Sunday: Not a lot of problems presented themselves today; maybe as I woke up right before 6am again, focused and refreshed. There still wasn't any complete avoidance of discomfort, even clicking on imaginary trees and wood onscreen, throughout. I pushed myself outside a second time with summer clothing on, a little tightly-fitted but I said 'screw any external perceptions of the choice' and walked well for ~45 minutes. Now I am a little pepped up on a second cocoa - maybe I'll pay again for that, maybe I won't. Just glad it went okay and better than many Sundays past. Maybe it's because I spent most of the day feeling sorry for people I didn't know - who couldn't/don't directly wreck things for me - on documentaries. It wasn't all about long-term health though, perhaps; I had something like excuses for not asserting myself where it might have brought me peace/pleasure (I don't think they should mix too often here), as that may be destiny. I tell myself I'm being realistic and practical rather than reacting instinctively with a lot of guesswork.  Gratitude: ~ Good weather mostly, and not getting full rain-pour on the morning walk ~ Trip outside #2 instead of napping and feeling restless before proper sleep later, like yesterday ~ Feeling in better tune with surroundings rather than shutting them out ~ The righteous sin of opportunity-consideration on game profiles I don't know what my mind will present me overnight without forcing anything, but I wish all of you guys good luck. ~ Matt

Entry 5.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2771 (80th birthday) Day 171: No Useless Videos Day 1003: Sticking to Food schedule Day 606: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 154: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Keeping my output goals which I used to write to the mastermind in a new document - Starting a Trial on StoryLearning - Writing a summary of the lesson to Veronica 1 Thing I could do better - Make 8 hours of sleep a priority once more Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 171 (The previous post is 170)

Entry 4.7 (Written on 5.7 - seems i missed the entry....? or the forum is bugging....) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2771 (80th birthday) Day 170: No Useless Videos Day 1002: Sticking to Food schedule Day 605: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 153: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - 4 pomodoros - Evening workout - Finishing my "Homework" that I've set for myself and viewing the 2 exam videos 1 Thing I could do better - Make 8 hours of sleep a priority Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 169

Saturday evening: Not long ago, I read a news piece about a recurring subject of 'men being 'in trouble/left behind''. One thing the contributor tried to communicate was 'When you start blaming others for your problems, that's when you've 'lost the script''. However, he lost points with me for tangentially suggesting a requirement that each person (man) be able to justify their existence. I've started off now too sincerely, so the angry tool in my toolbox was glowing up at me - anyway, as an addict might do, I did want to espouse one benefit of the re-release of the childhood game of mine that I'm still giving time over to, and say that it enabled reflection and analysis, enough that I started questioning things and people around me. This is significant because I found myself momentarily in front of my mother, in some deep yet casual conversation. I don't remember what I was saying, but I distinctly remember her asking me back, "You mean, I should stop thinking that the world revolves around me?" I was 19 or 20, yet I was horrified at this, after the months of online reading into the NPD that I supposedly had/was branded with by my ex. Aside from all of the nonsense my Dad spouted over the years, I thought inwardly, 'These people/this person was trusted to raise me into a societally responsible being?' Thus, the finger(s) of blame. ___________ Two other people that I've never met, who surely would have been at odds with their main respective lines on life, nevertheless shared (somewhat) a view of eternal responsibility - that is, holding ourselves accountable for all deeds since birth, and perhaps even in previous lives. I won't go further into that today. One of these individuals clearly hoped that his relevant work would prompt a dramatic turnaround in many people's lives, by the explanation of a person 'choosing the easy option' their 'entire' life''. He valued intelligence, and intelligence sometimes suggests that saving effort could be a better decision, at times. Anyway, perhaps he simply meant 'from a young age', or the realisation of consciousness that comes anywhere between the ages of 1 and 6, I guess. It probably ties in with learning speech.  Me, I don't think that I had many problems until the family relocated overseas. This is a matter of positive or negative choices of reframing, but if I had to play both sides, I'd say that I felt both encouragingly challenged and yet coerced to follow around at the airport. Yes, I remembered such a scene and emotion clearly from anywhere from ages 3 to 7. Again, with the condition(s) I believe I was born with, I might now try to point blame, but I still don't know what good that would do, unless it consolidated what friendships I have within the family somehow, in conversation. ___________ Like I said this week, I rarely feel low/prompted enough to get these things out face to face with people, and maybe I use torturous workouts and gaming sessions, or even abstinence to get myself there. What's important to me is that I know what to work with in the future and what not to. In the meantime, I choose not to repeat mistakes in day/routine-planning, like going out at night with a poor mental state. Alas, it is a Saturday night, but this has been stimulating enough. I had an hour of sleep in the afternoon, so maybe I'll have the same bedtime as most people tonight (9-10pm to 6-7am). It helps for me to feel in sync in some ways at least with many others. The rest of my family, I don't know. Peace guys, ~ Matt  

Huh, it really seems odd. I think wrote something different, maybe the forum is bugging out a little or maybe I'm just being stupid. I meant to write it was good advice 😄