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dahankus

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Everything posted by dahankus

  1. Day 78. Habits completed counter: 56 Oh how I miss the isolation and calm of watching the map of the world, and seeing my decisions influence the future of a simulation. So simple, so irrelevant... Oh how I miss the lack of responsibility that allowed me to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and not wanting anything at all... having nothing to do, no one to meet, no problem to solve, except my own irrelevance in existence. No meaning or place to be, just right there, hanging... looking straight into the void, allowing the void to stare back. It seems so unreal now. How could I allow that, to go on for as long as it did... Never again. I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  2. Day 77. Habits completed counter: 55 So pumped up!! this week is going to be amazing. So much cool stuff to learn and hard things to do!! I have been thinking about maybe playing some day in the future, and as long as I still want it then, then maybe I will. Until then, no games. Keeping busy is key. I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  3. What do you mean?? Isn't there anything about your life that you can, and would fix? A small thing? There has to be, otherwise you would be living in heaven, which is impossible. Then if there is such a thing, is fixing it meaningless when it makes your reality that little bit better? And if you actually fix that small thing, wouldn't it be even better to find another small thing to fix?? Is fixing ten of this small things meaningless, when it makes your reality that much better? What things can you fix? Start with this: Do one of the things in your room that requires your attention, and that you have been postponing indefinitely. When you run out of things to do in your own room, do the hallway, then the kitchen, ... then maybe switch to your family, are you holding a grudge? can you fix that?? And it doesn't matter if you play a game or not. Excessive gaming is a symptom, not a problem. Meaning in life is in right action. We all know who we wish we would be or how we wish we would behave. Going from now to that ideal IS MEANINGFUL! That striving for something better is what gives live its meaning, the fight against entropy and the void. But why? you may ask... because you are the only one that can. Only a human can fight entropy, to make reality just a little bit less horrible. And that, my friend, is why picking that trash off the street as you walk by, is meaningful. It changes reality into something better. Can't you imagine a world where you would proactively make the world better? How would that world feel like to you? How wold you feel as you wake up in the morning? How can that be meaningless?
  4. Day 76. Habits completed counter: 54 I am feeling that the momentum, of positive action, is starting to push me forward on its own, and not so much willpower is needed as before. And the feeling of accomplishment is even greater. It feels great to embody, at least partially, your own ideal. That was interesting. Right now, after writing that I realized how sneaky this addicted personality is, lol. This diary is very useful to catch rouge thoughts before they poison the rest of the mind 🙂 I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  5. Day 75. Habits completed counter: 52 Leaving a very productive week behind. Can't wait for the next one, it feels so great to move forward. And for anyone out there, spending 30 min a day, studying something is unbelievable!!! It changes the mind in incredible ways, always improving ideas and behavior. Constant improvement, that is key. I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  6. Day 74. Habits completed counter: 51 I am trying hard to keep up with everything, and the effects are starting to accumulate. I feel the strength of cravings to play something get stronger the more responsibility I take on my shoulders. Everything is going in a beautiful direction, right where I am aiming at. I feel I am right in the middle of the road, the right place, not too comfortable and not to chaotic. Now the challenge is not to stray from it. I will do my best. I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  7. Day 73. Habits completed counter: 49 I had a deep realization that even if I wanted, like really wanted to play one of my favorite games, I would not be able... they are gone....I have no games at all! Its amazing how strong that fact is. I have been contemplating Cyberpunk and the possibility of playing it in a few years, and with that, cravings for other games crept in, but They don't exist anymore. They are gone. This makes me feel somehow sad for some reason, even if that was my decision and it was a good one. I have to put attention to this feelings and thoughts, acknowledge them, and move on. Other things are going great, everything is moving forward, slowly, but constantly. I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  8. Day 72. Habits completed counter: 47 Another down wave came upon me. Will surely clear soon. I was working on a problem yesterday at work and couldn't find a solution, will try again today. Keeping with the learning habit every day at least 30 min, its great, I can feel my possibilities growing, now I need experience applying it. For a couple of months I had been contemplating the idea of the "shadow" in depth psychology, I wanted to remember moment where this shadow took over, so that I may identify it, then recognize it when it appears, and maybe integrate it as a part of me. I have no idea where to start with that, but I found some memories of early childhood where I did some very stupid things that clearly point toward this shadow. So Its some progress in that area, 🙂 I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  9. Welcome! Define your future life without gaming, and make it happen. You seem to have a good grasp on all life related things, so this will be a peace of cake! Just keep at it, every day, keep reminding yourself what you are doing and why! Good luck!
  10. Day 71. Habits completed counter: 46 Yesterday I saw a trailer for cyberpunk, one of my top expected games before the detox. And honestly I don't feel the excitement I would normally. I guess the non gamer persona is taking over, which is great. Maybe one day I will give it a try, maybe not. I don't really care that much. No cravings for games at all. The more stuff I have to do and to worry about, the less time I have to wonder about stupid things. So lets get to work! I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  11. Day 70. Habits completed counter: 44 A new week filled with stuff to do! Can't wait to get started. This month is going to be insane for me, and it will end gloriously on my 90 days! Oh man, so much win!! XD Yesterday relaxed with some ambient game music, and I had a trip back in time to all the moments I spent on the trail in Skyrim, or exploring the wilderness in the withcher, or hanging out in a tavern on one of those old isometric rpg.. all those memories came with a wave of emotions and nostalgia. I felt very old, like if those memories were from past lives, so many of them. All those lives made me who I am today, they are precious to me, and I will always remember them fondly. I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.
  12. Day 69. Habits completed counter: 43 Oh, man, life without games is amazing. So productive and meaningful to my future life. I have plans and I ma actually realizing them, without anxiety or too much procrastination. Its exciting and engaging. Much more than games were, but still some times I feel the itch... I am not a gamer.
  13. Hello. Is there anything positive you can focus on about your relationship? By what you described it was an abusive one sided relationship, and sadly a very common scenario from what I have seen in my life. And let me tell you now, it is not the games that cause that kind of behavior. He probably has wounds and insecurities deep down, and he probably isn't aware and doesn't want to be aware of them, because that would mean he is weak in some way, and he will not allow himself to look that way to anyone especially himself. Maybe you leaving will be the wake up call he needs to change his life, maybe not. We might never know. From my perspective, you did the right thing, focus on your life, move on and be happy.
  14. Day 68. Habits completed counter: 42 Today I started hard, all the good habits in the morning, then the weekly house cleaning. Feels grat to be the kind of person that I am working hard to be. Lately work has eclipsed many of my own smaller projects, but that is ok, the new stuff that I am learning will provide me with better opportunities for the future. I am thankful for that. As for games, I have noticed that games have started to come to mind more often now. And the cravings are present, not strong at all, but I feel them. The fact that I have no games to play helps tons!! No steam no gog, nothing to go back to. I am not a gamer.
  15. Day 67. Habits completed counter: 41 Another great day behind, with an even better one ahead. I am now listening to"12 Rules for life" from Jordan Peterson, and let me tell you, it's one mean book. Its a hard book. The author makes remarks that are totally against my mode of thinking and being, but in a way that I understand his reasons. I might not agree with him on all that he is saying, but I understand it, and I am very glad, because I am learning a lot in this way. Among other things there is one sentiment that is hovering over me the most "The wrong, chaotic path of bad habits and addiction is the easiest path we can take". I want to share a thought here that has been hunting me for some time and I haven't been able to put it into words in a way that is satisfactory to me. But here it is. I feel a desperation related to all this effort I am putting into every action, a disappointment of not being noticed, not being told that I am doing a good job. Somehow, this makes me feel small and meaningless, and all my sacrifice null. I understand from where this sentiment comes from, but it still is hard on me, not to have someone approve and prize me for my effort. I know you guys appreciate all of it, and hope for the best for me, as I wish for all the best for all of you. Still, this .... I wish my dad told me he was proud, and my mom that I turned out better that she hoped for, but they never do. Fuck, Im crying now, and work day is starting... I am not a gamer. ... maybe I should tell them that I need to hear this from them...
  16. When I was < 10 I wanted to be an explorer of the jungles, I loved animals and dreamed about cataloging them and describing them. After that, something happened to me and my only dream was to live in peace an quiet.
  17. Same for me, I can't just play a little. When I engage in something I go all in or not at all. I have the same problem with sweets, when there is some in mu house, I have to have them all! As for your thoughts about games, they disappear after some time, but you have to make the effort of switching your direction. remove games from your future, like totally. Only then the temptation to play will be very small, as games will no longer have a space in your future, thus your mind will have a hard time conceptualizing games into your life.
  18. Day 66. Habits completed counter: 40 Yesterday turned out to be quite a good day, despite the difficult start. Today is a great sunny morning, lets make this day amazing. I saw some news related to a game I wanted to play before I quit, and it sparked not cravings but curiosity. Still I didn't read it through, just had a glance, and I realized I don't understand what was going on as I was no longer in topic. This made me realize the power of the detox. Remove the presence of the gaming world from the mind in order to make room for something new. I am not a gamer.
  19. "Don't worry man, it's ok, and its going to be even better. So trust yourself, and enjoy it all. Remember that I love you. Oh, by the way, if you want a tip, then I have one. Stand up straight, with your shoulders back."
  20. Day 65. Habits completed counter: 40 Nothing like starting the day fucking up at work. Oh well... shit happens. Today I feel very stressed, a lot of work is on my head, and loads of responsibility which I must handle the best way I can. Cravings appear strongest in this circumstances, an escape to "freedom". Yeah right. I am not a gamer.
  21. Schedule: Once a week or once every two weeks. Content: Well prepared topics to talk about with guests. Quality before quantity. I would rather listen to 30 min of practical helpful topics a month than 2 hours a week of nothing but words. Maybe something like reading a book a month, and people could join in live from around the globe to comment on something. I think mainly topics related to quitting gaming and practical things on improving life. Format: Talk to a different person every time, give them the topics before hand, and talk between 30 an 60 min. Maybe then invite audience for quick 2 min live comments. Time: 30 an 60 min max.
  22. Day 64. Habits completed counter: 39 I feel as if my life was a mess, but it isn't, and I cant figure out why I feel this fatigue all the time. I just came back from a mini vacation and I feel more tired than before. I have one job, keep on going, that is it. My life is much better now, than it was a few months ago. My direction is more clear. Now the only thing left is the grind of proper action. I am not a gamer.
  23. Day 63. Habits completed counter: 38 I am experiencing very powerful "negative" feelings, related to not being good enough, being able to do better and not doing so. I asked a question, directed to myself, and I guess this is my answer. I have to do better, I have to be better. Even when I feel I have improved a lot, it is still not enough, not nearly enough to embody my potential. This feelings some times make me feel down, and some times the same emotion make me very motivated. This might have to do with the bad habit of postponing meaningful activities in order to play games or watch a movie. You know the feeling of "I don't feel like doing this right now", when you know deep inside, that is the best possible thing you could be doing. Well those feelings are hitting me right now like a sledge hammer. And I already know a few specific things I could do to calm this emotions down a bit. It requires spending some money and time. It requires caring more about what is happening. Both things have been very difficult for me. I have been the "save every penny" kind of gut so this is a though trial for me. The harder the better. The more difficult, the better the lesson. I am not a gamer.
  24. A well established routine is the best thing there is to pull you forward every day regardless of your mood. Make your environment work for you!
  25. Day 62. Habits completed counter: 38 I am back. So damn tired, couldn't get more than a couple of hours of sleep a night. I feel like the world will fall down on me if I allow for a moment of weakness. I will go to bed al 20:00 today, must replenish energies. I will report tomorrow as always. I am not a gamer.
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