Going well dude, keep moving forward.
I'd say one thing about the anxiety. It was always there (as it is in all of us), but the addiction was just masking it and keeping it from being able to release. The hardest part of this is allowing it to be a part of you. It's your mind trying to protect you, and that's a good thing so try to avoid beating on yourself for it. I know it might sound counter intuitive but thank your mind for trying to protect you, trying to look after you and keep you safe...but then gently remind it that you are safe, you aren't in immediate danger and that you're not going down that road of self-destruction again.
Hope that helps a little. All the best mate.
Wow. Where does the time go. I can't believe it's been about a month since I quit. There's been times when I've been tempted to go back, even little blips where I've nearly replaced it with something equally as addictive...however I've always managed to haul myself back from the brink. I also decided a couple of weeks in to give a few other things up that went hand in hand with gaming, things I feel more inclined to use and obsess about if I game. That's actually been harder than the gaming, as I've been tempted to fill the void with those activities. All in all though it's gone as well as I could have expected. I'm starting to rediscover my mojo for life, am much easier to be around and am pouring a lot of my time and effort into exercise, relationships and work.
Don't get me wrong, there's been ups and downs. Certainly the first couple of weeks were rough, and there's been times when I really haven't been myself due to the cravings and mood swings. Plus I know that my intake of sugar, fat and alcohol is certainly more than average when I maybe gamed. At the moment I'm managing to keep those things to moderate levels that don't waste time or even add value to my life because they're part of social situations. As a runner, my health and diet are important to me...however the best advice I've read is to try not to cut out too many things at once, and I'd rather focus on getting my training mojo back consistently before I look at making marginal gains through improvements to diet.
All in all going pretty well. I have a job interview next week at an organisation whose values appear to align to my own, and who would be a lot closer to home with a higher salary and more career development. Fingers crossed for that.
I've also started listening to some mental health podcasts, such as The Naked Professors (Seriously, check it out.). One of the most useful things that they reinforced was that the mind is designed to protect you from harm and keep you safe, called negative bias. That's why when you have time to think, it's mostly negative or scary. But it's not an inherently negative thing. It's actually good for you as a healthy human to have this. What's important is your relationship with your mind and general identity. Imagine if somebody else spoke to you in the way you think and speak to yourself sometimes, you'd walk away or lose it with them...probably decide never to see them again. Well we all need to be kinder to ourselves. I've tried meditating on and off, it does seem to help in small doses, but this feels different. Every time I get lost in thoughts now and I realise it, rather than stressing and worrying about whatever is going on, I just tell my mind that I'm grateful that it's trying to look after me and that I'm happy it's aware of danger, but that in this moment, I'm safe. Unless obviously I'm really not safe! BUt most of the time it's just whirring away when I'm travelling or trying to do mundane stuff like chores. Then I just gently tell it that everything is fine, that I'm safe but that I'm not cross with it for thinking that way.
So be kinder to yourselves, accept your mind for what it is and be thankful that it's trying to protect you, but understand that a lot of the things that go on up there don't reflect reality.
Today I'm grateful to everybody on this forum trying to support one another, and particularly for being able to meet so many people who are willing to share their stories and open their hearts. I know it all sounds cheesy and tacky, but I mean it 100%. I spent a bit more time on here the last few days, responding and reading comments. It's helped me to feel like I'm not alone and that I'm not pathetic for having these issues.
I'm still eternally grateful to my finacee and friends for accepting all this, accepting me for who I am. It makes such a huge difference. I'm also grateful to be part of a running community again, it means a lot.
Take care all. Remember, your mind is trying to help 🙂
I drove 50 miles to the warehouse headquarters today to get my hiring stuff done. It feels weird now that the reality of my new job is starting to set in. I'm probably going to sound elitist af, but I was raised in an upper middle class household, went to a good college and only ever held white collar positions. Now that I'm firmly in the blue collar sector it's a humbling and terrifying feeling. But hey, at least it'll only be a temporary gig until I finish my classes, and start a job that makes a little more of a consistent paycheck.
Other than that today was pretty uneventful. I kind of just surfed the web, spent some time on Reddit, stuff like that. I think I'm going to clean up and head to bed soon, and do a little reading for class tomorrow. I might try some breathing exercises as well; with this whole warehouse job situation and the lack of gaming to cope I'm noticing a definite increase in my anxiety. I hope this is something that's temporary.