HappyCat

September 26 First full day at work after the sickness. Worked out the problem that stuck before I got sick. That felt good) Since I am staying at parents' home for the time being I am taking opportunity of additional time to get proper sleep. Played another go match today: this one took almost 50 minutes. I lost by a normal margin, not disentegraded. It's good that my skills are not as rusty I feared. Time spent playing videogames: 4 or 5 minutes.

September 25 Tired. Half day spent working, another half spent visiting clinic two times. Finished another sci-pop book. Currently spending time selecting tune for first melodica video. Maybe I'll find suitable arrangements of Soramim Cake or Raspberry Heaven) Time spent playing today: 9 minutes

@Daniel, I wish I could. Most of things that eat up my free time can't be solved with with money. Other than moving near office. Day 50 (END) After realising that core problem is overoptimisation I decided to stop this experiment. However, I plan to continue this log to monitor whether or not I would spiral into gaming or searching. Hobby-related: I mostly think of recording melodica video and how to organize it: microphone, accompaniment and so on. Too bad my electric piano is at the countryhouse now, I actually played yesterday for 2 or 2.5 hours and felt that it was too much. I mean I felt "overgamed" not just thought that I should not play anymore. Had my first go match in half of a year. Played against someone who had his first match in 6 years)

Day 49 Yesterday I turned 30. This was truly interesting year: I switched to a new project, my son was born, and I entered the detox. My son is the grandest change, now I am mindful that he will inherit not just what our family acquire, but a plentiful of habits as well. Which strongly reminds me of reflective parenting by Phil Haack. Yesterday evening I found myself ruminating on what to do with gift money. Yes, again. %) After I thought about melodica I started thinking that I might have too little time to improve myself and band together with my friend who (conviniently) are switching to ukulele from bass. It went on long enought which made me realise that all my game-, book-, whatever-choosing is about "overoptimization obsession", especially when it comes to time. Irony is that I actually lose more time than I win exactly because of trying to optimize. I do understand where it comes throught: my last year in school and two first years in university was really hard for me. I barely had time to rest well, so fear to lose time or fear to get too tired stood with me. About time I deal with it, I guess) Damn, I hope I don't look like total smug after this entry... ^^'

Maybe...

@giblets, I do consider it, but can't come up with any good idea yet. I mostly need soare time for these hobbies, not equipment.

Okay, I actually meant Nintendo Switch. I doubt it's gonna haunt you.

So many titles I never heard of, thanks)

"I thought about writting a guide for the game but dismissed the idea. I also thought: “Why I can’t be normal and be able to play games in moderation?”" IMHO, one needs to play moba constantly to do it well because of constant patches. This is what turned me off the genre, I wanted something to let the steam off, not another (odd) chore.

Day 48 I went to another procedure today. This procedure mostly have to do with uncluttering my frontal sinus. Actually did solid 5 hours of work finishing one of the lingering tasks today. Then my energy went out( I feel a bit on edge not working while others do, including one of my friends who's also sick. Well, he's in totally different business, but this makes me kind of on endge and feeling guilty. I don't think forcing myself to work would benefit me OR project at this point but the feelings stays. Got early birthday present today. Now I can afford... well, some triggering-at-this-forum stuff) Two months ago I would probably immediately but it, now I'm thinking about investing into qualiy bicycle clothes to continue riding to subway all the way till snow. Dunno. Can't quite figure out how to invest it atm. Gaming-related notes: Discussed that "triggering hardware" with a friend of mine. He's gaming a lot at his vacation but even the he says his console mostly collects dust and that's given at our age. Yeah, I guess he's right. Thing is, I can't figure out how to make time to some of the hobbies that were meaningfull to me, socail and skill-based at the same time. Most of the time when I tried to return to them I had problems maintaing my skill given the ammount of free time. I thinkg I should reconsider how exactly I spend time I have and rearrange it into bigger chunks (to play Go) or more frequent chunks (to practive melodica).

Day 46 - Day 47 Doctors are refusing to let me off the sick list which is bad, but I got solid diagnosis and effective treatment, which is good. Got so much better after first procedure. Things are a bit shaky at work, I am repeatedly called back. Without too much pressure, but for the second time this week. Luckily I can work at home. I should have stayed home to heal properly last time I got sick. Tbh, I decided to do it this time because I got sick just two months after previous time. I hope I'd see my family this weekend: I miss my son and wife, and I am turning 30 soon. Gaming-related notes: I picked up the VN I was waiting for and I really like first 1.5 hours of reading. Combine me some mechs, anime girls and deep sci-fi plot, then I'm in) More seriosuly, I do want to play some platformers I was mostly reading popular science book name "Someone is wrong in the internet" or reading VN I mentioned earlier. Did some studyuing yesterday too, but not as much as I wished to.

There's a lot of self-reflection, but I doubt this much self-loathing would do you any good. Try to build counter-habits like reading or exercisings since just avoiding youtube won't work. Or do 20 push-ups every time you open YouTube page)

"I have been thinking about pornstar names, I have forgotten some names but not all of them. Last night I felt a craving while laying down in bed with my cellphone. I also thought of calling my girlfriend to we could meet tomorrow, but I didn’t." I wonder why? This alternative is so much better.

Nice job, although "good to have you back" would be just mean)

You're right. I remember being irritated by a phone call from my relatives when I was enthusiastically clearing the next dungeon, for example. I don't like to be interrupted of any activity, but gaming has more "itches" to return immediately. Day 45 I'm mostly amoebed away this day. Might be the antibiotics, I dunno. Being called from work two times was not helpful. %) By the evening I finally took a healthy nap and then my oldes friend dropped by. That was great. We know each other for 20+ years but do not meet each other too often. (Which reminds me to call my relatives) Desire to game some time away was strong today: it was hard to concentrate on reading, so most of the day was spent trying to sleep or mindlessly cheking the web. I wish I had an off switch on my body for days like this one) I feel much better now, I plan to take on more day to recover and actually read something this time.

Other than feeling guilty, I hope you're not repeating a lot scenes in your mind - the ones where you could have proven yourself right? Like "damn, I should have used that argument there". Sometimes people replay these things IRL in next relationship to be right this time. (Full disclosure: I was guilty of such thoughts, but thanfully each time I refrained from replaying a quarrel from one relationship in another)

>> honestly i feel the effects of the detox already, just continuing it to stay on track Keep at it) I think returning immediately might be like when one have a flu: "Ohh, I feel better already. Time to do some heavy lifting"

Sharing economy + gamers society? Games aside it looks fine but requires people who are REALLY willing to cooperate with each other.

Day 43-Day 44 I got a lot better but ultimately got sick list. I want to have a proper recovery this one time even if it costs additional money. @Daniel's log got me thinking: I do remember times when I treated pure gaming days as best and I remember not going out on a few occasions a month before detox. I thought that I needed a rest, but it mostly consisted of playing or even worse (for me), game searching. Both activities are not quite relaxing. %) Right now I am buried in various medicines up to my neck and answering my colleagues on skype. Not the work itself, but I feel better making myself useful. While I am at it I want to catch up on a history book I slowly reading and do some cooking. I miss this activity too a bit) UPD: I actually cooked stewed turkey and I reinstall my notebook's OS which was long due.

@Daniel, that one is simple: choosing wrong game when I try moderation. It wasn't stream, it was along the lines "hidden gems of" video. Day 42 Unfortunately, I got sick yesterday. The crisis is over by now (day 43), but it was one hell of a night. I am grateful for having a family that can help me in such situations. Had some exam study done yesterday, but it's hard with fever.

Day 41 Uneventful. After day 39 had no urge to search something. It's a bit sad some journal I was following seems to be discountinued now.

Day 40 Hard day's evening. I was working at mind-boggling task all day only to figure out it requires wholly different approach. Well, things happens. Previous day left me with somewhat cathartic feeling. I doubt I'll ever succumb to "wanna acquire" that easy again. I was angry enough at that thoughs. Besides, I remembered times when I was overjoyed with new gaming device. Guess what, it never made really happier, especially in a long term. Now then, back from forum to rest and studies.

That actually happens a lot me when my work task at hand is messy and I feel generally down. Mind starts to remember or "pre-create" all this interesting moments. Imho, games are mostly simptomatic here. I cant's say for you, but for me it comes from being unsure of myself in relation to job or social life. When I do feel sure about myself I don't fantasize about games.

Day 39 This is going to be game-heavy. I was struck by a strong "wanna acquire" hit. Cause: I took a 3ds cartridge with me to sell it. It actually lauched a torrent of thoughts like "what game I would like to play", "what platform", etc. The question is: what the hell? For years before detox I didn't like to play more than 30 minutes to 1 hour per day. And if I did, I seldom wished to do this more than 2 days in row. Then why do I care so much about what games I have at hand? It's especially strange since I don't really play while commuting, I mostly read or nap. That's how it was before detox too. It is clear that I need to see how I can be satisfied with things at hand instead of infinte pursuit, especially for items of luxury, the category videogames belongs to. A friend of mine dropped by today. We spent two hours just communicating. Aside from usual giggles we were a bit on philosophical side too, since we're both about to turn 30. We talked about games too, mostly about how much place do they have or should have in our lives. Frankly, it was way better than playing or searching catalogs) I wish I were able to see more of my friends, maybe play a round of TABLETOP game with them too.

Day 38 Pulled few stunts at work today figuring out how to rework my code and fixing other guy's code. Evening: Pump It Up warm-... down? I don't know how to call exercises in the evening. Basicalyy there's actual DDR-like machine near me and go there when I need some activity. Passed one practice test after supper. It's a first one I actually passed of long break and it provided me with few more topics to the "to learn" list. Checked out some game list video on youtube. That's not very good atm, but somehow it didn't make me pick my console up. Still, better to steer clear off it.