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I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place, but hi I'm a new member and my name is Erfan. I have been addicted to Dota on and off for 13 years, wow thats crazy to think about since in 27, nearly half my life. It became a real REAL issue for me in my second year of university, where i discovered that at the University Computer Club (UCC), people would regularly go there to game with friends. That room became my escape from reality for my second and third year of university. I would go and play Dota from 8am-8pm and come home to sleep, just to go back the next day and continue. I was a pretty good student, but after starting to visit this room, everything else in my life took a backseat and I gave up on uni, failing about half of my units. This room was a secret from my family but my friends knew I would go there, but at the end of my 3rd year of uni, my family found out what I'd been doing and helped me find a therapist who diagnosed me with ADD and put me on medication. The medication allowed me to concentrate for the first time, and I made a promise to "prove to myself" that I'm not failing uni because I'm dumb, I just got hooked on a game and wasn't trying. And I honestly turned my life around, getting distinctions and high distinctions the next semester and showing myself that i can live a good life if i commit.  I worked for a few years and life was pretty good, but a year ago I came back to university, where once again I was tempted to visit UCC. And to a shock to absolutely nobody, I became addicted. But this time nobody knows, I couldn't tell my friends or family that I'd relapsed, they thought I'd beaten my addiction and turned my life around. I've been barely getting by at university this year and keeping this secret has been wearing at me mentally to an extent I'm not sure I acknowledge. I've become extremely anxious, even though I've always been confident and self assured. The gaming is an issue, don't get me wrong, but the lying and secrecy is complete poison. Thats why I'm creating this post, and vouching to come back for 75 days and write about my experience. At the moment I still don't have the courage to tell my friends or family about my predicament, so whoever is reading this will have to do for now.  My goals by the end of the 75 days are pretty simple: 1) Don't play or watch dota for 75 days 2) Build up the courage to tell a friend or family member about what I've been hiding 3) Report here every day for 75 days   Thank you for reading, and leave me a message letting me know I'm not the only one, or weak and crazy. 

clarification I meant today, by "next running sunday"

Don't give in. Get a few things out of the way each day. I divide that into healthy eating, healthy communication (can be a kind exchange with a neighbour), getting clothes in order and light exercise. If you break a sweat each day from moderate exercise these thoughts will terminate.  I have to push myself to do something new each day to terminate doubts in my head.    

day 12 My mind short circuits from lack of planning or targeted action. It switches to remorse over old time failures. During  school  years i played the same maps in the strategy game genre and this was combined with competition anxiety. So the mind was trained to repetitively enter a state of anxiety.   I treat work like a video game in that i try to work against time pressure. That is the sole driving factor. Danger and risk of loss mobilize my strength. But this is an unreliable defeatist attitude. People dont wait for time pressure but rather complete work with enough breaks in between. If i leave work and dont do something, the mind can go into a pitfall of worrying over meaningless things or recollecting trauma. The thinking stops if i speak to someone or do something.  

Entry 9.5 (Written on 10.5) Day 114: No Useless Videos Day 946: Sticking to Food schedule Day 549: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 97: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small  -5 Concentrated work units -8 theory units -Finishing the booking of a lesson for brother's BDay 1 Thing I could do better -Again having planned the call to brother, as I'm going to have to fit it in regarding his birthday in an unplanned manner now -_- Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 115 @Amphibian220 Hey your reply got a little bit pushed back, will work on replying in the next few days.