gankylosaurus

(Not-so-)Quick morning update: Fiancee's still sick. She was planning on driving down to Columbus for an all day event. Obviously that's not happening. I was going to be cleaning the entire time she was gone. Now the TV's going to be on all day with her on the couch. I was also going to write more because I would be less distracted. Now I'm planning on going to the library to do that. I started reading a book on cleaning of all things, after I'd remembered Cam suggesting it. I told my fiancee that I'm not going to get as much done as I'd planned to do because I don't want to work around her so much. Plus, she feels bad seeing me clean since she's knocked out on the couch and feels useless. She tried cleaning yesterday while she was sick and I don't know if it was the Sudafed or the fever, but she ended up putting the shoes away in the wrong place. Which was weird. Plus, then she got sick and gave up. She agreed that one day when she's better and we're both off, we'll do a big cleaning and throw stuff away to try to get things organized again. It would be so much easier if I lived alone, but I have to show concern for her things as well, and I don't know what she wants to keep. I also suggested packing away all but two of each of our dishes to make us do dishes more. The unspoken agreement would be that if you use one, you have to wash that one if you want to reuse it, rather than use the other dish, which would not be yours. She agreed to this as well. And it should keep our dishes at bay (I hope.) I'll do a full update at the end of the day. I'm dedicated to working on this next novel, so that's going to happen no matter what. I just prefer not to be distracted when I do it. I feel kind of selfish bitching like this, because I know she's sick and has no control over that. I just wish she didn't want to spend all her shitty time on the couch with me. Like, hey, I'll hang out and comfort you and feed you but I have some shit I'd like to do as well instead of just get stuck on the couch all day. I took today off so I could have a full day of catch-up. Now I'm just stressed out.

Day 13 Almost didn't make it. After working 9 to 5, I got home, started dinner, went for a run, finished dinner, had dinner, watched a show with my fiancee, and then got some writing done. Cleaning is not in the cards tonight, because we're going to bed soon, but I took off tomorrow, so lots will get done then. This is a short post. I'm not going to drag it out any longer.

seems like you are able to handle it though. I always thought writing is jsut something you can do or can't . Never saw the work behind it and it is actually pretty interesting to follow the process. PS: What dog doesn't run in the rain? The dogs in my family never gave a shit about the weather. Heh. Much as I'd like to say I'm some kind of superhero for being able to write, it's really just the result of some diligence and focus. I've been at this for thirteen years, too. So it's a slow learning process. Books like Talent is Overrated probably illustrate this point better than I can, though. And yeah, my dog's a wimp in the rain. It actually makes it pretty convenient when she wants to go out. She'll do her business as quick as possible just to get back inside. She loves the snow, though. Yeah, I know I'm kind of back to coming up with piss-poor excuses. I could have gone for the run without my dog, sure. I just didn't want to. I want to today, though, especially since the forecast seems better for today. I also find it awkward working out in front of people who aren't also exercising, so I didn't want to do a workout at home while my fiancee was sick on the couch with a fever. I've got the 9-to-5 today and she's sick still so she'll be home all day again. I'll be able to run after work and then get get my writing done then deal with the dinner dishes from last night so I can make dinner again. I'll probably be dragged back to the couch for a little more shared misery after that. One of the worst things about this tiny apartment is that aside from the bedroom or bathroom, I can't close a door to get anything done in private. We talked about getting a new apartment, but our lease isn't up until November.

Day 12 Fiancee woke up with a fever, so don't expect much to get done today. I'm using time while she's watching Dance Moms to write this as I already got my daily thirty minutes out of the way. Was going to go for a run as well because the temperature is nice, but the chance of rain all day is 100%. I run with my dog, and my dog doesn't run in the rain. By some mathematical property I'm pretty sure that means I don't run in the rain. That first day of just transferring everything into Scrivener for this story was a bit daunting, to be honest. I had so much planned for this story and it's been a while since I looked at it, so it's hard to get everything in order. At this point, I'm basically just writing stuff from scratch based on notes I'd already written. But I'm using a different organizational structure this time, namely giving each character arc and plot arc a three-act structure. For more details, I'm borrowing some of Chris Fox's methods. Guy's a pretty good writer to follow if you're a writer, especially for his book 5,000 Words Per Hour and the follow-up Lifelong Writing Habit. (You can get the first for free by signing up for his mailing list on his website.) The hardest part is going to be redoing the entire outline to reflect the change in the main character. However, around the midpoint that may not be such an issue since it'll probably go back to the original plot where she gets captured, which is where she truly starts to take up the hero mantle. Also, I want to get a good balance going for this story on the length of the acts. Typically, good stories have a three-act structure of 25%-50%-25% as far as length goes. My last one came out more like 40%-35%-25%. Which is way off. Each story I write, though, I learn something, and I know where to focus next. And aside from the structural issues, this time around I want to focus more on having a good supporting cast, since I've tended to be kind of sparse on that. In the last one, I added the main character's parents in as an after-thought, but they were necessary to be there, I felt, because the main character was seventeen and lived at home. Writing's hard, you guys. Rewarding, but hard.

Day 11 Got some planning for my next project done and kept up on the dishes. Mostly because I was going to make a big dinner until my fiancee ended up not feeling well. Also, she's home all day today and tomorrow so exercise just isn't likely to happen, unless I go for a run tomorrow. That depends on how much snow is left on the ground. Seriously. Snow. In the second week of April. It's pretty cool, though, how I've been keeping up on the writing. With this Write Chain challenge, there's been a pressure (in a good way) to get something done. And the fact that it's only a half hour that I have to work makes it easier. Thirty minutes tends to go by pretty quick and then I keep on going. Had to balance that with quality time today, though. Put on my headphones and ended up working for about 45 minutes. I didn't really do a whole lot of "new" writing, though. I had a lot of notes for this one in my google docs. So I sorted through those and tried to get some kind of organizational structure in Scrivener going. I forgot just how much there is to do planning a new story. Helps that I have to re-tool a story that was already pretty well-planned, but I get pretty distracted when I'm not home alone, so when I am home alone I'll probably work for a couple of hours getting a good plan going.

Day 10 Writing: 1500 words. So, I didn't work out, and I didn't clean. I was deep in the caffeine dependency, so there have been a lot of naps while I've been cutting back. Plus, there wasn't a pile-up of dishes, so those can wait a day. And I'm off tomorrow, so there's plenty of time. I finished my manuscript, too. So tomorrow I'll get back to the planning stages for my next one before I come back to edit this project. In the meantime, I'm tired, so I'm cutting this one short.

Day 9 Exercise: None Cleaning: Dishes, of course! Writing: 2000 words So I've come to the realization that I'm really hit or miss on working out when I have the early shift. Especially when that shift goes for eight hours and I get off at 1 in the afternoon. I tend to end up sleeping a lot after work before getting around to things. Plus, between the cold and the rain, I couldn't bring myself to run. But! I'm a day away from finish this draft of my novel now. Wrote up a freaking storm, and tomorrow I plan on writing the last chapter and the epilogue. Sunday I'll probably just work on plotting my next story. I think I've decided on which one I'll do next while I let this current project cool off so I can come back to it with a fresh eye. I also tried a little experiment today. I tried to see how long I could go without coffee in the morning. I made it until 11 (after having been up since 4) but that was only because when I called adult swim over the speaker, I realized I was slurring my speech a little. It was a business decision. And then that was my only cup of coffee. I later had caffeine again from a MiO Energy water enhancer, but not until after I'd woken up from off and on napping at around 5 or so. I really want to wean myself off of caffeine. I've become too dependent on it and it doesn't do the same thing for me anymore. In fact, those mornings where I keep refilling my cup, I end up feeling more gross and tired than if I'd just had one cup. I think I'm going to keep this up and only have coffee when I feel like I really need it.

Welcome, Gresa! I can't imagine quitting games for almost a year like you did. Sounds like that took a lot of self control. I'm guessing you had a lot of pressure on you from school to do that? No shame in falling back, though. That happens plenty often with addiction. You fall off, sometimes harder than others, and then you just have to get back on. The silver lining is that each time you fall, you tend to learn something new. Keep us posted!

Glad to see things are going well. Reading is a great way to pass the time without gaming. So much entertainment at a fraction of the cost of a video game! Even better if it's something you're really into. You end up having fun without the guilt of having wasted hours of your day on something unproductive. Plus, if your endorsement is to be believed, the Warcraft books are probably a lot better than the Mass Effect books. (Hint: They kinda suck) Keep it up, man!

I feel like I kind of experienced this only in the rush that I've gotten out of games in the past. The revelations, the adrenaline, etc. I was never much of a sports person, though I was a swimmer. Still, I always felt kind of detached from swimming, like it didn't matter. Maybe it really just didn't matter to me, or maybe it's more a case of what you're saying here. Maybe I was experiencing with video games what I should have been applying to swimming - to real life competition and improvement. I've also never had an issue with emotional depth at least in storytelling. Though that might be why I was drawn to the games I played. I read books and get invested and happy or sad or angry. (In fact, I experienced the entire emotional spectrum reading The Art of Racing in the Rain) However, I still sort of have that detachment when it comes to real life. I have trouble displaying sympathy, for instance, though I'm fairly empathetic. I don't know how to respond to someone's parents dying. Or when someone's sad, I don't know what to say or do. Further, whenever I see people showing sympathy (to others or myself) I always think it comes off as fake. Either I'm right, and that fakeness is coming from a well-intentioned place that I'm not capable of reaching; or I'm wrong, and I'm just blind to it. Either I'm a cynic or I'm broken. Do you have a more specific example? How did you see the world before quitting games? Oh, and congrats on 200!

Glad to see you're getting so close to 90 days. Do you ever think about gaming still? Particularly after a successful day? I've had it just about every day so far. Like right now, I'm done with all the things I needed to do, and my first involuntary thought was just "Oh, I could fire up Steam or something." Then I remembered, and I was like, oh yeah. You know, I had the same issue about switching to Linux before. You can't game as easily on them. Sure, it's doable, but it takes some finagling. I still don't think I want to switch over to it, though, mainly because I'm not big into programming and I've entertained the idea of learning, but that always seemed to be pretty difficult. I'll stick with what I know In your case, though, it seems like it's relevant for you, and from what I know, Linux is definitely the way to go. Do you have any plans for making programs that you might release for people to use? Maybe working on some open source projects? There's a writer I follow who, before he got really into writing, learned how to program iOS apps, particularly when the iPad was announced. He taught himself and ended up working his way up to a six figure salary. If you're diligent, you could definitely do the same. Good luck

Day 8 Exercise: Upper body Cleaning: Dishes Writing: 1600 words I'm getting really close to the end of this book. And it's making me worry that I'm not going to be able to keep up this #WriteChain thing when I'm done. Partly because I have to decide which to do first: Outline one of two stories I've had planned for a while in Scrivener, or start editing this story right away. Without even looking back at this story I can already see its issues. I have one friend who read the alpha copy of the first draft of this story and loved it. I don't want to annoy him with a new version of it now, at least not in its present state. I'd rather work on improving it, first, but even the macro-edits on this one seem overwhelming. Then again maybe I'll read through and decide it's better than I thought. This is the main reason I can't wait to start my next project. One of the stories I have planned has been meticulously outlined with lots of very developed characters. Seriously, I wrote a 20,000 word document just for planning this story. For comparison, this story I'm working on currently is at about 84k, which is the longest story I've written to date and it's not even finished. The second longest was 79k and since then my stories have just gotten shorter. I expect that the time I took to study craft, as well as the knowledge of ways that worked or didn't work in this story, will help me in planning and writing future novels. The other one I have planned was outlined, but I really want to change the focal character of the novel, because the hero is not really who I thought it would be. So, lots to think about, which is probably why this journal seems so unfocused and rambly. I'm trying to get my thoughts together still.

See, @WorkInProgress, I'm not normally a fan of streak counters. In most cases, I think counting consecutive days you do or don't do something adds unneeded pressure. But I think this is more relevant to me when trying to quit something rather than develop a routine. Something you decide to quit forever shouldn't be measured day to day. You should just hold yourself to quitting, and if you relapse, just quit again until you get it right. A streak counter makes it harder to quit whenever that streak is broken. If you get to 35 days in NoFap or something then relapse, your thought isn't "oh, well, I can get back to 35 days easy!" it's "Shit, that's 35 days down the drain, and now I have to do it all over again." I've found that the less time you have on your "streak counter" the easier it is to relapse. Five days is much easier to make up again than 35. But, I definitely like it in this case, if only because of the spirit of it. It's about creating a positive habit that you can get to easily every day. I don't think it's quite like these daily journals, though, because I'm not super compelled to do this every day. I want to do it every day, but it's not going to be an issue to me if I get too busy or forget to do it someday. Writing, on the other hand, needs to get done. Even, like I said, if it just results in me staring blankly at Scrivener for a half hour. Step number one for getting writing done: Butt In Chair. I know that may have sounded like I was arguing against you. I'm not trying to do that, I promise. Just wanted to state my opinion on streak counters for the record, like when I think they're conducive to productivity and when I think they're counter-intuitive. Oh, and you can watch my progress on the Leaderboard if you want. Just Ctrl + F "David" and you'll find me. I don't want to share my full name (or Twitter handle) on this board for Google purposes. Currently I have two links in my chain (though it doesn't seem to update right away). I realized I never addressed this. Partly it's because I haven't thought about it. Like I said in a previous post, I made some pretty good progress with myself in my last earnest attempt here. I'm not worried about being more social because that's not a problem anymore. Positivity is a thing I could work on, but only in the sense that I go through bouts of depression at regular intervals (and this weather isn't helping my mood lately). As for success... Well, that depends on how you measure success, and I feel fairly successful for where I am in my life. And when I'm a published author, then I'll be more successful, no matter how much money I'm making. I think maybe my trouble with visualizing right now is that I think I have a pretty good path set in front of me. I'm registered to go back to college in the fall; my writing has been going better this year than previous years despite my procrastination, and the time I took off from writing to read more about story craft has shaped how I want my life as a writer to go from now on; and I have a decent job that pays the bills and leaves enough left over to save/spend on fun stuff. For the first time in my life, despite being four years older than my fiancee and having only an Associate's degree next to her Bachelor's degree, I don't feel like I'm behind. I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. Though I do still kinda want to get out of here, but that's for personal reasons. Aside from those things, though, I want to be back in shape. I'm bigger than I used to be, and not entirely in a bad way. I was always skinny growing up, but I've "filled out" as they say. I'm working off the beer gut now and my exercise plan should get the rest of me looking pretty good. As soon as I get back on that exercise plan that is... Speaking of which: Day 7 Exercise: None Cleaning: Dishes Writing: About 1600 words. You may have noticed a common trend with cleaning: I like keeping the dishes clean. Part of me feels like I'm using this as a cop-out, like I just do dishes and I can cross off cleaning from my to-do list. And partly this is true, but really I'm just trying to establish the habit and prevent dishes from piling up as they so often tend to do. Having too many dishes in the sink (or around the apartment) weighs on my mind almost as much as having the table cluttered with laundry. And once I've totally established this habit, it'll be easier to do other things as well. That's the hope, anyway. Again, I didn't work out today. Had the early shift and came home and slept for about four hours. Really needed to catch up on the sleep so I have no regrets. Then I had a choice: I could exercise while there was still light out or I could write. Obviously I made my choice. Writing always takes priority. I'm off tomorrow so I'll start back up then. I think this is one of those moments where I think a streak counter can be a good thing. When you work out for so many days in a row, you feel good about it, and you want to keep going. But as soon as you break that chain, it's harder to get back into it. You remember how good it is to just relax and be lazy and forget what you ever liked about exercise. I'm getting really close to finishing this draft of my novel. I'm just three planned chapters and an epilogue away from wrapping up. I'll probably be able to get that done in just three days, considering the last chapter and epilogue are probably going to be pretty short. I'm not always so certain about that, though, so we'll see. At any rate, I'm just going to stick to my thirty minutes a day (and today I went for over an hour) and I'll finish when I finish. And by the way, here's the blog that turned me onto the Write Chain Challenge. It was this post, though, that linked me to that, particularly in the section about developing a habit of thinking about your system, and not worrying as much about your goals. I think this is a much better approach to achieving goals. There's a difference between being told you have to build a brick house and being told to just lay one brick a day. Both get the job done.

Exercise: None Cleaning: Dishes and cleared the table of laundry and debris Writing: About 1500 words. So the weather this year has been shit on my body. As one who hates the cold, I would have rather had it stay cold until it was going to warm up. Here in Ohio we've gone so back and forth that my body just can't keep up with it. I was outside in shorts and a T-shirt on December 10. Then on April 2 it snowed really hard for like two hours. The weather was finally looking like it was going to pick up again, and even when I heard the S words on the news, I was in denial, like nope, it's not going to snow, the weather's good now! And that's probably why I'm sick again. For like the fourth time this year. To top it all off, our heater is really weird since they "fixed" it. It heats pretty much constantly, so we have to crack the windows to cool it down. This requires us to get up in the middle of the night and close the windows or risk being sick in the morning. That doesn't always work out so well. Then there's the really inconsistent sleep schedule. I went about a week without adequate sleep, following a week where I felt pretty damn good about the amount of sleep I was getting. So that's my excuse for not working out and I'm sticking to it. Doesn't help that the forecast isn't promising. Even when the temperature seems good, it's raining. We'll see if I decide to go running tomorrow. If it's not in the cards, I'll probably just do an upper body workout. Anywho, that table really needed to get cleaned off. I find it impossible to write if my work area isn't clear, and my work area right now is a dining room table. Like I said in my last post, we didn't get any cleaning done Sunday, despite my fiancee's claim that she wanted to help me clean. So the laundry on the table made it over a week without being moved. I worked around it anyway, but after a time it weighs on my mind and I have to do something about it. I folded and stacked it and moved it to the bed where she can decide where it goes. (She'll probably put it on top of the dresser.) But enough bitching about the woman I love. Today I discovered a thing called the Write Chain Challenge. Basically, you make a writing goal that you can do every day - and they stress that it should be a goal you can accomplish on even the worst day - and then try to meet that goal every day. As you continue to gather links in your chain, you move up in the ranks. The whole thing seems to work through Twitter, and I don't get Twitter all that well, so hopefully I didn't fuck it up. The idea is simply to write consistently, even if that means only writing 100 words a day. I set myself a goal of thirty minutes a day, because I know I can do that much at least. Although, this half hour isn't just for writing exclusively. It can be for editing, or plotting, or even just staring at the screen unsure of what to do. As long as I have my butt in my chair for a half hour, doing only writerly stuff (ie. have my Scrivener file open and no other distractions) then that's a win. So I got my first chain link today. It's a small win, but I know the importance of simply sitting down to write. Sometimes all you need is five minutes to get the wheels turning.

Ended up not doing much yesterday. Got most of the breakfast dishes done, but then my fiancee asked me to come with her on a two hour drive to drop her family dog off with her mom. So four hours of my day ended up being driving, and I was beat by the end of it. Plus, she was home all day and while this doesn't affect my running usually, it does tend to affect my writing. So I didn't write. And we also didn't clean up despite her telling me she wanted to help me clean when I told her that I'd planned on getting the whole apartment clean while she was gone. Not too disappointed all in all. We ended up spending the rest of the day watching movies together, which is never a bad thing in my opinion. I only get annoyed by it when it's every day. I rarely have the TV on when I'm home alone, and I'm not the kind to seek out new shows just to pass the time unlike her. In short, I get more done when I'm alone, but I can't really complain about having quality time. I already have those gaming channels unsubbed and my watch history and Watch Later playlist scrubbed so I don't get more recommendations for gaming videos. I still get some, though, and I think I need to go back through my favorites or liked videos. As for the big, reflective posts, like I said before, this is just an airing out of things that have been on my mind related to this program. I'll run out of topics soon enough and the bigger posts will be much more sparse. Yep. Definitely already learned a lot from my last big go at this, as well as during the interim period where I started gaming again. I think the most important realization was that simply "not gaming" is not enough. You can't just quit a vice and do nothing else about it, hoping that somehow you'll fill that vacuum with something productive without even trying. That way leads to hours of Netflix, YouTube, etc. Which isn't much better. Instead, this time around I'm taking a much more intentional approach, as you like to say. Specifically, your suggestion here really helped me. This is kind of how I approached things when I went back to college a while back. I had a list of things that had to be done before any fun things got done. It was tough, but I got through it, and I felt so much better about it when I was done and went to play a game or just relax in general.

Hey, I inspired a format! Good to have you here, man. You and I actually started the same day - my last day gaming was March 30. I feel you on the new job anxiety. I've been a lifeguard for eleven years, and only briefly tried anything else. Three years ago I quit a full-time job cleaning planes and fueling ground equipment at the airport after only two weeks. I know it may be a bit early to ask this, but what are your goals after you move out of your parents' place? I know you say it's your ultimate goal, but that, to me, sounds like step one. Granted, it's a great step one and a big one at that, but then what?

Hey, @Falky, thanks for stopping by! I'm mostly a sci-fi and fantasy writer. I've finished four novels, and I'm working on the second draft of one of those. Ironically, it takes place in a video game lol. I mean, hey, write what you know, right? I've been working on it for a pretty long time, and this second draft is a complete re-imagining of the original concept. As for learning another language... I have to be careful which hobbies I pick up. I learned some German a while back on Duolingo, then stopped suddenly. I also took four years of Spanish (most of which I've forgotten by now). The problem with me and hobbies is that I end up doing them like I have to do them, and I try to convince myself that I need them in order to improve myself or something. Like when I tried to learn to draw. I didn't have the give-a-damn necessary to put in the time. It's like, once you've spent years honing a craft (in my case, writing) you don't really care to have to go through that process with something else. Instead, I'd rather keep improving myself in the area where I've already proven myself. Though I have to say I'm pretty damn good at drawing featureless dolls in action poses now. I'm just bad at adding details, and I never quite figured out what I would have done with that skill in the future. And before you say I could design my own book covers... I'd rather leave that to people with much more advanced techniques. I suppose, though, another secondary activity for me could be playing guitar. It's something I can already do, and something I don't do enough of anymore. I used to play every day. Now it's something like every few months. Onto more journally stuff... Exercise: Upper Body WorkoutCleaning: DishesWriting: About 1,000 words.I'll try to at least post these three things each day, but I won't be writing in the journal until all three are done. I may have other things to say (as I have yesterday and today) but at least after this first week, I'll probably be pretty brief. A few things related (or related-adjacent) to this challenge have been on my mind and I'd like to air them out over the course of this week or so. I've decided that I really, really need to disconnect a bit more from the Internet. Last time around, I gave in and continued watching gaming channels on YouTube. Luckily I never got sucked into Twitch streams, except for when a friend is playing. However, I watch YT gaming channels sometimes still (both gameplay and informative/trivia videos) when I nap, or even when I'm trying to wake up before work. I need to stop this. I already made a "Day 90" list of channels and websites to choose if I'd like to add them back into my life when the time comes. Now I just need to unsubscribe again. And it's not so much that I think anything gaming-related is bad now. I think I sort of addressed this when I admitted I'll never "hate" gaming. It's just that the idea of not being a gamer, not being part of gaming "culture," not wanting to know and experience everything there is to know and experience about gaming is an alien concept to me. I look at non-gamers that I work with who are younger than me, people without a single game console who maybe occasionally play a casual game on their phones, and I wonder what it must be like. How do they pass the time? Does it make it easier for them to get important things done? Or do they have other vices that distract them from the realities of life? I may never figure any of these things out about other people, but with diligence, I may end up becoming one of them. Hell, after ninety days I may never look back, who knows? I should point out that I'll still (as I did in my previous challenge) play games with my fiancee when she requests it. It's really not very often, and it's usually just Mario Party or a similar game. My reasoning is the same as always: It's not anti-social and I don't end up doing it for hours at a time. Plus, we'd just be watching TV or a movie together otherwise. And in fact it's probably more social than TV or movies, since typically we don't talk much during those. It's just another way to spend time together for us. Also, as a slightly irrelevant aside, I can honestly say I don't regret my decision to go back for the time that I did. I was actually much more discerning about which games I played and a couple of them in particular were absolutely wonderful experiences. So, my almost-halfway reboot has already yielded results, and now it's just time to double down on that.

Hello, GameQuitters. You may remember that I've had one of these journals before, as Gank's Log. But it's been a long time since that, and this is a whole new attempt. So out with the old! I think in my previous attempts, I haven't been honest with myself. For instance, I tried to convince myself that I just don't like gaming anymore. That's totally false. What's still true is I don't get the same rush I used to out of it and that there are better ways to use my time. So my goals this time around are... well, exactly the same. I need to re-prioritize what's important in my life. I need to do at least a 90-day reboot. But it's not just about not gaming - that's an important thing to remember. In fact, it's less about what I'm not doing, and more about what I am doing. I have a list of priorities to follow, ordered by importance: Primary Activities: WriteExerciseCleanSecondary Activities: ReadBlog/JournalCatch up on other blogs/journalsPlay GuitarTertiary Activities: TV/Movies/YouTubeInternet SurfingGaming (Presently a banned activity)...and I'll probably update this list as time goes on. Definitely at a loss for what else qualifies as secondary. Effectively, the Primary Activities list consists of things that must be done every day. Keeping my apartment clean is an uphill battle and I now have a workout routine that goes back and forth between upper body and running, so that should be able to remain an every day thing. Secondary activities are things which are fun/entertaining but also productive at the same time. Everything else is the lazy stuff. Today I didn't get around to writing (yet) but I'll work on it after I've posted this. The good thing now is I have a pretty good structure/plan for writing. I don't know if this will be a daily thing. I'm not really sure what to do for daily journals. I've seen some people who basically follow a template so they can get in and get out if they don't have time for much else. Not sure what I'd post, though. I had a little more on my mind about self-worth and my theories on why I get so drawn back into gaming, but I'll leave this one short. Pretty tired right now and I'd rather just finish my coffee and start writing. It's good to be back.

Wow, just when I decide to come back and recommit myself. Man... This better not be an April Fool's joke On a more serious note: Congrats on all you've achieved in this past half a year. May you continue to shatter the level cap on life.

Guys, I suck at this. I should just stop announcing when I'm starting my reboot. The first time I was in here with a long streak, I didn't even mention when I quit games. I was just like "Oh, hey, it's been two or three weeks" in one of the posts. That was an indicator of a good streak to me, and rather than being held to proving myself, I proved myself before announcing it. Of course that lasted I think almost two months (which is great, don't get me wrong). It's not just game-quitting either. Porn is a much bigger vice. If I could only do away with one, I would get rid of porn. And I think that was kind of my original goal - get rid of one bad thing at a time. So I reverted to that. I tried to just play games and avoid porn. It didn't work. In fact, with porn, I'm impressed if I make it two days. (Also, I'm never going back to the nofap community, so don't even suggest it. Red Pillers started moving in and fucked it all up, not that it wasn't dogmatic about the supposed "superpowers" that successful users have supposedly discovered already. Plus, I kinda hate Reddit.) Anyway, I feel stuck again. I'm thinking maybe I just need to pick up more positive thoughts. "Don't play games" equates to "Don't think about pink elephants." Of course I'm going to think about the elephants. And I've learned that physically taking things away from myself isn't ever enough. I always end up granting myself a little leeway, particularly after doing something productive. Like, hey, I just finished a book, so I'm gonna go re-download that game I just deleted. Part of me wants to just be able to sit and meditate whenever I get urges. But I've tried it before. I don't know if it's because I'm such a faithless person and I've yet to find a secular guide to meditation, but I just can't get into it. I don't give a shit about my "spirit." I just want to calm my mind. I sometimes wonder what other common threads we here at GQ share. For my part, I think I'm beating myself up for getting out of shape and not writing as much as I would like to. How many others here have personal projects that don't get done, thus being the source of their own misery? I remember some time ago, I just stopped writing. It was a conscious choice. I stopped and didn't worry about it. And I was actually happier. But something was always missing. Now I have it back, I'm less happy, but the thing making me unhappy is actually something I enjoy and want to do. I believe that's a catch-22. So, just popping in to say all this. I don't know where to go from here. I don't expect to be sharing when I start my reboot again. It's like when I got really into running. The only person who knew it was going well was my fiancee. I didn't need to tell people about it to feel validated. I was doing it for me, not for anyone else, and only once I had been doing well did I tell anyone that I was a runner. Then I threw my back out and screwed all that progress.

Funny how things work out. Last night, my fiancee came home and asked if we could play a game together. So we did. One game and then bed. I don't feel bad about it because I've mentioned before that that's fine by me. "Game-quitting" for me is more about getting away from the antisocial hours-on-end gaming sessions and obsessing about not having enough time to level up and worrying about what games I want to play after work because I just have to progress in the games. You know, shit that doesn't matter. But games with my fiancee or basically anyone else in the room is not antisocial, nor do I obsess about it. The only rules I'm giving myself on this are: No online gaming (ie. the friends I'm playing with must be in the same room as me), and I can't be the one to suggest we play games. For instance, our "poker nights" rarely remain poker nights. We eventually turn to video games usually. And now we have board games so that will probably rule out video games altogether for a while. Anyway, today was a day off. I got my run in yesterday and managed to shake of shin splints with my compression sleeves and proper stretching - I always underestimate the need to stretch when the run I'm about to do is supposed to be easy. Today I got the rest of the apartment cleaned up, paid rent, bought dog food, read a few chapters from a book (which I'm going to go back to after finishing this post), and pulled up my story with the intent to write. However, because of the changes I've made to the story, I had to refocus on where I was going with it. I also had to remember not to cut out whole characters who'd played large roles before, and even give roles to characters that had appeared minor before. Otherwise why include them at all? So I wrote out the broad sweeps of the rest of Part Two then worked on the important parts of Part Three. Pulled out some index cards to write down the scenes I'd need as well. All in all took an hour or so to do all this. And despite not getting any prose written since I got back from my dad's place, I feel accomplished with what I've done today. Next step is going to be writing out a summary for the rest of the book, which helps me visualize it better as a story. But for now, I'm ready to relax and read.

Hey, @Somebodyelse, thanks for stopping by! Good luck with your own journey. That's awesome @Tom. It's always great to hear that a book recommendation is appreciated by someone. So, I've completed the main story of the game I was playing. I still have two weeks left on the subscription, but I'll bite the bullet. I got my $15 worth, especially with a couple of really long days. Today is day one of my reboot, and after that, I'll decide if I want to go back and continue the story. Right now I really want to continue it. We'll see how I feel by the end of April. I've actually wrestled pretty hard with this decision. Even in the last half hour where I was lifeguarding (and taking a break from writing this) I started to reconsider. But no, I need to do this. (Update: After work, I tried playing it again, then decided even more strongly that this reboot needs to happen now.) And I'm going to try to make this as much of a full-on reboot as possible. No gaming channels, no mobile games, nothing. The only exceptions will be party games with friends, but only after we've had enough poker and board games. There is one teensy weensy sticking point, though. The fansite that I'd been writing for until it became defunct for four months without updates decided to merge with another, much bigger fansite. One with over a hundred staff members and hundreds of thousands of followers. A site I applied to six years ago but they were full up on staff at the time and told me I seemed like a great fit for the future. We decided to move one of our bigger projects over there because they allowed us to, and now we'll have a much bigger team to help us get it done, which is exciting. And if I get on writing more news and features, then that's a much better portfolio for me with a much more reputable site than the one I'd been working for. But it's still a video game fansite. The upside is that I don't actually have to play any games to do any of the volunteer work there, as long as I don't accept any review features. There's no way I can turn down this opportunity right now, especially with this big project we're transferring over since I'm one of its two creators and we want to stay at the head of it. Anyway, other than video games, I'm cutting back on spending. I figured out that I made about $800 and spent about $790 in January. Honestly, that's better than I'd expected, since I thought I was digging into my credit card more than that. However, I also figured out that between credit, debit, cash, and my fiancee's money, we spent around $200 on alcohol last month. That needs to stop. And not just for my wallet, but for my health. Used to have a six-pack, ya know? I went for a run the other day. And @Cam Adair, I gotta say something you said stuck with me. That thing about action breeding motivation. Because right after running and taking a shower, I did the dishes because I was just ready to do shit. And I'm going to go for a run this afternoon, then probably get the apartment back in order. I still have about two hours left of the audiobook for Spell or High Water, so that's my incentive for cleaning. And another thing. I really need to limit my Internet time. I've found in the past that I've replaced gaming with mindless browsing. Or just watching endless youtube videos. So whenever I open my laptop or turn on my desktop, I need to have a purpose. So, I'm home now. I just ate, so I'm going to let my stomach settle then go for a run.

I think more than anything else, I just want to distance myself from the gaming community. I just don't want to be associated with it anymore. Things like GamerGate and a plethora of other more general shit has made me embarrassed to call myself a "gamer." It's become a charged title, not to mention a little sad to have that be your primary self-identification. I saw an article yesterday about Street Fighter V being patched to censor out some of the butt-centric camera angles, and that led me to finding other butt-censoring in the same game, this time in a Youtube video. And oh my god the comments. "Are you happy SJWs?" "Dirty SJWs ruin everything. I'm done with gaming." And so on. Like, I can be every bit the horny teenage boy as any other mid-twenty-something guy. But who the hell gets up in arms about (totally unrealistic) butts and boobs being censored, downsized (which has become a concern with the FF7 remake) or just diverted away from a little bit? Manboys, that's who. And I don't even want to be tangentially related to them in any way. Maybe I'm also just outgrowing the general age of the online gaming community as well. I recently watched the chat in an MMO where the conversation was about women and... Yeah. It was bad. But I also defy this whole line of thinking because hey, that's my nature. I don't like people who are stubbornly adult. And by that, I mean the kinds of people that reject things that are totally fun because "Nyah, that's kiddie stuff." I gave up Pokemon years ago thinking that I needed to do so to mature. I ended up buying it back. I later quit because I'd gotten bored with it. Which was the right reason and a decision I'm happy with. Anyone else with similar gripes here?

Had the nine to five again today. Was thinking about my story a lot at work, had my notebook and my laptop open during most of my breaks. Reread the last chapter I wrote, had an idea, then figured out the middle of my story is way too short, and the beginning way too long. The best breakdown of a story is 25% beginning, 50% middle, 25% ending. This is just a rule among the most gripping stories out there, and it's something I'm trying to achieve. The way things were looking, my story was about to be 40% beginning, 25% middle, 35% ending. That's way off. But! I'm intentionally aiming to write about 10,000 words more than I want in the final product. So a lot of that will likely be shaved off the beginning (which, to be honest, probably gets repetitive and tedious. That's what's editing is for). While that doesn't help the middle, what does help is that I realized how to stretch out the middle in a way that doesn't make the story seem drawn out. See, I'd just revealed the final antagonist. But, I realized I could use that exact same scene later (ie. about 10,000 words later) and establish more of the theme in the meantime. So I went over that part of the story and decided what to do. I have notes for what to do after the actual reveal of the antagonist, but in the meantime, I need a better path to that point... although I really like how that scene worked out. Anyway, the way this new scene goes, the main characters discover something new, but instead of the antagonist showing up, another previously introduced character appears and more complications arise. So while I only wrote about 500 words today, I feel like this was a fairly successful writing day, because planning is at least half the battle. Plus, I didn't necessarily lose the words I cut out, since I can just move them later on in the story in a similar situation. Without elaborating on that, I can assure you that it will make sense when it happens.

I totally agree, Cam. I think being intentional is the right response. It's also a really good word for this situation. I think I've come to the conclusion that I just won't get my words done when I have a 9 to 5 shift. It's not often that I have that shift, but I did yesterday and I do tomorrow. Monday was a day off and I got my words done. Today I only work 1 to 5 and I've already got my words done (a whole new chapter in fact!) Yesterday on the other hand wiped me out. I came home and nearly passed out. Plus, I stopped by my apartment (since I'm still house-sitting) and filled out an application and submitted it online. I had to do that at home because I needed my scanner for it. Now that that's out of the way, we wait, and hopefully I'll get out of this dead-end and annoying job. Seriously, lifeguarding looks easy, and generally it is, but it's like going on a long car ride by yourself with no music. You have to stay vigilant so no one gets hurt, but you're bored out of your skull most of the time, and by the end of it, despite "not doing much" you're tired. So at least today I got my writing in and I have a half-shift. The rest of the week may be a little more difficult, but I'm happy about my progress with the book. Can't wait to have this draft done so I can put it through the next round of edits. Gonna have to set more deadlines to get all that done since I want to have it publishable by Fall.