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Passion vs multipotentialitism So, this is a very important thing, I have been thinking for quite a while. And I still have not come to an agreement with myself. Gaming has always been my "passion". So that I would do it as often as possible. I surely was a professional in that sense - I can only guess the number of hours. And something, which is very honourable in our society is the idea that someone finds his passion, or that sometimes, the passion finds you by heart. Guys like Lang Lang, a genius piano player, Lebron James, probably the best basketball player of the 2000s so far or Charles Darwin. He has spend more than 20 years on his main project regarding evolution theory. So, it seems that some people are quite able to find this one passion.  For me, besides my "passion" or better addiction of gaming, this has always been a struggle. Recently, I read something about multipotentiates - people who accept the fact that not a single passion passed by and therefore engage in several of them. I kinda see myself in this ideal. I always was a person, who started a netflix series and would quit after one season. Even my most beloved series of all time, Game of thrones and breaking bad - I quit them both in between at first. The same with studies, courses or "hobbies". I tried quite a lot of things whether it is music, art, bottle gardens, programming, language learning, running, ... this list is longer than you could ever imagine. So why I always had this sense of failing and incapability to finish something, the concept of multipotentialite gives me a way out in the sense that I might not only have failed: A multipotentialite is not someone, who finishes the book for the sake of finishing the book, but rather to read the book UNTIL he has found, what he was looking for, from entertainment, knowledge to meaning. While I don't see myself as a multipotentialite in the long run,  it is an interesting worldview as a contrasting pole to the idea that you need to have a passion. I think we don't like to be mediocre. Being mediocre scares us. It is fine to be very bad at it, so that we can say with certainty that we dislike it. Or we are very good and feel like a champion. Being neither nor is not very alluring. But that is just an idea. I have no proof for that. Now here is the deal: the concept of multipotentialitism seems to ignore that we sometimes are not finishing something, just because we are not capable, or we are not strong enough regarding will power. But maybe this could also be put into the same category with being bored. So I just leave it at that. But here is someone, who would totally disagree with the idea of multipotentialites: Bill Gates. He is known to read many books. And he finishes every single book, even if he does not like it and disagrees with it. So while this seems admirable or even a bit insane, it might reflect his character, his wisdom and a reason, why he is so successful. He is very smart in many different areas and really suggests that we should adept the habit of finishing things, something I always have failed to establish properly. I tend to agree with him intuitively, but I also like the comforting message of the multipotentialites that I should do, whatever I am seeking without really focus on finishing things. It is a tricky pony and in a sense I think that Bill Gates should be more trusted, since he in some way is a morph between the dimensions of passion and multipotentiatism, because he has a variety of passions, not just superficially, but quite elaborated, as far as I am aware of. I really don't know, what it the right way to go here. Maybe it is totally subjective. What works for Bill Gates, might not work for another person. Anyways, for now, I am more focusing on the Gates way of finishing things. If I am successful with that, maybe I will be able to evaluate this topic at a later point in time. Maybe I then try to go for the multipotentialite way, which is certainly comforting, but for now not attractive enough for me. That's it for now.

Why not change it up a bit and start with some of your university work before some of the other routines? Sometimes, starting is all there is. But that is a difficult thing to discuss, since I know, how valuable those kind of mourning routines can be, which you are talking about.  Regarding university and learning, I really have understood something important: If you are in this mode, where you kinda have to do it and you are checking out the amount of pages, you are trying to reach for this day or you try to get it done as fast as possible or where you are only doing it to kinda get it done because of your grades... those minutes or hours are a complete waste of time. While four subjects sound VERY HARD, try to focus on this: What is the book or the article or the subject contributing to my life? How can it change my identity and belief systems? This is the ultimate aim of university, not grades or just doing the courses. Trying to find out, who you want to become. Therefore you have to start asking questions while reading: What is the intention of the author? What is his stance? Do I agree with that? Are there other ideas as well? Is it helping me to get better in my profession?  Since, I have adopted this kind of mindset, procrastination is really not a problem. I am doing this with intention and curiousity. Good grades are not really a problem. They just pass by as a nice consequence. I am not here to brag about that. Just that the right mindset might help your with your work. 🙂 

Isn't talking about the idea to do something in moderation already giving something power? Power in the sense that we somehow have to be careful and look out, otherwise it will take over? So that we are admitting that it IS a problem! Ofc we could also say that not doing it at all and trying to avoid it at all cost also gives it some power and the image of a monster lurking in the shadows. So regardless, if we are trying to be in control, which I think is your goal here, in order to enjoy the pleasure of games and their varieties of arts, we are in dangerous territory. Because no matter if done in moderation or not at all (like the detox), we are admitting that it has power to control our behavior. Why go into this fight, if the chance that we lose is high? The only "proof" that we might win the fight, is actually the absense of a fight: We don't care about moderation or not doing something or relapses. We just do something, but than we have no problem to stop it anytime and do something else. Like maybe someone, who decides to read a bit, but that quits after 20 minutes, because he has to go back to work. All without internal struggle, because it is just his hobby to read and a way to relax and come down. Nothing more, nothing less. But then, it we are in that stage, we have no problem to begin with...

I struggle doing this every day. Honestly. My morning routine is getting more and more solid and I am surprised how much more energy I have through the cold showers and the meditation, and also how well I am doing in my martial arts forms. I even took a walk afterwards. Getting to work afterwards is a struggle though. The studying I have to do is kind of fascinating but also very tiresome. The fact that I do four subjects at a time does not improve that. As I emphasised before: Getting to work after the morning routine must be my number one priority. However, today I self-sabotaged again.

Your realisation just proved to me how important the why in addiction is. I know that I do it for escapism, too, but I never took the reason seriously. I will definitely reflect upon this tomorrow. As for gaming in moderation, you probably know my comment (It is a very bad idea, especially with your past relapses in mind). I think that way, I am not willing to take this risk but you have to find your own way. Also, you are right because your journal is a great way to track your thoughts and see how you progress and think differently. Keep going mate!