none239

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About none239

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  1. none239 added a post in a topic I never realized how much time I lost.   

    I think it's similar to the Aesop fable The Mischievous Dog . 
    It's a defense mechanism used to hide a secret shame. I know that in the past I have felt embarrassed about my gaming habit. So I was proud that I spent thousands of hours playing video games. So what if I had no friends. so what if I never left my home town in all my  thirty years of living because it was too scary. So what if I could not get a job because networking was a nightmarish idea for me. So I was proud of how much time I wasted.
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  2. none239 added a topic in Main Room   

    I never realized how much time I lost.
    So today is the 89th day of my 90 day detox. And I looked at some of the old games I purchased on steam.
     
    Game A: You've Played 358 hours
    Game B: You've Played 496 hours
    Game C: You've Played 278 hours <- I know that the hours I spent on this game where in 16 hour marathons so the significance of the amount of time spent hits much closer to home. Even if it's not the greatest amount.
    Game D: 135 hours
    Game E: 262 hours <-- Incorrect since I owned this game outside of steam and played it for months on end. 
    Game F: 242 hours
    My stomach turned when I look at the hours I spent on Game A. I didn't own it for that long it had to have been less than a year. This only tracks the time I spent playing steam games. I honestly thought that I did not play Game A all that much. I played very many games outside of steam prior to the 90 day detox.
    In the past I would have been proud to have played that long. Now I can't figure out why I felt that way.
    I
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  3. none239 added a post in a topic I feel nothing is real anymore   

    Keep going to see your therapist. It took me about 3 or 4 sessions before I felt really comfortable talking about my most depression causing issues. There is no set number, if you see your therapist 10 times and get great results on the 11th the fact that you took longer than I did is irrelevant.
    There are two bits of advice that changed my view on depression my depression:
     
    1. It's OK to admit that you're not ready to say "Everything is going to be OK ".
    One thing people bashed me over the head with when I was 16 was the classic, "You just need to look at life differently."  or the ever helpful "Why do you want people to care about your little pity party? So and So has problems twice as bad as yours. " <- Gee thanks now I'm depressed and I feel guilty!
    So I felt like I had to convince myself that I was fine today that working on my issues over time was just a display of weakness since other people had worse starts in life than I did.
    This is a recipe for disaster since no one can undo years of depression in a single day.
    I found that if I could say things like, "OK I'm depressed and I don't know how to "fix it" but I'm on a forum where people like me can share their experiences and that should help".
    2. This battle with depression is a temporary thing. Not a lifelong war.
    When I was 16 I thought that the depression I felt then was going to be a immutable life long curse that I would have to struggle with every moment of every day. This sapped my willingness to do pretty much every thing except play video games.
    After admitting that I was not ready to say "Everything is going to be OK ", I found that it was easier to accept that my depression was an issue that I could confront and ultimately control since I was able to say that depression was a something I would overcome eventually.
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  4. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 85
    5 more days! Business is getting better!
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  5. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 82
     
    Almost at the end of the full 90 day detox. I've learned a lot and I'll probably make a proper post about the experience.
     
     
     
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  6. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Make that 3 sales!
    Day 78
    Went and visited people at old job. The company got bought out and they all expect to be fired in a few months. Ouch. I really dodged a bullet by leaving. A old friend of mine asked me what game I was playing. I lied and told him I was playing a game that came out over a year ago. I think he was skeptical. Had a long talk with my mother about the way things are going and our ongoing family struggles. She is fully supportive of my endeavor. She also asked about the games and I told her that I'm taking a break from gaming to work on business. Someday I will tell her the whole story about the addiction part but for now I don't want her to worry.
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  7. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    My new business made it's first 2 sales today. The dream is real. Quitting games has changed the way I look at the world.
    76 Days no games
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  8. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Starting to make plans for post 90 day gaming. Need to come up with other activities besides game
     
    72 Days no games
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  9. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Not  a lot to add. This is a good thing though business is starting to pick up.
    67 Days no games
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  10. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 80
    I'm really proud of myself for pacing myself properly with the business.
    60 Days no games
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  11. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 77
    Have been working full steam on the business. I saw a  farming game that I would have been interested in, in the past, but it seems like the game is a huge waste of time now.
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  12. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 73
    I made took the first steps in getting my online business going. I have never been so proud of myself in my life. 
    I feel like the lessons I learned from quitting games and my long term depression has thought me valuable lessons that have put me on the path I'm on.
    57 Days no games
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  13. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 71
    One of the things I've been agonizing over for the past 6 months was my decision to quit my job. I'm trying to get my startup out of the mud now.
    I just found out that the company I used to work for has just been bought out, and I would have lost my job in the merger.
    I kind of knew, ok I was absolutely positive, that this would happen soon. We had a layoff, followed by constant threats of layoffs, and the heads of the company kept making outrageous price cutting demands. 
    I feel a lot better about quitting. It led me to realize that I needed to quit gaming. And it made me realize the importance of having control over my income.  
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  14. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 67
    Did a lot more research and I'm very close to coming up with a solid business plan. I'm feeling pretty proud.
    I realized that I may not be able to go back into gaming, even in moderation, since this would take critical time away from the business.
     
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  15. none239 added a post in a topic 3rd time's a charm right?   

    Day 62
    Had unsually strong urge to game triggered by youtube. But not nearly as bad as it was in the past. I'm doing a better job of monitoring youtube time.
     
    I have not. This may not be a bad idea.
    Day 65
     
    Been doing a LOT of study on forming an online business, and I took a few, shaky, baby steps. I noticed that my depression has dropped of tremendously.
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