Hitaru

Current challengers: @Ashley K. @sjoti @Terra

This idea was born in the Discord Chat (check it out sometime!). How The Daily Sketch Challenge works: Once you join the challenge, your name will appear in the first page. For each day you draw a sketch and post it, add one day. I'll keep the contestants list updated but since I'm not omnipresent and may not be able to update regularly, you'll have to keep track of your own streak in your posts as well. For example like this: Sketch number (current streak), Sketch number (total since you joined), comments, pic of sketch, signature, smiley. Don't cheeeat If you skip a day, you'll have to start your streak again. If you can't post, and didn't warn beforehand (E.g. "I'll be travelling tomorrow"), you'll have to restart your streak too. If you can't post but still have some time to draw while afk, I'll leave it to your conscience to post delayed sketches or keep going with the current day. If you are ill, I suggest to least leave a quick note (E.g. I'm sick, I won't be drawing today). If you think you have good reason for skipping, being it health, personal problems or whatever, then don't worry, take your time. This challenge isn't a dictatorship and should never become a burden. Adapt your challenge to your own situation. You only have time to draw one foot per day? That's perfectly ok. The idea is to create habit, so regardless of your style, skill and time, just keep spamming those babies! If you're working on a big or complex drawing, it's also fine to keep posting it as long as progress is made between pictures. If you want to show finished artwork, I suggest you make your own personal thread in this same subforum. You can compare several sketches in a post for feedback and progress tracking, but I suggest you stick to one sketch per post and day. There's no time limit to join the challenge. Got any ideas or suggestions to improve the challenge? Please let us know! Let's draw!

Recent good news: - Finished bureaucratic proceedings for upcoming travel. It was a headache but it's finally over. I even fix some things for two more people. Bossin' round the place. - Probably going to a THIRD ONE; that would mean three travels outside my country in less than three months, 75% of all my abroad travels. Madness. - I was accepted in English Cambridge C1 class. Certificate is at arms reach. Success! - A translation pal showed up! I'm really excited about this. - I was introduced to a group of people by a friend yesterday and my interpersonal performance was excellent. At least that was the impression I got, and I'm ruthless with myself so it had to be at least a decent try. Also been going out and stuff. - A smut writer and content creator I follow, nicknamed S****, reported that he's doing better (was ill or something like that), and despite never having talked to the guy, I feel glad. My English has visibly improved since I read his stuff so in way I'm thankful to him. It's not related at all to the fact that I would kick his sorry ass back to the world of the living if he dared to go and kick the bucket before finishing his latest project. Really, at all. Recent bad news: - No progress with NoFap, but I'm not giving up. - Delayed very urgent things that must be addresed to take my life to the next level. - Fucked up sleep schedules but not very severely. - Been mindless browsing recently. Tch, tch, bad Hitaru. Also, a special event triggered which I'm not sure how to catalog. Gigapost most probably coming very soon, so this was basically a shameless teaser

It's the second day in my NoFap challenge and I'm reliving the sensations of the first days of the videogame detox, now familiar: Waking up late, permanent tiredness, pain in the lower back of the head (I learned headaches in that zone mean stress) and no, not lewd thoughts. Just a feeling of emptiness in the middle zone of my body. Hm, perhaps I'm just hungry. Where are my lewd thoughts, dammit! I just feel a pull when I see a girl, and a tug when I see a boy. And a churning sensation in my lower body, all the damn time! I now begin to understand how baser instincts affect the more humble minds of my male peers, and not only is a really uncomfortable sensation, I also can't write properly like this! I'm purposely acting like some kind of sitcom autist, bear with me, but I actually mean it. I thought being horny (what an unsightly word!) was about sporting an erection all the time. Couldn't be farther from being the case. I just feel feverish, waist cramps, migraines and some kind of mist in the eyes. Like some sort of "warm cold", if that's a thing or even a pun. Of course my desire of social interaction and intimacy has skyrocketed, that was one of the results sought. I fear I might make a mistake and rush some kind of contact with anyone to sate secondary needs instead of making a mental or emotional connection first. But it's not like I was particularly busy making mental or emotional connections with anybody before. I was just holed up at home, masturbating. And each time I did I stopped caring for contact with anyone else. Which wouldn't be that bad if it didn't disrupt every other aspect in my life, and damn if it does. And if I, let's say, get into a relationship with a jerk or jerkess because my lust-addled mind makes me rush things up to eleven, I'll just be behaving like, you know, all and every single other human being ever, hah! I feel my skin burning. This is awful. And seriously, it seems like a joke but I'm feeling really dizzy. Yeah, ditzy too, but mostly the first one. I'm just being honest ok. Also the first days are the worst ones. I hope. God help me if it gets worse. Some part of me wishes for this going worse. No, stop that! Is it just me or did this already happened? Did I already write about this at some point? I feel too tired to check. Anyway, this time is the serious one. EDIT: AAAAAND I FUCKED UP. FIGURES! Also I might have a real cold lol. No matter, I'm trying again until it works. Who would have thought I'd ever be so determined a year ago...!

From now on, every person interested in Game Quitters in Spanish should be redirected to this thread instead: ...and therefore this thread be closed.

Going to the cinema triggers my death anxiety. I should go more. There's also a very cool... don't know the word. Films incoming. But not new films. Films sorted by theme. Good prices. I'll be crashing in the cinema a lot for the next months, yay! I'll be using my mother's laptop to check on GQ youtube channel and see what's going on there. Catch up with Cam's videos. I'm being going outside almost constantly and I expect to be doing it even more, so I'm not worried about mindless browsing. Much. 55 days and 18 hours, guys! Almost two thirds of the detox!

I write on the phone using the index and middle finger of the right hand instead the thumbs of both hands. People react as if I was performing some kind of miracle but I find extremely complicated to do it the other way around. Smiling people makes me cringe. I can't help but imagine they're up to something. The thought of being so socially awkward makes me cringe. At some point in my adolescence I learned to sail a catamaran with a friend and my instructors would always berate me for my daring. We couldn't pass the final exam because one of the tasks was to capsize and then refloat the ship using our bodies as counterweight and we weren't heavy enough to do sh*t. The next year my friend tagged along the burliest student he could find and got his license. I settled for submarine simulators but have been interested in sea life ever since. Throughout my life I've developed crushes on at least 15 girls (and a boy), asked out 8 and got rejected by all of them (only asked girls; sorry, no cute boy love confession story boo). At least 8 girls, some of them part of the previous figure, made not very subtle advances on me and were rejected by sheer shyness or ignorance of the social rules regarding flirting. I've reached at least first base with 3 girls and one more disregarded consent (but in a cute way so I forgive her) I've used 5 languages to convey my feelings, but to be honest I didn't have the slightest idea of two of those. One boy kindly and literally asked to add my name "in his lovers list". I politely declined, not so much because his arrogance but because I was engaged in a pretty abusive relationship. Despite being bullied in my childhood, I was also a reputed speaker and stand-up comedian, and my teachers assumed out loud that I would become a politician.

Friends came and went but my currently favorite cafeteria remained. That's great news. It means it's becoming part of my identity, being able to keep going forward and resist negative feedback from external sources. I still need a lot of support from physical friends; if I wasn't able to convince at least one person to go outside and study or do whatever I wouldn't be able to get out of my house in the mornings, and then most probably I wouldn't go out in the evenings as well. I'm still at a hair's breadth of cloistering again, so let's not claim victory yet. I'm back again with the translations and I must say, I'm absolutely excited. Exhilarated, even. Getting-up-and-dance euphoric. It fills me with purpose (and fantasies of some kind of steady job if that acting thing doesn't go that well). Actually let me share something with you. If someday I was able to, don't know, talk on behalf Game Quitters and/or gaming addiction, share my story, spread the gospel, help people and meet really awesome folks (even if young, smart, empowered entrepeneurs fill me with a deep insecurity and some misterious but really strong mistrust in case of them being heterosexual females), the kind of people that makes things happen, people who would open my world to great adventures... man, I would be happy. My very own personal definition of happiness. I could travel, I could speak on top of a stage, I could take life in a more optimistic approach. Be a generally cool guy. Achieve things. Is that a dream? Probably is. Much more short term matters need my attention. I have to get in shape and I have to do some medical checks. I know I have but I don't dare to (both things). I'll be travelling next month, it's official, and I need to be ready for anything life will throw at me. Asap. I've been leaving home more lately, I just need to take yet another step. Well, to be honest, today I didn't. But I still can, it's not even 14:00 here. I had to make some arrangements related to the travel and the deadline was tomorrow. I did it today first thing in the morning instead of waiting until the last moment. Small changes.

I want a boring post

The "breakfast partner" idea was a success, I partnered with a friend who's trying to study to get a place in civil service. Between you and me, his chances are... rather dim. But the guy's motivated, and I'm nobody to mess with him. Trying and failing is ten thousand times better than giving up. Even if drama will ensue afterwards. He's doing everything to woo a girl. Tsk. Girls. @JSmith Hmm someone hasn't read the FAQ, bad, bad...! Yesterday was lazy, but I managed to do an incredibly tedious one-shot task that I now present to you: I set up the basic workings of the Spanish Translation Team! Current members... erm. Just me. But better safe than sorry right? By all means, check it out! And if you know spanish or someone who knows spanish and is interested in helping, please refer them to the translation sub-forum. Gotta hit the road now. Have a good day people!

Also otome is a guilty pleasure of mine. Increasingly less guilty.

That sounds dangerous... but hey, you know what to do, that's the very first step. You know how this goes, it's the NEET circle. You've seen this many times already. Eventually, you'll succeed, but the beginnings are bloody awful. It shall pass, pal.

@sjoti, @JSmith, thank you for your kind words and your support. Must be a captains thing If I ever reach a consensus within myself of which specific things they are, you'll be first to know. I usually tend to compare extremes. president of Europe or beach peddler in some exotic place? Worldwide influential speaker or laid-back low-key writer? Spain's next star in performing arts or contented family man? You get the idea. @hycniejsy, @Reno F, @JSmith thanks for the wishes! And @Cam Adair thanks for the main page mention, it was lovely and scandalously indiscreet Erm... Niezła próba. [If you don't find it arrogant, here's the (most technically correct) correction: ¡Feliz cumpleaños, José! - ¿Cómo estás? - Saludos, Farmacéutico Loco ()] (I think in your language you did the same as confusing "Pozdrowienia" with "Powitanie". Or maybe they do are the same thing and there was the confusion? ) So glad to hear from you btw! My Skype went to shit, I've been missing you a lot. I'd love to hear about your progress in length someday, you journal is cool (dat font size) but kinda leaves with the intrigue! Mam nadzieję że masz się dobrze. Is that correct? Un abrazo amigo. ----------------------------------------- Sleep back on track. Time to do shit. Of course, I'm terrified. Also I think I'm gonna look for a "breakfast partner", to have an excuse to leave home early in the morning. Things go much smoother that way. Or more correctly, they simply go.

First update: I've realized I've been cheating on my sleeping schedules thanks to my mother's laptop. I have no option but to block it too, while still allowing access to her. She won't like me tinkering with her things in any way, so I'll perfom a "fait accompli policy". I think I'll limit to block it during late night hours, and perhaps convince her to block it on the mornings too. I feel like a fucking moron. I simply can't be around any computer. What I'm gonna do, block whole buildings? Force everyone to adjust their lives to my own weaknesses? Fuck that, man. - Can't you just avoid it and go outside? + No. If there's a single thing at home that will allow me to procrastinate, I'll cling to it, no matter what. I have to bring myself to a state of desperate boredom. I'm absolutely determined on this; I'll burn my house to the fucking ground if it comes to that.

Very quick note: Time has stopped since my report. Good thing: I avoided a relapse. Bad thing: I did almost nothing else. Recovery is there, I'm at the very doorstep, I can feel it. I just have to jump headfirst. Not my forte. My social life is unsteady but healthy, and that's something to celebrate. I've been avoiding life in almost every aspect by sleeping a lot and staring at the ceiling, but I keep trying. I don't exactly want summer to end (who would think I'd say that ever) but the ball must start rolling. For the next two weeks I have nothing urgent to do, so I'll try to take one day at a time at the most basic level and begin to build momentum: - Goal 1: Wake up/Go to bed - Goal 2: 3 meals a day - Goal 3: One shower a day - Goal 4: One hour outside a day - Goal 5: Implement first daily activity That will be all for now. I may take the whole two weeks to achieve that. Ideally I should do it in one. Probably I won't even in two. Let's try and see.

YES. If you concede a first time you're laying the foundations to final defeat. A first snooze leads to the second, which leads to procrastination, then porn... I'm also struggling with that every morning. I'm glad you found a way to root out the problem and make an everyday stand for a great day ahead. Keep it up, and good luck in your journey!

I "came out of the closet" of my gaming addiction in a long letter to friends and family in my facebook. I talked about my journey so far, about this community and openly asked for support for this cause. I'm fully commited not to this specific project but the whole Game Quitters initiative. @Cam Adair, you saved my life, chief. I mean it. Don't give up. We got your back.

Be who you want to be but you don't dare to. Then keep that up and become that person 24/7 or bail out and return to your peaceful existence of self-imposed mediocrity. She doesn't have to know mwahaha

LOVE canadian/Internet Emotion Habits ... Good german as I am I use the word "love" only in relation to my wife and my familiy. And only to Special occasions... Special occasions such as being in Mallorca, heh. I know for a fact you germans get all lovey dovey and clingy there. We southern spaniards love everyone. Noisily. Obnoxiously. And put our supermarket carts in the middle of the alleys. The only canadian I met in person absolutely hated that, even more than people shouting from one sidewalk to the other. EDIT: Not me. I'm a robot. Hugging is awkward.

@gresa Maybe I went a bit overboard but hey better safe than sorry.

Update: I hijacked @sjoti's planning idea. I went and purchased a whiteboard and post-its. It was something I had already in mind back when I was planning the future with my game developer friend, I'm really glad and proud I actually did it by myself. The economic investment was less than expected, that's also a point. Thank you @sjoti, you rock! Things are about to change around here. This new schedule shall be the final weapon to turn me into the ultimate ubermensch. Or at least helping me getting shit done, that would be neat too! Today was a day to lay back and self-indulge in my most recent achievement. Shared a lunch with a friend, went to buy the stuff, doted on my cat, soon a shower and go out again. Simpler things of life. There are some unfinished poems that need my attention and that's the only thing ruining my mood right now. Of course I'm "a bit unfeeling" even if "great writer", teacher! It's kinda hard to write about something you don't really know about. That's the challenge though! Oh. And the drawings, too. ------------------------------------- Time to get serious. This is the second part of my report "Why do you play videogames, Hitaru?" To escape. That would be a good summary. Let's analyze the kind of games I play. Grand strategy and simulation; from leading empires to being a sad communist state employee. Management games where I have the last word in everything without having to deal with opposing views, inefficient "minions" (necessary subordinates or teammates) or rivals. God complex perhaps? Games where I had a mission, a purpose, a precise way to fulfill it and be rewarded and praised for it (by the game itself and my own standards), the chance to create something, something big and important, even if it was getting the spaceship to survive for another ftl jump. Weirdly, the social aspect of gaming was completely ignored in my case. It was a completely introspective activity. Perhaps I don't need human contact that much? In games I was free, I was important, I was dependable, "people" needed and put their hopes in me. Maybe I craved that kind of power and responsibility. And if things went badly, I could always restart. I was endless. "Why do you want to quit, then?" Why, because I'm fooling myself of course! I'm not eternal, woe is me. I still can be important if I desire it so much. It's not exactly the same than in a simulation, but what else can I do? I'd like to drop this "Nothing can be done" mindset, or at least stop looking at it under a negative light. After all, nothing can be done to stop nature, but why should that be a bad thing? Why should I be spared from the tides of time, what makes me so important? Nothing, that's it. Even if I can't be an equal among gods, I could still try to be a king among men. It's not like I have much else to do. It's ironic, I advocate for everyone to do whatever they like with their life but still I'm a freak control in the sense I can't cope with the thought of life going on without me. There's a raging conflict going on inside me, and if you're familiar with this journal, you already know: - Should I actively look for achievement and glory, even if in my heart I know it's pointless? - Should I abandon common standards to lead a humble life and risk dealing with the thought of "What would have happened" much later on? - Should I try to balance both stances, and if so, how? That's my journey. I don't like it. I didn't ask for it. I'm not excited about it. But it's mine. It chose me. I'll take the challenge, out of pure and unadulterated human arrogance. I'll take it and best it. Games are in the way, so, regretfully, they have to go. I sincerely hope to stop being a reluctant hero stereotype along the long way. I hope to learn to love life for what it is and not for what I expect. To enjoy the company and the simpler pleasures. To greet death with a sated smile. For that, games are also in the way. So they have to go! ------------------------------------- That ends the first part of my Respawn. How am I feeling? Why, I'm always feeling kinda awful, you already know, but that's unimportant. If I really have to write them down; anxious, depressed, terrified, an uncertain dread, an imminent catastrophe. Meh, the usual. As I said, nothing important! Also curious. I want to see this through the end despite everything. Human nature too I guess. The third part, a schedule! I already took care of that, as I said at the beginning, and I'm ready to take action starting tomorrow. Remember when I said I'd spend my summer half-assedly? I was right, but I don't feel bad about it. It was a time of great reflection and direction, and I expect great things of the next month. Weather is clear and the mood is bright, time to go forward.

Day 29. Starting today I'm sailing uncharted waters, each hour from now on will be a new personal record. That's the good, hell, great, part. The not so good part is I've struck a stonewall. Given that I'm about to reach the first month, which is also the third part of the detox (that sounds big), I want, I decide to address this problem right away, set a frontier and start the second month with an improved mindset and new objectives. This is Captain Taru's monthly report! Overview: Up to now, I've been surviving. I've been resisting the urge to play, the urge to collapse, the urge to spend the whole night awake and the whole day in bed. This by itself is a huge improvement over my previous situation. I can only remember how I was about a year ago and beyond, and I'd need a special kind of self-loathe, or a special kind of stupid to be unable to tell the difference. So this month has been a victory. Kawaii communism courtesy of this guy I don't know: http://blackboltlonewolf.deviantart.com/art/Soviet-chan-s-Medal-of-Great-Performance-453803174 However, I feel I've reached the ceiling. Up to now I've been depending merely on my scarce willpower. I "only" spend the mornings in bed. I still fap. I still eat poorly, but at least I don't skip meals so much. Here's a breakdown of my goals and my progress on them: ------------------------------------------------------------------- Routine: Average wake up hour (busy day): 9:00 Average wake up hour (unscheduled day): 14:00 Average bed hour: 2:00 Average socialization: 3 times/week Average TV: 4 hours Average WhatsApp: 3 hours Average Procrastination: 6-8 hours Daily exercise: none Daily meditation: none Daily practice (acting): none Daily practice (drawing): none Daily practice (writing): none Daily practice (music): none Goals: - Driving license: pending - Languages: pending - Drawing class assistance: 100% - Acting group assistance: 3% Stats: - Health: 70% / Previous estimate 40% - Appearance: 65% / Previous estimate 30% - Charisma: 50% / Previous estimate 25% - Confidence: 75% / Previous estimate 20% ------------------------------------------------------------------- Being able to sleep the whole night (or at least consistently try), being sorta confident, happy and gregarious is a very good foundation. I'm proud of that. But it's not enough. Many goals being overdue. Good news is September is about to start, classes will begin, general business will ensue. But I should really not depend on circumstantial occupation. I'll bury my nose in Challenge looking for answers. There are some things I have to sort out. For example, that acting group I don't actually want to get involved with. But I also discovered I made some beginner mistakes I can't ignore. I don't really know why I want to quit. I know I want to quit. There are things I'd love to try, and games are in the way. But the feeling of a new chapter in my life is not really there. It feels more like an state of emergency being prolongued sine die. I'm going to sort this issue right now and update in some hours. ------------------------------------------

icantbelievesomeoneinventedit.jpg I use premium version of Cold Turkey, it comes with a schedule option.

Normally I'd say "Aw, you don't mean that!" but you know, screw modesty, I'd love to write for you anytime. I had already planned to start studying English seriously for my B degree, or ideally a C*, so I could do some stuff and have you around in case I mess up. Great practice. Actually, I also need help with the speaking, is by far my Achilles' heel. Understanding americans to speak like british (and then celebrating like aussies), that's true English skill! Do we have a thread of language exchanges? Like, chat meetups where we can talk but not necessarily see each other (people concerned with their privacy and the like). *I'm talking about the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages (CEFR), and the certificates issued by Cambridge. Yes I was thinking about irritable colon at worst. If it's something like that I guess I'll need to keep my nutrition in tight check. That would be both a good and bad thing.

That looks awesome. You took two of the most useful items ever created and combined them in one glorious time managing machine. Awesome!