seriousjay

Day 56. Almost at 60! Still haven't received a single message on the online dating sites I've signed up for which is a bit of a bummer. I'm not too sure how to proceed with that at this point other than just to keep going. Everything else is going pretty well, other than overcooking the crap out of a lot of rice today! Haha.

Difficult to say what will happen. All we can really do is take care of ourselves.

Yes. Maybe not immediately. I mean, I don't think anyone would fire a man simply for the sake of putting a woman in that position, but if job equality changes over time, then fewer men will be employed compared to women. Only way this doesn't happen is if job growth at least equals the rate at which people enter the workforce.

If women across the board started making more money, and nothing else changed, then ultimately businesses would stand to lose profits. Don't you think those businesses would try to find a way to offset those increased costs? How do you suppose they'd do that if women were simply making more money? Either cut costs (men losing jobs or getting paid less), or charge more for their product (which would affect men much more than women in this scenario).

I don't think it's bad for men if women make equal money. As you say, the net effect at home doesn't change much. It would only really hurt single men. Personally, the issues I'm far more concerned with are rights-based issues, like women being allowed to decide for themselves about their reproductive rights. The current crusade against abortion in the United States is one such example.

Because women make such a big deal about equality, etc., and have been for quite some time, it's socially acceptable to think along those terms. However, whenever someone gains, another has to suffer. I do believe there has traditionally been a large inequality between men and women in many respects, and there still is. Some sort of balance must be achieved. Inevitably, this will mean that men will suffer.. which isn't necessarily bad. It's just the way it is. I just hope the struggles of men don't get drowned out to the point of being a mockery. Both sexes face very real challenges and they must all be given due attention.

Day 53. So a few days ago as I was playing my flute my sister came into my room to tell me how funny the sound was. Ever since then I've been hesitant about playing it again. I've been feeling self conscious about it. And 2 days ago, my flute practice didn't go so well and I was pretty down on myself for about a full day because of it. I think my issue is that I'm too results oriented with it, and that is leading me towards frustration and self doubt. I think I need to appreciate the process a lot more than the results.. make it more about the journey than the destination. I think I will enjoy it a whole lot more if I shift my thinking that way. I will try to keep that in mind going forward.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Day 52. So I did indoor rock climbing today. I definitely enjoyed the social aspect of it more than the climbing itself, but I'll definitely have to go out a few more times before I really make a determination about that. Regardless, it was very nice!

Day 51. Everything was good up until I did my flute practice today. It didn't go so well and I guess I'm still beating myself up too much over things like that. I'm still kinda feeling bad. Hopefully tomorrow is better. I am going indoor rock climbing!

Day 50. Woohoo!!!

Day 49. So today I wrote a letter to my future self using https://www.futureme.org/letters/new It didn't feel as strange as I thought it might.. haha. I did this in order to make the future me feel more real. I guess I have a very vested interest in making this work now!

Not to mention being able to go at your own pace, be with your own thoughts, etc. It was refreshing for sure.

Day 48. Went on a hike today by myself for the very first time. It was pretty awesome!

I actually already have a first date outfit. That's one of the first things I took care of, to prevent precisely what you described about having to figure it out the day before! Haha. I definitely see dressing well as a matter of self respect. If I love myself and care about myself, why wouldn't I also look the part? Still working on what good fashion is actually all about though.. haha! Yeah at this point I know I have to be patient with the online dating. I'm in this for the long haul and that definitely means it's going to take time to find the right person. The biggest thing I can improve right now are my pictures, so that'll be the next step. I actually am not having problems at all occupying my free time. On the contrary, I find that I'm already struggling to find room for everything! Between going to the gym 4 times a week, doing my extra exercising stuff at home, hiking at least twice a week, volleyball on Tuesdays, + extra events and taking care of my house, my schedule feels pretty packed! That being said, going back to school is absolutely an option if I find something I'd like to make a career out of that requires schooling. It's not really on the horizon though. It's a great thought though, thanks! And yeah man, things are going really good. I still have some kind of meh days, but those don't really bother me as much as they used to. I'm sure I'm going to run into even more challenges as I continue on, but so far it's been great and I look forward to what lies ahead!

Day 46. The Willpower Instinct is a great book. A lot of what it talks about specifically applies to why I was struggling so much to change myself in my previous attempts. When I was reading certain passages, I honestly felt like the book was just describing me. I highly recommend it to anyone who can't seem to figure out why they can't get going.

Day 44. This has been a tough couple days so far. The fact that I'm still trying to figure out who I am, what I like, etc. and all these people on online dating sites pretty much all seem to already know where they're at is a little discouraging and starting to affect my mood. I've tried to talk myself through it a couple of times already but I'm still not feeling great about it.

Sounds good! I've posted a journal so feel free to check in from time to time if you like:

The craving is absolutely normal. I've quit and relapsed probably 10 times by now. It wasn't until my most recent commitment to quit, about 1.5 months ago, that the cravings have been largely non-existent. To give you some perspective, I've been trying to quit for almost 6 years now. That doesn't mean it'll take you that long to be successful. In fact, I would say you have a much more vested interest in it succeeding than I did in the past. It sounds like passing graduate school for you is a matter of whether or not you can keep video games out of your life. The key is to find some other activities to fill the time, so you'll be distracted by those things and won't have time to even think about video games. Find some activities you enjoy. Check here for some ideas: https://gamequitters.com/hobby-ideas/ The key is to not immediately pass on some of those ideas because they seem boring. Of course they're going to seem boring. You're coming from a life where you slay giant monsters, fly seemingly at will and get to look at absolutely wonderful landscapes at every turn. It's going to take time for your brain to rewire itself to lowering the expectations of fascination. Once you find a couple of things to try out, keep working at them until you really know whether or not you enjoy them. Then proceed as the situation dictates. Good luck! Just know if you have any questions or need support, we've got your back!

Day 43.. I think. I'm so bad at day math.. lol. I finally got around to making my dating profile the other day and for some reason it was so stressful lol. But it's done so we'll see what happens. Things are still going just great I would say. Today was a tough day near the end of work because my back was hurting so much but I think I'm alright now. I need to start coming up with more interesting lunches. Sandwiches are starting to get boring and I'd like to move away from processed foods anyway.

Day 38. Well I seem to be over whatever happened yesterday. I realized that I have two choices with respect to my appearance: either wallow in misery over it or make the best of what I have. I chose the latter. I also bought a flute last night on Amazon! It's supposed to come in next Wednesday. Looking forward to that!

Day 37. Tried to take some pictures today for the purposes of an online dating profile and it just struck me that I don't like the way I look at all. Maybe it's just residual feelings of self-negativity or whatever, I dunno. Hopefully as I get more in shape, this will change, but I'm not feeling too great right now.

If you're looking for a way to express your creativity, there are many different options. Writing, painting, music, etc. If becoming a video game developer really feels wrong to you, see if you can find an alternative way to pursue that interest. You could, for example, become a comic book artist, or an artist for many other types of books. You really have to ask yourself if it's expressing your creativity you're after, or specifically working on video games. If the former, you have a lot of options IMO. If the latter, well.. you don't have many choices there. ? Good luck either way! PS: I can tell you this: working in the video game industry SUCKS. The deadlines are tight, and many major studios make their employees work 60+ hour weeks to get things done on time. The quality of life at work is generally not very good at all. It might have gotten better recently because there's been some significant push back, but I dunno.. my own experience working at a video game developer was fine, but I have heard a lot of horror stories.

Yeah I think so too. I think he's both stuck in old-fashioned thinking, as well as jaded by his own experiences in marriage. He's had two marriages that he hasn't been overly happy with. His "motto" is "being married is bad, but being alone is even worse". I just can't agree with that line of thinking at all.

Day 35. Today was a little annoying because when I tried to explain to my dad that I have certain standards when it comes to the type of person I want to enter into a romantic relationship with, he immediately felt I was thinking far too narrowly. He seems to believe that by age 30, all the women worth having are already taken, that maybe 10% of women in this age range are available, and the only reason they are available is because nobody wanted them. He seems to believe that I need to lower my standards. Obviously I don't believe any of that, but it's just annoying that I can't seem to get unconditional support from my immediate family members. There's not a whole lot I can do to change that either. So I guess when it comes to this, I won't be getting much help from them, at least not in the way that I want. Oh well.