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mikeyb93

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About mikeyb93

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  1. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Going past merely video games I have an issue where I prefer fiction to reality. While it isn't fun to admit, my actions show that I prefer to enjoy an imagined reality. The imagined reality whether in the form of a game, book, movie, (porn could be here too), etc comes with a predetermined goal that I value. Then I complete or watch the goal get completed. In the games I complete the goal myself. In the movies/books/videos of gaming, I insert myself and appreciate it as if I were the main character. It feels good in the moment because outside of these things I don't have any goals. I may be self employed, but I I don't try to take my business anywhere, it just exists. I lift weights, but I don't have any determined goals for my body in looks, strength or endurance. I practice martial arts, but there is no point of skill, or number of tournaments I'd like to win. I don't have any serious desire for a relationship at the moment. All these add up to me just existing. I would assume that most people on here have stumbled on to some Jordan Peterson video where he talks about goal setting and the act of working towards a goal is where most people get their source of happiness. I have an issue trying to figure out what goal I should pursue, but when I think about any individual goal it seems pointless. I don't have any lack and I don't see how chasing after something I don't need would make my life more enjoyable. Its a frustrating place to be. If I start thinking in terms of attributes that would make my life better it gets a little easier. I would appreciate if my house and car were consistently cleaner. More energy and health, primarily from a better diet. I'd like to spend less time on electronics and less time on politics/fiction in general. I would also like to remove any potential money issue. I think looking at things this way will help me more than thinking "If I get to X point I will be happier". Edit # 1Or... I could buy Civ 5 for less than $15. it sounds so tempting as I have very little to do this week. Wish me luck. Edit #2. Fuck me I really need to stop looking at steam. I am ready to buy games just in case I want to play them later.
  2. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Guess its day 8. Doing alright so far. A lot of the cravings have gone away. Its tough to break away from game related content and games. It is amazing how pervasive gaming is in my life. It does help that I really like warhammer 40k and a lot of it is videogame based. Reading books has helped, although I need to find some cheaper ones. $12 is a lot for 400 or so pages on kindle.
  3. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    What do you watch instead of video game stuff? I am used to watching lots of lets plays and commentaries even when I went through 65 days video game free. I still match some stuff now or have it on in the background while I work. What would you recommend watching instead?
  4. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Hey Mike, I hope everything goes will with your new landlord. Congratz on Day 19, your new apartment and the better relationship with your girl.
  5. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Almost through week 1. Feeling a lot better already. I have been reading a lot more. Fiction novels and more pleasure reading than anything of great quality, but its enjoyable and keeps me from getting to game crazy. The first few days were very rough with constant thoughts of gaming, but I have calmed back down and am feeling better already. Thanks Mike! There are a lot of Mikes here. Thanks for your concerns a well wishes
  6. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Relapse, but one the bright side I am back a lot faster than the last time I went back to games. I was bored on my flight back from Kansas City and thought a phone game or two wouldn't hurt. It really is amazing how I cant stop myself if I partake a little bit. Its all or nothing. Time to go back to nothing. Its been less than a month, but I feel a lot more depressed than I did before hand. Back to day 1
  7. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Day 47 How the mighty has fallen. On day 45 I felt great. I was half way done the challenge. I felt great I felt confident that I was going to crush the rest of the challenge without a problem. I was starting to think that I didn't really need the forum anymore and that it served its purpose. Now just a few days later and all I want to do is buy a game and play it until the sun comes up again. I just had a really mediocre day. I feel like I didn't get anything important done and then I broke my 27 day no porn streak. It has me pretty crushed right now and I just want to hide and pretend I'm not mad at myself. I want to stop the negative feels the fastest way I know how, gaming. I don't know what I'll actually end up doing, part of me wants to got o sleep to avoid everything. I still haven't relapsed, but I feel close.
  8. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    DAY FORTY-FIVE! "Woah, we're half way thereWoah, livin' on a prayer" I have not forgotten about games, but they are losing their power over me more and more everyday. I cant wait until I care about games even less.
  9. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Day 37 Still going strong. Outside of wanting to play the app version of a board game I really like I have had very few urges despite checking a game based subreddit or two when I am bored. It is a time wasting activity that needs to be dealt with, but it doesnt make me want to play games. I also found out that a game I was really looking forward to a few months came out recently and I am not bothered by it very much. It interests me much less than I thought it would. I'm happy that at this point I am not just suppressing desires but the desires have, in part, gone away.
  10. mikeyb93

    90 days to be born again

    Looks like I am almost IF already I eat in a 9-10 hour block for the most part. I think the eating diversity is the tough part for me. Thanks for the help!
  11. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Day 33 The beginners mindset Cam posted was pretty coll. It seemed similar to meditation or what some would call "being present" or "being in the moment". I think it involves getting ourselves out of auto pilot. So much of what we do gets put on auto pilot. Even as I write this I ignore the feeling of the keys on my fingers or the sound they make. The mildly uncomfortable feeling in my neck, the brightness of the screen in my eyes. All this gets swept away when I am typing on auto pilot. Speaking of meditation I have been practicing the headspace app that Cam, mentioned in a video, article or post. I really like it. I started with 5 minutes and at first it felt like a long time but now it feels almost too short. I am also keeping my room and car much much much cleaner, I am almost compulsive about it. It made me smile going back and looking at how I talked about my room and car being in almost a year ago. Me from a year ago would not have thought what I am doing now is possible and most of this change has just happened in the past few months. I find myself a lot more content. I cant overstate how helpful it has been to commit my morning to some basic habits I want to build everyday. I always found that if I jump immediately into work it is extremely difficult for me to get out and take care of basic things. I have been almost spotless with my habits so far this week. It is a great thing and has made me feel very productive compared to how I used to be. I'm meditating, reading a book for 30 minutes, having some time to worship the Lord and then get a quick ab workout it. It used to feel extremely hard, but now it seems easy.
  12. mikeyb93

    90 days to be born again

    Sounds like you are getting off to a good start. How does your meal plan look? I always have trouble making and sticking to one. Any tips?
  13. mikeyb93

    30 Days Passed!

    Congratz man! You are doing great. I hope you see it through.
  14. mikeyb93

    90 days to be born again

    Good luck man! Getting rid of the games is tough, but I am enjoying the changes being game free has brought and I think you will to. Like Cam said, take it one day at a time. Dont focus on trying to make it 90 days without gaming, just focus on avoiding it in the moment.
  15. mikeyb93

    Mike's Journal

    Thanks Cam! I think I've heard about it before, but I have not read anything more than a sentence or 2 about it. I'm about to check it out.
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