  I have a bias that all attractive people are self-absorbed.  I'm trying to disprove that because I think I avoid talking to certain people who are especially attractive.  ?

I'm glad I'm not the only one :) But the truth is it's a bias based on no facts, a judgement from fear. I say this but we need to challenge this to truly find out.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 6,

Meditated slightly better - 5.5/9. Ran - 8/9. These are my subjective judgments on how I think I felt I did. Experimenting to see if defining them can allow me to see the bigger picture of progress. I want to start going to a gym soon perhaps starting next week Monday.

I went to painting work, got to paint again, FeelsGoodMan. My colleague is teaching me tips on ways to do the job and told him I appreciate him for his knowledge and that it is very helpful. We seem to be getting along and laughing :)

I came back home and went to a Future Leaders presentation by a guy called Tariq Habibi. He talked about the qualities leaders possess. They were:

1. Become mature.

2. Stand for what's right

3. Be consistent

4. Work Hard

5.Believe in yourself.

6. Turn your problems into opportunities

7. Grow & Never Give up

"I will come again & conquer you because as a mountain you can't grow, but as a human, I can"

- Sir Edmund Hilary

And some other notes:

Faith in humanity, embracing darkness that we're afraid of. 

Leaders don't need to influence people because of their integrity and sincerity.

If you make mistake don't be too hard on yourself.

I met a guy there who I am interested in maybe hanging around with, an accountant who is leaving his job in November and working on setting up passive income. He says by his estimations , he's projected to be set for life by 27 years old. Regardless of his success, I could tell he was a positive and hard worker towards self development. I want to be around these type of people that have a growth mindset towards life and think smart. I added him on Facebook.

I went out to Mundo Lingo had fun, talked to 5-6 people mostly relatively deep conversations. They weren't the most attractive people that I talked with but the conversations we had were thoughtful and enjoyable. I have an unconscious bias that I usually gravitate towards more attractive people, bit of brainwashing by media growing up but I'm trying to change that. I felt less pressure by not going to the most attractive people. Maybe next week I set a challenge and go talk to the most attractive people to challenge my biasses of attractive people being dumb. I have quite a bit of unnecessary fucked up biases I need to unclog. I

I saw a photographer there taking pictures for her friend and I told her I could take pictures using her camera for the event. It was a camera that I had previously looked at and was amazed at how exciting it was to point and click. I asked her if I could take pictures for her for free next time at Mundo Lingo.

Overall pretty good day like 8/9 ;)

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 5,

I meditated and ran, bit better meditation.

I stayed at my mum's overnight to see if I could spend some time to edit the video. I procrastinated the whole day and did rendered two timelapses and one transition. So far what seems to keep me on track from procrastinating is the do not disturb feature and the best is flight mode. I'm scared of using flight mode thinking I'll miss some important emails but the reality is most emails aren't even important and I'm finding excuses subconsciously to procrastinate. I always thought my ability to jump from thought to thought was some hereditary or talent gift of creativity but I think it may just be the fact that I learnt to develop a short attention span through the instant gratification mechanisms of gaming.

I did manage to procrastinate towards something related to my goals however. I signed up for StarNow and applied for three different jobs, one voice acting which I'd love to do. I put my recent photos on my profile and several people liked them, many working professionals and amateurs alike. I felt a little good that they were at least looking at my profile :)

I came back home and shot some more photography. Over the couple of days I had looked at another videographer who also essentially does what I like to do - shoot events and realised how much hard work she had done. From setting up her website, writing her own scripts, etc. I think might not be paid at all or much doing the grind work of becoming reputable. I then realized I need to be shooting everyday or chance I can to be even considered. Now that I think about it it's a bit black n white thinking because I remember what was most important in the industry was your networks and relationships with people. That's why I want to become more social and people friendly because I feel like a bit of a rock a lot of times predominantly in logic mose with my conversations haha.

One-step-at-time

Grateful for: filmmakers vibrant lives, heater, free communication apps, my body and the world cup excitement.

 

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 4,

Meditated and ran. Practiced Spanish - body parts. I went to the library for the morning and watched some of Science of Wellbeing, I never finished this course and want to finish it.

I went to my mum's place to edit some videos my brother uploaded to the cloud. He plans to go to Asia and several countries and I offered to edited his videos. He's not going to be able to edit his videos whilst travelling so I figured this would be a good chance to train my editing skills as they are very rusty and unused as SI have been mainly doing photography and lightroom. I actually think Photography is so much easier than Videography, only 1 frame at a time not 24-30, 60, etc as well as movement.

I tried designing a business card but again hesitated after reading to make them simple. I think I'm going to shoot a few more this week and think about the design and possible images to add for the background over the course of the week. I signed up to like 4-5 stock photography websites and am going to start uploading them to there.

I ate chocolate and sweets at my mothers place ;/ temptations, I resisted her food 2-3 times but indulged a little, I didn't eat the whole chocolate bar though but yea prob set myself back a little but that's ok, I just keep going.

I learnt about growth mindset in Science of Wellbeing by Carol Dweck where she talks about how people's mindset affects their ability to learn depending on their perspective whether they think people have a 'fixed' mindset of talent or whether they have a growth mindset where they believe they can learn through doing hard work.

Grateful for: train system that allows me to travel Wellington region quickly, mum's soup, puffer jacket, City Wifi,, family. 

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 3,

An ok day that I'm happy with.

Meditated and ran. I tidied my room a little and washed clothes.

I spoke to a flatmate of mine who is apparently pretty good at skateboarding, he won a competition in Auckland and I recall a friend of his called him pro. I offered him to film/take pictures for him if he ever needed as I haven't shot skateboarding content before and he seems like a positive guy. I'm taking opportunities now if they present themselves and being proactive and regardless of outcome we get to know each other better than just strangers as well as working on my conversation skills.

I went to the library at 1 to upload video of the Art-Hack Expo to the guy organizing it. He said they were great, I shot it with my cellphone. I'll bring my bigger camera to shoot it even better next time. I also had a goal for the day to print business cards, I was halted because I couldn't find the picture of the eye that I like and represents 'Sightful' (perfectionism) and also thought what kind of photographer I am. I think I like shooting events photography and festivals. I don't know if that's broad enough of a range so I thought that I should first keep shooting more photos and fine-tune what kind of photographer I want to offer my service towards. For now I'm planning to just shoot things free to build more of a solid portfolio and experience as a working photographer.

I went to Kizomba tonight and on the way talked to a lady who was shooting street photography using her big full-frame camera, we talked about how photography is all about being small now and how she had felt out of place shooting with her camera. I enjoyed talking to her about photography a great deal and cut into my dance time. I danced with 3 girls, it was much quieter tonight.

I managed to eat a bit healthier today as I circumvented around the bakery to not be lured by the sweets. I figured I need to take out the temptations similar to quitting gaming. I drank alot more water which definitely helped in not craving food.

Grateful for: warm jackets, water, free WiFi, books and nice smelling perfume.

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

@Some Yahoo Haha nah that's wrong, when I said that it's usually because it's already about to or around passing 10:45pm and approaching the imminent jump IN THE FUCKING bed 11AM Mark or I'm fucked lol. 

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 2, 

I was at my mum's house for most of the day. I go there to use my older brother's computer to edit my RAW photos and also to see my mum for a bit.

I talked to Alexys a bit and he seems to be on his way of growth, moving out of his parent's place. I gave him a bit of advice which he asked for and was pleased to being supported with his decision. I asked if I came to México if he would let me stay with him a few days possibly, he said I could stay as long as I wanted and Cook/eat food. FeelsGoodMan friends.

I put up a few night photos 
https://flic.kr/s/aHsmki6Lsz

I admit I procrastinated immensely before I actually edited from 7.30 to 12.30. I was looking through YouTube watching Lightroom photography  tutorials and across an old favourite streamer - AdmiralBulldog. It's interesting, watching it now It's so vividly clear to me now, the reason I played was 80% for the social connection. I found myself only slightly interested in the gameplay and more attracted to the persona of Bulldog and his legion of memers lol.

I've also been eating quite a bit of sugary food lately like nut bars and binging nut mixes. This is because I'm not adequately preparing my food plans ahead of time. A useful method to keep away from beginning the domino effect of sugar craving is to remind myself of my goals related to saving money. It's not that effective most of the time as I succumb to the watering saliva in my mouth but sometimes works. Another reason is because I forget to drink plenty of water and mistake my thirst for hunger. I think I need to add a subsequent health goal to my money saving goal to strengthen my discipline towards not eating sugary snacks. For now I'll start working on drinking in more regular intervals of  every 1 & 1/2 hours, shorter depending on my activity levels. I will set up a reminder on Google calendar to pop a notification to drink water and leave post-it notes around my living area to remind me further.

I went to Kizomba tonight, previously speaking to my older brother about it and thinking of not going. He helped me realize that it was just fear I was feeling and that I should think of this as a opportunity to practice perseverance if anything to show that I can commit all the way through regardless of what I 'want'. I ended up having a decent time learning there as my expectations of mild dread were met with a smaller than usual attendance (6 men & women) which I was grateful for as it felt less pressuring.

I didn't do too much but I understand that I am making progress however small. This is probably the key to growth - perspective and the very hard concept of patience. We're simply not instilled by society to be patient, just look at the plethora of shopping sites, ads, and infinite amount of instant gratifying content.

This is going to take a long time to cultivate this patience but I think it starts with Meditation and Gratitude so will begin my small goal of meditating 5 minutes every morning using guided meditation for this week.

 

[The Grind (60 days on Discipline)]

Day 1,

Going to sleep to wake up at 5AM. This my fault I can't write a proper post tonight. Getting back on to it tomorrow.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 101,

Meditated, ran and had a good morning. Went to work and actually got to do some painting, I watched this video where a painter said he didnt get to touch a paintbrush for 6 months, so was pleasantly suprised. 

I listened to a podcast about overcoming perfectionism. Things I recall from it where there are three states. Stop, Start and Motion. Whenever you are in motion good things happen, you are growing. We do need to Stop sometimes but we must always start and not be paralysed from starting because its not 'the right time'. On the podcast he days he aims for 80% of his goal because it is a perspective thst allows us to start whereas aiming for 100% breeds discontent and resentment that it 'wasnt good enough'. Heres the link: Dis-ease of pefectionism https://castbox.fm/vb/73555282. Give it a listen.

I have identified that this is actually a super goal I need to worok on to schieve the rest of my gosls of careers and relationips. Like with Painting work im usually a bit fussy coming back from a background of using lenses, being a conputer geek, xompetitive mobs plsyer, etc and I cant be fussy ro do this work. So it is a great teacher for me to become quicker and not hesitsting in acting obviously with exceptions.

I went out and bought a Skinny mobile sim card because they apparently have free wifi hotspots around the city that you csn use if you are on their plans, I thought this would be useful to use when out and about the city shooting for Instagram. It turned out that you have to be on their monthly plsns and not just pre-paid. Shady company lol, I chose it so I accept it.

I went out and shit some photos of colourful lights/reflections spent like 2 hours. I didnt dhiit much yesterfay so wanted to make up for it. I need to shoot again tomorrow to meet my goal of shooting 3 days a week.

My prints arrived and they look good and I'll put then on display at a small community art expo tomorrow night

Grateful for: Printacular for shipping my photos overnight, funny workmates, water to keep hydrated and focused, smoked Kingfish to eat and Winter. I used to hate winter and feared it immensely as I would become severly depressed now I welcome the cold bite of the air as a challenge. Tbh if you have things to do and move around in winter you dont feel it much.

S.A.D.B.O.Y.S

 

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 100,

I had a great day yesterday but enjoyed my time at Mundo Lingo and stayed too late and opted for sleep instead of journalling.

Grateful for: gay friend whom brings positivity in my life, 5 AM wake up, mum's soup, City of Wellington, my body that can adapt to so much.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

 

13 hours ago, giblets said:

I don't think those World Cup issues are isolated to you, there is an uproar over here from people not being able to watch it through the rights holder as their connection has consistently dropped out. I think they said there has not been a game yet without some kind of issue. If you've paid for it I would chase a refund!

The Internet connection is due to my phone having weak attenas / signals. I don't think I'm going to stay up for any more games, maybe the finals and the rest watching highlights. Its just too detrimental to my sleep schedule.

-------------------------

Day 99,

Another good day. I managed to follow my miracle morning relatively closely and have moved my wake up time to 5AM beginning the hard mode ;D its soo good, I think I only got like 6 hours sleep but all the excitement and preparation allowed me to power through with success.

I practiced Spanish in the morning which seems to be the best time to learn for me after running and eating and reading Dale Carnegie. 

I went to the library and spent an hour at first writing to @giblets about practicing Spanish together and later looking through potential websites to print my photos out for a small community art exhibition. I thought why the hell not, I may even meet some people who may want someone to shoot some pictures for them as well as giving me something to do on the weekend. I read previously at the bottom of the notice that the organizer could help out artists with financial difficulty and wrote him an email saying I would be willing to meet halfway on the costs of printing to fill his space. I suspect there may not be too much thoroughfare and so he obliged or he's just a nice guy. I ordered 12 photos and paid $19 for them including shipping, next time I'll look to print them locally.

I went back to my old suburb where I used to live to visit a space where we could meet for our spirituality meetings and I think I found a good spot. The sun was warming the space so generously and would suit to lively discussions.

I walked back to the city and bought some safety glasses for work tomorrow. I figured the glasses are a bargain for $5 if they can protect my valuable eyes worth each half a million or whatever they're worth and they are. 

I went to mum's and had a pretty good time. I helped them with their email to travel to Vietnam and had a quick look at business cards. I talked to my twin brother who is planning to travel overseas, we've began proposing plans on how to have a workflow to edit his footage whilst he is overseas using cloud storage. God we are in unbelievable times, if you don't think just look at your phone and think how you were doing this without it 10 years ago.

I 'broke up' with my step brother in that I told him I dont want him to call me and ask to do things with me. I think that we are on different paths than each other and don't want to meddle myself in his path. Back 5 or 10 years ago he was my best friend bit I feel he doesn't value growth like I do and has lazy habits about him. I'm simply done with being disorganized and incompetent in achieving big goals and he seems to be contempt with drifting. Going by the isea that you are the average of the 5 closest people around you, I choose not to be around short-term minded people that ignore the consequences of their actions and expect it to solve itself. Anyways, I'm glad to be putting my food down and set my boundaries as it is important to building character.

Grateful for: Miracle Morning, smartphones, wholegrain oatmeal in the morning, mum's soup and laughter at small things.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 98,

I wish I could write the details of my day here but my sleep is more important.

I had a good day.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 97,

Today was pretty unproductive but had a valuable lesson.

It started with me wanting to watch the football game between Germany vs México waking up at 3AM. At first, I was able to watch it for 10 minutes but then my wifi connection died out, luckily I witnessed the only goal in the game. So I decided to walk to town to go to a bar where they will show it. I arrived there and they said they don't let people in after half-time due to their license rules, fucking lol! 

I went back home at 4AM. I had eaten as I woke up previously so wanted to digest food a bit before running. I figured I should go for a nap to get more energy for the rest of the day as I had the Kizomba dance to go to tonight. I stayed awake till 6AM then decided to take an hour nap but woke up at 8.30AM. I felt like I screwed my morning up and this had a cascading effect on the rest of my day. The ideal me would probably be able to brush this off and carry on with the day but I am not there yet. I have a great sense of pride for my mornings and felt abit defeated to being able to complete it within the time constraints/deadlines.

Yesterday, I had also been asked by my step-brother to do an activity with him. He said "I thought you would call me" after having made plans to meet me as if asking my permission and came at least an hour late. This was my fault though I accept it, that I put my priorities aside for the emotional influence of past-time friendships. He is actually a good hearted guy but he's gone a different track than I want to go - one of being organized, on to it etc whereas he likes drinking, having fun, etc. 

So these two events have reminded me that sticking to my goals and not being swayed by emotions is of utmost importance to success. I keep thinking maybe there is a middle ground, that I may be approaching this black-n-white, that I can have my step-brother in the life I'm moving towards. But I think the answer is no - I am the average of the 5 closest people around me. 

I received the small clothing shelf and organized my pile of clothes finally and have some walking space and my chair to meditate on under my vision board. So I'm hoping to have a more clear day tomorrow.

My Italian flatmate came down to try to fix the dryer that recently broke, we talked about some situations in our house. Some incident that happened last night were a flatmate got his food stolen and got angry and aggressive upstairs. We thought we should have a flat meeting on Sunday and relayed this to our property manager. We plan to discuss things like room-food arrangement cupboards and maybe the house rules of cleaning dishes after ourselves. I do my own but the other's regularly don't. I've realised several if them are gamers and then it clicked :/ That's exactly what I used to do, eat next to where I was playing and keep plates and cutlery in my room. Its fucked I really need to celebrate how far I've come but the perfectionist side of me thinks I need to save it for the future, the big event when I'll actually need it lol.

A nice quote I read today, "The more you celebrate life, the more there is in life to celebrate" - Oprah Winfrey

I went to the Op shop again and bought 7 forks and 7 spoons to fill our cutlery tray as there is hardly any in there. When I came into the house, I mentioned that I bought these for us. I was immediately told by flatmate 1 that I should keep them to myself because people will keep them in their rooms. "Maaan!" I sighed in my head, thinking "can't we just be a healthy working family?" ? Soon after I did take them out of the drawer. The thing is I know how this cycle goes... People don't want to share > people's interactions become resentful toward one another and can even be passive aggressive > stealing food and so on just because everyone wants to play their own game.

The other option is to keep all my shit in safe places, put locks on my cupboards, constantly lock my room... I want to grow up, I thought I was done with this childish shit. Anyways maybe on Sunday we can come to healthy, working agreements. Maybe, its just not the right environment but I'd like to think I can lead a little by taking some initiative on making the kitchen area a good place to be. This all stems from people accepting their mediocrities as mentioned in The Miracle Morning and probably a large dose because a few of them game.

I chose not to go to my Kizomba social. I'm not so sure if I want to do it anymore. Its not that I don't find it fun but it's that I think I need to really solidify my habits and be able to focus for long periofs before I can commit to multiple things.

My goals are to monetize my Photography skills/make money, learn to focus/build discipline, become a more people friendly person, Learn Spanish and let go of perfectionism.

Kizomba relates to becoming social but also costs $15 a week which over the 8 week term is over $100. I think my disinclination towards Kizomba stems from the previous two days of sloppy disorganization and perfectionism in that I missed one teaching class yesterday and a social tonight thinking that it's over. I'll aim to make next weeks sessions depending if my claims to goals is correct and whether if I should actually consider cutting it out. In the meantime I plan to go to Tuesday and Thursday Mundo Lingo to make up for my missed Kizomba sessions.

Perfectionism is killing me, this is actually the #1 goal, it strangles all enjoyment or semblance of progress.

TL;DR: Get your morning straight or its gonna be a rough day.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 96, 

I didn't exercise or meditate today, I'm still not sure if its a good thing for me or not. After listening to Gary V so much lately, I'm leaning towards that its not but Gary's not a useful reference point for me to compare myself to. I'll raise it to everyday when I'm ready.

I'm going to reschedule my Spanish learning from the late afternoon/evening to the mornings. Since it's one of the more important short term goals I want to achieve, I feel it deserves more attention where my mornings are able to give more.

I talked to my oldest brother for accountability and he seemed to have a good week now that he is over his sickness. He helped remind me of where I was and where I'm now which lifted me up for the rest of the day ever-so-slighty; the power of positivity is truly magic. It can make a bad day an OK day, an OK day a good day, a good day into a great day or a great day into an amazing day.

I came back to the city with all the food my mum gave me and noticed she baked a small cake and hid it in there. I didn't want to eat this cake so offered it to my house mates. They all seemed pretty chuffed and happy to eat something delicious on this Sunday night. Its nice to see how a communal sharing brightens peoples attitudes. Most of us are just in our rooms doing our own little things so rarely do several of us occupy the same space and see each other in peaceful, eye-to-eye terms, not that they're aggressive or anything just that the agenda changes from simply going to the kitchen to get food to "Oh look! We can be like a little bit of a family that can talk and share for the benefit of each other"

Grateful for: mum's soup, my preservation, Sunday Accountability, my phone and paper notebook.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 95,

I woke up late this morning because I spent too long talking with my older brother last night. We had a nice talk but I need to keep track of time for time management. Meditated and ran, a bit further this time. 

I checked out two thrift stores in the city and then another two in the previous suburb I was living. I found what I was looking for - a small shelf to store some of my clothes in. I'm also giving away another bag of clothes to the delivery guys which will be exchanged for the shipping fee :) It costed $20. I also bought 3 books related to Spanish learning - a dictionary, The Jungle book in Spanish and a high school workbook for Spanish. Each of these books were 50 cents!

I messaged film for change and asked them to invite me to their closed community website which facilitates their projects and such and received the invitation. It's cool now, I'm more open to small talk in general. Girls are still a challenge but I'm sure I'll prevail there in time. 

I edited more photos from last night's Matariki.

Grateful for: secondhand shops, running, photo editing software, food and warm clothes.

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 94,

I woke up at 5AM, I really like having work to wake up to, it puts a healthy amount of stress that forces me to time manage. So I was like I have 50 minutes to leave - 20 minutes to run, 10 minutes to eat oatmeal, 4 minutes for shower, etc. Felt like an exciting race. 

I'm only planning to do 2 days each week so I understand that I haven't felt the pressure yet. I want to start working on offering my services for photography as I think I have developed an adequate level. I will start off for free to simply do it to get better and to meet people. Once I think I'm good enough I'll consider charging.

I went out to the beginning celebration of Matariki, the Maori new year and took some photos. I only managed to develop one tonight but look to finish up more tomorrow.

Grateful for: free community events, dancing kids, 5AM wake up, water and my phone.

Espanol del diá: exercise - ejercicio

es un ejercicio divertido practicando la fotografía

It's a fun exercise practicing photography

[Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)]

Day 93, 

I ran at 5AM today woah that was a game changer. There's something special about committing sleeping early to start the next day with a spring in your step. I ran part people and said good morning extra enthusiastically haha but my energy was positive so I don't think I was freaking anyone out lol. It's cool though I respect myself for saying good morning to strangers because it's such.... Suuuuuuch a normal thing to just avoid interacting with each other which can determine the momentum of energy running through your day. Others though rightfully avoid distractions like other runners, this one person looked like she was setting person best records as she glanced at her watch.

I went to do painting prep work today, it went pretty well. I'm doing like work experience, day 2 tomorrow. 

The train at 6AM was completely empty which helped me meditate in peace. God meditation is so key, its like breathing, in it's nourishment to the spirit.

I came back home and found myself procrastinating endlessly. I had a mundo lingo or photography practice to do but I did neither. My rooms still a mess in comparison to how clean and organized I had my previous place. I'm going to look for some plastic drawers or something to house my clothes as they are just in a pile with no place to go. I'm being perfectionist again. My last goal on my vision board is to let go of perfectionism but ATM I'm trying to focus on work and socializing. Perfectionism is probably the most important goal as it influences through all my thoughts and actions and runs me awry.

I do have a strategy to tackle perfectionism but I feel a little overwhelmed atm with moving, working, socializing, social anxiety course and reading Dale Carnegie. I also lost my phone yesterday but lucky have a backup phone.

Espanol del diá: comprar

Quiero comprar un teléfono

I want to buy a phone

I'm gonna end the post with this Gary V video. This guy is a legend, there will definitely thousands at this guy's funeral ✌