I second what James and fawn said. I'm really sorry to hear about your past couple of days. Life really just tries to beat us down sometimes, and there's not much we can do to stop it. I hope you catch a break soon--you deserve it after all of this.
Your attitude throughout this is actually very inspiring to me. I would've been flattened by this for days.
Hang in there, bud, and RIP to Tiger.
Day 51 (51 day streak)
100% gaming and gaming-content free. Didn't have too many urges today. I did thumb through my phone searching for news headlines a little bit at work when I was testing equipment and waiting, but that was about it. I also didn't have any music on and didn't surf while eating dinner, which I don't usually do. That's a bad habit and one I really want to get rid of.
I got up before my alarm today, though technically I sat in bed (aiming for 8 hours). I left my house very early compared to recent days and had some time to read in the car before work started. Work was busy as usual. I had a meeting with my boss and I told him straight up that I'm resigned to the fact that I can't juggle everything I've been trying to right now. He seemed understanding. I had to stay at work late though because my equipment testing was marred by equipment troubleshooting. I know its literally my job to fix things, but I often wish things didn't break. Oh well.
I also finished the first "pillar" in The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. The chapter talked a lot about the need to be conscious and present to reality. In a way, ignoring reality and running from it is in part seated in fear and a lack of confidence in one's ability to handle reality. There was a really awesome paragraph in this book that talked about addiction and how some of it is rooted in fear and escapism. I really identified with this. As a result of reading this chapter, I've been trying to be mindful of when I start trying to escape. I'm trying to face some of these problems more head on.
Speaking of, one of those is not going to the gym. It's late, but I want to start hitting the gym more. I did a small bit of cardio yesterday at my apartment complex gym, but today I should really go and lift at the real gym. I might go do an attenuated workout tonight.
I'm kind of impressed about today. Days like today give me hope.
Days without games: 175/201.
No caffeine: Day 3No sweets: Day 1Will I play today? Yes, 4 hours.
Yesterday I succeeded in not playing games, but I did check in with my online gamer friends late in the day. I felt the urge to do so the moment I was home, alone, with nothing else to do. But I also felt bad for having that urge. Why does it feel bad ? It does. I feel guilty for having that urge.
I'll write more tomorrow