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AssellusPrimus

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Everything posted by AssellusPrimus

  1. Day 1 Hey Everyone, starting again at day one! I relapsed and it was hard to admit to myself, because I ended buying a new laptop and to justify the spending I had to come up with some kind of excuse. Which was that i wasn't relapsing and could use the laptop to for other reasons. I am realizing how hard I am making it on myself by not commuting to a decision and all the traveling I did in the last little while really threw off my routine. I recently started a new job which is very demanding, and purchased a car, so I no longer have any excuses to get where I need to get to participate in activities that interest me, and my work schedule gives me an opportunity to spend my time accomplish the goals I have set out for myself. I also realize that this time, a commitment of not gaming to call all types of gaming is super important, as it is easy to justify and make excuse, games like the apps on the phone and brower games seem to be gateway games. The journey continues.
  2. Day 17 So I played video games the last two days, so I am not counting them, but I also want to keep my progress because this 90 day journey is a process for me, and I think its more motivating to continue on the path and see measurable progress, what I can do is when I finish I will keep going for another 17 days such as 107 Day Detox! 2 More Days till the steam account is deleted... never thought this day would come, and I have had a lot of people try to talk me out of it, but it seems like a thing to celebrate. Finally I will be going back to work! I am very excited about that and looking forward to all the beautiful changes in my life!
  3. @ElectroNugget Thanks man! It will be permanently deleted on the 31st of May at 12:00am , its funny now that I know its gonna be deleted I found myself playing a game or two, as a good bye, and that turned into a much longer hour than I thought, but I am really happy it did as it reminded me that I am doing the right thing here! I know that once the account is deleted, the addiction will evaporate as I have over 5,000hrs in a singular game.. pretty much the problem. To see it all disappear is more time than I ever want to put into something again. I will celebrate with champagne that night!
  4. Congrats on Day 50 man really inspiring!
  5. @taichi I have been diagnosed with ADD and I found a really successful method for keeping myself in a good flow and sustaining my focus. Here's post I shared with the reddit community a few days earlier! Remember you maybe diagnosed with ASD, ADD, and NPD but you are all this and more!
  6. Greetings Everyone! After about 3 months failing to last even 2 weeks, and countless years of trying to quit, I have finally began to make some progress and noticed that I have made some significant changes to my life which has enabled me to move towards my goal of the 90 day detox. I wanted to know if anyone has any tips or advice for a successful detox, what changed in your habits/behaviors? What is different in your mindset? What changes did you make in your life? I'll go first... 1. Accessibility - I made playing games very difficult and a lot of work. I sold my gaming consoles (PS4, Gaming Laptop) and bough a older 2 in 1 CPU for my school which couldn't run higher quality games. On top of this I deleted my steam account (which takes 30 days) and during the 30 days sent it to a friend so I couldn't cancel the process. If I relapsed on another console, I would self-sabotage myself in the game, for example if I was playing a ranked game, I would abandon the game so that I could play. Making gaming as hard as possible, but them in a different location, if your not ready to sell them, give them to a friend, if you are lapsing they are to easy to access and you have to make it harder! 2. Identify why your playing.. I was playing for rank and the feelings that I felt when I won, or achieved a victory in the game. I was playing for the dopamine rush, when you identify what your playing you can disillusion yourself. A process I use (Thanks Tony Robbins) is: The Process for Pain Pleasure Associations Write down an action you have been putting off. Answer why haven't you taken action? In the past what pain have I liked to taking action? What pleasures have I had by indulging in this negative pattern? What will it cost you if you don't change now. What pleasure will I receive by taking action right now? Being able to answer these questions honestly really helped me! 3. Develop a routine and plan your day - Having a routine in the morning and stability provided me with much needed structure, and time to plan the things I would be doing with my day so I never felt I have "free" time. My routine changed from waking up after 10am, to waking up 5am, exercising and studying Spanish. Don't have any idea, what a morning routine should look like? Google it! And build a routine around your goals, for me exercise is so important for me to function at my best! 4. Created a Todolist - to record all my ideas and inspiring thoughts, I am super ADD and this changed my life and was a great counter to mm what should I do, well maybe I can game... Wait remember I am trying to learn spanish, or remember I am looking for a job, or wait remember I am reading this book, and ticking the box becomes just as rewarding as gaming except I see great changes in my life! 5. Find a mentor - Starting reading all of Tony Robbins material and studying practical psychology for understandings of my mind and how to change behaviors. I realized that I needed teachers, I don't know whats its like to live a life without gaming so I need to learn, and watch people who do it! 6. Waking up Earlier (@ 5am) Meant I was tired at 9pm and wasn't tempted to spend my free time from 9pm - 1am which I normally spend doing nothing productive. What changed for you?
  7. Hey Man, Really enjoyed reading through your posts! Major congrats on your current progress! The self-control you demonstrated to put those behaviors on hold are commendable, you should be so proud! Have you found a morning routine that works? I have been waking up at 5am, using a variation of Robin Sharmas 20/20/20 Rule. 20 Exercicse, 20mins planing and 20 learning helps me start the day in a great space, and by 9-10 im more than ready for bed, which keeps my day productive. I have also been using a ToDolist called ToDoist which has increase my productivity in heaps! I totally recommend and you can try the basic for free! Does your gf live abroad as well? I noticed you travelled to Munich to see her, I know for my my gf has been a major inspiration to change this area of my life, knowing that I am not fulling my potential or being present in the relationship was really important to me! Congrats again! Thanks for sharing and inspiring me! Keep your awesome are coming!
  8. Day 16 Well this seems to be the longest I have ever gone without gaming by choice (not on vacation), though I have been doing a lot of traveling. I have recently been thinking about buying a gaming laptop, but I am finding myself asking my question of why? I can't even think of a game that I want to play, nor the time to play it as I have been keeping myself completely busy. I also have 3 more days until my steam account is permanently deleted, perhaps my subconscious is looking for a way to suck myself back into gaming and not completing the process. I am super proud of myself to have made it this far, and I can see the horizon, I must say I wasn't always in this place and their are a number of things that I did which helped get me to a place in which I could successfully get here. This included changing a number of beliefs and life style habits, which have helped me to reflect and bring more meaning into my life, the support from my loved ones have been paramount as well, but most importantly I have developed an ability to see a vision of a life without gaming. Anything is possible!
  9. Day 14 Have been feeling tempted to buy another laptop, I recently succeed in finding a job for a company I am very interested in working for and I imagine now having a stable income and potentially more time, I can spend my hours more freely. I think this perhaps is a false belief/ limitting belief that many people have that keeps them stuck in a hole once they begin to make progress. The idea that progress, deserves reward, and that reward is a limiting of ones progress. When in truth progress itself is the reward. If this is the case why then do we look to go back to gaming even after our 90 days? I feel a strong desire to complete this 90 day detox process and throughout the process I will delete a number of gaming accounts which will free undoubtly change the way I feel about gaming in the future, as playing a game that I have put 4,000 hours into and starting from scratch, knowing that I will only be were I was before after a similar amount of time is in itself very discouraging.
  10. Day 10 Focusing a lot building healthy lifestyle habits, counting to wake up at 5am and focusing on exercising. Currently I have been spending my days applying for work and involved in the job search. Really hoping to hear back from someone soon, I have sent out applications to about 5 different positions today. Fingers Crossed!
  11. Day 9 I had an interesting weekend, this was the first time I had to decide whether I was going to carry my new routine into the weekend, this included exercise, practicing Spanish, and waking up at 5am. Ultimatly, I decided to give myself a break but learned some valuable things about the need or consistency when building a routine. Furthermore, I learned that when I over eat I cause suffering for myself as I feel to mentally groggy to think clearly and accomplish what I want to accomplish. On Friday I had gone out for sushi and felt absolutely drained after eating for 3 hours with a friend, all you can eat sushi of course. While I enjoy meals with my friends, I realized that not listening to my body and consuming in such large quanities that I feel tired and drowsy afterwards is not the realtionship I want to have with food. After telling myself that would be the only meal I would have that day I countine to eat dinner when a friend ordered a pizza. This caused me to feel heavy in the morning and not able to do my exercise setting my day up for failure. The poor eating countined over the weekend as a reslut of being lazy, as did the drowsy feeling and with it the desire to do mindless things such as watch Game of Thrones and Game. Which I did. I still havent removed the countdown to my steam deletion which will take place on the 31st of May, so I will countinue with my countdown to 90 days. Today I woke up at 8:30 as it was a hoilday but countined with my exercise and practice routine and so far so good. I reviewed my reasons for wanting to quit and am preparing myself to leave thursday to visit my partner in New York! I am really excited to see her!
  12. Wow, was really nice to log in and see all this encouragement from so many of you incredible humans, thank you! @30_yrs_of_gaming I can relate to not having anything tangible to show from your experiences, its like all the time in the end amounts to nothing. So strange, not even a skill which is built, I used to spend years on PS4 and looking back have maybe one friend to show for it haha. @Natalie I think your right about not giving, I am really good at failing, congratulations to you, I see your on day 15, right off the bat, I wish I had that level of discipline getting to day 7 is huge accomplishment to me haha, but then again its all in my mind. So I at Day 4 now, I stopped journaling for a while cause, I didn't want to keep writing about failure, it was kinda crappy. Two weeks ago, I changed my password and email on my steam account and gave it to my GF, so I couldn't access it while its going through the 30 day process to delete it. I ended up creating a new account and playing my faviourite game, but you have to put in 100 games to play ranked and after 30 games, I just didnt want to put the time into it, it felt like a waste having to get all my progress back, so I stopped playing just seemed like a waste of time, I also didnt want to spend any more money on it, cause I just threw out $100's of dollars as I delete my account. Yesterday, I wanted to try a new different, game and I ended up recovering my steam account, and I played a solo player game for 10 mins and it was boring so I stopped. I decided to leave the counter on my steam account, so 15 more days till its permentaly deleted. I don't realy feel tempted to play because I bulit a daily routine that has been helping me manage my time, here are my strageties. Wake up at 5am - When I wake up early, I have time to exercise and study spanish, this helps start my day right and get my endormphines going, I feel good about myself and can almost preform a handstand for 10seconds now. Exercise Every Morning Learn Every Morning Plan Day Every Morning - I have also been eating very clean and plant based, cooking takes up time in my day This morning routine has given me consitancy and allowed me to build different interests and make plans for the future, I think before I was scared to make plans because I would ealsiy flake on people or ignore them if I am addicted. I definite think making it extremely painful to access the game, helped a lot, for me. Changing passwords, and emails so I couldn't access it even I wanted to was very important. I guess I will keep trying to go for 7 days. Thanks for the support everyone!
  13. Was really tempted to stop writing in the journal because I am really not making any progress towards my goals, and I feel pretty shitty and exposed in a sense, but this was one of the main reasons why I started writing and why I promised to myself to continue writing until I finish the journal. While I deleted my steam account, I still find myself pulled to play other games such as strategy card games but without the same level of addiction. I know that this in a way is cheating as well, but I think its a step in the right direction. .
  14. 😫 Gonna need to make a new game plan.
  15. I am having some trouble staying motivated to stick to my goal of no gaming, and haven't been trying to realize my goals as virtuously as I have in the past. I will try re-reading some of my journal to see what happens.
  16. Day 1 The toll that relapsing has on ones self-confidence and esteem is perhaps greater than the actual addiction. Here's a cool video I watched today.
  17. Another relapse haha, I am really feeling like 90 days is a bit a too ambitious for, I think maybe 7 days is a more realistic goal. Relapsing so much is kinda frustrating and taking a toll on my self-esteem, I am not really sure how to deal with really overwhelming cravings which seem like the only way they will go away is to feed the craving.
  18. Day 5 Still managing to stay the course, having a routine and task list has been very benifical. On nights like this I do wish I did't have such a bad gaming problem and infact could enjoy a game to pass the time, harmless right.... I think not! Looks like I will be trying out some new hobbies, maybe getting back into guitar or trying something new like drawing. Funny I went out with some friends to a Bar/Dance Club, and realized it was not my scene. I didn't always feel this way, but I felt the enviorment wasnt for me, I didn't want to stay up till 2 am drinking, I would have rathe slept and got an early start to tomorrow, not a bad thing but reminder that my desires and needs are changing and perhaps my friend group needs to change to reflect that.
  19. Hey Octsober, I felt like that often, in my process, have you tried getting a counselor, I think you raised a great point understanding the trauma and reason for addiction is super important, but how can we even get to that understanding when the big dragon that is addiction is not dealt with, first we have to slay the dragon, and I think then we can seek answers to such questions like why, at least thats what my counsellor said and it has been working. Your doing great keep it up! Sweat today, so you wont bleed tomorrow!
  20. Hey Brother, Congrats on Smashing your Time! I used to do cross country, mad respect for you, those marathons are no joke! I feel you on the goals, perhaps its time to take a break and celebrate do something you enjoy and have a day or week for you! Celebrate your changed relationship with gaming and how lucky you are from getting out that trap! Take a night to celebrate on all your accomplishment and know that world is your playground! Sometimes when im feeling tired or drained, I ask myself what have I forgotten? What are you trying to tell me body? Usually its I forgot a meal, or need to exercise and I feel back to normal!
  21. Day 4 Still Winning! Cleaned my apartment, started applying for jobs, started planing a social media strategy, of to watch the raptors win the play offs with some friends at local pub. Had a beer today, while I was cleaning, and planed on seeing a few friends tomorrow, feels nice to be riding the momentum and starting to have control over my life.
  22. Day 3 Staying busy and productive, recently downloaded todoist I really cool to do list software to help manage and prioitize my life now that I have so much free time. I also got a call last night from a best friend and previous roommate who really had just disappeared from my life and who I assumed had just moved on after many failed attempts to establish our relationship again. He let me know that he had been going through a cocaine and drinking addiction and depression, he had felt so much shame and guilt, and it was the first time he opened up about it. I felt blessed for the first time to have gone through my addiction, so I could support him through his, I went over to his house which looked disaster zone and we spent the night till 3 am cleaning up. Felt really good. I noticed also yesterday, I was feeling bored and went to the liqueur store to pick up some beers and whiskey for the weekend, I don't normally drink though occasionally will have a beer, so i am aware addiction might try to manifest in another way, so I will be monitering closley, last night I had one beer, and I think I will only have a drink on the weekends, I was also really tempted to smoke last night, but I made it through fk ya! I'll be on my todolist now, if anyone has any experience with social media marketing maybe we can touch base as I got a volunteer position and havent the slighted positon how to start.
  23. Great Job Mohammad, keep up the great work! How lucky you are to be changing your relationship with gaming!
  24. Day 2 It's incredible how many times we must fail in order to succeed. While I attempted to delete my steam account, I failed to control myself for the 30 days required for the deletion and found myself cancelling it multiple times. After submitted my thesis 7 days late, and forgetting to show up for an exam, the repercussion of my actions are quit sobering. I again met with my counsellor/dr and he came to the conclusion, though I perhaps had known that we infact were dealing with addiction. He assured me, with his help I could over come it, but I would have to trust him and be ready to test my resolve, I realize that I am running out of options here out of 7 years, I don't want to this life to carry on into my 30's and who knows how long after, so I feel this is my last chance. I grit my teeth, clench my fists, and make it through, once... that one time is important, because I never want to experience the hardship of overcoming an addiction again (gaming addiciton). So 90 days here I come... Another interesting thing he mentioned, was the idea of suffering via cravings after we stop gaming, he reminded me of 7 year sober alcoholic who earns a medal for continuing his struggle 7 years later and winning, as I asked him does the cravings ever go away. He said when you end the relationship with an toxic ex, or behaviour such as smoking, do we still crave the toxic fumes which harmed us and took years off our life, do we wish we had more of the emotional abuse that kept us in the relationship? No, we should celebrate, and feel lucky, that we escaped, I recently quit smoking and I relize now that I am lucky, lucky I am not trapped in a cycle which I have no control over, I feel blessed to make it out when I did, and for everyone who has been successful, I think you should think and reflect on how lukcy you are to have succeeded, why would you want to go back to that? See you all at 90 days, I relize I had a lot a relapses and normally while I would be discouraged to write, I really want to document my process to get rid of the stigma that you have to do it right the first time a failure, I have been on and off of this 3 times because of it, and I am persistent to stick it through until I succeed! Day 3 here I come. Oh I also got myself banned from steam by changing passwords multiple times, and changing the parent email, I set it as a random password, so in order to access the account I have to contact support and go through a very difficult process to validate my identity. Orginally, I was going to set a random password, and change the email address to a friend who doesnt game, but during the process, I just locked myself out which worked as well.
  25. Day 6 @TimetoWalkAway It has definitely been a big motivator to take of myself and given me a lot of purpose to continue trying when I don't feel the motivation to do it for myself. I agree learning to love the self will come with a lot of practice and its a journey that I believe is worth taking. Today my partner, flew back home, while at first I was sad and a bit nervous to be back on my own and perhaps fall into the same thought patterns I am really grateful for the love and I will hold it, to find the motivation to quit gaming and build healthy habits which are built on loving myself.
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