[Let's hope this works. - Game Dev]

Hi Finchalot I recently read celia hodents book "gamers brain" 

do you work for a big gam dev company or is it like indie?

I'm interested to know if you know of people in the industry actively trying to addict players or "go whaling"?

Celia actually argued with me today about how I should prove that games are addicting and explain this clearly for her. was really quite laughable actually.

good luck mate, I'll keep an eye out for your detox. we are detoxing around the same time

[90 day detox #4]

Hi everyone, 27July 2021 is 90 days since I last played DbD.

Prior to that relapse, I relapsed on PoGo for a good month and grinded up 2 levels.

I had definitely experienced some stress and loss leading up to my relapse. The main one being taking my partner to hospital for a medical emergency.

What prompted me to quit was a recent interview I did for a national current affairs program. The journalist essentially asked if someone like me (who knows a lot about gaming addiction) can get hooked, how does the average person stand a chance? It made me realise that you can be the smartest person, but you will never be able to outsmart the game. My greatest weakness is the belief that I can get away with playing, that Im in control. 

I've recently spent some money getting some pokemon tcg card packs and opening one up at the end of the day as a reward for not gaming. I know its an expensive strategy, but it does provide some relief from the cravings i have to game. I still have all my original pokemon cards from my childhood and I've started researching the competitive tcg. its crazy how much they have increased in value, it seems like a bubble to me.

i must admit this time round the cravings seem far more intense. I thought that I could do this detox without journaling, but these journals do provide some relief because you can just unload and its a nice surprise to see someone reply.
I've had to pay a visit to my meditation teacher and I realised that its really hard to empty my mind.
I've been spending quite a bit of time playing golf which is a good way to get out, but I've realised that from all the mobile games i've somehow messed up my tendons from the position i hold my arms. golf is actually good because it stretches my arm out in the opposite way and provides some relief.

Oh and one of the world's famous games UX developers started a twitter argument with me today and trying to convince me gaming addiction doesnt exist! what a day. thanks for reading.

[90 day detox take 3]

DAY 38!

Today I did a 2km swim in the pool

Have been on my unique "egg diet"

I've been reading Brad Marshall's Tech Diet Book

I'm starting a new job tomorrow for the next 4 weeks

I've also been listening to @Cam Adair's twitch mix to help me chill whilst winding down at the end of the night

Was prompted to post something since Cam sent a newsletter out, didn't even realise I've made it 1/3 of the way thru!

Hope everyone has been doing well.

[90 day detox take 3]

On 7/10/2020 at 4:12 PM, gargamel said:

My sincere condolences to your grandma. I live with mine and her health is deteriorating, so I understand how you feel. 
Props to making a documentary, you are doing our world a service, good luck with your interview!

Thank you for your ongoing support and encouragement. 🙂

[90 day detox take 3]

Day 20 My grandma passed away this week 😞

I was temporarily triggered by a youtube video of Dead by Daylight

I'm giving a radio interview tomorrow here in australia which is exciting

The radio host recently quit FIFA 20. anyone else have experience playing this game? Want to add anything to their listeners?

[TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life]

18 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

thanks for your support. Unfortunately the sleep went back to 13 hours today. I don't really want to try a diet change. I feel like my diet's pretty good already. I'm talking to my psych today. All he's going to say is keep taking risperdal having to sleep 13 hours is fine. . . It's frustrating. Having to sleep that much to just function. I'm not even well rested really because the sleep isn't always great quality. I'm stuck here for now. I don't think geodon will work. It didn't feel good when I tried it. 

Day 216 NP 179 Np 170 Med 155 NF 55

Positive: I get to stay in the garage, I got to eat brownies and I'm back to work.

During house showings I'm getting to stay in the garage instead of having to leave the house which is sort of chill. It's much nicer not having to go a far away distance and then I get to come back to inhabit my home asap. I'm in here with my two housemates though which of course isn't ideal. I've gotten used to having a good distance between us with them in the kitchen and me on the couch. This close proximity is new to me and thus slightly anxiety provoking. I could watch tv in here to pass the time, but for now I'm doing my best to just post to the forums. I'm still trying to get through exercise, journaling, poetry, and reading before I allow myself to watch tv. On days where I work this sometimes means no tv time for me. Which I'm fine with. After all I watch tv at work anyways. It's just not the stuff I choose to watch for my personal entertainment. Still some of it's pretty good. 3 Below and Trollhunters were cool. Konosuba is alright. Of course I don't like how Konosuba is sort of like watching a video game with all the quests and skill points. But I enjoy the anime/show aspects of it. Like the characters are cool. They're all funny. It's a little hard to stomach the kinkiness of the show as it might be a trigger for masturbating. But, I'm doing okay with it so far so hopefully that continues just fine. It's only a 12 episode series anyways. I wonder if I'm getting better at watching shows and just like bearing with the discomforts of it at times. 

My housemate made brownies. She's always cooking. They were good. Yum. Of course the sugar isn't good for you but . . . whatever at least I don't eat it that often. And once she's gone probably not at all. August is slowly approaching. Four weeks to a new house. Let's go. I'm back to work today. I've got to leave to see a client in 15 minutes. So that's cool we're hanging out in person now. I mean it's definitely not 'safe' for corona virus purposes. But my employer decided it was safe enough to send us into the houses to work with them. So, away I go. Time to hang in person.

I smiled at brownies

I accomplished waking up

I am grateful for brownies, the morning, my bed, pillow, sheets, blanket, waking up, the night time, sleep that I do get, and todays client.

God bless

Erik

Hi Erik, just curious what the indication for the risperidone is? And the dose?
In addition to sedation the most common side effect is increased appetite (especially for carbs like brownies).

If you are taking risperidone for sleep, there are safer options out there. If you are taking it for a serious mental illness, then of course listen to your doctor. Risperidone is also used in other conditions too, but if it is bombing you out, you can always adjust the dose or the timing of the dose so you don't sleep so much.

[Ari's Recovery Journey]

What do you do to cope with those dark nights? This forum is useful as a way to keep track and have a record of how you felt. You will look back at the time stamp in the future and reflect back on how you felt at the time. I recently read an old detox journal and made the connection years later that I was probably grieving the loss of a close friend. The response rate with other quitters can vary though. Sometimes the smallest of connection to this forum will keep you accountable. Hang in there.

[Ari's Recovery Journey]

On 6/28/2020 at 10:02 AM, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

We made the choice to let go.

I'm going to log out of here for a while.

Must have been tough to let go like that. Your hopes and dreams as parents. Sorry to hear. It must be weird grieving something that hasn't actually eventuated yet. Would make your gaming problem small in comparison I'm sure. You're more than a third of the way thru your detox, but this is a real vulnerable time for you because gaming is a way to escape the grief. Hang in there, because you don't want to alienate your partner any more than you have to.

[Ari's Recovery Journey]

On 6/26/2020 at 7:04 PM, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

My wife and I are strongly considering giving up on trying to have a child.
We both want a child intensely, but we're not sure we want to go through everything again.
There's also undeniable freedoms that come with not having children...
Everything sucks and everything is difficult. I want to disappear. 

Still don't want to game though, silver lining i guess lol...

Does your local health service have a support group for this kind of thing? I'm 37 and unmarried. I'm worried one day I'll be too old to have kids.

[90 day detox take 3]

Day 7

So I signed up to the masterclass 3 day free trial. Anyone else tried this before? I'm going thru malcolm gladwell class on writing. There is a lot of content and I am determined to write my book now. I have about 3 months to write my book. Anyone else written a book before?

Thanks

Kim

[90 day detox take 3]

ok so i'm feeling more confident to tell people around me that I'm doing a detox. I still have cravings to do it as something to pass the time.

I'm confident I can keep chipping away at it though, cos DbDmob you can't chat to anyone and I don't know anyone else who plays it. I need to keep exercising, but it's winter here and difficult to get the motivation and keep up the intensity. I might sign up again to do crossfit, now that restrictions have now eased. 

I need to remind myself why I hated playing that stupid game. The main thing is that the game was so frustrating when you died and you just wanted to jump back in to relieve that tension. 

Do you guys get angry when you think back to how much time you sunk into a game? My daily screentime average is down 54% this week. lol. Boo ya! Congrats to me 🙂 realIy wanna write a book

[90 day detox take 3]

On 6/24/2020 at 12:50 AM, mks said:

Also know this feeling of purpose. Playing WoW fulfills so much of a need: progress towards a goal (leveling up), rewards.

I was out of gaming a lot but with playing games all theses needs to find a purpose were gone as I had WoW as a purpose 
to wake up (leveling up). It's way harder to find that in real life. Still working at it but also know this feeling.

Keep it up!

Thank you! I've never played WoW. Too scared to touch it.

[90 day detox take 3]

On 6/24/2020 at 12:26 AM, Erik2.0 said:

I do things that are not on screens to have purpose. They make me feel more human.

Any activities you can recommend? it is winter here in Australia and I'm quickly losing motivation and wanna hibernate lol

[90 day detox take 3]

On 6/21/2020 at 8:58 PM, Reza said:

When i started writing my journal ( day 19 curently) i didnt have specific goal , i just wanted to get better and get out of the dakness . I had bad days and good days but overall this journal gave me and is giving me many things . So i actualy know what i want . I want to study nutrition science meamwhile learn programmming . And do my best start my career as a programmer . This is what i want to be . Also theres another goal of who i want to be . People used to tell me "the old guy" becayse of how simple i used to dress . But recently i got intrested in style and good suits i want to be handsome and buy lots of suits 🤣 luckily i have good body shape and above the average height . I want to overcome some of my problems like fear of public and start eat any kind of food ( i have bad food habits ) , i want to get in shape , although i have driving lisence but im bad at driving manual cars i want to be a good driver and ... .i want to expirieence .everything . Also one of the biggest is to become strong mentaly , i dont have a stable mood often , i meam it got so much better recently but its far from the ideal . 

I'd be interested to see how the detox impacts your mood? Do you have a mood tracking app?

[90 day detox take 3]

Day 1

I've been replacing the gaming time watching Amazon Prime. I enjoyed watching Jimmy O Yang's stand up special and a documentary on how silicon valley was formed.

The pull to play is particularly strong at night time.

There were cues to play today, whilst I was on my morning walk (seeing a teenager on a bike play pogo).

I also saw some international students smartphone game in a cafe.

I told my partner about my 90 day detox which was more leverage not to back out. They were happy to hear that news.

Then, more cues to play when I see people post pictures with the latest "last of us 2" on ps4 on their social media feed. LoU2 is in that horror zombie genre which is similar to why I enjoy DbDm.

It's also been raining so I haven't been bothered to go for a run or cycle.

I did a coaching session with an acting coach via zoom today.

He has an interesting "conversation technique" where you place your conversation "need" in your checklist before you shoot your scene. I'm trying to speak purposefully and with interest when I shoot my scenes and highlight the important words. 

I feel as though when you play video games you place your sense of purpose in real life on hold and you outsource it to the game in order to receive your well timed and exciting rewards. To live your real life with purpose does actually take some mindful intention and effort.

GQ community, what do you do to reclaim your own sense of purpose in real life? When you game, what sense of purpose do you have when you play?

[Learn it the hot way. [Day 90 COMPLETED]]

Hey @chiliflavor I like to eat too. I realise that I have a problem with portion size. Also my partner is a feeder!
Also my family are feeders!

I also just like having something to chew. So I try to chew gum instead of eating.

Overall I think I've been doing better since covid cos ive been drinking less and I've started taking up cardio, which I never used to enjoy. Still don't have abs tho!

I wouldn't take the risk to play after dinner moderately. You'll get sucked in real quick. Then you will feel bad afterwards.
Good luck mate!

[90 day detox take 3]

OK. 

Time to start another detox.

I logged in cos I'm actually filming a documentary about technology addiction next week. It's actually a pretty big deal and will be available on one of the streaming channels here in Australia and I will potentially be helping many people wake up to the addictive nature of technolgy.

I decided to re-read my journal entries because I am talking about my own experience with my addiction to gaming.
 

Funny thing is that I have been playing Dead by Daylight Mobile for a few hours a day every day during covid. I feel like a massive hypocrite, but I knew this day was coming.

I totally forgot about the feeling of shame and guilt when I relapsed the first time.

Monday

28 September 2020

is 90 days from today

 

Looking back 2017 when I was detoxing the first time, I realised that it was the same year my good friend ended his own life (if this triggered you, and you need to talk to someone, PLEASE call a helpline in your local area). I didn't make the connection back then, but it must have been a wake up call for me. 

 

The things I really enjoyed about DbDm was playing the trapper character. I had this strategy that would be quite cruel and sneaky to kill the survivors and I always felt the survivors were so dumb to fall into my traps. When I was playing survivor I always had a system of repairing the generators that required all your focus to do the skill checks. I was never good at running away in the game so I had to make sure I was not seen by the killer.  The game is really about bullying and humiliating your opponent which I know is not me in real life, so it was always fun to let this part of me out in a game.

 

The worst thing about that game that made it addictive was you had to end on a good note or win and if you won, that feeling didn't last again and you wanted to keep that win streak up so you would play again. I know I'm addicted to this game because I have to delete the game and redownload it everyday in order to stop playing and keep playing. My partner and family really disliked that I played that game and I think to make up for it, my partner took up candy crush so she didn't feel so ignored.

 

I also knew which other players I could count on in the game and who were good players. I'm lucky cos there is no chat function in the game so if I don't play, I won't feel so bad that I'm letting specific people down. When I was playing pogo, it was quite bad cos I would message local team mates in my home town.

 

I'm filming the documentary this week, so not sure if it is the best timing, we'll find out, but it would definitely make me feel less like a massive hypocrite. I like this group because people don't judge you on here.

 

Other things I have going for me is that I recently signed up to strava and have a nice garmin watch, so I've been enjoying gamifying my exercise and run/cycle on a regular basis.

 

I hope everyone in this community has been doing well and have been keeping safe. Hope the covid lockdowns havent messed up your detoxes too much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ikar's Diary]

Wow 426 days!

Well done!

Keep it up

[I'm new]

hi @LazyLukas i am doing a presentation about fortnite at a global conference next week. I would be interested in what it was about fortnite that was so much fun or addictive for you? Any specific game design aspects that you could share would be great.

thanks

Kim

[An Anxious Aussie - This is why i'm here]

Welcome! Just saw your blog. Keep it up

[90 day detox take 2]

So I did it. Pretty stoked. I must admit there is a difference at the 90 day mark compared to 30 or 60 day mark. For anyone out there thinking of doing the 90 day or struggling. It can be done. Thank you for all your support. 

[90 day detox take 2]

Good job buddy!

14th of Nov is a sign mate. That's when Cam will be here in Sydney. Coming to the meetup?

Do it!!

ha ha had no idea it was on. Unfortunately I won’t be in Sydney at that time. Will hopefully catch cam soon. 

[Skaliq's Journal]

Hey, @Skaliq how did your cardistry go? It is a good real world skill that engages people.

Just a quick question, regarding Overwatch if that is ok. Does Overwatch have a random reward programmed into it? From what I understand League of legends randomise you into different teams. Are there random items given after each match?

Thanks for your help!

[90 day detox take 2]

So Day 1 was 14th Aug

that means 14th Nov is just over a week away

thank you everyone who has supported me on this forum. I have my life back. But it is not over, it will be a constant battle after the 90 days as the only person keeping me accountable from beyond is me.

I saw someone playing pogo the other day and it looked so cool, so new, as if I had never spent over a year playing it.

Just goes to show how you can build a tolerance to online games. This detox has been a godsend! Thanks @Cam Adair and the GQ community!

[90 day detox take 2]

Day 64?

home stretch now. I'm really chuffed because at this point it is getting easier. 

Yesterday an old guild friend told me he was invited to a Mewtwo raid and successfully caught it! He was among a select few who was invited by Niantic to do this  

how did I feel?

like I didn't miss out on much!

why did I feel this way? Cos I have been doing the 90 day detox that's why!

its changed my way of thinking to give me the ability to change my addictive way of thinking

right now the feeling of making the 90 day detox is greater than my need to catch a rare Pokemon

feeling pretty proud of myself and lucky that I have this group to get me through

oh and tomorrow I am giving away my pogo plus!

lol