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Everything posted by none239

  1. Values. If you valued your gaming achievements then you would be proud. Now your values have shifted - for the better - and that time is not worth the same. I think it's similar to the Aesop fable The Mischievous Dog . It's a defense mechanism used to hide a secret shame. I know that in the past I have felt embarrassed about my gaming habit. So I was proud that I spent thousands of hours playing video games. So what if I had no friends. so what if I never left my home town in all my thirty years of living because it was too scary. So what if I could not get a job because networking was a nightmarish idea for me. So I was proud of how much time I wasted.
  2. So today is the 89th day of my 90 day detox. And I looked at some of the old games I purchased on steam. Game A: You've Played 358 hours Game B: You've Played 496 hours Game C: You've Played 278 hours <- I know that the hours I spent on this game where in 16 hour marathons so the significance of the amount of time spent hits much closer to home. Even if it's not the greatest amount. Game D: 135 hours Game E: 262 hours <-- Incorrect since I owned this game outside of steam and played it for months on end. Game F: 242 hours My stomach turned when I look at the hours I spent on Game A. I didn't own it for that long it had to have been less than a year. This only tracks the time I spent playing steam games. I honestly thought that I did not play Game A all that much. I played very many games outside of steam prior to the 90 day detox. In the past I would have been proud to have played that long. Now I can't figure out why I felt that way. I
  3. Keep going to see your therapist. It took me about 3 or 4 sessions before I felt really comfortable talking about my most depression causing issues. There is no set number, if you see your therapist 10 times and get great results on the 11th the fact that you took longer than I did is irrelevant. There are two bits of advice that changed my view on depression my depression: 1. It's OK to admit that you're not ready to say "Everything is going to be OK ". One thing people bashed me over the head with when I was 16 was the classic, "You just need to look at life differently." or the ever helpful "Why do you want people to care about your little pity party? So and So has problems twice as bad as yours. " <- Gee thanks now I'm depressed and I feel guilty! So I felt like I had to convince myself that I was fine today that working on my issues over time was just a display of weakness since other people had worse starts in life than I did. This is a recipe for disaster since no one can undo years of depression in a single day. I found that if I could say things like, "OK I'm depressed and I don't know how to "fix it" but I'm on a forum where people like me can share their experiences and that should help". 2. This battle with depression is a temporary thing. Not a lifelong war. When I was 16 I thought that the depression I felt then was going to be a immutable life long curse that I would have to struggle with every moment of every day. This sapped my willingness to do pretty much every thing except play video games. After admitting that I was not ready to say "Everything is going to be OK ", I found that it was easier to accept that my depression was an issue that I could confront and ultimately control since I was able to say that depression was a something I would overcome eventually.
  4. Day 85 5 more days! Business is getting better!
  5. Day 82 Almost at the end of the full 90 day detox. I've learned a lot and I'll probably make a proper post about the experience.
  6. Congrats!! Make that 3 sales! Day 78 Went and visited people at old job. The company got bought out and they all expect to be fired in a few months. Ouch. I really dodged a bullet by leaving. A old friend of mine asked me what game I was playing. I lied and told him I was playing a game that came out over a year ago. I think he was skeptical. Had a long talk with my mother about the way things are going and our ongoing family struggles. She is fully supportive of my endeavor. She also asked about the games and I told her that I'm taking a break from gaming to work on business. Someday I will tell her the whole story about the addiction part but for now I don't want her to worry.
  7. My new business made it's first 2 sales today. The dream is real. Quitting games has changed the way I look at the world. 76 Days no games
  8. Starting to make plans for post 90 day gaming. Need to come up with other activities besides game 72 Days no games
  9. Not a lot to add. This is a good thing though business is starting to pick up. 67 Days no games
  10. Day 80 I'm really proud of myself for pacing myself properly with the business. 60 Days no games
  11. Day 77 Have been working full steam on the business. I saw a farming game that I would have been interested in, in the past, but it seems like the game is a huge waste of time now.
  12. Day 73 I made took the first steps in getting my online business going. I have never been so proud of myself in my life. I feel like the lessons I learned from quitting games and my long term depression has thought me valuable lessons that have put me on the path I'm on. 57 Days no games
  13. Day 71 One of the things I've been agonizing over for the past 6 months was my decision to quit my job. I'm trying to get my startup out of the mud now. I just found out that the company I used to work for has just been bought out, and I would have lost my job in the merger. I kind of knew, ok I was absolutely positive, that this would happen soon. We had a layoff, followed by constant threats of layoffs, and the heads of the company kept making outrageous price cutting demands. I feel a lot better about quitting. It led me to realize that I needed to quit gaming. And it made me realize the importance of having control over my income.
  14. Day 67 Did a lot more research and I'm very close to coming up with a solid business plan. I'm feeling pretty proud. I realized that I may not be able to go back into gaming, even in moderation, since this would take critical time away from the business.
  15. Day 62 Had unsually strong urge to game triggered by youtube. But not nearly as bad as it was in the past. I'm doing a better job of monitoring youtube time. I have not. This may not be a bad idea. Day 65 Been doing a LOT of study on forming an online business, and I took a few, shaky, baby steps. I noticed that my depression has dropped of tremendously.
  16. Day 61 Been reading up on how to start an online business, save money, business ideas, ect. Having a lot of trouble with analysis I feel pretty terrible right now. the past few days have been filled with very high highs and very low lows. But throughout it all I have not had any irresistible craving for games. I want to play games but it's optional. I don't have to play them. I'm pretty proud of myself for that. Today make 45 days of no games. I just came to a realization. Dealing with life long depression is a lot of work. But I've been battling my faniacal problems. I'm still programming and I have not relapsed into gaming again. I've really been beating myself up for doing a good job. That's something I need to look out for.
  17. Thank you so much! You could not possible be more correct.
  18. This a thousand times this. I realized that I was over worrying about life and writing down my feelings in this post, writing down my bed times so I dont make myself sleep deprived, and writing down a financial plan has greatly removed a lot of the stress. I'm even making a repayment plan for the debt.
  19. I've gone more than 30 days without playing a single video game. But now I find that instead of playing video games for 8 to 15 hours I watch youtube for more than 8 to 15 hours. It's exactly the same as the game addiction. I have no energy and no desire to even try to take care of myself when I watch youtube. The final straw with gaming was after I quit my job. I had lots of bills pilling up but I had no desire to even try to get another job or find another way to make money. Now I'm in debt and I have no desire to do anything but watch youtube. The subject doesn't even matter, Video games, History vids, humor, I'll watch it all. Life has not been going so well for me. I've moved back in with my parents and I'm in a fair amount of debt. My mother is paying it off for me but I feel extremely guilty for not being able to pay her back. My family has been torn apart by infighting and a family member I used to confide in is, to keep a long story short, on the opposite side of the conflict from myself. I'm unemployed and I want to start a business but I don't know what to do.
  20. Day 59 Ok I'm sure I'm just addicted to youtube now instead of video games. I feel the same way about it as I did the video games.
  21. Day 58 Been having a lot more depression that usual. It's from the normal sources. Loneliness,money worries, family issues. Watching too much youtube. Chart shows that I'm going too bed to late.
  22. Day 53 Had to stay with grandfather on day 51 since my step-grandmother had to go to the ER. I was there until about 4 am. Ever since then I've been feeling very tired thought the day. I have not gotten too much programming done. Will start keeping log of sleeping habits and morning activities.
  23. Day 50 Been having some major family issues as of late. I want to play video games but the feeling is totally in my control now. I kind of worry myself since I find myself counting the days until my 90 days are up. I really want to play video games again.
  24. Day 47 Just realized that yesterday marked the consecutive 30th day without gaming. Gaming urges are starting to come back but they are completely different then they where in the past. In the past if I got an urge I HAD to stop and play the game. Now it's optional. I'm still going for the full 90 days. I do kind of miss the games. I had one early access game that I had my eye on for a year that was very close to it's final version when I embarked on my no gaming journey. My urges revolve around that game.
  25. Day 46 Days have been uneventful. I noticed that I have very low energy levels when I stress right before I sleep. I have an ongoing family issues that cropped up literately right before I went to bed. I feel pretty crappy right now.